


Embracing Summer

by Mcmckenzie310



Category: Love Island (Video Game)
Genre: Addiction, Depression, F/M, Fanfiction, Grief/Mourning, LITG, Romance, Smut, Substance Abuse, boop, love island the game - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 92,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24446662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mcmckenzie310/pseuds/Mcmckenzie310
Summary: MC (Tori) is a successful business owner that gains attention and becomes London’s most eligible bachelorette. Her dating life (or lack there of) creates a number of false headlines that worry both Tori’s publicist and her mom and dad. Her parents sign her up for a reality tv show in hopes she will take a break from her crazy work load. With some guilt from her parents and a nudge from her publicist, Tori joins the cast of 2019’s Love Island.
Relationships: Bobby McKenzie/Main Character (Love Island)
Comments: 492
Kudos: 196





	1. Celia’s Do’s and Dont’s (Updated)

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so the first couple of chapters were never intended to be shared. I began reading fanfiction out of boredom and never writing them myself, decided to give it a go. 
> 
> Eventually I gathered the courage to share it. As the story progressed I noticed an improvement in my writing. So I am slowly going back and making adjustments where need be, editing the majority of the first half.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so the first couple of chapters were never intended to be shared. I began reading fanfiction out of boredom and never writing them myself, decided to give it a go. 
> 
> Eventually I gathered the courage to share it. As the story progressed I noticed an improvement in my writing. So I am slowly going back and making adjustments where need be, editing the majority of the first half.

_What the hell is wrong with this driver?_

I regretted not hiring a driver, and allowing production to pick me up from the airport. I could feel the liquid breakfast I had on my flight over creeping up, as I bent down in the back seat, retrieving all the shit that had fallen out of my purse. My phone rang relentlessly. I was more concerned with finding my second to last Xanax without the prying eyes of the producer/chauffeur in the front seat.

_I mean what kinda low budget show is this?_ I spotted my happy pill and instantly felt a little more prepared to retrieve my phone. 12 messages and 7 missed calls. 

_How the hell is that possible in 8 minutes?_ Celia must have the thumbs of a ninja. Before I could call her back my phone rang again.

"Popular girl!" I heard from the front seat.

I reluctantly press on the green icon to accept the call and bite into half the pill.

"Are you paying to ignore me or something?"

Celia was a large personality in a tiny body and was worth every cent of the fortune I paid for her to monitor my company's social media and my sporadic interactions with the press and gossip tabloids. Now that I was going to be appearing on Love Island, I had to move her to a salaried position. 

"I'm sorry" I mumbled as I searched for a water bottle to help swallow the quickly dissolving tab on my tongue. 

"Listen Tori, we don't have much time to go over this before all your electronics are confiscated for the show."

"All my electronics?!"

If they confiscate my vibrator I'm throwing 'bows.

"Ahm sure your sex toys will be safe in your shower bag. You filthy whore." Celia cackled.

"Wow the whore nun, how ironic."

I was "lovingly" known in the tabloids as many things, such as nun, ice princess, mother teresa, home wrecker. _Ugh the list is never ending really._ Good thing I have B.O.B. my battery operated boyfriend. He was reliable and never complained about my ridiculous work schedule. Never judged me that I coped with anxiety through copious amounts of vodka and hours in the gym. Or Jim as I like to tell my friends so they won't worry I will die alone. They should know I'm content with my Jim and BOB love triangle.

"TORI, focus!"

"Ok, ok!" I giggled.

God, was she my publicist or my babysitter? I seemed to pay her enough to be both. Could she help put me down for a nap? Or get me a bottle when I felt fussy?I could use one now, none of that dairy nonsense though, one with a real kick. Whiskey would do.

I started to drift with happy thoughts.

"TORI!"

I snapped my eyes awake.

Fuck, maybe I should've settled with my AM dosage and not bothered with another half a pill. I was already up all last night going over work emails and writing protocols to set in place while I was to be away. I was too busy last night to remember that I was about to share a bedroom with a dozen other people and my beloved solitude would be paused for the better part of the summer. 

My palms clammy at the thought.

Luckily, no one on my flight batted an eye when I ordered a third vodka cran spritz at 9 am. Joking with the attendant it was simply the breakfast of champions. 

I focused my eyes and adjusted my phone between my shoulder and ear.

"I'm here Celia, I'm just exhausted."

"Jesus, if you slur your words on your intro interview, I quit." She said through gritted teeth I imagined. "You should know I confiscated your pills. If someone had found one on you they would run you through the mud. You are there to rebrand yourself as fun loving and adorable. Not add to the bullshit attached to your name." She added.

"If I appear TOO fun loving they will think of me as some American bimbo. It's more important people take me seriously." I defended myself. 

"Right! You drunk and stoned out your mind is the way to go ‘bout that!" She muttered. 

Celia was one of the first friends I made after moving to London. I was so motivated to get as much exposure for my business, I joined every woman's entrepreneur board I could. We clicked right away. We shared a dark humor and a similar work ethic. I helped her redesign her summer home and she helped me get through the legalities of obtaining my citizenship to have proper ownership of my company in the UK. 

She knows I'm a capable woman, she knows that behind my large, proverbial lady balls is a fragile person. Reliant on liquid courage. Maybe she knows me too well. No amount of money could be paid to her for her to tell me what I wanted to hear. 

The truth didn't hurt any less as she continued, "You know what? Keep the stick up your arse and see how far your looks take you."

 _My looks_ ? She knows that chip is pretty heavy on my shoulders. I'm painfully aware that the majority of the attention I was given, had less to do with my professional success and much to do with my hourglass figure. I don't ignore, nor do I take for granted my good looks but my hard work and talent should be given equal acknowledgment, _right_? Celia knew that I hated when people assumed I lead with my looks or relied on them to get what I want. I won't pretend that being too pretty to be taken seriously isn't the worst thing in the world, but let's not disregard it had its downsides. 

"Celia... is this the advice you give the rest of your clients?"

She sighed maybe realizing her tough love approach had gone too far.

" No, this is my advice for those who pay half my normal fee."

"Wait, I'm paying your discounted rate?" 

"You know you could call your parents if you needed to be reassured how wonderful you are." She responded. "I don't know how they got you to come on this show, I initially thought this could be brilliant for you to rebrand but now I'm scared."

"I'm scared to know how much you'd charge me if we weren't friends." I added. 

She forced a laugh. "No Tori, I'm actually scared. What the fuck is going to happen to you when you don't have 18 hours of work a day to occupy your crazy? Drink!? Take xanys? You're going to implode and for millions of people to watch! Being called a prude or an ice nuncicle will be the last of your worries!"

 _Well now might be the time to just swallow the other half of the Xanax bar_. I could feel my chest tense but luckily my buzz was still going strong so I collected myself and then it hit me,

"Who the fuck called me a nuncicle?"

I chuckled despite myself.

"Like when in the actual fuck did that happen? And aren't I on vacation? Don't people drink on vacation? I only brought two tabs with me and one is nearly gone."

"Tori! Haud yer weesht!" 

_Your Scottish is showing Celia._

"What?! They are literally prescribed for me for flying!" I said trying to lower my voice as the driver/cameraman/nosey ass motherfucker eyed me in the rearview.

"Right! That's why you brought them Tori.When you are there you need to keep a calm head. Stick to bubbly and throw the remaining pills away!" She advised.

I could hear her let out a sigh in frustration before regaining her composure, "You don't need to fall in love, you don't even need to win! Ok? You just need to show people that you are more than what they read about on gossip blogs!"

I laughed.

No shit I wasn't going to fall in love. I've barely watched the previous seasons to know I wasn't going to fall for whatever shirtless tool they served to me. I wasn't going to fall for any man in London or LA that dressed in respectable clothing either. Love was for those who weren't tainted by sadness or followed by heaviness. The only thing I had left in my heart was given to those who needed me. The ones that needed me to hold on. The ones that needed me to pretend I was ok. _Love? A partnership?_ I had to move thousands of miles away so I could have an easier time lying to my parents that I was fine. I would be damned if I let someone close enough to see how fucked up I was inside. As my thoughts tumbled in my head I reached to the butterfly pendant that rested above my heart.Tracing the necklace in an effort to control my breathing and calm my nerves. 

"Celia, I'm here to show my parents that my 20's aren't slipping away from me. If I can show them I'm ok and open to love while creating a better public image, we all win!"

_And you can all get off my back._

"Tha’s ma girl!" She sang.

"Listen, have fun! Just keep things light, pretend you like one of these dobbers. Don't bring up work and don't bring up your celibacy. You start talking about all that people are going to think you’re weird and we need you to be relatable. Maybe even approachable, if we’re lucky!” 

"It's unintended celibacy. And I don't bring it up, you do! I will be friendly like I always am. Romance is not dead Celia!!" I tried to convince her. 

_Only my soul is_.

She sounded assured when she continued, "Ok darling, I miss you already and will be praying you show people what you show me all the time."

"That freckle that I swear is skin cancer on my shoulder?" I mumbled.

"Nae eejit! That you are fucking bad ass! That under it all you have a heart of gold."

"Didn't you say I'd have to call my parents if I wanted to be told I'm wonderful? Are you going to bill me your normal fee for that?"

"I will take that as an I love you too and yes I will add that to your tab. By the way. I have spoken with production and I will be able to send correspondence with Peter weekly and Kim will be able to reach you if she has any pressing matters at the office."

"Kim will be fine I'm sure and thank you for everything CeeCee. I won't let you down."

I hung up wanting to punch myself for saying those damning last words. I had a terrible habit of keeping my word. 

I look at my phone one last time as the jeep begins to slowly approach a beautiful villa.

9 unread messages

Dad: Today is a big day for you. I can't believe this has all come from a crazy idea your mom and I had. You make me so proud every day. You deserve happiness 🦋 I love you

I bring my hand to my chest and run my thumb along the wings made of gold. _I won't let you down either dad._

As the jeep came to a stop I leaned my head back.

_Bad idea_.

My head started to spin. The driver jumped out and made his way to my door. 

I steadied my breath and prepared my entrance. 

_Show time_

  
  



	2. I’m Fine, Everything’s Fine (Updated)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tori arrives at the villa and tries to convince herself she can handle faking a smile.

I exited the vehicle and relinquished most of my bags. I saw from across the driveway, another female contestant hop out a different jeep wearing a bikini and 4 inch stilettos. I haven't seen anything like this since I valeted at a burlesque show in Vegas. I'm willing to bet even strippers came to work in sweats and were allotted a locker room to get gussied up in. _Did I miss the memo that we were to arrive ready to hop on the pole?_ Cameras were already following her so I looked at the producer to my right. He must have seen the confusion on my face because he said,

"Most of the islanders arrived yesterday and are coming straight from their hotels."

"How disappointing, I was imagining how lucky the person sitting next to her on the plane was." I laughed while he looked on at me awkwardly. 

"If you could please find an outfit for the introductions and meet me in the common room, to be mic'd up miss." He politely asked.

I wondered how much of my conversation he heard as he let me grab my carry on and led me to a dressing room. Once alone, I slipped the remainder of my Xanax into a generic advil bottle and rummaged to grab a tiny green bikini and tan wedges. I spritzed my face with rose water and added some tinted sunscreen to my face to minimize the dark circles forming around my eyes. I flipped my hair and gave it a spray of texturizing mist. I looked myself up and down and couldn't believe I was about to walk out and subject myself to this. I will never be able to complain about the tabloid's exploitation of my figure again. I was doing it for them.

Is this what my parents wanted when they signed me up for this show? For me to display myself like a girl in the Red Light District? Was this what Celia thought would give me an approachability to the public? _Why did I not just pack my own clothes ?_

Celia had insisted our close friend Beatrice packed for me. Beatrice was a celebrity stylist who often styled me for work events and gifted me many designer shoes and bags. On my own, I would never imagine paying the retail price for most of my wardrobe and would be content in shorts and flip flops most days. The affluent circle of clients I had would most likely look down their nose if they knew I was naturally not fussed about looking immaculate all day, everyday. Celia remarked that my perceived fashion sense was the _one thing_ working for me and I should make the most of this opportunity to show that. Beatrice allowed me to help her pack but argued with most of my selection, swapping my items with lacy, minimal fabric ones. Beatrice was a huge fan of Love Island and was planning on using my appearance as a way to expand her already impressive portfolio. I knew that this green bikini trending would potentially bring a lot of positive attention to my sweet friend and that offered me some justification. 

I was rattled with insecurity and the need for sleep as I forced myself to walk out of the dressing room. _There was no turning back now_ . I practiced my smile. I imagined what I would say to that girl I saw in the driveway. _Don't make a stripper joke_. I reminded myself.

I practiced a smile again in the mirror. _I could do this_. I just had to prove to my parents they didn't need to worry. That I was able to sleep without drowning myself in booze. That I didn’t close myself off to anything that could blossom into romance. That I wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack at all times. The thought of pretending made the walls feel like they were closing in. 

_I'm ok, everything's ok._ I gripped the edges of the vanity and continued to practice my smile, ignoring the pain in my chest and the frantic rattling of my hand. I was going to smile until everything seemed ok and everyone else was happy.

I walked out and pretended not to notice my producer/impromptu Uber driver, _or should I say pruber,_ was eyeing me up and down as he beckoned me over to get mic'd up. I could feel Pruber's hot breath on my shoulder as he clipped a small box to a band around my waist. I was too impressed with its placement to acknowledge that he was staring at my ass. You'd barely notice this device. _The magic of television_.

Pruber managed to compose himself enough to say, "Some of the other ladies are in the kitchen and filming has commenced.” He pointed down the hall in the direction of the kitchen, “Please introduce yourself to the other girls and try to avoid eye contact with any cameras. Please go about your day as needed. The cameras will move around you. Just act like they aren't there. Here’s your phone where you will receive all notifications pertinent to the competition, it does limited functions though."

He handed over the thin device and smiled encouragingly. _Is that it_? Just go out there and pretend the cameras don't exist? My chest felt tight and hot. Or maybe that was Pruber's eyes burning holes into my tits. I imagined a million Prubers watching this at home unable to find me loveable when they were too distracted with my D cups. If I wasn't so low on happy pills I would have swallowed another half. But I needed to ration them out in case I needed them later. Luckily, there was alcohol. 

I was suddenly very thirsty and motivated to make my way to the kitchen.

I entered the room and was surprised to find only two cameramen. I used my peripherals to spot the cameras, they were super compact and lightweight. I could imagine they wouldn't be hard to eventually ignore.

I was greeted by a sea of white, pearly teeth and eyes that shifted up and down my frame. Not out of lust but mostly out of curiosity.

"Wow! We are going to give these lads a run for their money!"

The driveway girl spoke. She was tall and toned with glaringly loud glitter shadow that dramatically contrasted her beautiful, dark skin.

"I'm Hope!"

She spoke confidently and loudly as if she was raised being told how perfect she was her entire life.

"I'm Tori, nice to meet you guys. This is cray cray, right?"

I was trying to sound youthful and fun. _Cray cray_ ? I had never uttered those words until that moment. Having barely any friends born in the same decade as me, I forgot how to speak to my peers. Maybe they'll assume this is the American translation of bantz? _Cray cray?_! Oh fuck,I will never hear the end of it.

And right on que the smallest of the group raised her brow from beneath her glasses and asked, "American?"

"Yes, SoCal born and raised."

I exclaimed lowering all fingers except my thumb and pinky and twisting my wrist. Which is totally not exclusive to Southern California and another thing I have never done in my life. However, Dwayne Johnson always makes it look so friendly.

_Ugh! Who am I right now?_

The blonde and fiery redhead across from me grinned, stifling laughter.

Hope sucked her lips in and opened them up with a loud pop, "So anyways, _this_ is Marisol."

Pointing to the petite brunette.

"And this is.."

"Lottie."

The blonde interjected, her voice low and husky.

"Hannah and I were just discussing how we were going to have each other's backs going into this. You know girl code." Her Australian accent making this whole girl code plan seem more appealing.

"Marisol isn't sure about it.” The red head screeched.

She reminded me of the intern I fired because she could never answer a phone without putting the call on speaker. She continued talking but her high pitch wasn't registering in my head. I was made painfully aware that I was cocktail-less. I was in need of liquid lubrication to endure a conversation with this Hannah chick.

I tried to politely scan my surroundings and made eye contact with a stocked liquor cabinet and a bottle of champs on ice. I smiled, finally my eyes matched my dimples in genuine relief. Hope must have followed my eyes' path because she yelled,

"Bubbles!"

_Ok Hope, I see you_.

I followed her to the other side of the kitchen island and found 5 long stems and helped distribute the bubbly, begrudgingly. I could've swallowed all five glasses alone. I swigged my glass and Hope topped me off before I could politely decline. She winked and said, "Just a little to take the edge off."

_Hope gets it._

Hannah continued to describe the perfect man that was about to manifest outside today. She had a laundry list of things this man would be and how he would complete her. I focused on holding in a large burp in and avoided rolling my eyes to the back of my head. Lottie added that she also believed in manifesting your destiny with a little help of magic. Now _that_ I can relate to! Had I not had a little help from my magic pill earlier, I wouldn't be able to manifest this calm disposition.

I looked around trying to pretend I was interested in what the two insecure buddies were babbling on about and noticed the cameras mounted at every angle of the room. I peered down the hall and noticed them every few feet as well. 

"It _was_ Tori right?"

The four girls looked at me concerned.

"Sup?" I tried to sound like I hadn't spaced out for 10 minutes.

"You ok?" Marisol asked with her eyebrows raised again.

"Are we that boring?!" Lottie hissed.

_Yes._

"I'm sorry I'm just a little overwhelmed."

Hope popped another bottle of fizzie gold and poured her and I a third glass.

"These glasses are so small!" She said through a smile.

I nodded in agreement. However I knew she doesn't drink like this every day. This was her vacation/party mode. And this was a tame,Tuesday luncheon for me. I'll play along though, noticing Hannah hasn't even finished half of her first glass.

A loud ding could be heard from Lottie's phone, she began reading the message doing this weirdly evil, half smile. I think I'm going to trust her music choice and that's about it.

“Ladies first, each of you will have a chance to pick which boy you want to couple up with. Don't get too comfortable, each girl after you has a chance to steal your man. So who will go first?”

"Tori you never did answer if you were going to put us girls first or not."

Lottie looked as if the second part of the text message was personally addressed to me. Hannah followed suit and gave an expectant look like I was going to answer them and coddle their shortcomings as grown ass women.

"I'm not interested in stealing men or playing with people's feelings. It's just not who I am."

Lottie wasn't satisfied with my answer, clearly. But I wasn't here to pledge my allegiance to the United Twats of the Villa. I shrugged my shoulders. I had too much on my plate and too little drink in my glass to take on this shit. 

Hope interrupted the intense staring contest just before Hannah blinked. "I wonder who's going first?"

Ding

Marisol grabbed her phone and smiled victoriously. 

"Wish me luck!" She said with a wink.

Production escorted her out to the back of the villa and gave us an order of which to follow. I was last but I wasn't mad about it. Now I didn’t have to deal with the Girl Code police and could just grab whoever was left. The crew gave each girl a nod and thumbs up when it was her turn to exit out. Hope was right ahead of me. We helped ourselves to the remainder of the second bottle while we waited. I gave Hope an encouraging tap on the bum as she made her way out.

I waited and _waited_ . I even finished Hannah's glass of champagne and mozied over to take a look at the selection of vodka we had for later. _They did ask us for our shopping requests after all_. I instantly saw the copper top and thanked whoever made sure there was Titos in this bitch. If I had to wait another minute I would've cracked that baby open. But alas, Pruber snapped and motioned for me to go.

"Wait for me darling." I lovingly whispered to the bottle. And hoped the camera behind the fruit bowl didn't document that.

I gave a couple hops and shimmied the nerves away and reminded myself to smile, if Celia caught me giving resting bitch face. _Ohh I tremble at the thought._ Now that my Rocky routine was done I headed out to see what douchebag was leftover. But not before rolling my ankle and belting, "Oh fucking hell!" Loud enough for the contestants to hear. _What a charming first impression!_ Pruber came to check on me (aka zoom in on my humiliation). 

If I wasn't drunk I might've been more embarrassed.

I sprung up and assured every one, "I’m fine, everythings fine!" 

  
  



	3. You Fell From Heaven (Updated)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to meet the boys.

I'd learned tha day that artificial grass is not easy to walk on in heels, intoxicated. It does, however, offer a forgiving landing. Thankfully, my tumble was only in earshot of the other contestants and not in their line of sight. 

_Thank you canopy daybeds!_

I dusted myself off, adjusted my tatas and walked towards the group.

I first noticed Lottie, who was visibly upset. _Here we go._ I thought to myself. _Was she worried I was going to steal her pick?_ I looked beside her and noticed she was alone and the daggers she was casting weren't in my direction at all. She was staring at a very gratified Hope and the tall, dark and handsome man she held hands with. I force a smile, though I was genuinely confused and not firing on all cylinders.

A low whistle came from a very muscular blonde, obviously coupled up with Hannah. Somehow this whistle was my fault because she aimed a dirty look towards me, not at the hungry-eyed whistler next to her.

Marisol stood with a man twice her height, with a very impressive set of abs that were reminiscent of the squares on a Hershey's bar. _When was the last time I ate?_ Standing across from me were the two that hadn't been chosen yet. I instantly met eyes with one of them, he had this bewildered but amused expression on his pretty face. I looked intently into his eyes and tried to search out what the hell he was thinking about and why he was looking at me the way he was. He must've realized the intensity of his glare because he blinked and broke our shared gaze. He offered a smile that I willingly reciprocated, which in turn made his smile grow and his amber eyes glisten. I slowly shifted my sights on the free-love looking bloke to his right and offered a polite nod all while trying to avert my eyes from the previous guy. Who was now giving my whole body a once over.

"Well, I'm Tori. I enjoy long walks around the infinity pool and a strong cocktail." I chuckled nervously. _Omg someone stop me_

"I moved from the States 4 years ago and now own a home staging company in London."

As I spoke I couldn't stop meeting those golden eyes. _Was I slurring? Was it possible I knew him?_ His stare was full of wonder and curiosity which made me very aware of myself and the heat rising in my cheeks. My attention was steered toward Hannah's partner as he introduced himself.

"I reckon you do look like a girl straight from Hollywood! I'm Gary, nice to meet ya love."

 _Hollywood? He's obviously never been_.

Lottie stood beside me and nonchalantly pointed in Hope and tall guy's direction, "That's who I picked, his name's Noah. Apparently we were too busy asking you about your view on loyalty, that we never did ask Hope. but now we know!" She released a loud huff while she crossed her arms like a 5 year old.

Hope clearly didn’t give a fuck and shot me a wink. The awkwardness forced me to twist my lips into a wry smile. Once my nerves had settled down the champagne kicked in. Lottie caught my smile and quipped. "Haha, very funny gals!"

I tried to restrain a laugh, causing every muscle in my core to shake. A strange noise still managed to creep out my nose. Causing Hope to burst into a fit of giggles. "Nice to meet you Noah." I eventually managed to say.

Marisol, unamused, introduces her silent partner, "And this here is Ibrahim!" She interlocks her fingers with his.

Since he clearly had nothing to say, I looked across to the messy haired lad wearing Jesus Walkers on his feet.

"And you are?" I ask.

"I'm Rocco, pleasure to meet you gorgeous. Such. A. Pleasure." He said while looking at everything but my eyeballs.

_Next!_

Our eyes locked again as he began, "Well I guess we're saving the best for last today! My name's Bobby."

I knew that accent all too well, but somehow Celia made the Scottish sound aggressive and intimidating while Bobby made it sound sexy as fuck.

"Hi Bobby, so are you saying you're the best then?" I asked.

"Well actually I meant you, but I suppose it works for the both of us!" He joked.

I bit my bottom lip to try to prevent myself from breaking into a toothy grin. He suddenly changed to a serious demeanor and asked, " Did it hurt?"

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. _Omg what an absolute tool! Like no ones ever used that line on me before?_

"When I fell from heaven?" I asked, trying to hold my eyes in the forward position as they instinctively started rolling back.

"Is that where you fell from over there then? It sounded painful!" He retorted playfully.

I buried my blushing smile into my hands while everyone but Lottie howled in laughter.

My phone dinged.

**‘** Tori, now that you've introduced yourself, please ask the boys to step forward if they fancy you.’ 

I awkwardly ask the group, "Alright... if you.. umm... fancy me ....".

The word fancy did not easily roll off my tongue and the whole exchange felt forced and awkward.

Before I could finish, Gary took a step forward, letting go of Hannah's hand. Bobby and Rocco stepped forward soon afterwards. Bobby looked at Rocco dead in the face and took another step forward before focusing back on me.

Hope chimed in, "Remember, all the boys are up for grabs. You can pick whoever you want! Well, except this guy!" She beamed at Noah and then looked suggestively at Gary.

I tapped my phone against my outer thigh.

"Well this is weird since we all just met, but I'm going to choose....Bobby." 

Bobby balled his hands and released a victorious fist pump.

Lottie chimed in, "Great! Because my second choice was Rocco! Also, good to know we only have one man stealer in the group." She glared at Hope.


	4. Bobby (Updated)

As the couples dispersed to get to know one another, Bobby pointed to a table with Prosecco. I trailed behind him while Gary's eyes followed me sadly. _ I feel for you big guy _ . I glanced at Hannah and tilted my head back as I pantomimed taking a swig. He nodded and laughed in agreement.

I watched as Bobby grabbed a bottle. While his eyes were preoccupied with fixing us a drink I took the liberty of inspecting my choice. He was tall with a mesmerizing smile. He rocked a short dreads. His face, shoulders and chest were adorned in freckles that were so faint and almost masked by his warm complexion. His golden skin complimented the same hues in his eyes. I noticed his left shoulder was covered in a half sleeve, the tattoos were a creative collage of food and cooking utensils, I especially loved the cupcake ink on a full grown man.  _ I really wish I could find an actual cupcake right now.  _ Him and Rocco were not as built as the other 3 boys, which was fine. I already knew quite a few Gary types back home. The guys who spend hours in the gym and obsess over their gains. _ No thanks! _ Bobby seemed to be naturally toned and athletic. He had effortlessly developed abs that created a delicious V into his swim trunks. Bobby was fit enough that he could lift my ass up and push me against a wall if he wanted. My eyes widened in shock as the thought entered my mind. I collected myself as he handed me the glass.

Bobby seemed to be aware of his affect on me.  _ And he seemed to be pretty damn pleased with himself about it too.  _ I wasn't expecting to find myself  _ this  _ attracted. I hadn't honestly been interested in anyone for years. A part of me wanted to bend over and scream into my vagina,  _ bitch you're still alive! _ I was curious what was so special about him that he could make me feel this way.  _ Maybe all this environmental change was throwing my hormones out of whack? _ I needed to approach this couple-thing carefully, I needed to come across friendly without encouraging him too much. What if he is  _ actually  _ here to find love? How cruel to waste his time. As I began to frantically thinking of worst case scenarios Bobby searched my eyes and cautiously smiled.

"You ok, hun?" He asked inquisitively. 

I swung back my glass and finished the drink in one go.

"Better."

"Better? You're a stunningly gorgeous girl on a paid holiday! What could be better?" He said casually.

He's right. He's one of many to tell me I  _ should _ be happy. I was aware of how lucky I was. I had a successful company that afforded me a comfortable lifestyle. I was blessed with good looks and a naturally shapely figure. _ I was aware, I knew, I should be happy.  _ Unfortunately, none of those things filled the void in my heart. None of those things made the shakes fade, made the tears dry or eased my heart.  _ And this is why I am single.  _ Because I was a walking dark cloud. I had been told how difficult I was to love and I wish I could explain to Bobby that being a gorgeous girl on a paid holiday, meant absolutely nothing. As tension built in my throat I shot Bobby a forced smirk and squinted my eyes in the direction of the sun. I quickly excused myself to grab sunglasses.

I held my breath until I made it to the dressing room.  _ Almost there Tori, hold on.  _ I told myself.  _ It's ok, everything's going to... _ I closed the door behind me and my vision instantly blurred as tears rolled out. I slid down to the floor as I found my breath and closed my eyes. _ Why am I here? What did I think this was going to solve?  _ I could imagine my parents watching this in hopes that I had returned to the same girl I was 6 years ago. One who loved to dance and play any instrument she could get her hands on. The things that had once brought me joy now reminded me of all I had lost. _ How do I not break their hearts, if they find out, all I am is a shell of the daughter they once loved? _ Maybe them just assuming I was this unhappy was better than them seeing it splayed on their television.

At least Celia won't be disappointed. I managed to prove I was more than a lonely, workaholic. Now they would see I was also a clumsy, emotional, train wreck.

I suddenly heard crying from the closet next to me and blinked away my pity party. The crying varied in volume and tone. And I heard what sounded like a man crying too.

"That's it hun, jus’ like that."

_ Ok that's not crying. _

I couldn’t imagine who'd be more embarrassed, me finding them or them finding me in this state. It was worse when I identified who the wardrobe wench was. I quietly searched for my sunglasses and left before Hannah showed Gary what Happily After really meant.

I detoured through the kitchen on my way back out and reunited myself with the bottle I’d waited all day to devour. I inconspicuously looked for any areas that I would be out of view from cameras. In the process I found the water bottles provided for each islander and grabbed the one engraved with my name. _ Perfect! _

I discreetly opened the door to the fridge to provide some coverage and poured the Tito’s into my water thermos. Just as I screwed the top back on the vodka I noticed someone else in the kitchen.

"You just going to leave the fridge open?"

Bobby offered a quizzical smile but his eyes didn't say much.


	5. Truth or Dare (updated)

"You're not going to make a drink, lass?" He leaned over the island and cocked his head at me.

I lied, hoping he was none the wiser of what floated in my thermos. "I thought about it but changed my mind."

"Ay...right. Well someone has helped themselves to some of that. By the look of that bottle someone's gonna be absolutely blootered by the end of the day."

"Blootered?"

He laughs," It's Scottish Slang..."

"Ohh I'm very well versed on Weegie terms, I'm just assuming you're a lightweight now."

"I don't drink like I used to bu..wait a minute...weegie? Weegie? Listen lassie."

He pointed his finger at me and made his way over. I felt a knot form in my stomach as he inched closer to me.

"Oi Oi! I've got a text!" Gary said as he rounded the hall from the bedroom. Hannah followed behind and blushed when she saw Bobby and I. Her braid noticeably messier.

Bobby squinted his eyes, his finger still pointed at me. He redirected it and tapped my nose gently.

"Boop!"

My cheeks flushed as a hint of a smile touched my lips. His affection was so innocently warm, I felt like a normal girl for a brief moment.  _ This is how girls are supposed to feel when they meet a boy _ . My typical conservative demeanor was loosened from the amount of booze in my system, I almost allowed myself to match his playful touch. I almost allowed myself to have hope for the spark between us.

Our inquisitive stare at one another was interrupted by Hannah.

"Where's everyone at?"

"They weren't with you?" Bobby smirked.

Gary wore a smile of victory and made zero attempts to justify their absence from the group. "Come on, you lot, let's go tell the others it's time to play truth or dare."

_ Ohh fuck _ .

* * *

I sat next to Marisol at the fire pit and felt my nerves take over. Bobby sat troublesomely close to me, causing me to press my thighs together tightly in an attempt to prevent more blood rushing to my groin. Bobby handed me the water jug I left in the kitchen.  _ Oh thank God. _

"Thanks Bobby!"

"Ay it's no problem lass, just don't chunder on me later."

"I have no idea what you're talking about bud."

"Ay right.." He shot me a wink and laughed under his breath.

I took a sip and winked back. "Cheers!"

Next to Hope were two stacks of cards marked Truth and Dare, respectively. She was clearly excited and looked up to me and wiggled her brows. I nodded for her to go on and watched as Hannah and Lottie rolled their eyes at Hope. She pulled a card from the Dare pile and read aloud.

“Pick a pair of piggies to rub.”

Hannah shrieked, "Eww! OMG that's disgusting I am not rubbing  _ anyone's _ toes!"

"But you'd suck a cock two minutes after meeting someone..." I  _ thought  _ I said in my head. My eyes widened as I looked around the group, grateful no one heard what I said. Well, apart from Bobby, whose side was glued to mine. His eyebrows lifted far into his forehead as he chuckled.

"Is that what took ye so long in the cludgie, yer spying on the dirty doers?!" He whispered through a giggle.

The rest of the group was too preoccupied with Hopes erotic hold on Noah's foot, to be bothered with our side conversation.

I looked at Bobby with a mixed face of amusement and disgust.

"Ok so you think a blowie is wrong 2 minutes after meeting a bloke, noted." He says while snapping his fingers in disappointment.

"I mean it's a little rushed, I usually wait at _ least _ five minutes before I blow someone."

He bellowed a laugh that drew the attention away from Noah and Hope. Hope finished her massage and blurted, "Ok Tori's next! Come on gorgeous, do a dare."

I hurriedly took a gulp from my bottle.

"Ay do a dare lass. And remember you've known me  _ way _ longer than 5 minutes!" Bobby said mid swallow causing me to almost spit my drink.

I quickly weighed my options what if I had to kiss someone?  _ What if I had to kiss Hannah and taste remnants of Gary? _

I grimaced at the thought.

"Tori?" Marisol chimed in with her familiar inquisitive expression.

_ Truth?  _ Truth would save me from secondhand semen tasting but what if it's a question I don't expect?

Bobby held my hand as he caught the angst in my face.

"I choose dare!" I said confidently.

_ Fake it, till you make it. _

Hope handed me a dare card.

“Dance on an islander that is NOT your current partner.” I read.

Bobby throws his hands in the air, "That's shite, tha’ is!"

"Sorry Bobz!" Gary says while patting his lap. "Come on Tor!"

_ Hell fucking no. _

Hannah looks at me as if shit was atop her upper lip, and she can't evade its smell.

_ Not even a proper blowie could keep him, you poor girl. _

Our phones had limited capability, but we all had access to a vast musical library that was attached to the villa's surround sound. Hope chose a song to get me started.

Birthday Song by 2 Chainz began booming. 

Noah surprisingly jumped up, sensing my nerves, and got the other islanders to "sing" along. I shuffled around the fire pit as I bopped my hips to the tempo, trying to decide which lap would be the safest to dance on.

I decided Ibrahim would be the least handsy of the group and made my way towards him. Bobby was the only one of the group not screaming "All I want for my burrrfffdayy is a big booty ho!" He was obviously too concerned with who I was about to grind on. I reached Ibrahim but was distracted by the curiosity that floated all over Marisol's smile. I took another step until I was in front of her. I turned around popped my hips up and down in her face as the song rang out, "She's got a big booty so I call her big booty."

My face was now in Bobby's direction and we locked eyes while I began to grind on Marisol's lap. I could tell he was trying to maintain eye contact until he eventually conceded and traveled his gaze downwards. I turned to find a flushed Marisol. I gracefully hiked my knees aside her hips and arched my back as I bounced on her lap and shimmied in her face. Her laughter deafened by the wolf whistles from the others.

The music stops abruptly as Lottie announces, "Ok I think everyone is convinced enough that it's not Tori's first time doing that."

Hannah howled in high pitched laughter.

"Well done babe!" Hope cheers. "Pick who you want to go next!"

I sat next to Bobby who was sitting very still and focusing his reddened face towards the fire pit.

"Hannah seems up for it!" I said before taking another swig.

Bobby laughed through his nose and whispered, "and down for it.."

"Oh wow?! These dares seem so forward so I'm going to go with truth. Shaking one's ass is easy, but speaking from your heart is a  _ true  _ sign of strength!"

_ This bitch _

Hope read, “Are you a believer of love at first sight?”

Hannah turned to Gary and exhales, "Ohh absolutely! Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more...."

"Ohh for fucks sake!" Bobby groaned before he reached for my water bottle and chugged. Wincing as he swallowed.

"Christ woman!" He scolded.

I smiled and took a sip and composed a stoic expression as I palated the alcohol. "No chaser, no facer!"

He smiled and shook his head at me. "It's really just vodka that gives me that reaction. I chundered all over my mate's car the last time I drank that. I tend to stick to whiskey now."

"A Scot that only drinks whiskey? Riveting!" I mouth ‘wow’ and placed my chin on my fist.

"I _ also _ drink tequila lass."

I shuddered, "Tequila?! I can't control myself with tequila."

Bobby closed his eyes and tapped his forehead. "Remember to make Tori a margarita later." He said to himself.

The rest of the islanders took turns while Bobby and I shared sips and joked under our breath.

"Truth!" Marisol retorted.

“Have you ever kissed a person of the same sex?”

"More than just kissed! I've dated a few girls too. Regardless of someone’s orientation, I am attracted to the actual person." She said proudly. "What about you guys?"

Lottie shouted out about a friend she always made out with after a drunken night. Hannah announced she is interested but never has. Hope adamantly said no. Marisol turned and waited for my response.

"I mean a girl has kissed  _ me _ ." I shrugged.

"She had good taste." Bobby whispered.

A vodka induced grin spread across my face as Bobby placed his thumb inside my cheek's dimple. "Those things are adorable." His eyes glazed over but genuine.

_ Adorable? _ I'm pretty sure only my dad calls me adorable.

"Why do you keep fingering my face?" I grabbed his hand.

He raised an eyebrow and asked, "Would you rather me direct the fingering somewhere else lass?"

I pouted my lips. "I set that one up for you, didn't I?"

I tend to carry vulgar conversations with my girlfriends similar to this one.  _ But with a guy? _ Am I sending him mixed signals? I noticed that I'd turned facing him with my leg practically entwined with his. I moved my leg and subtly scooted away from him.

We watched the game continue in silence until he said, "I'm sorry Lass."

I felt a tug in my chest but before I could turn to tell him he had nothing to be sorry for.

"Bobby your turn!!" Hope shouted. Only one card remained untouched,  _ Dare _ .

“Kiss the islander you fancy the most.”

He shifted in his seat a minute. I couldn’t get myself to turn and make eye contact with him. I didn't want him to feel guilted into picking me just because we were coupled up. I could feel him glance over in my direction but I didn't want him to see the worry in my face so I turned and looked towards Marisol.

"This game is all sorts intense."  _ Bobby seemed so shy all of the sudden _ .  _ Maybe he wanted to kiss someone else and he was nervous about what I'd think? _

"Give it here then!" Gary ripped the card from Bobby's grip.

"You all are gorgeous but this is a no brainer really!" Gary pulled me up to my feet before I could even react.

He leaned in and tried to push his chest into mine. I protectively push my shoulders forward to shrink my chest in as much as possible. I pursed my lips tightly and retracted my face as soon as our lips met. Forcing the kiss to end much sooner than he may have liked. He walked back to sit next to an obviously saddened Hannah.

"What the hell Gary!" Lottie shouted. "How could you do that to Han.."

"..Bobby!" Hope interjected. "Give me that card back Gary, Bobby still needs to take his turn."

She took the card and shuffled the entire deck carefully. She placed the stack down next to her and grabbed the card on top. Hope's eyes lit up and she let out a dramatic laugh. She showed it to Noah who grinned and read it aloud, "Kiss the islander you fancy most."

"The universe is telling you something Bobby, you were meant to complete that dare!" Rocco says in ridiculous sincerity.

"Well this is the girl everyone fancies the most, I guess." Bobby tried to hide his nerves.

He whispered to me, "Can I kiss you lass?"

His breath on my ear created goosebumps all over my body. I nodded and he gave me his hand to stand up. As I leaned in for the kiss, I smiled causing him to glance at my cheeks, I pulled his hands toward my face and positioned his thumb on top of my dimple. His lips were gentle and soft. His kiss was hesitant, perhaps confused by earlier comments. He began to pull away before I balanced on my tippy toes and wrapped my arms around his neck. He pursed his lips letting me dictate the intensity of our kiss. I bit his bottom lip and felt his mouth widen into a smile. I inched towards his body and felt his grip tighten and his abdomen tense. He took in my top lip and gently glided his tongue along it's shape. He let out a low growl that brought back the goosebumps and I suddenly became aware that my nipples were hard enough to cut into his skin that pressed so close to me.

I opened my mouth to welcome his tongue to mine as I traced my fingers along his ears and into his hair. I was so lost in the kiss that I dropped from my tippy toes. He, without pause, grabbed my hips and lifted back into the kiss. He pulled away and muttered, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph."under his breath.

He put me down and planted one more soft kiss on my lips before saying, "And imagine I didn't even have to make you a margarita."

_ Jesus, Mary and Joseph _ .


	6. I Need a Minute (Updated)

The last 6 years had been numbingly painful. I had lost part of my heart  _ as well as  _ a fiancé. And if that wasn't tragic enough, I completely uprooted my life and moved to another country, alone. London offered me anonymity for a while. I could wander through the market without worrying I'd run into a familiar face and be forced to smile. I was contently surrounded by strangers who wouldn't catch me off guard and ask ‘how was I doing’, 'No,  _ really  _ Tori. How are you?' I'm sure no one could handle my truth, so I'd always tell them I was ok but in London I was freed for a while of that charade.

Eventually, Celia came into my life. The girls in my office became more than my employees and I even became close to my neighbor Janet and her son Peter. While these people brought a type of joy to my life, they also forced me to pull out my "I'm ok" mask. The stress load of my job and wearing a mask for my loved ones in London AND back in Los Angeles left no energy for mindless socialization. I went to many work functions and mixers with developers and estate agents, but they were entirely professional. I gained success and had made a name for myself in the press. All anonymity lost. I was pursued by several clients. I had no energy left to add another person to the "People I Can't Let Down" list.  _ So I didn't _ . I was frequently photographed with a frown or a scowl. The "I'm fine" mask suddenly had to be worn at all times, leaving me a ball of nerves by the end of the day. My plastered smile became a prison for my healing process, I never was granted a moment to feel my sadness or allow my thoughts to focus. My mind always running, always redirecting my thoughts, always talking me off the ledge, always making sure everyone thought I was ok.

That's why this kiss left me completely dumbfounded. It could be because my lips hadn't been kissed like that in years. I reasoned with myself. Before Bobby had uttered a plea to Jesus and his folks my mind was blank. I had been blanketed with a minute of peace and the nerves silenced momentarily while his lips were pressed to mine. But much like pinching a hose, the moment it's released, the water surges out with force.

I wasn't sure when everyone finished the game, I didn't even pay attention when the crew announced there was food catered in the kitchen. I was completely overwhelmed with the thoughts that combated every optimistic idea that entered my mind about our kiss. I finished the contents of my water bottle.

_ I needed peace though. _ I wanted to pull him in again and have him quiet the noise once more. _ It was like my heart was at a pet store and Bobby was the cutest puppy in sight. "Can we keep him?" My heart begged my head. My head like a responsible mother reasoned, "You know puppies seem like a lot of fun but they require a lot of attention and nurturing. We don't have time or space for a puppy." Ugh! The logic was sound but my heart still watched longingly at the puppy as my mother pulled me away. _

Bobby was just as lost in thought as I looked over at him. He didn't even look at me when he asked, "Are you hungry lass?"

"I'm starving actually, let's go see what they brought us."

He continued to keep his attention forward as he said, "I need a minute before I stand up again."

He closed his eyes and chanted, "Whoopi Goldberg, golf, Jesus Christ of Nazareth...Whoopi Goldberg, golf, Santa, Whoopi Goldberg, golf, Father Matthew."

"Really Bobby?"

" _ Really Tori! _ These hipster swimming costumes don't leave much to the imagination you know!"

I laughed through a yawn causing my back to arch as I raised my hands over my head to stretch. Bobby turned and took in the view. 

He scowled at me, " _ And _ now I need two minutes."

I made my way to the spread of food and began to fix a plate for myself and Bobby. I could feel the glare from Lottie and Hannah as they loudly spoke beside me.

"Two plates? She  _ is _ a greedy cunt, isn't she?"

"Two plates, two kisses. She sure is!" Hannah added.

I tried to remind myself that the name cunt was used so much more loosely among this group than back in the states. It still angered me. I hadn't kissed two boys, t _ hey kissed me _ ! I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as I imagined slamming their two empty heads into one another.  _ That's the reaction these hyenas want  _ I told myself. I could imagine the lawsuit they'd throw on me if I unleashed the years of pent up aggression on their asses. From behind someone placed their hands on my shaking shoulders. Before I could think of what to say to them Bobby chimed in, "Hannah you're eating again? Figured you'd be full after that load of Gary ye had for a snack a wee bit ago."

I tried to suppress a laugh, unsuccessfully.

"Gary told you?" Hannah said with tears in her eyes.

"No Hannah, you just have a very loud gag reflex." I said as I nodded towards the direction of their sexual rendezvous.

Lottie pulled Hannah in for a hug and looked at me with disgust. "Tori, fuck off."

Bobby waved his hand dismissively, "Lottie, awa n bile yer head!"

Lottie looked at him confused but was sure she should be offended. She scurried off with a distraught Hannah.

"Making friends again, Bobby?" Gary chortled.

"Not all of us can be as popular as you Gare!" Bobby looked at me rolling his eyes. 

Gary smiled, clearly pleased with himself.

"Not the first time I was the cause of a cat fight."

I turned to Bobby and rolled my eyes in return. "I need a drink."

"No Lass, you need absorbent food. Let's carb you up and then I will make you a drink. Deal?"

I nodded and without thought, kissed his cheek. I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude to have someone defend me and offer me a drink in a matter of minutes apart.  _ My heart was pulling my head back to the pet shop for one more glimpse of the puppy. _

After eating a large meal I felt my lack of sleep creep up on me. The alcohol waning in my system intensified the effects of the Xanax I had taken earlier. "So where are we sleeping tonight?" I said in hopes Bobby would lead me to a place I could nap.

"Ay Lass, I see where yer heads at." Bobby wiggled his brow and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Knackered are ye?"

I felt too tired to reach for my mask.

"You have no idea how tired I am."

A tear escaped before I catch it

"Ay you sweet girl, let's get you some sleep and some water."

He pulled me into a hug. I was unfamiliar with this comfort, probably because I didn’t usually allow people to console me. 

"I'm sorry Bobby. Maybe I am more blootered than I thought."

He laughed, " You butcher that word."

We chose a bed and set some of our items in the nightstands beside it. He left me to nap. As I laid down alone, the tremors took over before I fell asleep.

A gentle shake woke me, what feels like, moments later.

Hope sat next to me, "Running through all these boys' minds has worn you out love?"

If she wasn't being so sweet, I would've punched her for waking me up. It took me a minute to politely laugh in acknowledgement of her remark. I was hit with the shock that today hasn't been some weird drug induced hallucination. I felt _ more _ lucid than I had before my doze.  _ I actually felt terrible _ . Ashamed of my conduct during truth or dare and even more embarrassed I had cried in front of Bobby.

"What's going on, Hope?"

"Bobby asked that I wake you up to let you know we got a text."

_ And? _

She continued, "They're setting up a party and we are getting a new islander."

_ And? _

She pulled off my covers. "Come on! If it's a girl we need to get to her before those two awful birds do. Let's pray she's a boss bitch like us, doll!"

I tried to remind myself that this was Hope having my back.  _ I just didn't need it. _ No one here was a blip on my radar in comparison with the issues that weighed so heavily on my heart. I just couldn't wrap my head around the effort put into this competition. I just wanted to get through this experience with as little damage to my public image as possible.

I jumped in the shower and let the water hit me until the shakes stopped. I avoided Lottie and Hannah as I got ready in silence. I looked for the dress that had some sort of coverage. I found one espresso colored body-con dress, it offered a high neckline and seemed the safer route. I pulled the dress on. The fabric clung to my skin offering my curves zero disguise. The dress only accentuated how small my waist was in ratio to my bust and hips. I loved the dress, I just didn't love that this was my most modest option. I pulled my hair into a high pony and threw on a pair of ankle strapped, feather stilettos that amplified the otherwise muted ensemble. The short nap had done wonders for my face, I lined my eyes, bronzed my cheeks and glossed my lips and headed to the cocktail party.

Hope smiled in approval, "Yas queen! Let's go meet this eleventh islander!"

I looked out to see the boys encircling a woman dressed in a sheer gown that plunged down into two, obviously augmented, breasts. Her lashes accentuated her incredibly gorgeous, dark eyes. And she wore a smile that proved she was very aware of how stunning she was. I looked to see if she had gained Bobby's attention but he wasn't amongst the group. I turned to find him fixated on my heels.

"Is that fur on your toes?" He smirked.

"You didn't notice my hairy toes earlier?" I wiggled my feet and giggled.

"No I was too distracted by your green bikini and  _ those things _ ."

He poked the dimples that had appeared as he spoke.

"Well don't let my hobbit feet keep you from the new girl." I tilted my chin is her direction.

"I had to check on my sleeping beauty first."

_ Why was I smiling? _ How was he immune to my cynicism? 

A loud click of heels broke our concentration. I felt her eyes look at me in wonder and amusement. The new girl flipped her red hair and announced, "You're the  _ last _ person I'd imagine to see on  _ this _ show. The nun! The actual Nun in the flesh!"

My smile dissolved instantly.


	7. The Sexy Mother Teresa (Updated)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Priya exposes Tori's nickname to the group leaving Tori vulnerable once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise the back stories will take up less of the storyline as the story progresses. (This is an original note that I am going to keep for comedic relief. It's a lie!)

_ How could I be so naïve to think my reputation wouldn't follow me? _

"Do you two know each other?" Bobby uncomfortably asked.

“I am  _ aware _ of who she is.” The new girl said dismissively as she turned to talk to the other islanders. 

“I bet a margarita would benefit both of us right about now, Lass.” Bobby reached to rub my shoulder but I pulled away before he could try to comfort me. Bobby awkwardly placed his hands in his pockets. 

_ Well it’s about time he finds out what a cold bitch I am. _

“Sounds good.” I gave an unconvincing smile and followed him to the bar that had been set up on the lawn, a few feet away. 

“What was that all about?’ He asked hesitantly. 

“Through my work I’ve met a lot of rich pricks.” I swallowed the premixed margarita and refilled my glass with straight tequila. 

Bobby nudged, “and this makes you a nun how?” 

“Sorry Bobby. I’m still confused with the title myself.”

I poured us another and chugged it back. 

“Bobby come here love!” Hannah called from the fire pit.

Bobby interlaced his arm with mine and dragged me with him whispering, “If I have to listen to this eejit, so do you Lass.” 

Hannah looked proud as she stood between the gorgeous new girl and Bobby. “This is Priya and she’d love to get to know you more Bobby.” 

He nodded and put his arm around my waist. Making a few butterflies dance inside me. His arm placement was not unnoticed by Priya either. 

“Ya know I’ve never seen a nun dance the way this one did on Marisol.” Bobby quipped. 

“Ohh I’m very aware that the nun thing is a whole facade she plays into.” She tossed her hair and looked at me as she continued, “Who gets caught with someone else’s fiancé and owns up to it?” Priya tried to hide her anger. “It’s much easier to say they were unwanted advances, right Tori?”

“Wait, what?” I was dumbfounded. This show was doing the exact opposite of what Celia thought it would. 

“Just like you don’t know why Gary kissed you?” Hannah added. 

“We met them today Hannah! You’re arguing with me about kissing some random ass dude!” I could feel the liquid courage doing most of the shouting. Bobby let go of my waist and stepped back. I barely had time to notice the embarrassment on his face before I stormed off. 

Hope stopped me as I entered the villa. “Phillip was looking for you.” She pointed over to Pruber.  _ Phillip?  _ “It’s time for you to do your interview for the day.” 

I followed Prub… Phillip to the beach hut and tried to calm my nerves and hide my anger. I sat on a small loveseat with a flat screen in front of me, a recording device underneath it. The screen lit up and the interview commenced. 

**Tell us about yourself.**

_ Think about Celia’s advice. Short and sweet.  _

“My name is Tori, I’m 28 years old from California.

_ Easy enough _

**After being quoted in Telegraph, The Daily Dish and The Mirror London as “not being interested in starting a relationship”. Why did you agree to appear on Love island?**

_ And there it is. _

I had wondered why it seemed the casting process for the show had been so easy. This was marketing gold. But, this was also a chance to explain myself and not have this hang over my head the rest of my time here. 

“When I came to London I knew I would have to socialize to obtain clients. Styling high end homes to sell is one that requires client referrals. I was instantly blessed with work, some led to designing celebrity homes, and other jobs led me to multi home contracts with successful developers.”

_ The Dawson’s for example.  _ They were one of Britain's wealthiest and most notorious families. They were the reason my business skyrocketed and my life was a financially comfortable one. _ It came with a price. _ Many meetings were excuses for Colin Dawson to get me alone. I wasn’t sure if he needed to conquer every skirt in London, or if my rising attention from the press that excited him, but he would not accept my polite rejections to his, hardly subtle, advances. I was still in contract with the Dawson’s and knew mentioning them in this interview would be professional suicide.

“I expanded quickly. Along with opening an office in London I used my success to give back to the city that had been so good to me. I became an avid donor at The Royal Marsden NHS and became the ambassador for their grief counseling program.” 

_ It was not something I ever thought I’d mention here.  _ When the magazine, The Stylist, approached me to do a story I thought it was because of my ambassador title or maybe even because I had designed the newly reopened Kettner Hotel. Sadly, they were more interested in my interaction with the “engaged” Colin Dawson. Every time I was questioned about my dating life or why I was photographed with Colin in a hotel lobby, I’d try to avert back to the Hospital or nonprofits I was developing. Eventually the young journalist responded, “So your humanitarian work is more important than a sex life? Sounds like you missed your calling as a nun.” 

The title of that article read, The Sexy Mother Teresa. 

“My socialite clients and high profile parties landed me more press attention than my work or the organizations I partnered with. My love life wasn’t the priority at  _ that _ time. Love Island seems like a good way to avoid all the distractions.”

_ Was that clear enough without throwing anyone under the bus?  _ I was hoping to leave Love Island without a defamation lawsuit. 

**How do you feel about your first coupling today?**

_ How did I feel about being coupled with Bobby? _

Without thinking I smiled. The kind of smile that caused crow’s feet lines. 

My face ached and I realized it was because I had smiled more today than I had in awhile. 

“So today I coupled with Bobby. I think I got the best of the bunch.” I casually answered.  _ I needed to stop whatever ridiculous notions I was forming in my heads.  _ Bobby was great, but I was not girlfriend material. He’d eventually see who I was under the pretty smile and I’d either break his heart or turn him into a raging asshole, like I had with my ex. 

**When was your last relationship?**

_ Speaking of. Not giving this a long explanation.  _

“My last relationship was over four years ago. I know that seems long but when you work as much as I do, it goes by fast.”

I was exhausted but easing into the interview as the last question appeared on the screen. 

**Have you had your heart broken before?**

I read the question as it hit me with full force. 

“Yes.” I whispered. 

The red light blinked as I held my necklace and I thought back to the two worst phone calls of my life. When my heart broke and later when it shattered into a million pieces. The red light seemed to realize that was the most it was going to get out of me and the screen dimmed and the red light disappeared. I knew I was supposed to emphasize since the audience wasn’t what questions we were asked, but I figured maybe they’d just edit that bit out. Which would for the best since I’m sure I looked like a deer in the headlights. 

Phillip opened the door and I headed back to the villa. My chest felt tighter with every step.

I could see from the windows, the bedroom was lit up and full of commotion. The pool and overhead lights outside were shut off, giving me comfort, I had a small amount of privacy momentarily. 

I didn’t want to see Priya or the rest of my fan club. 

I owed Bobby an apology but I wasn’t ready yet. 

I was too busy thinking how I haven’t even attempted to pick up the pieces of my heart off the floor. To top it off, I was making a fool of myself on television and showing how I shouldn’t be the ambassador of any mental health program. I just wanted to find a hole to crawl into. I trailed slowly behind Phillip until he was out of earshot and looked down to my mic box. The rules were clear about having it on at all times with the exception of showering, sleeping, swimming and using the restroom.  _ Thank God.  _ I just needed to be a little less coherent and get 5 minutes to cry  _ alone _ . 

The bar from earlier was barely visible but still set up outside. I made my way over and gave myself a heavy pour of the tequila Bobby and I had opened. I swung it back needing relief. Needing to feel a little less. I poured another glass and walked towards the pool. The water reflected the night’s sky and its dark waters looked peaceful. I slipped off my shoes along with my mic box. I finished the rest of my drink and took off my dress before gracefully diving into the pool.

As soon as my head was submerged I opened my mouth and let out silent sobs until all the breath had left my lungs. I slowly sunk to the bottom of the pool and imagined never coming back to the surface. I waited until I felt the dizzying effects of lack of oxygen and tequila. I finally relinquished and allowed my body to float upwards. I let myself drift in the water for a long while, enjoying the silence. 

After nodding off a few times, I decided to head in. I wandered in the direction of where I’d left my clothing when I stepped on the heel of my stiletto. 

“Jesus Christ!” I wailed out in pain. 

Stumbling back as I grabbed my foot. I looked to the sky, “I’m sorry Jesus, but can that be it for today?  _ Please! _ ” I shouted towards the heavens.

I knelt down and searched for my other feathered heel as I heard laughter coming from the lounge chairs, next to the pool. 

“Yer oot yer face!” Bobby came over and wrapped a towel around me. “Ah am a wee pissed too, Lass.” He slid down on the floor next to me. His shirt had lost a few more buttons than the last time I saw him and his eyes showed, he had indeed, continued drinking after I left. 

“Bobby let’s go to bed.” I told him as he laid his head on my lap. 

“I’m going to sleep outside Tori.” He closes his eyes. “Ah wouldnae want ye to have to share a bed with a random arse dude.” 

_ Clearly he took that personally.  _

“Ok fine you and I can sleep outside.” I said while running my finger over his cheeks connecting one freckle to the next on his pretty face. 

“And give our bed to Priya?” He opened his eyes and displayed a dramatic pose of shock. 

“Oh is that why you wanted to sleep outside, to keep Priya company?” I raised an eyebrow and smirked. 

“You caught me Lass. But then I saw you undress for the pool and I’ve changed my mind.” He pulled me to lay down on the AstroTurf with him.

He sombered his playful expression and asked, “So today was a lot for you then.” 

He drew circles on my shoulders as I sighed deeply. 

“I’m just overwhelmed. How about you?” I quickly remarked, trying to avoid another emotional outburst.

“Ohh it’s been overwhelming, but today has been one for the books for me. The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen picked me. Nah sure how I’ll ever top that.” 

I prayed that it was too dark out for him to see the burning in my cheeks. 

“You’re smooth.” I sat up and tried to pull myself off the lawn.

“They don’t call me Captain B. Smooth for nothing!” He reached for my hand and I pulled him up.

“Who’s they?” I asked while we attempted to stand up straight. 

“Wheesht!” He playfully put his finger over my lips to silence me. I pursed my lips under his finger and gave it a small peck. He paused unsure of how to respond, keeping his finger over my lips for another moment before grabbing me.

He pulled me up over his shoulders and carried me like a sack of potatoes straight into the dressing room. With the lights off in the bedroom, no one noticed my lack of clothes or the massive smile Bobby had put on my face. 

Bobby changed into his pajamas, bright yellow cotton pants covered in little cupcakes and a well loved Pantera shirt. I stood there in my wet undergarments and studied his outfit. He looked cozy and I was reminded how uncomfortable the lingerie pieces Beatrice had packed for me were. 

“Bobby why do you want to hide your best asset?” 

I pulled his shirt over his head and ran my fingers from his waistband up the crease of his V lines. He giggled, clearly unable to make eye contact with the amount of booze in his system. 

“This is my favorite shirt Lass.” 

“But I love Pantera Bobby.” I gave him my best puppy dog eyes and he smiled. Clearly suckered in.

I put his shirt on and shimmied my bra off from underneath. I kept eye contact as I dropped my thong to the floor. His shirt was just covering my backside. It smelled like men’s cologne and sugar and I was reminded of how good he smelled when we kissed earlier. 

“Name 3 songs or I get it back!”

“Easy!” I cheered, with hands on my hips. 

“Cowboys from hell, This Love and..” I squatted down and displayed my best air guitar while doing an impression of Phil Anselmo scream, “DOM..MIN...NATION!” 

“Awa' an' bile yer heid did it!” He cursed.

I bunched my brows in confusion. 

“Ahh sorry Lass, it gets worse when I drink.” 

The Glaswegian came out stronger when Celia drank too. 

“Ahm jus’ mad, not because ye stole ma shirt, but because it’s covering up all the best parts of ye.”

I framed my figure with my hands like Vana White. “Ok it’s mine!” I bounced in victory. 

“Fine, it looks better on you anyways, anything else you plan on taking from me while I’m sleeping next to you?” He looked hopeful.

“Not tonight, but I do recommend you protect yourself. I usually wake up on the opposite end of the bed with all my pillows kicked to the floor.” 

“So should I wear a sport’s cup?” Bobby placed his hands protectively over his bulge. “I mean I tend to stretch out like a starfish, are you saying you sleep like a violent octopus?”

I laughed and headed to bed. The room crowded with each bed just an arm length away from the next. Our bed was beside a moving duvet that belonged to Hope and Noah. I decided to let Bobby have _ that _ side of the bed. I crawled into bed and tried to lay as close to the edge as possible, to limit Bobby and I’s chance of physical contact, until Gary turned towards me in the bed to our right. He looked in the direction of Hope’s moans and pushed his hips up, dry humping the covers as he wiggled his eyebrows at me. I built a wall of pillows between me and Gary and laid against Bobby’s side. He turned towards me and enveloped me in his arms and everything melted away as my eyelids shut. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Pinky Promise (Updated)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day in the villa. Tori continues to embarrass herself while making friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspo-  
> Selena Gomez, "Can't Keep My Hands to Myself."

I wasn’t one to lay in bed and wait for sleep. In fact, most nights I’d find I had passed out on the sofa in my study. I’d stumble to bed without waking my thoughts. Sleep was like swimming through high tide. Darkness crashing over me until I would wake feeling beaten and disoriented and out of breath. Eventually the inebriation would find its way out of my pores, sobriety inviting my thoughts to bombard me as I woke, _ but not tonight. _

\---

I opened my eyes, my mind silent.The morning sun creeped through the windows peacefully. Bobby, did indeed, sleep like a starfish. I was mildly embarrassed at the state of myself. My head on his chest, my arm around his waist, my other hand in his hair. My leg was hitched on his hip and my knee grazed against his impressive morning glory. I couldn't help but grind into his hip to alleviate some of the pressure that had been building between my legs since I met him. I felt him stir under me and watched his adonis belt tighten as he stretched awake. Bobby’s hand traveled slowly down my back until he reached the end of his shirt I borrowed. He raised his head to check that my ass wasn't exposed and pulled the sheet over to cover me. He moved his hand back up and ran his fingers gently through my hair. I yawned and rolled off him though my body begged for him to be even closer. I pushed my knees together and could feel the heat between my hips. Sensing my movement, Bobby rolled towards me.

“No need for a cup after all Lass, my bawsack is fully intact.” His voice groggy but full of jest.

_ He wastes no time with the humor. _

“Are you sure about that? We should double check.” I said, only half kidding.

“What’s it they call you then? A nun? I dinnae bout that Lass. Seems like whoever gave you that name is a bit daft.” He laughed but mischief lurked behind his hazel eyes.

“Ohh you're not buying the innocent act I've been trying to sell you?” I rolled my eyes and smiled.

“Hey be original! That shtick is already owned by Hannah.”

“If you say its name three times it will appear quoting Jane Austin.” I jokingly looked around anxiously.

Bobby lobbed a pillow at me. “Whit you want for breakfast then?”

“Advil and a shower!”

_ A cold one _ .

“Please dinnae tell me you're gluten free Tori!!”

“Shower and then we can discuss food Bobby!”

“Good idea, I reek of tequila.”

* * *

The communal bathroom had 4 stand alone showers. I grabbed my toiletry bag and jumped in an empty stall. I looked at the shower next to mine. I could see his forearm pressed against the wall as he leaned forward letting the water hit him. I could make out the shape of his dreads and his frame but the frosted glass made it difficult to see anything else clearly.

I opened my bag and was delighted to see my small black pouch had not been confiscated. It was the size of a soap bar and resembled a microdermabrasion brush. I placed the suction head right on my sweet spot and turned on the variation mode. The vibrations started with light pulsing as the suction encompassed my clit. The shower drowned the hum of my device as I tried to muffle the moans that tried to escape my mouth. I had almost memorized the pattern of its movements, slow, fast, slow, long steady pulses followed by hard quick jolts. I found that two minutes was enough to get me where I needed to be but today I found I only required half that time. I closed my eyes and remembered the way Bobby’s abs fell into his shorts, the way he felt this morning against my leg, the way he had easily thrown me over his shoulders the night before. The way his eyes always lingered in mine like he knew every secret I had inside of me.

What I liked the most about Bobby was he seemed so friendly but I imagined he would fuck me exactly the way I wanted him to. I had been so disgusted by other men’s advances and my idea of intimacy had been skewed over the years. This longing for him awakened a piece of me I thought was lost. The hot water hit my skin as I braced myself against the wall, preparing my body to let go. All the blood drained down from my stomach as I gushed in full force pulling the device off me as it continued to suck against me. I looked to the ceiling and gathered my breath as I waited for throbbing to fade. I finished my shower relieved and ready to take on the day in control of my own damn hormones.

The silk on my kimono felt amazing against the heat of my skin. I gathered my toiletries and B.O.B. and left the shower stall. To my horror, 4 pair of eyes met mine; Rocco, Marisol, Ibrahim and Bobby’s. I was sure they were all noticing the guilt written on my face but Rahim did a quick buttoning motion to his chest. Sure enough my right boob was fully exposed.  _ Great _ . I quickly reached to my robe to cover my fugitive breast, losing grip on my shower bag. The contents spilled to the floor, the black pouch activated and began convulsing on the tile. The room silent, well aside from the loud buzzing from the flailing pouch at my feet.

“Is that a vibrator?” Rocco blushed.

“It’s smaller than I expected.” Ibrahim added.

“That’s what she said mate!” Bobby whooped.

Marisol bent down at my feet to help me collect my things as I feared I’d lose another boob in the process. “It’s actually not intended to go inside, so the size is unimportant!” She grabbed the stimulator and blindly pressed on the pouch in effort to shut it off. She only increased the power of the vibration and, in consequence, the volume of the buzzing. She didn’t seem bothered and handled the device with clinical precision. Pulling it out and finding the off button. The boys looked at the small device in ahh and confusion.

“What is that hole for” Rocco queried.

Marisol brought the stimulator closer to the boys and gave them a full demonstration of the device.  _ All while I wished for death _ . Marisol then put Bobby’s pinky in the suction cup and I ended my silence. “Ok can we stop touching my boyfriend?” I shouted.

“That’s why you were making all that noise in there!” Bobby relinquished his pinky and pointed to the shower.

“I didn’t! Did I?” My eyes avoided his smile as I tightened the knot on my robe.

“I couldn't decide if you were having a hard time gauging the water temperature or if you were auditioning for an Herbal Essence commercial, but now I know.” Bobby winked and tapped the side of his nose.

* * *

I resisted the urge to crawl back into bed and got ready. I figured a pink bikini would be an appropriate choice for the day as it would be sure to compliment my cheeks. They were sure to be burning every time I was reminded of the shower. The bottoms hugged above my hips and left the majority of my ass cheeks exposed.  _ I was going to leave this place with very little tan lines. _

I walked into the kitchen and sat at the island’s bar as Bobby handed me a plate with fresh fruit and a delicious looking omelette. As he sat beside me I gave him a side hug in appreciation for him cooking for me. He looked at my hand on his shoulder and asked, “Did you wash your hands young lady?”

I grabbed his pinky and replied, “Have you washed  _ yours _ ?”

“Never!” He licked his pinky in response. Causing my sweet spot to twitch.

“What did you make us for breakfast Bobby?”

I could smell it was Priya before I even looked over at her. It was like someone had poured Malibu Rum into my nostrils. I hope she understood my look of disgust was in reminiscence of a night I finished a whole bottle to myself and not in response to seeing her face.

“I made  _ Tori and I, _ a spanish omelette, the stove is right over there though.” Bobby pointed towards the stove and shoveled a fork full of food into his adorable mouth.

“How disappointing! I thought the perk of having a professional cook in house was we would enjoy delicious meals and fresh cupcakes.” Priya walked over to Bobby and ran her finger over the cupcake he had tattooed on his left shoulder.

“Looks delicious, hopefully soon I can taste one of your famous cupcakes.”

Bobby should’ve blushed under Priya’s touch but he seemed all too familiar with women throwing themselves at him.

“Dude if you make cupcakes, I will love you forever.” I chimed in.

“Forever? for eva eva… for eva eva?” Bobby held his pinky up to me. “Promise?”

I looked at him and back to his pinky. “I am  _ not _ touching that thing.”

Ibrahim walked in mid pinky promise proposal and said, “You two still on about that?”

My cheeks turned red as I smiled coyly, Bobby gently poked my dimple. “Those things could get you out of serious trouble.”

I reached over and poked him where a less noticeable indentation marked his face. “You have one too, ya know!”

Ibrahim cleared his throat, “Bobby you didn’t make this beautiful, mature woman breakfast?” He points his gaze in Priya’s direction.

She pushed her chest out and frowned, “Mature?”

Ibrahim attempted to rebuttal but Bobby interrupted, “Listen! I worked in the hospital kitchen for the better part of a decade, catering to dozens of people. Now that I’ve promoted to administration, I only cook for pleasure.”

“Well Priya it would be  _ my _ pleasure to make you something.” Ibrahim stammered.

“That would be lovely.” Priya shot Bobby a look that she didn’t mind his rejection and she wasn’t afraid of a little challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bobby is older, more experienced and less of a people pleaser. Let’s not forget tatted up.


	9. Two Truths and a Realization

I floated alongside Marisol as a group of islanders chatted idly in the shallow end. Priya enjoyed the spotlight as she got to know the boys and they pined for her attention. Bobby periodically swam underneath us, making sure to poke me where the donut shape inflatable left me most exposed. 

“I’ve got a text!” Hannah shouted from the loungers. 

**Priya will decide which boy she wants to couple up with. One islander will be left single and vulnerable.**

Lottie threw her arm around Rocco and told Priya, “I think Bobby and you’d make a lovely couple…. just saying.” 

Rocco must have sensed the forced nature of Lottie’s affection. His smile towards Priya looked like a cry for help. 

“Let’s be honest here, I’d make any couple look lovely.” Bobby countered. 

Priya threw her head back and laughed causing her bountiful breasts to bounce and Ibrahim and Rocco’s gaze to follow their movements. 

Bobby glanced towards me to see if I shared Priya’s amusement. I exaggerated a laugh, “ HA HA HA.” I waved my hand down over my face and dramatically changed my expression to that of disdain. “Not..” We shared a smile and Priya once again called for his attention. 

“You make me laugh babe! Everytime I’m around you I get good vibes, you know what I mean?” She batted her lashes as she spoke. 

“Vibes?” Bobby questioned. “As in vibrators?” 

_Jesus take the wheel._

_\-------------_

After lunch Phillip pulled Priya and I aside. 

“Ready to head to the hut Priya?” You could see Priya’s glossy breasts in the gleam of his eyes. 

“Ohh and Tori, we printed this out for you. This is technically against the rules bu….” 

I grabbed the email from his hand and cut in, “This was agreed to before I got here!!! It was negotiated in my contract!” 

“Miss. Reyes there is no need to get upset..”

“I was told this wouldn’t be an issue. I was also told my office would be able to contact me if they needed to, was that a lie as well?” 

“So is this regarding an issue at work?” 

_From Peter? No._

I shook my head. 

“Is it from one of your employees?” He asked. 

“Well no, but.. he needs.. I need to…you know what?! NO! I need to know, how will you send my correspondence back? I need him to have my response by Saturday.” 

“I’m not sure…” 

“This is a joke right?” 

Phillip looked bewildered and Priya could not hide the curiosity and amusement in her face. 

“Phillip right?” 

Phillip nodded. 

“I’m done talking to you, let me know when I can speak to someone who _IS_ sure.” 

I walked away completely unaware of how much I had just fucked myself. 

**  
  
**

—————————————————————

I avoided everyone’s eye as I made my way to the kitchen. I hastily grabbed a glass and filled it with Kettle. _Gone._ Poured another. _Down._ Filled it once more and ignored the wince in my brow as I swallowed again. _One for the road._ I poured a fourth and walked toward the daybeds to read my letter in peace. 

_Tori-_

_Mum told me that I could email you as soon as you left, so I did. I heard you leave early this morning but you didn’t see me when I waved out my window. I met your friend and she was nice. She said that she was watching your house which sounds weird. Mum said it's because you're going to be gone for so long. Don’t be sad. We will still remember you when you come back. Mum told me you will still remember me too. On Saturday I am going to watch Captain Marvel again, I promise to not watch anything new until you get back. Celia says hi, she says I have to watch you on tv but mum says no. I will write to you soon._

_Sincerely,_

_Peter Cosgrove_

**  
  
**

I felt relieved. He was ok with his routine being changed for a little bit while I selfishly rebranded myself. At least he was aware he had access to whatever movies I owned and knew where I hid the candy his mom wouldn’t let them keep in their house. That should make up for me breaking the Saturday night ritual we had created over the years. Sure, I went back and forth to the states and traveled for work but the possibility of being gone for a month with no phone calls, was not easy for him to understand. That’s why Celia suggested we talk to the producers and see if we could email once a week. I could tell that the computer classes at the center were helping him tremendously and I couldn’t imagine how he’d feel if we weren’t able to continue corresponding. _Why did I promise him something I couldn’t control?_ I felt my stomach in knots as I thought about how I’d lost my cool with Phillip. _Would they air that?_ My parents are going to think I turned out to be a right asshole….

“Peter huh?” Priya said over my shoulder. 

I folded the letter quickly and turned to her. 

“Sooo… who is it?” She nagged. 

Peter was absolutely not up for discussion here. 

“It’s just my neighbor.” I murmured. 

“What was that? Your neighbor? That important huh... Why are you being so secretive? Is he an engaged neighbor?”

“I honestly don’t know what you're on about Priya but kindly leave me the fuck alone.” 

I finished my drink and left Priya at the daybeds, she wore a victorious smirk. 

______________________________________________________________

**  
  
  
**

We gathered around the firepit for another challenge. I stood aloof and consumed with annoyance. It was only day 2 and I had thrown tantrums, humiliated myself and tripped standing still, while on camera. I missed my home, my office, my quiet, my privacy… 

Bobby shuffled closer to me and I tried to make myself as small as possible. I didn't want to invite any ounce of contact or pleasantries. I just wanted space. I felt his gaze and could sense his concern but I ignored it and faced forward. His attention was eventually diverted to Lottie who explained the challenge.

“We have asked the people who know you best to tell us two truths and one lie about you. Read your card and see who can spot the lie.” 

_Oh fuck, what did Celia put?_

Celia had already informed me that production had spoken to her and my parents several times and had asked them random questions about me. 

Bobby leaned over and whispered, “I hope Big John didn’t tell them about the time I baked a cake in the shape of my....” 

I covered my face as I fought back a laugh. _Bobby can’t you see I am trying to be miserable over here?_

Lottie handed us each an envelope and directed, “Ok Hannah start us off!”

Hannah slowly opened up her envelope after a long dramatic pause she finally read, “Ok… 1) I have two horses named Bennet and Dashwood. 2) Ed Sheeren responded to a poem I sent him. 3) My first boyfriend…” 

I completely zoned out, only hearing bits of the challenge. I learned: Ibrahim did not go in search of Blackbeard’s Treasure, Marisol _had_ been to prison (for law school), Lottie shaved off a dude's eyebrows, and apparently there was no such thing as a Buttercream Award. 

“Paisley Cuddle is not a real band name!” Lottie shouted. 

“Wouldn’t happen to be a tribute to Paisley Park?” I remarked. 

Bobby’s face dropped as he tried to maintain a smile, “My dad loved Prince.” 

He shook his head and returned his playful expression. “No one’s ever made the correlation.” 

I recognized something in his face and all I could do was offer a smile that lingered while the game continued around us. 

**  
  
**

“Listen, I didn’t _KNOW_ it was my Nan when I sent that text. My friends had changed her contact information in my phone to a girl I had met on Tinder.” Gary huffed. 

“I once swiped right on a client’s husband.” Lottie admitted. 

“Shame I never saw you on there.” Gary said while admiring Lottie’s thigh ink. 

Lottie smiled absentmindedly and immediately offered an apologetic glance towards Hannah. 

Hope and Noah squared off about him calling her a lady. _Was she not one?_

Finally Lottie handed me my envelope. I braced for impact and opened it slowly. 

_My nickname growing up was shoo shoo._

_I was voted prom queen but never accepted the crown._

_I was a cheerleader through high school and loved every minute of it_

I laughed out loud and hugged the envelope. Lottie shot me a strange expression as Bobby gazed lovingly at my smile. His expression knocked me to my senses as I reinstated my cool demeanor. 

_My dad wrote these._ Not even Celia knew these things about me, with the exception of knowing my disdain for the stereotypical popular girl. She loved hearing about the time I was suspended for kicking the shit out of a girl from the varsity squad when I was a freshman.

I read the card aloud. Marisol carefully examined my body language as I spoke. 

Lottie- “She was definitely a cheerleader.”

Hannah- “No cheerleaders are usually friendly.”

Lottie- “What cheerleaders have you met?” 

Bobby- “The prom queen is definitely true. I can imagine she was too shy to accept the crown.” 

Hope- ”Tori shy?” 

Rocco- “Shu is a Confucian principle of not doing to others what you wouldn't want done to yourself.” 

Gary- “My Nan told me Jesus said that.”

Rocco- “Source Energy has been given many names over the centuries Gary.” 

Priya- “So none of them were ‘I date engaged men?’ then?”

I retorted, “They could only write one lie, Priya.” 

I rolled my eyes and explained the card. 

“When I was a baby I really liked the song, “Shoo Fly, Don’t Bother Me.” and shoo was one of my first words. I constantly hobbled around shooing people.” I laughed.

“And you never grew out of that apparently..” Bobby gibed.

“Apparently not. My dad still calls me shoo shoo..”

“Cool story.. Was it the prom queen bit?” Hope could never stick to one conversation long unless it was pertaining to her.

“Sorry, anyways I _was_ voted prom queen, only because I beat up the girl that tormented everyone in school, not for my looks or anything like that.” 

Lottie looked over at me with fresh eyes and smiled. “So why didn’t you accept the crown?”

“I didn’t go.” 

The girls all looked at me like my puppy died. 

“I did go to a prom just not my own. I was upset they had separate dances for mainstream kids and those with special needs. So I went to that one, I just didn’t want my brother to go to a different one than me...” It just slipped, the floodgates rattled, my smile faltering as memories surged to the forefront. 

It was such a perfect night. I held his arm with pride as we walked through the galaxy themed entrance. We danced to our favorite songs like we had our whole lives. A tux was never in the cards for him but his button up coordinated with my ball gown. We even bedazzled his noise cancelling headphones to signify the special occasion. I will never regret not getting that crown. Never.

Marisol noticed my quivering lip and quickly diverted the attention, “That’s actually really awesome! My mom went into hysterics when she found out my date wasn’t Michael it was Michelle.”

“So weren’t you a cheerleader?” Ibrahim quizzed.

“No absolutely not, they hated me. I guess I was never really popular with the pretty girls.” I looked over in Priya and Hannah’s direction. 

Priya was next. Her options were: She modeled, she won a spelling bee, and that she shoplifted. 

Lottie and Hannah suggested that modeling was her lie and Bobby argued that she looked like she modeled before, causing everyone to watch for my reaction. 

“Bobby you are so sweet, I modeled years ago. Being an estate agent I don't have much free time to pursue modeling anymore.” 

_She’s an agent?_ How’d I miss that? 

Then it clicked.

“Dawson?” I asked.

“How’d you know?” She responded sarcastically. 

“They only hire gorgeous women.” I said. _It was disgustingly true._ Colin and Marcus always looked like they were surrounded by a harem and they wanted it that way. 

“They do.. Well I worked there, I recently had to find a new employer. You know it's awkward, working for your ex.”

**  
  
**

_Mother… Fuck.... Me!_

I stood dumbfounded. The other’s guessed,she spoke, Bobby kept trying to get my attention, my head spun. 

A loud ping from Priya’s phone broke my stupor.

“It’s time for me to make a decision I guess.” She looked pleased with herself as the islanders gathered around her. 

Bobby reached for my hand but I kept mine locked around the chain on my neck. I knew he would be her pick and I didn’t need the dramatics that came along with it. 

“I can’t imagine building a connection with someone and having another girl just swoop in and take him from under me…..” Priya’s mouth bent downward in feigned pity. 

“Ohh wait… I _actually_ DO!!”

Her eyes flickered with anger as she continued, “That’s what makes this decision so much less difficult. The boy I want to couple up with is… Bobby!” 

“Way to make a guy feel special… both of you.” Bobby looked down at the hand I had rejected. 

  
  
He searched my face for any trace of reaction. His brows furrowed in defeat as I forced my face to remain unaffected. _Maybe this is my way out._ I couldn’t afford to create ties here. Maybe I could just play into everyone’s assumptions and they’d eventually send me away from this nightmare. **  
**


	10. A Gorgeous Lump of Clay

I was suddenly very aware that cameraman 1 was trailing me to the kitchen after Priya’s coupling. With a nudge from Phillip he seemed to be focusing on the drink in my hand. Were they looking for a reaction too? Or was Phillip hellbent on getting back at me. I looked at him and he signaled me to look away from them.  _ Well I wouldn't want to ruin their shot. _ I poured myself three shots and made direct eye contact with the camera as I proceeded to guzzle them down. _ Air that mother fucker _ . The cameramen were usually only around for the challenges and producers seemed to blend into the background. We’d hear from Phillip when food had arrived or when it was time to do a one on one in the hut but tonight he was everywhere I went with a cameraman close behind him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I finished at the beach hut and walked towards the cocktail party they had set up. The only female crew member, Sandra, had hinted it was a chance for me to secure a new partner. “I’d hate to see you leave because of Priya.” She had said. 

Bobby stood on a lounger as the other islanders watched him perform a scene from the Lion King. 

_ I Kim K cry when I watch that damn stampede _ .

Hope walked over to me clearly annoyed, “Make him stop…. Ever since Priya picked him he won’t stop cracking jokes. It’s like he doesn't even give a shit that Priya humiliated you.”

“Why should he?”

“Because he was clearly infatuated with you from the second he saw you. Marisol told me he didn’t step forward for anyone else the first day. If he would’ve stepped forward for me I wouldn’t have stolen Noah from Lottie.” 

I looked at her, surprised. “Wait what?”

“Listen.. I am so glad he didn’t because I would’ve been competing against you. I think Bobby is cute and all but.... but he  _ also  _ has a likeability that will help him with the public votes..ya know?” She nodded at me like I knew.

Hope had seemed annoyed by Bobby and hearing her talk about his likeability left me confused. Maybe it was his likeability that annoyed her? _ And Noah?  _ She couldn’t keep her hands off him. I would be in the middle of a conversation with him and she’d begin kissing him like I didn’t exist. They had been inseparable since they met. 

“Bobby _ is _ charismatic, I just assumed it was love at first sight for you and Noah, it’s weird that he wasn’t your first pick. Noah ….”

Before I could finish my sentence she reached over and turned off my mic box as well as her own. 

“Seems like an easy 50 grand…” Hope whispered. “You know he’s never even had an actual girlfriend. It’s like they threw me a gorgeous lump of clay to mold.” 

She clicked our mics back on and changed her tone, “I just don’t want anyone to know how quickly I’ve fallen for Noah.” 

She gave me a wink that made me question every good feeling I had towards her. I looked over at Noah and felt immense guilt. Noah bore a strong resemblance to Colin Dawson, making it difficult to see him romantically. Except Noah seemed kind and gentle, a stark contrast from Colin’s loud and arrogant presence. I think he sympathized with my apprehensiveness towards filming. He often shot me encouraging smiles that created an unspoken comradery between us. He was blissfully unaware what an asshole Hope was as he laughed along with the other islanders. He was also unaware of the glances Priya kept sending his way. 

“Word in the villa is that you had an affair with Priya’s fiance.” Hope said as she caught my glance at the pair. 

I ran my finger over my neck to subtly signal her to stop.

“Her  _ EX  _ is one of my biggest clients. I am currently under contract with his agency and have not spoken to him since these accusations were made, but they are false. Every interaction we’ve had has been strictly professional.” 

_ Well every interaction I’ve had has been professional _ . his ego wanted people to think there was more going on. He definitely wasn't faithful to Priya, but she had a handful of people to be angry with besides me.

Hope gave a phoney nod. “Right! That’s what I thought!”

I rolled my eyes but knew I couldn’t say more. 

“How do you feel about her taking Bobby? I feel bad for her, she looks pathetic.” 

“She looks like a person who’s hurt, there is a difference. I would really like to have a proper conversation with her.. Just not sure when the time will be right.” 

“She is the one who should be sitting you down and apologizing babe. She stole your man.”

“He is hardly mine, Hope. Priya is someone will probably run into outside the villa. I don’t see why we can’t talk like women and be cordial.”

“I only befriend women I am threatened by. I mean look at her! I think the best of her is right there on display, doesn’t seem like much more than a pretty face and fake tits to me.”

“ _ Jesus _ , that's harsh Hope!”

_ I mean has she seen the bikinis Lottie and I have worn? _

“Well she wasn’t able to hold her fiance’s attention, so I am probably not wrong… I seldom am.”

My dad always taught me to listen _ and _ look when people speak, they will often  tell you how they want to be but they will always  show you who they are. 

“No one deserves to be cheated on Hope…. Bobby might even give her a glance at what a gentleman is like. They could make a nice couple.” 

_ I mean she would look nice with Noah too. _

“What?! You can’t be serious. You and Bobby could actually win this thing! Or at least come in second to Noah and me.”   
  


“I don’t care about that Hope.”

“But you totally like him too, if Bobby had a chance to recouple with you. He would in a heartbeat…. He’s not going to pick Priya over you!”

“Ya know what!? He’d be doing me a **favor** if he didn’t pick me.”

“So you’re just giving up then?” 

“I am just ready to go home. I thought I could handle this place but I can’t. The last date I had was over a year ago and my friends had to practically trick me into going on it . I hope he and Priya workout.” I was so fucking tired of talking about my feelings constantly. It was a buzz kill. 

“You’re the only girl I really get on with here ya know?” Hope tried to pretend like she was sad but somehow her frown still looked jovial as she continued, “But…. You  _ are _ my stiffest competition.. soo...” She looked deep in thought as she shifted her eyes between Priya and me. 

“Priya and Bobby..?” She pondered. “I don’t see it… but... maybe that’s not a bad thing.”

“You and sexy Gumby would be  _ that _ much closer to 50 grand.” 

“Gumby?”

“Made of clay..” 

“Gumby and Pokey! Takes me back.. Saturday.. Hoops on toast… no bills!” Bobby said wistfully over Hope’s shoulder. 

“Ohh hey there Bobby, had enough attention for one day?” Hope sneered. 

“What cannae say? Ahm a popular man! Hey look Noah is too.” Bobby parried. 

He pointed to Noah, Priya was entranced in something he was saying. 

_ She definitely has a type.  _

“You left him alone with her!” Hope wailed. 

_ Looks like you are going to have to befriend her after all Hope. _

Hope’s long braids bounced as she marched over to Noah, leaving Bobby and I alone. He shifted in his stance, his expression nervous as he looked for something to say. 

“I am hoping to see a part 2 of that performance.” I finally said. 

“Ohh you liked it?”

“Meh, unless I hear you belt Hakuna Matata, I am not impressed.” 

“Lass that requires two people, you wanna…” 

“I’d hate to upstage you..”

“I’d love for you to. Ok let’s do it. I will be Timon because you’re obviously Puma..”

I punched him playfully in the stomach as he surveyed my smile. His thumb instinctually reaching for the dips in my cheeks. He held my face momentarily before furrowing his brows and placing his hands at his side. “I came over to make sure you were ok.” 

I could hear the lens zoom to the right of me and became painfully aware of, not one, but 3 cameramen strategically surrounding us. 

“I’m fine.” I answered quickly. 

“Yea, I mean.. Why wouldn't you be?” His eyes fixated on the floor. “It’s just… it was like I was given this juicy steak and then someone swaps my plate for lobster… I mean lobster is fine an all but I don’t want a lobster… and some might say, ‘mate you got surf’’n turf ‘.. but..”

All I could feel was the intense focus the crew had on my face. 

“I’m sorry Bobby, what?” 

“Ohh...” He chuckled nervously. “Just seems, I am more unhappy with this Priya thing than you are lass. I should be the one chuffed two gorgeous girls picked me… but I can’t help feeling like I lost.” 

_ Bobby the chase will get tiring eventually, I promise.  _

“You a loser? Never… anyone would be lucky to have you.” 

“Ah know that! I am just tired of being the pretty accessory on a hen’s arm.” He laughed. 

Bobby was dangerously clever. I saw that people pegged him as a joker but he was far from a clown. His eyes were observant and deep, his quick responses were non confrontational but they let on that no one could pull the wool over his eyes. He exuded kindness and gentleness but something told me he could be aggressive if prompted. His humor was his mask. His way to deflect his discomfort. He was so good at it that it hurt me to think of what pain was lurking under him. Nothing about him felt forced, in fact I was afraid of how familiar he felt. Everytime his golden eyes met mine we raced to see who could get the other to fold. Like we both needed to see what the other was holding in their hand but too preoccupied in protecting our own cards. He got to keep his humor so I am entitled to my aloofness. As soon as Gary and Ibrahim joined us I slipped off to get ready for bed. 

Unable to brave wearing Bobby’s shirt a second night I had to throw on one of the sexy pieces Beatrice had packed me. I settled with a rose gold negligee. Rocco approached me as I brushed my teeth. 

“I feel terrible for Bobby. He could've been cuddling up to you in that...” 

Unfortunately I couldn't reciprocate the sentiment.  _ Rocco why have you stolen sweatpants from a little person? _

Lottie swung her head through the door. 

“Rocco! I’ve got a text… Ohhh look what the cat dragged in!”

Rocco scurried away as I leaned my head into the wall.  _ I am far too sex deprived to be given this reputation.  _

“Come on Tori” Lottie had never left. Her scowl gone as she encouraged me to follow her. 

  
  


The others gathered in the bedroom to hear Lottie’s text:

**Tomorrow the boys will choose who they want to recouple with. The girl left standing alone will be dumped from the villa.**

Priya pulled Bobby onto the bed and purred, “Is there a way I can secure my place?” 

He sat up as she wrapped her legs around his waist from behind and began rubbing his shoulders. 

“It’s going to be very hard to persuade me.” He was answering Priya but directing his words towards me. 

“It’s going to be hard huh?” She pushed her chest into his back and I broke our gaze. 

“Impossible.” He removed her legs as he stood up and followed me back to the dressing room. 

“Hey Tor.. Tori.. TORI!” 

I stepped into the closet and ignored him. I wasn’t going to stand in his way of being persuaded. I was hoping to appear jealous enough to push him straight into those silicone pillows. 

“Thanks for letting me borrow this.” 

“Lass it’s yours. Keep it..” He handed me back the Pantera shirt. 

“I don’t want it!” I tossed it back to him.

He stood an inch from my face. I tried to avoid his eyes.

“Tori..” His voice was low and gruff, just as he sounded when he woke up this morning. I felt the heat on his neck. My body loosened but my heart began to pound furiously. In effort to avoid his eyes I locked in on his mouth, his usually supple lips, were held tight as his jaw clenched in frustration. I put my hand on his sternum to push him away but felt that he shared the same rapid beat as my heart. Still holding the shirt he placed his hands over mine on his chest.

“I don’t care if you don’t want it Lass. You already took it and now it belongs to you.” 


	11. Last Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tori is ready to go home. She tries to ensure her own demise, but does she ultimately succeed?

It was already blazing hot when I woke on the daybeds. With the exception of the night before, I was all too familiar with the panic that greeted me as I struggled to wake. I heard Hannah’s distinctive snicker as she passed my bed. A puddle of drool pooled the bare mattress around my face, the fitted sheet clingy to one last corner. The duvet and pillows tossed on the floor. I pushed my hair out of my face as I rolled my shoulders to alleviate the tension in my neck. _This time tomorrow I would be back at home, kicking my own bedding off the bed._ I might as well try to enjoy my last day here. 

-——————————-

  
  


On my way to make coffee I passed through the lounge where Bobby was folding his sheets. He looked up to say something but thought better of it and continued fixing up the couch. I received an equally warm reception in the kitchen. I put a kettle on and leaned against the counter avoiding eye contact with Priya. She seemed chipper, despite Bobby ignoring her after we had left the dressing room last night. Bobby eventually came in as the kettle whistled and we awkwardly navigated the kitchen without meeting eyes or speaking a word. Seeing Bobby quiet was strange but the heaviness in his brow surprisingly heightened my attraction towards him. 

Last night I wanted to pull him in, to soften his expression, to tell him that I felt something too. I ignored every urge to kiss him and feel him close to me. It wouldn’t be fair to give him hope that we would be more than sporadic bursts of lust fueled moments. I had thought my rejection last night would encourage him to accept Priya’s advances but instead he stalked off into the night alone, giving her more reason to hate me. _One more day._ I told myself. 

Our awkward silence was broken by Hope’s harsh scolding. “Honestly, it’s like you don’t even care how I feel about it… and THAT’S what bothers me.” 

Noah looked confused as he followed her into the kitchen, “I do care about your feelings Hope. I just don’t understand how _that_ could stir up any emotions.” 

“YOU DON’T GET IT STILL!” And with that she tossed her whole plate towards the garbage bin, sending small pieces of toast in all directions. Bobby and I shared a look of horror as her dish shattered. Hope left, leaving us in shock and Noah to clean up her mess. Priya lost interest in studying our interaction with each other and shifted her focus in helping Noah clean up. She grabbed the small duster pan under the sink and quickly bent down to sweep up the debris, every stroke caused her chest to push together and Noah struggling to avert his eyes. 

I reached to grab the french press when I felt a tiny shard pierce the arch of my foot. I tried to play off the shooting pain but my foot immediately started gushing blood. To my shock Priya handed me a paper towel as I tried to inspect my injury. 

“This is all my fault..” Noah gushed. “I am so sorry Tori.”

“It's absolutely not your fault. It's just a little piece of glass.” I assured him. 

“Let me go get you a bandaid or something there has to be a first aid kit somewhere..'' Noah ran off muttering curses directed toward himself.

“Let me go get a tweezer.” Priya followed quickly after Noah. 

I balanced on one leg as I held the paper towel to stop the bleeding. “Are you ok? Let me see it.” Bobby asked, his face still void of humor. 

“It’s not a big deal, I just need to get the little piece out.” 

“Come here. I will get it out.” He motioned with his hands and turned the sink on.

I didn’t get closer to him or the sink. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this authoritative Bobby. Part of me wanted to ask him to kiss and make it better, to hug him, crack a joke, apologize, or _anything_ to get him to return to his cheery self. That version of him I could take. The Bobby that was charismatic and funny was easy to get on with, to be friends with, let down your guard with. The quiet in him was the gold specs in his eyes that burned into my body. That caused me to breath heavier, arch my back slightly, and tug at my lips with my teeth.I knew I would only find out what he hid in the quiet if I touched him. He was hurt enough to let me go, to cease our friendship that we were building, but there was no stopping the unspoken tension we had. _There was absolutely no stopping the attraction we felt._ So I stayed and held onto my foot. _I just need to get through this day._ If Bobby stayed mad he wouldn’t pick me tonight and I could go home. He’d find someone else to smolder and charm after I left. 

Realizing I wasn’t going to drop my pride and come to him he moved towards me. His shorts laid low on his hips accentuating his finely honed stomach. He picked me up and sat me down on the counter in one forced swoop. He stepped in between my legs and spoke quietly but sternly, “Lass, why do you have to be so fuckin’ difficult for Christ’s sake?”

_Fuck it_

I pushed my hips to the edge of the counter and dug my nails into the back of his shoulder. Instantly his tongue met mine. He wrapped his hands under my knees and pulled me into him as my inner thighs pressed against his hip bones. The pressure of his finger tips caused me to moan softly into his mouth. He moved me slightly off the counter and I dipped my body lower so I could feel him pressed against me. _God Damn_ I knew this boy was packing but to feel it so full against me sent me over the edge. As he trailed his mouth down my neck I rolled my hips into him and felt him get harder and fuller. He placed kisses over my thin camisole until he found the hard bud of my breast and lightly bit down. I could feel myself ready as my shorts slid while he reciprocated with a couple of light thrusts. Eventually he pushed me back onto the counter and met my lips again. My vision felt blurred and my better judgement gone. My body wiggled and squirmed against him everytime he flicked his tongue against mine. 

_How was he so good at this?_ I guided his hand on my thigh upwards as I used my other hand to keep his mouth pressed to mine. Every whimper I made he responded with a moan that resembled an “ohh yea?” I smiled at his cockiness, he knew he had lost the battle last night but today was a new day and he was proud of himself. He pulled his lips off mine when he felt my grin. He looked over my face, his serious demeanor gone and a vulnerable one in its place. He gave small kisses on each side of my smile. “Ahm an absolute sucker for those dimples.” He whispered in my ear. I stopped myself from leading his hands into my shorts. I wrapped both arms around his neck and leaned into him as he returned my hug. We swayed in place as we nuzzled into each other’s embrace. I looked into his amber eyes and felt lost in their warmth. 

“Noah I found peroxide too!” Priya said from the hall. I was hoping they wouldn’t notice the swelling on our lips, or my hair being slightly more disheveled, or that my breast indicated the chill in the room. Luckily they were far too distracted in each other's gaze. Bobby stood strategically against the cupboard to conceal his excitement as Noah brought over the first aid kit. 

“I got it mate.” Bobby said as he patted Noah’s back. 

“Sorry it took us so long we couldn’t find the kit.” Noah reported. _Priya did not appear sorry_. She seemed to struggle to contain a grin and I wasn’t sure if I should be grateful or not for her distracting Noah for so long. She snapped out of her daze when she looked at Bobby. “Bobby! Are you ok? Did you get cut too?”

Bobby kept his groin facing the cabinet as he twisted his waist to reveal he had blood all over his side and back. He looked at me for help. “He was just helping me clean up errr and umm I think he nicked his finger on another piece of glass.” I stammered. 

Noah’s shoulder slumped, “What an absolute shit show today has been eh? I tried to cut up Hope’s toastie. I’m just so used to cutting up my baby sister’s food so she doesn’t choke.” 

He looked embarrassed. “She said she didn’t need to be treated like a child, which I wasn’t, it's just habit. Never served an adult breakfast.” 

Priya interjected, “Hun, _she_ should feel silly. That is incredibly sweet that you have such a nurturing side to you.” Noah looked at her trying to find a hint of sarcasm but Priya wore a comforting smile that Noah gratefully exchanged. 

Priya helped Noah carefully inspect the floor for any remaining glass as Bobby placed my foot in the sink. My other leg dangled over the counter and in between Bobby’s legs. His erection was mostly gone and I tried to subtly inspect how large he was almost flaccid. _Impressive._ He washed away the blood that covered the bottom of my foot and what had smeared up my ankle and calf. His fingers gently pushed into my skin as he ran them up and down my lower leg long after the blood had washed away. I couldn't help admire his gorgeous face as he focused on finding the glass tucked into my arch. As he pulled it out he looked to me, “You ok Lass?” He handed me the tiny shard that had inflicted so much bleeding. 

“Oh this? I’ve had bigger. I’m fine.” 

He pushed himself against my leg. “Oh ya have?” 

“How very modest of you Bobz… Come here.” I grabbed a wet towel and wiped down all of where I had been wrapped around him. My thumb taking liberties of grazing his soft skin. 

“Are you two a couple or not bruv?” Gary blurted.

“Ummm why is her foot in the sink?” Hannah cried. 

“She stepped on a piece of glass and Bobby was just getting it out.” Priya answered. I wasn’t sure if she or I wore a guiltier mug. 

“Ohh is that what that was?” Lottie added. Rocco lifted his eyebrow mischievously at us before Lottie spun around and glared at him. 

“But, like, why is her foot in the sink?” Hannah reiterated. 

“Why’d you have a problem with this foot here eh?” Bobby said while lifting my foot and pointing it in her direction. I wiggled my toes causing her to scream. 

“Calm it Hannah.” Gary snapped. Her squeals had definitely gotten under his skin. 

“Disgusting!” She cringed.

“Absolutely no’ “ Bobby kept eye contact with Hannah as he ran his tongue from my ankle, down my arch and around my big toe. Causing me to laugh from arousal I masked as embarrassment. 

“Get in there Bobby man!” Gary cheered while Hannah ran away squealing. 

Even Priya couldn't contain her laughter. 

Marisol and Ibrahim came in from the gym through the outdoor slider.

“Did we get a text?” Ibrahim asked.

“Nahh Hannah was jus…” Bobby started. 

“Being bloody Hannah.” Gary finished. 

“Who has else got a text then?” Hope entered the room. 

“No one Hope, Nice of ye to show up now though. Tori cut her foot on a piece of your plate.” Bobby stammered. 

“She looks fine to me. Right babes?” Hope directed towards me. 

“She was bleeding everywhere.” Priya added, equally annoyed as Bobby had been. 

“Don’t even act like you didnt come here for blood. After all she stole your fiance.. Right?” Hope looked pleased with herself as Priya rushed away with her face in her hands. 

  
  


Hope ignored the stares of shock from the group, as she read a text she received.

**Let’s play He Said, She Said. Time to find out how well you know your friends and partners…**

I hobbled off after Priya before I could hear the rest of Hope’s text.

“Priya!” I shouted into the bedroom. I could hear a slam from the dressing room and knew she had to have escaped onto the roof terrace. She was curled in a ball when I walked out towards her. “...Priya…” 

“Don’t.. You.. have no idea what…”

“Priya I can’t say much on here.” I tapped on her mic and pointed towards the camera.

“Please know I would never..”

She looked up at me with her big brown eyes, “Of course he would, you are so pretty.”

“Priya, _you’re_ so pretty! Are you fucking kidding me?!” 

“You can stop, he never even denied it.” 

“Priya, please..” 

“PRIYA, are you ok?!” Noah sank on the floor next to her and I. 

“Please go Tori.” Priya said as she leaned into Noah’s arms.

“Priya I am so sorry, I hope you can believe me..”

She looked at me briefly before she scrunched her eyes and released sobs in Noah’s chest. He rocked her gently as he smiled sympathetically towards me, “It’s ok Tori, I will stay with her.” 

I walked away gutted with a familiar pain. 

  
  
  


I walked to my nightstand and grabbed the Advil bottle and found the distinctive long pill. I bit it in half before convincing myself to swallow both pieces. _I just need to get through the day._ I entered an empty kitchen and found something to wash them down with. I swallowed them down with three drinks for good measure. 

_______________________________________

The lawn had been staged with an easel stacked with oversized cards. One by one the islanders lined up with their respective partners. Noah slowly trudged over to Hope’s side. While Bobby watched me stand alone.

**Eyes and ears are everywhere. Guess who said what, the couple with most correct guesses will have a chance to stay together as their man will get first choice at the recoupling.**

**#caughtoncamera**

Some islanders shifted uncomfortably. Hope smiled at me and discreetly tapped her mic box. _Good thing she shut hers off last night._ I doubt that mattered, Noah couldn’t keep his eyes off Priya, and it seemed to shake her from the heaviness of earlier. My plan had blown up in my face. Priya wouldn’t be Bobby’s choice afterall not that I was mad about it. I looked at Bobby and couldn’t help but smile. My eyes felt heavy, and my cheeks warm. I stopped remembering why I was so upset. _So what if I had to stay on this beautiful island?_ I mean apart from Bobby, I wasn’t very popular, but fuck it. I wasn’t popular outside the villa either. The first card was flipped and I tried to stop spinning long enough to read what it said. 

**“** **_She wasn’t the first one, she was just the one I couldn’t compete with.” -_ **

I didn’t even have to guess who it was, Priya looked straight at me and then to the floor. Noah looked over at her before he said her name as his guess. 

Noah’s phone pinged 

**Correct! Flip the next card**

**_“If she wasn’t so busy picking me apart she’d realize I am not into her.” -_ **

A few low whistles could be heard but Bobby shot out, “Marisol.” He mouthed her a “Sorry babe” but she still seemed down. Ibrahim stood looking into outer space and avoided Marisol’s general direction. Bobby flipped the next card.

**_“I mean I wouldn’t bring her home to my nan.”-_ **

I wasn’t able to hear who yelled Gary first but the next card almost sobered me right up. 

**_“I know I’m all jokes, but being here with her and those dimples. It’s like I have something that I really care about and I don’t want to lose it.” -_ **

I don’t know who answered or if they got it right. I tried to look at Bobby but I couldn’t. It was midday and the heat only intensified everything I had taken. I felt sick. I led him on. I knew him picking Priya over me would hurt more than I’d like to admit to myself, but now if he does pick me, how long before he sees how fucked up I am. _How could I like someone and knowingly set them up for the bumpiest emotional rollercoaster?_ _Three days!_ H _ow did we get to this in three days? Maybe I could let him in?_ My knee buckled, the whiskey I chased my pill with was coming up. _What if he knew I was wasted like this more days than not? What if he knew sometimes the only way I can fall asleep is I imagine not waking up?_

I ran. 

I made it to the bathroom just in time to let go the contents of my stomach. I washed my face and walked out to find Marisol waiting for me. 

“Everyone is getting their mics adjusted and breaking for a quick snack.” She said while handing me some water and a croissant. Whatever buzz lingered after tossing the pills and whiskey, left when I saw Phillip walk towards me. 

“We wanted to remind you a psychologist is here at your disposal.” He looked at me concerned as he held the Advil bottle from my nightstand. “Is there something you’d like to tell us or do I need to remind you of the contract you signed.” He continued. 

Ceecee had warned me of this, of the psychologist, not bringing my pills. _Just plead the fifth._

“I am aware of both. And no, nothing I need to share.” 

“Great, so we can get back to it? Let’s stick to water so we can avoid any more bathroom breaks. Come on you two lets get your mics tuned.” 

Marisol whispered, “What the fuck was that about?” On our way back. If anyone could figure out the shit show of my life it would be Marisol. 

As the group reassembled Bobby looked frazzled but still offered a weak smile towards me. 

**_“I mean I am happy with Hope but could I be happier with her?”_ **

Priya’s eyes lit up as she guessed, “Noah?”

Hope reeled her head towards Noah, “How could you do this to me? Who?” Noah's shoulders shriveled as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously, unable to look towards Hope or Priya. Hope looked over at me furiously and mouthed, “Did you tell him?” _For fuck’s sake man._

Playing this game clear headed was entirely more nerve wracking. Especially when I read the next card. 

**_“Ya know what? He’d be doing me a favor if he didn’t pick me.”-_ **

  
  


Hope instantly answered, “Easy that was Tori.” 

Bobby let out a long and sharp exhale before finding my eyes as if asking me to tell him it wasn’t true. I bowed my head and shuffled my feet. Bobby shook his head in disbelief. When Hope’s phone pinged she announced smugly, “I’m right! Another point for us!” The confirmation made Bobby wince and I realized in that moment how three days in the villa _could_ do a lot. How ironic to not want a sure thing until it's gone. Even Marisol avoided my eyes. I had nothing left to vomit but I felt I was going to be sick the rest of the game. I didn’t attempt to guess or listen to another card until Lottie announced it was the last card. 

**_“I just don’t want anyone to know how quickly I’ve fallen for Noah.”_ **

Noah was stunned. He looked to Priya first maybe hoping she’d let on it was her before hearing Hope whimper beside him, “I’m so sorry for this morning. Maybe I’m just scared of what I feel.” 

Noah stood still with knitted brows as Priya looked on helplessly. Hope wiped away a crocodile tear and sent me a discreet wink. 

A text came through to announce the winning couple. 

**Bobby and Priya. Bobby you get first pick at tonight’s recoupling.**

You’d never be able to tell their victory by the he looks on their faces. Everyone walked quietly back towards the villa. I walked a little bit faster and to my delight, no one tried to catch up with me. I had succeeded in pushing everyone away from me here and soon I’d be packing up and heading home. _I got through the day_ but somehow I wore the same victorious face Bobby and Priya did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try to stick to somewhat of the storyline without repeating the play through too similarly as I know there are a lot of fanfics. Hopefully it all is translating well with you readers. I appreciate and welcome all feedback ♥️


	12. Auf Weidersehen, Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tori packs up her shit and heads to the first recoupling. Everything goes exactly as she planned.. not.

I sat overwhelmed in the closet. _How did Beatrice fit all this in my luggage?_ I shoved the garments down into my suitcase and sat atop it exhausted. The case burst open, causing me to topple onto a heap of silk and cotton. Hannah walked in and smirked. “If I had more time, I’d be happy to help you pack.” Lottie rested against the door frame as Hannah continued, “I just have to make sure I look exquisite tonight. I want Gary to look at me like Darcy did as Lizzie entered the ball at Netherfield.” She clasped her hands at her chest and rested her chin on her knuckles. “We’ll miss you though babes!” She hopped over my pile and shuffled through her selection of dresses while happily singing.

_🎼There's a sad sort of clanging_

_From the clock in the hall_

_And the bells in the steeple, too_

_And up in the nursery_

_An absurd little bird_

_Is popping out to say ca-coo_

_Coo-coo_

_coo-coo🎼_

She picked a powder blue, babydoll dress and made her way out of the closet, making sure to kick a pair of my shoes on her exit. Once Hannah’s hums were inaudible, Lottie settled on the floor beside me. My obvious surrender had changed her attitude towards me, as if she no longer saw me as her competition, but as a familiar face. She silently helped me put my clothing back in the suitcase offering a sympathetic smile as she left. 

I had left one final dress out. A red number that I would’ve regretted not touching. It reminded me of something I’d wear to the Conga Room back in LA. _Marisol had nothing on my salsa skills let alone my bachata._ It was a tight wrap spaghetti strap with a fringe that plunged from my chest, wrapping around my waist and following the high slit that traveled down my leg . I gathered my hair in a low bun and slapped on a deep crimson lip. I could imagine my great grandfather from Barcelona would approve of my look. _Maybe not the excessive cleavage though._ I gave myself a once over. My appearance almost distracted me from how much I currently loathed myself. 

“Que bonita!” Marisol whistled. I smiled reluctantly and turned towards her. “Listen Tori, there is still a few minutes before we have to go to the fire pit. I think you should go talk to Bobby.” 

I hesitated before I answered, “I will talk to him after.” There was no way I’d covered myself in shit just to turn around and crawl back to Shawshank. 

Marisol was taken aback by my indifference. “Seriously? Bobby is really cut up about it, I spent like 30 minutes excusing you and trying to convince him it was just taken out of context… and you’re just going to let him wait and feel like a chump?”

I froze, worried I might say too much if I responded. She was stunned. “Well you could at least apologize to him for sending him mixed signals.” 

She was right, he deserved an apology, but I couldn’t imagine lying to him and telling him that kiss didn’t mean anything either. If he could just hate me for another hour, he would pick someone else and I could apologize on my way out. Or maybe just leave and hope to never see him again. 

Marisol jutted her chin out and raised an eyebrow, “So.. nothing? Maybe I _was_ wrong about you Tori.” She shook her head and walked off. 

Hope ran up and swung her arm around me. “Babe it’s time!” 

“You seem better than earlier.” 

“Better than this?” Hope looked at me and began quivering her bottom lip mocking, “I’m sorry, it must be all these feelings I have for you Noah.” She abruptly stopped and snapped her head back in a fit of cackles. “He talked to me afterwards and told me he was thinking of picking Priya… So I told him my big brother had warned me about falling for someone too fast.” She continued laughing, her teeth lightly tinted from pinot noir. 

“You played the sibling card?” I cringed. 

“I did and then he went on about a speech he’d given his little brother about not breaking girls’ hearts and yadda yadda yadda.”

“You’re awful Hope.”

“I know!” She crowed before she whispered, “I am an only child!” 

She widened her eyes and gave a smug grin. _Did she think I was impressed? Did the viewers think she was my comrade in here? I fucking “hope” not._

_\---------------------------------_

I stood beside Lottie and a seemingly distressed Hope. Bobby’s jaw clenched as he looked upwards in thought. He looked much more refined with his top fully closed for once and his cargo khakis traded for well fitted chino shorts. As much as I liked the dapper version of him, he was too covered and too reserved. I wanted to take away the hurt in his face and undo the buttons on his white dress shirt. He caught my stare and his eyes wandered all over my frame lingering on my chest and down to my exposed leg. He exhaled dramatically and shook his head as he looked back towards the stars. I heard Marisol whisper under her breath, “Fucking bitch.” As she looked away from me. 

The rest of the boys seemed to share his unease. Noah kept a calm face but he periodically wiped his palms on his jeans. Rocco seemed anxious as he looked towards Lottie. Ibrahim looked nervously at Bobby as he drummed his side and Gary was deep in thought. _Probably wondering what his nan was up to._

_Ping_

Bobby looked to his phone and stepped forward clearing his throat, “This morning I had hoped I would be able to go first. I wanted to get to her before anyone else could but that is clearly not what she wanted..” He rocked back and forth on his heels as he gathered his words, “Ehh fuck it! I’ve been a right numpty so far, we’re three days in for Christ’s sake. So let’s have some fun. The girl I’d like to couple up with _now_ is a real gem herself. She’s smart, feisty and fucking flames mate.. So how bout it Marisol?” 

I prayed no one saw the pained look on my face as my stomach dropped. _This was for the best. Just a little longer and I would be enjoying a cocktail on a red-eye home._ Ibrahim looked relieved as Marisol walked into Bobby’s arms. Rocco nervously bit his lip as his phone pinged. He slowly stepped forward as if he was trying to find what to say. “This girl is..errr… bold.. umm… opinionated and… hmm… a little dangerous.” He looked towards Lottie with fear in his eyes as she gave him a face of utter contempt. He swallowed hard as he attempted to redeem himself, “...and really… really hot.” Lottie softened slightly and gave her signature half grin. “Lottie.” He sighed. She planted a peck on his lips and sat beside him while he subtly glanced over towards Marisol.

Noah was next. 

His eyes dodged between Priya and Hope until Hope let out a small whimper and leaned into my shoulder and silently sobbed. _She was uncomfortably good at this._ Noah winced at the sight of her. Priya held her breath as she twisted the ring on her index finger. 

“Everyone should have figured out by now that I am a man of few words. I am not going to over complicate this. Hope you choose me day one and I owe it to you to return the favor. The girl, no woman, I want to couple with is Hope.” 

Hope leaped into Noah’s arms while Priya stayed fixated on her own fingers. 

Ibrahim beamed as his phone went off. 

“I am stunned at how lucky I am right now. _Stunned_.. Or maybe that’s just looking at this babe right here. I’ve wanted to be coupled up with her the first time I laid eyes on her… Priya.” 

Priya smiled politely and returned Rahim’s warm embrace. She sat beside him and bowed her head. Hannah hummed quietly beside me.

🎼 _So long, farewell_

 _Auf Weidersehen, goodbye_.🎼

I felt a million eyes on me as I waited anxiously. Ready to walk away and leave this emotional exposure project behind. Gary shot up and placed his hands on his hips. “Alright. I didn’t think I would be last to choose. Someone’s going home because of me and I feel terrible.” _He didn’t look like he felt terrible at all._ Hannah took a half step forward as I readied myself towards the exit. “I’m going with Tori, because there isn't a girl in the world who’d hold a candle to you.” 

Hope let out a familiar cackle and shouted, “Well your plan backfired Tori!” Gary, Bobby and Marisol narrowed their eyes towards Hope in confusion. 

I stood in shock. _What the fuck do I do now?_ I was so lost in my own thoughts I was almost knocked down by Hannah bumping me with her shoulder as she ran away in tears. I made one step towards Gary before I about-faced and walked towards the villa. I quickly made my way to the dressing room to grab my luggage. Hannah was almost incoherent as she yelled, “Leave me alone! Are you happy with …”

“Hannah shut the fuck up already.” I blurted as I picked up my things and rolled my suitcase out.

Phillip and a tall grey haired woman met me at the door of the bedroom. “Please leave your things here for now.” Her melodic, gaelic accent was soothing and somehow broke through my usual stubbornness. 

_________________________________

“So I am _not_ being filmed right now?”

“No.” Delaney ensured.

“And you can’t repeat anything I say to the producers?” I sat on the chair opposite Delaney in the beach hut. 

“If you mention self harm or intent to commit a violent crime, and I suspect it's a credible threat, by law I have to report it.”

“To the authorities, not the producers love.” Her voice was gentle and soft. 

“Ok deal.” I took off my strappy stilettos and curled into the armchair. It wasn’t my first rodeo with a shrink so I lubed my heart to prepare for the emotional fuck fest that was about to ensue. 

“So on your application it says you have been clinically diagnosed with GA and Panic Disorder?”

“Yes I was diagnosed with general anxiety at 6.”

“That’s quite young. When did the panic attacks begin?”

“It is, I don’t know. I honestly didn’t know they were panic attacks until I had one in front of a doctor.”

“What do they feel like for you?”

I could explain to her that I was feeling the onset of one now, “My chest physically hurts, I feel like my skin is sinking into my rib cage and I have a hard time breathing. Or more like I am scared I am going to run out of breath. Sometimes I wake up gasping for air and it’s terrifying. ”

She wrote some notes and then looked at me in the eyes, “Are you having one now?” 

“Not yet..” I giggled. 

She smiled sympathetically and subtly watched my chest rise and fall before she began writing again. _Probably noting my breathing._

“Miss. Reyes is this facility a danger to your mental health?”

“To be honest I am not sure. Maybe? It’s hard being watched 24/7.”

“Understandable. Let me ask you, do you see a therapist or take any medications?”

“No and yes but recreationally.”

“With the booze?”

I knew where this interview was leading. They wanted to test if I was mentally sound and emotionally stable enough to air my outburst on tv. If I pass, they could contort me into any villain they wanted but if the Dr. said I am at risk they could be hit with a heavy lawsuit for causing any emotional damage or distress, so they’d be careful with the narrative they aired. _Fuck it, no better time to let my crazy flag fly._ If I was going to leave tonight I was going to cover my ass.

“Fuck yea. You know on the pill container it shows a little liquor bottle with a x through it?” 

Delaney nodded. 

I leaned into her and whispered, “It means if you don’t take it with alcohol, it won't be any fun.”

She laughed. _Why is she laughing?_

“So if you left the villa tonight, would your anxiety decrease, increase or remain the same?”

“Increase if my parents saw the footage.” _I wasn’t lying_. 

“Your file has been noted that you were hospitalized almost 5 years ago. Was it…”

“It was an intentional overdose, yes.” 

She was the second person to find out it was intentional other than myself. 

She looked at me again and studied my breathing pattern. 

“Do you have any idealistic thoughts now?”

“No.” 

“Does alcohol heighten your anxiety?”

“Are you trying to get me to admit I am an alcoholic?” 

She laughed. _Why the fuck does she keep laughing?_

“I don’t think you're an alcoholic, Tori. I am just curious what caused your hospitalization last time.”

“So you guys can see how liable you guys would be if I have another one after watching the show back?”

Again, Delaney laughed. “I think _you_ think you are more fucked up than you truly are love. Between you and I, they have your medical history. You are a lawsuit waiting to happen. Not sure why my colleague signed you off for the show.”

“So am I fucked up or not, you’re sending mixed signals doc?”

“I think you're.. well.. experienced for your age.”

“Ohh gee doc. Stop, you're making me blush.”

She smiled again. Delaney placed her notepad next to her and ran her long, thin fingers through her silver crew cut. “What you’ve been through doesn't define you. Your problems may seem bigger than most your age, but you need to see that as an advantage. I have been watching you on here, as I do everyone. It doesn’t take an expert to see you suffer from anxiety, but guess what? Hundreds and thousands of young women that watch this show do too. You have the opportunity to reach a generation that is plagued by perfection expectation. You can stay and be honest about your struggles, or you can leave. But if you stay I think you could have a chance to work on yourself and show someone just like you that it's possible to heal.” 

Now it was my turn, I belted a laugh. I laughed until I cried… and cried… and cried. 

“Heal?” I sniffled.

“Yes Tori, heal.”

“How? Finding love?”

“You came here to find love Tori?”  
  


_Now’s the time to be honest._

“Fuck no.”

“Didn’t think so. Why are you here then? I can’t imagine it’s for fame or money.”

“Honestly? My publicist wanted to rebrand me.” 

“Even without production zooming in on your sneaky pills or excessive drinking, you’re doing a terrible job at it. That’s not why you're here though.”

“My parents signed me up. Just for shits and giggles. When I got a call back they begged me to go. I have a feeling it was this or rehab.”

“Are they worried about you being alone?”

_My dad was worried he’d get another call from the hospital._

“My parents want me to start embracing life.”

“Well that’s a large task isn’t it? Why don’t we start with just embracing summer?” 

Or I could go home now and just end up where I started. I’d done nothing to improve my public image and I proved to my parents that I was far from just overwhelmed with work. 

“If you really think going home is best for you, then go. If you stay I’d like to continue these chats though.” 

I could just picture my call to my dad if I left. _My poor dad._ He raised us on his own until he remarried when I was a teenager. He shuttled me to after school activities, music lessons and dance recitals. He also juggled my brother’s meetings with behaviorists and going over his IEPs. Staying up late rocking him to sleep, potty training him passed the age of ten leaving little attention for me. My dad felt responsible for my anxiety and every panic attack I have had since. _My poor dad._ He could only be in one place at a time. He worried about me and he felt it was _his_ fault. I couldn’t imagine calling him and telling him I left. I might as well tell him I’m a lost cause. Tell him to say goodbye to sleeping and eating because he will be too ridden with worry to do any of that anymore. I needed to get better for my poor dad. _But how?_

Sensing my hesitation, Delaney proposed, “You’ve already tried faking that you're ok. And you have failed miserably.”

She laughed again as I winced. She edged closer to me and grabbed my hand, “You don’t have to be ok, you just have to try.”

I squeezed her hand in return as I nodded. 

“I mean this place is probably better than rehab right?” I tried to lighten the mood with my playful tone. 

“Rehab doesn’t have a stocked bar.” She tapped her temple as her blue eyes sparkled in jest.

“Touché Doc.” 

_What kind of fucking shrink was she?_ I liked her. 

_____________________________________

My luggage was still where I’d left it as I entered the dressing room. The closet was noticeably more bare as Hannah’s section had been cleared. _At least one good thing happened tonight._ I had just slipped on a silk nightie when Marisol walked in. “Tori you can’t be that daft?”

“Really? Now isn’t a good time?” I grabbed my toothbrush and headed for the communal sink area almost bumping into Bobby who was mid brush himself. He initially looked angry but as he inspected my face his expression changed to that of concern. I ignored it and carried on. Bobby continued to watch me through the mirror as I caught my reflection. No trace of makeup and red puffy eyes. _Great._ Marisol carried on her witch hunt as she resumed where she’d left off, “You thought no one else would pick you?” 

_She was right, it was an awful plan._

I didn’t respond, Delaney had inspired me but she’d also worn me completely out. There was no more to give. I walked away defeated as Marisol called out, “Tori?” 

I turned to her and raised an eyebrow in question.

“I’m sorry I called you a bitch.” 

I looked towards a befuddled Bobby and shrugged sadly, “You shouldn’t be.” 

I grabbed a blanket and headed to find seclusion. I coursed the outline of the butterfly on my necklace with my thumb and let tears fall silently into the water of the pool. A rustling near the gym snapped me back to reality as I headed towards a now dark and quiet bedroom. I tiptoed into an empty bed and was almost asleep before Gary snuck beside me. I barricaded myself and drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know sometimes I get carried away in the sentiment. I hope it doesn't pull away from the storyline too much. I promise to break it up with silliness every now and again. 
> 
> Also, I appreciate feedback. Thank you to everyone who shares their opinion on the story. It means so much to me.


	13. You Just Have To Try

_ Sinking further into the abyss, I see the light grow dimmer and dimmer. I fear to look below me as I feel a presence there. I look behind and see the monster, it’s vast emptiness. I ache for air as the pressure of the depth is now pressing into my chest. Though I feel I may burst if I hold in my breath any longer. I try to propel forward but the water has lost all its fluidity. Unable to fight my body’s instincts I inhaled, desperately needing relief in the airless void.  _

I jolt from my supine slumber, my desperate inhalation sounds like a muffled scream. I clawed desperately to find something to cling to as I struggled to stop gasping, Gary put his heavy hand on my shoulder to invite comfort but it only made breathing seem more difficult. The air that I drew in felt hot and sticky, like it was recycled. I tried harder and harder to find a breath through the heavy air as my vision pixelated. I laid down slowly as my sharp inspires tempoed into shallow pants. 

“Can you two keep it down?! Some of us are trying to catch up on some beauty sleep.” Hope shouted from across the room. Whoever slept through my forceful gasps was now awake. 

_ Thanks Hope.  _

I slowly opened my eyes to see who else had witnessed my episode. Marisol was sitting up squinting in our direction. 

Bobby stirred awake, “Wha’s everyone on about then?” he rolled over and grabbed a tylenol bottle from his night stand while he held his head. “It’s too early for this shite.” 

“Sounded like Tori changed her mind about Gary.” Rocco prattled. 

“That was a lot louder than the time we heard her in the shower.” Marisol pointed out, realizing she was thinking out loud she passed an apologetic look to Bobby. 

Lottie jolted up appearing wounded. “Really Gary?” Noticing the quizzical expression on Rocco’s face she explained, “Hannah went home hours ago and he moved on that fast?”

“Ohh Lotta, not with this shit.” Gary’s arrogant smile briefly vanished under Lottie’s scold, it quickly returned when he invited her to join them. “There’s plenty to go around, you guys will just have to keep it down some. Hate for the other guys to get a complex.” 

“Ohh mate, you haven’t heard the bird’s in my yoga class that get a private lesson. They call it the coregasm.” Rocco smiled as he reminisced. 

“Men always assume they are the best we’ve ever had.” Priya said as she lifted her silk sleep mask.

“Well I surely didn’t hear a peep from Tori’s bed when she was coupled with Bobby.” Gary shot me a wink. 

I was still focused on steadying my breathing and unsure how I should handle myself. Somehow I was more comfortable with them thinking I had fucked around with Gary than explaining to them I was a bag of mixed nuts. 

Still holding the tylenol, Bobby chucked the bottle landing a satisfying thud against Gary’s head.

“Shut it ye daft cunt.” 

It only caused Gary to laugh louder. Bobby walked towards the bathroom grabbing his cock as he passed Gary, “Awa’ you and chew mah banger.”

Gary continued to chuckle pausing to ask, “Wait! What the fuck did that prick just say?” He hopped to his feet. “It’s all bantz anyway. I am gonna lift something heavy. You in Rahim?” 

Rahim stretched his arm around Priya and I caught the initial grimace that crossed her face. “Let me make my queen breakfast first.” I grimaced for Priya that time. 

“I can manage to burn my own toast Rahim. Go ahead.” 

As the islanders began their day. I stayed in bed and curled into a pillow waiting for my diaphragm to stop shaking every time I exhaled. When I was finally alone, I drew deeper breaths exhaling slowly through pursed lips. I recounted my conversation with Delaney “ _ you just have to try.”  _ Her words lingered on my mind as I got ready for the day. The first thing I would  _ have to try _ was getting my teal one piece out of my ass crack. I bent, and wiggled as I tried to get the suit to lay flat against my cheeks but the suit just insisted on being swallowed by my backside. Gary opened the door slowly, “Tori you still in here, are you decent?” He entered fully before I could even respond. “Would you look at yourself!” He exclaimed, giving me a once over.

I dramatically inspected myself in the mirror, shaping my hands into pretend binoculars. He chuckled nervously as he tried to figure out what the hell I was doing. “No gym after all Gare?” I asked.

“It will have to wait. They set up a brunch out on the lawn.” 

I pulled at his ridiculous, sleeveless muscle-tank, “Damn and you got all ready for nothing bruh.”

He slipped off his shirt and joggers in milliseconds. “You’re right I should change.”

I gaped in horror as I saw Gary was a free-baller. Seeing my stare he smiled proudly,“You should take a picture, it will last longer.” 

I giggled as I took in the irony of him referring to his penis and using the word longer in one go. 

He caught my smile as he reached for his navy trunks. “You like what you see T?” 

_ Hold up, T? _

“I am wondering why you were going to work out commando.”

“Better range for my squat, so nothing gets in my way.” 

I giggled to myself again.  _ That thang isn’t getting in the way of much bro. _

Hearing about brunch made me flutter with excitement as it is one of my absolute favorite things. No matter what hangover I suffered from, my girlfriends and I religiously met for brunch. Oversized sunglasses, spicy Bloody Marys and mindless chatter in a chic bistro.  _ Nothing better. _

_ This  _ brunch was nothing like that. A large buffet surrounded by intimate place settings for 2.  _ Guess me and Free-Willy are having a date.  _

It turned out being coupled up with Gary was much easier than being with Bobby. His blue eyes didn’t burn into my soul the way those amber ones did. Conversing with this blonde ape, was a nice break from using my thinking muscles as he was pretty much one dimensional and found anyway to make a crude joke. No matter the conversation, all roads lead to one destination. Talking about sex. I thought we were in the clear finally when he began telling me about a tattoo he had for his nan.  _ Nice, he loves his nan.  _ I expected maybe a cross or a subtle heart that was creatively hidden in his crane piece but no.

“If you're lucky later I might show it to you.”  _ Where? I’d seen him naked and there wasn’t much to obstruct my view. _

“Umm no thanks.” I said politely.

From the table behind us I heard a familiar chuckle.

“So what happened this morning? Were you having a nightmare or dreaming of me?” 

“Both, It was about you and it was a nightmare.” 

Another soft chuckle over my shoulder. 

“Interesting that you let everyone believe we were screwing around though.” I added, unable to hide my irritation.

“Love, you didn't exactly tell them otherwise either.” He said looking confused. Maybe confused that I wasn’t delighted that he let others think I’d been honored with his pecker.

The blonde continued, “Honestly I thought you were putting on to make Bobby jealous.” 

Only Bobby, Priya and myself were on the later end of our twenties. Still, I couldn’t imagine “putting on” to make someone jealous,even at Gary's age. I tried to hide my judgement as I responded, “Umm seriously? No! I would never do that.”

“Ohh I thought that would’ve been hot.”

_ What a fucking douche-canoe _

He mindlessly spoke as he chewed on a croissant. “So why’d you sound like that this morning? My granddad used to wake up like that, he blamed it on the war. You mental or something?”

“Or something..” I responded annoyed. “I am going to get some more fruit.” I needed space from him, just in case his stupidity was contagious. 

“Could you be a love and get me some more of… well everything?” He barely managed to get out while the remainder of his food crowded his cheeks. He now resembled a steroid inflicted squirrel. 

While pushing my seat out I felt soft dreads brush the back of my head. 

“Ohh pardon me.” I blushed. 

Bobby was a good two feet from his table. Marisol was busily chatting with Rocco while Lottie focused her attention on Gary.  _ Successful coupling, I see. _

Bobby moved to let me out, trying to play off that he hadn’t been listening to the entirety of our conversation.

“ _ You just have to try..”  _ I said to myself as I tossed food on Gary’s plate. Or what was left of the buffet, which was one sad grape and some miscellaneous pastries. 

I handed Gary his plate and sank back into my chair across from him. “What’s this?” He poked at the sugary carbs on his plate. 

“That’s all that was left, see how my plate is empty?”

“Bummer..” He said as he began to scarf down his plate. 

The camera-crew began to encircle us as some producers nudged us to ask each other how we think the date went. As soon as the cameras passed Hope, she demanded, “Noah, be a dear and feed me.” 

She practically Harry met Sally -ed as she dramatically took in a forkful of eggs. “Hmmmmmmm, that's so yummy. You are sweetest!” 

Priya looked on at their rehearsed display and grimaced once more.

Once my partner had practically licked his dish clean he asked, “So how’d you rate this date? Much better than you’re used to I bet.” He nodded behind me and Bobby quickly turned his head as I looked to see what Gary was on about. 

I rolled my eyes, “Well actually, I am used to being serenaded at the end of my dates.” 

“You sound like Hannah.” He jabbed. “Can you believe this bird, Bobz? Come on I know you’ve been listening in. Let’s give her what she wants.” 

Bobby stood up and began to walk away as Gary started singing, “ _ I’ve got sunshineeeeeee. _ ”

He stopped in his tracks, “Gary, stop. Don’t ruin my ma and da’s song.” 

“ _ On a cloudy dayyyyy..”  _ Gary continued, Bobby shot him a disapproving scowl. 

“You’re right, terrible song. Let’s sing a different one.  _ Baaaaaaaaabbbbbbby! I’m hot just like an oveeeeeen, I need your loviiiin…”  _

Bobby rushed the table, the camera crew doing little to intercede but almost blocking me from getting to him. Gary pushed back his seat and jumped up. “Yes! It’s finally poppin off, come on little baker boy!”

Bobby shoved through a cameraman as I made my through. We stood face to face. His pupils dilated like a mad dog. He barely noticed me until I grabbed his shoulders. “Bobby!” I shouted.

Out of reaction he grabbed my wrists to remove them off of him causing me to wince. He suddenly became aware of his actions, a look of remorse on his face as he loosened his grip on me. I clutched back onto his shoulders as I redirected his stare towards me. “Hey Bobby.” I calmly whispered. 

I began to run my hands up and down his arms to further relax him as his eyes returned to their normal amber color. His anger began to resemble sadness as he pulled away and walked towards the pool.

“What a tough guy.” Gary gibed. “Was he about to cry?”

I left Gary to laugh alone. 

Since it was still brunch time I made myself a mimosa, sans OJ.

_ Alcoholic loophole.  _ I decided to finish it quickly and pour another.  _ The bottle was almost empty anyways. _

_ ________________________________ _

Eventually I joined the islanders at the pool, with the exception of Gary and Lottie who decided to work off their brunch at the gym. 

Bobby had been swimming laps to obviously ignore everyone. Hope and Marisol floated on their backs while Rocco offered a guided meditation.  _ It seemed Marisol’s lower half needed some ass’istance,  _ luckily Rocco was right there to help her out. Priya sat next to Noah on the edge of the pool while Rahim explained to them how he was going to reinvent golf. Every so often, Noah would overlap Priya’s fingers with his own. I thought of laying on the daybeds to get some peace and quiet, but the Spanish sun persuaded me to take a dip in the pool. 

I looked over the edge of the infinity pool and stared off into the neighboring vineyard. The rows of green and rolling hills,  _ what a view.  _ I finally felt like I was on holiday. Despite today's drama and my melt down, I felt ok. And ok was a vast improvement for me. I was so entranced with the beauty of my surroundings I had begun absentmindedly humming My Girl. I was also unaware that Bobby had joined my side. 

“My dad used to sing that to my mom all the time. I can’t tell you how many times I’d catch them dancing in the kitchen to that song.” He said as he looked out to the Spanish groves. 

“I love anything Motown.” I admitted. 

“Yea?” He glanced over and offered a half grin before suddenly retreating back to a face of indifference. “Listen Tori, I am really sorry I grabbed you like that earlier.”

I couldn’t help but feel gutted at the realization that I would probably never be graced with his friendship after yesterday’s recoupling. In such a short time, I had grown so fond of his smile and I already missed the ones intended for me. I searched his eyes, trying to sense if now was a good time to apologize. 

_ Maybe he’d let me back in.  _

_ You just have to try... _

Instead I told him, “It’s fine.” and swam away. 

_ God I hate myself. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Sexual Healing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to neLD13 😍😍

I walked towards the kitchen in need of some thinking lubrication. 

_Whiskey? Too soon._

_Vodka? No._

_Tequila? Hell no._

I shuffled through the liquor cabinet, looking for something that spoke to me. If I listened _really_ close I could almost hear something. _Hmm, this chartreuse sounds a helluva lot like Noah._

“I still can’t help but wonder if I would’ve been happier if I picked you.” Noah said, walking towards the kitchen. 

“But you didn’t, even though you told me you would. Even though you've said this before, twice!” Priya sounded like she was trying to dilute her anger. 

“Well because you didn’t tell me you wanted me to, and so many guys are after you. Who’s to say you won’t ditch me for the next guy who walks in?”

“Who’s to say Hope wont?”

“Are you kidding me? Hope? She isn’t leaving me for anyone. You saw how she pulled that stunt to keep me. I wish _you’d_ fought that hard.” He concluded. 

Phillip marched through the lounge and yelled out the slider. “Hey you two, put your mics back on. Now!”

_Maybe Noah and Hope were a better match afterall._

I decided on a cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc and walked to the day beds with a pen and paper in tow.

_________________________________________________________

_Dear Peter,_

_I am sorry if you don’t get this letter by Saturday. I thought I would be coming home soon, but turns out I decided to stay. You know how scary it was the first time your mom took you to the adult center? I told you sometimes the things that teach us the most are the things that make us the most uncomfortable, and you stayed. You learned so many things, right? You learned how to use the computer, how to order pizza (which no one does like you) and how to swing dance! You made us so proud that you stuck it out. So that’s what I am trying to do._

_I know I told you to be brave, but I got a little scared here. I miss my home, I miss all my sweets (don’t tell your mom where we hide them), and I miss my friends. Especially you! I think I need to learn things, just like you did at the center. So I can come home stronger and smarter, like you. Thank you for being a good friend and setting a good example._

_Love always,_

_Tori_

_______________________________

I dozed the rest of the early afternoon, the letter lifted my mood and seemed to give me a new sense of purpose for being here. I was alone with my thoughts and suddenly they weren’t shouting at me, they were allocating themselves for once. I was hopeful the rest of the day would be this tranquil. 

  
  


“I’VE GOT A TEXT!” Someone shouted across the lawn. 

_OK, maybe not._

Once I decided I didn’t like Hope, everything she did drove me absolutely insane. I had such a hard time listening to her read the text because all I could hear was the way her tongue popped at the start of each word. Like she had glue on the roof of her mouth and every time she spoke she had to unstick her tongue from it.

**Rate that kiss Boys vs. Girls**

**Have you wondered what kissing someone besides your partner might be like? Well here’s your chance. The boys will get a chance to show off their snogging skills on each of the girls. The girls will then rate your kiss from 1-10. What’s the catch? Each girl will be wearing a pair of noise cancelling headphones and blindfolded.**

**#cheekysnog**

Much of Hope’s enthusiasm was gone by the time she finished the text. She gave Noah a stern look.

_Bud, that was her warning shot. Next time she’s aiming._

We walked over to the lawn on the other side of the villa, that was intended for challenges. A large chalkboard was charted with all the girls' names columned vertically. The girls gathered around a table that had headphones and blindfolds adorning the signature heart logo. We were told to remove only the headphones when we heard a beep. The last thing I saw was the boys hungrily looking at us and Lottie applying her cherry chapstick, before I pulled the blindfold over my eyes. In the silent darkness, all I could hear was my heart. I was almost comforted by it. 

I was second in the line up next to Lottie, so I didn’t have to wait long for my first encounter. When the first mouth hit mine, I wondered if they were also blind folded as he had a hard time finding my lips. I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder as I was lifted into the air and carefully placed on what I gathered as a stool. The same lips went in again and I gripped their shoulders as I was now terrified at having no idea how high off the ground this stool was. My short stature probably made this challenge difficult but being placed on a platform blindfolded, seemed rather irresponsible. Especially, given my clumsy nature. I could tell by the rock hard shoulders this had to be Ibrahim, and while I was surprised by his enthusiasm, the kiss felt a bit fumbled still. Maybe because his excitement was unrequited? The most enjoyable part of the kiss was tasting the remnants of Lottie’s chapstick. After he was done I wobbled nervously on the box below my feet while I waited for the next boy.

**_*beep*_ **

I heard Noah ask, “Ok. how do you rate player #1’s kiss, 1-10?” 

To spare Rahim’s feelings I generously gave him a 4. 

I felt his stubble and could tell that on the box we were about the same height. I was now sure I’d have to use each boy’s shoulders to keep my balance. His were massive, and I knew it was Gary. I almost let go out of repulsion but didn’t want to risk falling and breaking an ankle. _Especially not because of this asshole._ I tucked my lips over my teeth in my mouth to discourage him from trying to get more than a peck, much like truth or dare. However, Gary had become more brazen since our first day in the villa. He cupped my face to pull me in, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I smacked his shoulder and gasped “what the fuck!?” into his intrusive mouth. I could feel his lips turn upwards as he eventually released me. I wasn’t quite sure how loud I muttered “fucking prick” but I hoped he’d heard it. 

**_*beep*_ **

I didn’t wait to be asked. “If I could give it less than a zero, I would.” 

The next boy inched close to my body, leaving my protruding chest to be grazed by an ungroomed one. I couldn’t deny that the blindfold had heightened my senses making me more ticklish than usual. He sweetly laid kisses over my lips as I giggled. Rocco had proven to be more of a gentleman than I expected and had been a much needed change in pace. 

**_*beep*_ **

**“** I’d give him a 7.”

I had begun to feel more comfortable atop my little box, my anger from Gary had begun to dissipate. I felt my nerves had just begun to settle when I felt a presence in front of me. I waited for someone to touch me, but nothing happened. _Maybe I am imagining things?_ I reached out to feel if I had tricked myself into thinking someone was there. My reach was met with warm hands that placed mine on his shoulders. I instantly knew that touch. “Bobby?” I quietly asked, smiling to myself. As soon as the grin spread across my face I felt his knuckle stroke my dimple as to confirm my suspicion. Being unaware of our surroundings made me feel this false sense of security, like it was just us two. Like whatever we did was a dream that no one would ever see. I lost control, like I had every other time he’d touched me. I ran my hands across his chest and up through his hair pulling his face into mine. I pushed myself into him as I immediately invited his tongue into my mouth. Needing to close any space between our bodies.

His touch was unlike anything I’d ever felt and I was sure I’d never get a chance to feel it again after our falling out. I planned to take full advantage of _this chance._ My reckless need to be closer to him caused me to lose my footing but rather than falling I wrapped my legs around him and he responded by hoisting me onto his waist, gripping my ass. I didn’t even try to stop the moans as they left my mouth, each of them tightening his grip. 

Eventually our kiss slowed, and instead of feeling a desperation to touch every part of him I focused on the way his tongue rolled against mine, how soft his lips were, how wonderful his hands felt, and how much I never wanted to stop. He delicately placed me back on the stool and kissed me softly once more. His gentleness breaking down more of the walls inside me. As he began to pull away I blurted “I’m so sorry Bobby.” I felt my cheeks reddened by my candid omission, but I was. I felt so sorry for letting this perfect boy go. I felt his body tense as he stood still in front of me. _Why did I remind him?_ I placed my hands over my face to hide my embarrassment and avoid divulging any other feelings. He wrapped his arms around me and I felt his face fall into the crease of my neck, a deep sigh escaping him. He gave me a reassuring squeeze and left me flooded with emotions. _Was that a sign of forgiveness? Did I deserve that? Would I only disappoint him again?_

**_*beep*_ **

“A 10.” I managed to sniffle out. 

I knew Noah was the last of the boys to go. When I felt him inch closer to me I quickly pursed my lips towards his and pulled away. My head was swaying from Bobby. My knees buckling, my palms sweating as I contemplated what I would do next. 

**_*beep*_ **

“5.” 

**_*beep*_ **

“Ladies, please remove your blindfolds.” Noah instructed.

I removed my blindfold and headset. The board was full of scores, Player 3 and Player 5 tied in first. I noticed the ratings I gave each boy were significantly lower than what the other girls gave them, with the exception of Bobby’s. I looked at his player 4 slot and was relieved that only I gave him a 10, I was perfectly ok with no one else knowing how good of a kisser he was. Noah revealed each player’s names, even though none came as a surprise to me, there were a few gasps. Apparently Hope had mistaken Ibrahim for her _soul-mate,_ Noah. 

Priya’s phone went off. “Guys, there’s more.” She bubbled, a mischievous smile lurked across her gorgeous face. 

**Seconds? Each boy will now get a kiss from the girl who rated him the highest.**

I looked to Bobby but it was _him_ that avoided _my_ eyes now. 

Hope stomped to Ibrahim, giving him a brief peck before she rolled her eyes at Priya. Lottie had rated Gary the highest to which she announced, “I had no idea it was Gary, gross!” Marisol didn’t hesitate as she moved in on Rocco. He smiled as their lips met, grabbing her at waist and dipping her backwards. 

“Are you kidding me?” Lottie yelled. 

This didn’t faze them as their snog intensified. Lottie looked at Marisol in complete shock, “Girl code means absolutely nothing to you, you bespeckled snake!” 

“I am sure Hannah would agree _soo_ much with your idea of girl code huh? Or what about Tori?” 

Gary rolled his eyes. 

“What about me?” I asked, stalling my turn.

“Let’s ask Lottie what her idea of girl code is.” Marisol retorted. 

“Tori voted Bobby a 10, it’s her turn to go.” Noah interjected. _Was he anxious to get to his turn?_

Marisol and Lottie continued to argue as I made my way towards those bewitching hazel eyes, though it began sounding muffled as the world became just him and I. 

“Dinnae go shy on me now, Dimples.” Bobby said as he tried to keep the smile off his face. 

I bit my bottom lip and interlaced my fingers with his. He pulled me into him and placed a hand on the small of my back. I slowly ran my hands up his arms, his eyes never leaving mine. He leaned in earnestly and puckered up. I gave him a small peck and leaned back. He raised an eyebrow and opened his eyes. 

“Just kidding, Freckles.” I laughed. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and drew him towards me, our smiles merging without hurry. Gradually our urgency increased, his hands traced my hourglass frame while our kiss deepened. He lifted my knee onto his side so I could feel his excitement against me, causing me to once again let out an unrepressed moan. 

“Bobby?” Marisol sputtered.

“HA! Serves you right!” Lottie gloated. 

“It’s ok Marisol, I know wha ahm doing.” Bobby reassured her, ignoring Lottie. 

Marisol frowned at me unsure of her feelings towards my change of heart. 

“My turn!” Noah reminded us. 

“RIght!” Priya concurred. 

Hope was less than pleased with their excitement. 

Priya ran her long nails up Noah’s bare chest causing him to hum with pleasure. Their lips entangled feverishly, quieting any tension that had been brewing between them. 

Hope interrupted, “Hey guys the text mentioned a kiss not dry-fucking.” 

Gary huffed as he added, “Hope, our partners seem to enjoy kissing the ones they _aren’t_ coupled with entirely too much!” 

  
  


“ _Well I surely didn’t hear a peep from Tori, when you were kissing her!”_ Bobby jeered as he dropped an imaginary microphone in front of Gary.

  
  


In that moment, I knew my four years of celibacy was coming to an end. 

.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think so far 💜


	15. New Arrivals

Gary only remained gobsmacked for half a second before rushing Bobby. This time the crew interjected. _Thankfully._ While I don't condone violence, I was hoping we’d witness Gary getting his ass whooped. 

“Tori?” Marisol surveyed my face with her infamous analytical expression. 

I quickly wiped the shit eating grin off my face and conned a look of concern. The rest of the islanders were at each other’s throats and though you’d think this would make for great tv, even the cameramen were too preoccupied breaking up the disagreement to film. Phillip and Delaney made their way over to the group, delegating some of us to the kitchen for dinner, Gary to the beach hut and Bobby to go with Delaney. As the metallic haired woman passed me she gave me a friendly nod and mouthed, “You good?” I gave her a discreet thumbs up and she smiled in relief. 

**  
  
  
**

After dinner I split a bottle on Meiomi with Hope. Something about Hope when she drank, she became a whole hell of a lot more tolerable. Not to mention, I would never turn down a glass of proper Pinot Noir. 

“So you’re back to being my competition eh?” She said through purple teeth. I shrugged my shoulders in response as she continued, “I’m glad you didn’t go but now you and Bobby are going to be this massive power couple.” 

“What? I thought that was you and Noah?” 

“I thought so too.” Her eyes squinted in anger as she ran her finger along the rim of her stemless glass. 

I thought back to the conversation I overheard in the morning. Noah was just as calculating as Hope was and poor Priya would be a casualty of war if Hope didn’t focus Noah on her alone. 

“Hope, all you have to do is show him that he is the only one for you. He is young and inexperienced. You need to show him how to act.” I counseled.

“You think so?” She twisted a braid around her finger, her lips pursed in determination. “You know Tori, you’re not half bad.”

_Gee thanks._

We finished the last of our wine, Hope stood up offering to take my empty cup. “Honestly, I am going to take your advice Tori, and then it’s bye bye Priya.” 

“And where exactly am I going?” Priya stammered. Her eyes settled on me and a look of hatred returned to her face. She had seemingly half believed my apology yesterday, and this just took us right back to where we started. Denying or explaining anything seemed entirely futile. She passed Hope and charged towards the bedroom. Hope sniggered and waved her goodbye. 

**  
  
  
  
**

I was the last to go to the beach hut for the day. Most of the questions focused on the altercation between Gary and Bobby. I was never very vocal in my interviews but today it seemed they didn’t press me as hard as usual. Phillip wore a huge grin as I headed back to the villa, “Sleep tight Tori! Make sure you're well rested for tomorrow!” He sang. 

I was still trying to wrap my head around what he meant as I dressed for sleep and headed to the day beds. I figured I’d let Gary have the bed so I could have privacy if I woke to another panic attack. I settled in under the sheets when a friendly smile approached me with two narrow- mouthed cocktail glasses. The afternoon had been washed off him in the shower and now in nothing more than gray sweats and a white tee he looked calm and relaxed. Which was just as attractive as his previous unhinged, machismo state. 

“Figured I’d get a nicer welcome if I came with a bevy.” 

I sat up excitedly and accepted the glass, “A man after my own heart! Cheers!” 

He sat beside me and clinked his glass to mine. The fizzy cocktail was beyond refreshing with fragrant notes of floral and citrus. “St. Germaine?” I asked. 

“Alright Dimples! You _are_ proper classy. Ahm going to have to try hard to impress you, huh?” 

“Too right! Could you be a dear and polish my crown while you’re at it?” I did my best to imitate a posh accent. Leaving Bobby to chuckle most likely because it was a terrible attempt. I took another sip and hummed in approval, “God this is so fucking good, I think I am in love.” 

His eyebrows perked up, “With me or the bevy?” 

I didn’t bother answering, I just took another sip and grinned. 

He began running his hands through my hair as he continued,“Yup St. Germaine is a drink of choice on a date, it's like potpourri for your mouth.” 

_That’s exactly what it tastes like._

“Ohh and here I am thinking you came over here with pure intentions.” 

“That’s just not Captain B. Smooth’s style.” He hung his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into his side. 

“Are you done with that?” I eyed his empty glass. 

He held the glass up to his eye like a telescope, “What happened here? There must be a hole in my glass!” He chuckled, proud of himself. “You fancy another?” 

I grabbed our finished drinks and got up to put them on a nearby table. I came back and sat atop him, straddling his lap. His goofy grin remained but his eyes filled with fire. 

I whispered, “Oh yes, I would love another. I was wondering when you’d ask.” 

I closed in on his mouth just as he finished murmuring, “fuck...” under his breath. 

I bit down on his sizable bottom lip, gently sucking it into my mouth and introducing it to my tongue, he tasted of elderflower and honey. His hands tangled in my hair as I pulled off his t-shirt and ran my fingers down the grooves of his abs. _Nevermind I had only known him 4 days._ Every time we touched, it felt right. My fingers tucked into the elastic of his waistband. As I grinded against him melodically. I could feel him grow from beneath me so I pulled at his pants to take a look. 

“See, you thought you had to try hard to impress me?” 

“Ohh Lass, I’m not trying. You’re making me hard.” He said between kisses on my neck. 

“Well, let’s just say…” I reached under his waistband into his boxer briefs and held onto his throbbing cock. My slender and long fingers struggled to wrap around its circumference. I moaned just feeling it twitch at my touch. “Let’s just say I’m very impressed.”

“You know, I knew you were a naughty girl under all _that_.” 

“Under all what?” I displayed my best pouty face. 

“Under all that shyness and those damsel in distress eyes.”

Something about his accent made everything a little less offensive. I smiled despite myself. 

“And especially under those dimples. Those are the real deceivers they are.” He looked at me sweetly even as I began to stroke him with my hand. 

I tried to keep whatever innocent notion he had of me as I asked him wide-eyed, “What am I going to do with you Freckles?” 

He bit his lip before bucking me off him and pinning me below him in one skilled maneuver. He grabbed my face in his hands and traced my lips with his thumbs. “Well for one, you’re going to stop calling me that.” 

“Ohh?” I laughed. 

“Yea, and for two..” He nuzzled into my neck and breathed into my ear, “I am going to replace whatever device you own.” 

“You’re trying to get Bob fired?” I gasped. 

He lifted his head and cocked it at me, “I’m sorry, what?” 

“Yes Bob. Battery Operated Boyfriend… Get it?” _This joke never gets old._

“Wait so you’re telling me that you named your vibrator Bob before you met me? Or after?Cause that’s a strange coincidence.” He wiggled his brows. 

_I never thought of that._

“Hold up! It’s not a vibrator. See, how are you going to take someone’s job and you don’t even know what it does?”

He seemed amused, “I think I do. So... fuck little Bob.” 

“Ya… that’s kinda the point. But you know little Bob and Big Bob could probably work together at some point.” I imitated Bobby’s eyebrow dance. 

He rubbed his chin as he contemplated my offer. “Meh. I’ll think about it. We won’t kick little Bob off the team, we'll just bench him for now.” 

I really couldn’t help but melt under him. I’d manage to go further with him than I had with anyone else in over four years. Even with my fiance, I’d never had this. The ability to shift between playful banter and uninhibited lust. I couldn’t help but feel this warmth in my chest as I looked unto his smile. His long dark lashes framing his hazel eyes, his lips curled in a charismatic smile, his freckles splayed over his face perfectly like God himself placed each one intentionally. He was truly a pretty boy. And his humor, just flirted with how intelligent he was under those looks. The warmth bubbled up causing me to profess, “You’re absolutely perfect.” 

His body straightened a little as confusion ran through his eyes. I bit my lip. _How many times am I going to blurt shit out today?_

He tried to bring back his playful demeanor but a pensive expression lingered on his face. He gulped loudly as he attempted to bring humor back once more, “That’s rich.” He kissed me intently and as our lips parted he whispered. “Coming from you.”

If our gaze continued, I am not sure what else my tale-teller ass would’ve divulged. 

**  
  
**

“Soooooooooooo, I take it you're _not_ coming to bed?” Marisol leaned against the wall with her brow raised. _She’s going to need botox one day._

I wiggled out from under him and though I was still fully dressed, _If you call a sports bra and boy shorts dressed,_ I pulled the sheets up around me. 

Bobby rolled over and let out a frustrated sigh, “What is it Marisol?” 

“I want a word with Tori.” 

_For fuck’s sake doesn’t she realize we have a psychologist in house already?_

“Now?” he fumed. 

She folded her arms and scowled. “Honestly you’re making a mistake Bobby, I just wanted to see where her head’s at. You don’t seem to care about that because you’re so blinded by a pretty face.. No offense Tori.” 

He sat up abruptly. “What the fuck that's ‘posed to mean?” 

“And what am I blinding him from?” I was never sure with Marisol whether or not I should be offended.

“I can’t put my finger on it, but you’re hiding something. I can’t help but think you’re using Bobby to..” 

He interrupted, “Ahm going to stop you right there. Did you come here to find love or did you come here to psychoanalyze everyone here? Cuz the way I see it, you’re on your second failed couple. You should be more interested in Rocco right now, than here meddling.” 

I could see the hurt in Marisol’s eyes when she began to turn away so I interjected, “Bobby, that’s not fair she’s being a good friend to you.”

She halted in her exit. She knew he was right, I overheard her at brunch with Hope. She had been feeling down on herself because she had yet to feel any romantic connection. She had even admitted Bobby had turned her down the first night and told her he only wanted to be friends. She seemed to be genuinely concerned that he jumped back into something with me after I had left him so gutted a mere 24 hours ago. _This place was weird like that though._

“Ohh is she? So is she right? Should I be worried?” He turned towards me, brows furrowed, his arms tense and I couldn’t help but bite my lip. _God he looked so good mad._

“Should you be worried about what I am going to do to you?” I batted my eyelashes and shrugged my shoulders playfully. “Probably.”

It took him a minute to take in my response, “Ohhhkay you heard what she said, I will just have to take my chances little lady.” He hastily told Marisol as he shooed her back towards the villa. “Goodnight Marisol!” 

She reluctantly hugged Bobby goodnight before looking over at me, I tried my best to give her a reassuring smile. 

_I will try my best to not hurt your friend._

Not long after Marisol left, the lights around the outside of the villa began to turn off. Only one string of twinkling lights remained on. Giving just the right amount of privacy while offering sufficient mood lighting. 

We ran inside to refill our cocktails allowing me time to grab a couple of foil squares and slip them into my bra. We settled back onto the daybeds, the rest of the villa was silent, making us feel all alone for once. The privacy was, ironically, nerve wracking. We had many moments leading to this, but _now?_ The tension between us was palpable as we sipped our cocktails and exchanged nervous glances. 

“Not that I am staring Lass, but why is your right diddy looking like that?”

The stack of wrappers were comically noticeable under the thin cotton of my bra.

“Ohh you’ve never seen a square nipple before?” I jabbed.

“I actually have the memory of that same nipple ingrained in my head, and that was no square nipple.”

_I had almost forgotten about titty-gate._

“Well I guess since you’ve already seen them, you won’t mind if I take this off?” I played with the criss-cross straps of my bra. 

“Sure, Ahm not bothered lass.” He grinned. 

I pulled off my sports bra, my breasts bounced as I released them from the tight fitting garment, the condom packages dispersed but one stuck to my skin. He peeled it off my chest and shouted, “Extra small! How rude!” 

“Wait what? They come in different sizes?” I ripped the condom away and read the packaging. _Tailored fit?_ “Where the hell does it say small?” I said, confused.

“Are you telling me you really didn’t know that?” He teased.

“Well I am not that experienced in this sort of thing.”

“Condoms?” He looked at me puzzled. 

“Well in a lot of things, but yeah. I mean, I have never bought condoms, ever.” 

“I suppose it’s more of the man’s responsibility, but I was just taking the piss..” he picked through the other packages that fell on the floor and smiled, before a look of concern crossed his face. “What do you mean by a lot of things?” 

“It’s been a long time since I’ve done this.” My shoulders deflated a little as I motioned at the two of us. 

“Yea, makes sense why you get so defensive suddenly.” 

“I don’t get defensive!” I retorted. I pulled my knees into a hug to cover my exposed chest. 

He looked at me wide eyed and laughed. “No _of course_ you don’t!” 

I glared at him initially but eventually joined in with his laughter. He wrapped his arms around my side and kissed my cheek. “I am not going to push you into doing something you’re not ready to do.” 

“You know, I told myself I wouldn’t be with someone physically unless I loved them.” I admitted. 

“That’s admirable.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t judge anyone else. I just don’t think I could do that to myself again.” I shuddered slightly at the memory. “I just have a hard time compartmentalizing the two.You know sex, and emotional connection.” I laid my forehead between my knees to hide my embarrassment. 

He passed me his discarded white tee, and said. “Lass, you are going to steal all my clothes by the end of this.” 

I pulled on his shirt and we laid down side by side. Neither of us sleeping, neither of us talking, both of us deep in thought. Again the word vomit escaped my lips, “It’s not the idea of sleeping with you that’s making me freak out it’s...”

He held my man hand and sighed, “Fuck, I know. I’ve only known you for _four_ days.” 

Gathered in our own thoughts we silently drifted off to sleep. 

**  
  
  
**

I woke up to the warm sun peaking through the canopy. My breathing was normal, my chest without ache, Bobby’s shirt dry of cold sweats, and the bedding intact. I smiled until I saw the empty space beside me along with the unopened condoms. I talked myself into getting out of bed. _Today, I am figuring out how to move forward with Bobby._ I told myself. 

I looked out to find everyone around the pool, I breathed into my hand to see if I could manage seeing what everyone was up to before I brushed my teeth. Luckily the drink from last night lingered on my tongue. _Ahh potpourri._

I walked towards the crowd. I noticed more than the usual 2 cameramen strategically positioned around the group. On the other side of the lawn I could see an uncharacteristically frazzled Delaney was making her way over, followed by an enthused Phillip. _Was another fight ensuing?_

Bobby greeted me first with a cup of coffee and a kiss on the cheek. 

“We’ve got new people.” He said, looking worried. 

“Yes and they’re gorgeous.” Marisol tried to hide her excitement. 

“They’re?” I asked. 

“Yup there’s two of them.” Bobby frowned.

Hope grabbed my arm, “Girl, you are going to die. Let me introduce you.”

I could hear Delaney approaching and could make out bits of what she said as Hope dragged me towards the group. 

“Tori! Wait!... Phillip get that bloody camera off her face… Tori!'' The tall Irishwoman belted. 

I tried to look back at her while Hope whispered, “They are both hot but one asked for you pacifically.” _You mean specifically?_

The crowd around the new arrivals thinned and I saw the first boy. He was tall, with hardened spiked, black hair and gorgeous dark, angled eyes. 

**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**

“Lucas this is Tori, Tori this is Lucas.” Hope babbled. The other man stepped out behind Ibrahim and my heart stopped. His blonde hair reflected the sun as his blue eyes locked mine. 

Hope continued before Delaney reached me, “And this, this is Hen..”

“ _Henry_?” I sputtered.

Delaney pulled me away before I burst into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, all the kudos and comments mean the world. I hope you enjoy where the story is going.


	16. Who is He?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to nELd13 for all your feedback and encouragement.

Today started on a promising note with her next to me, she was stunning in the morning rays. I regretted offering her my shirt as it covered her perfect curves. I watched her breath gently against my shoulder, her pouty lips slightly opened, her long lashes hiding those big doe eyes. I wanted to stir her awake just because I missed her smile. I had become a bit of a clown for her, _but who wouldn’t want to put a smile on her face_? The sadness that always lingered in her eyes begged for a smile. A sadness that felt all too familiar, unfortunately.

I forced myself to stop staring at her, the longer I looked the more I second guessed why I had only _slept_ beside her. _Because she wasn’t ready._ I reminded myself. She was a bit guarded and I was sure if I pushed for more she might retreat again. 

I walked to the kitchen to gather my thoughts and prayed no one was awake so my morning stauner could go undetected. I put on a kettle and made myself a tea and tried to figure out how Tori made coffee with her french press. _She’s a bit more prissy than I am used to._ I admitted to myself. In fact, she was far more difficult than what I was accustomed to and I wondered if that’s why I was going absolutely nuts over her. 

I could only imagine what Johnny thought of the spectacle I had become, he was losing that bet with my sister. Grace signed me up for this show, with her silly teenage friends one day. The crazy thing was she _knew_ I’d get picked, but she believed everyone loved her big brother like she did. My mom and her were sure I’d be the crowd favorite and would find a girl, I’d actually settle down with. My mom said, “They are scouting the best girls, and Bobby _you_ deserve the best.”

I was less convinced I’d make it in, let alone find love. In my 28 years I hadn’t been in love, well not really. In my teens I spent so much time working to help my mom out and playing in the band, I hadn’t the time for girlfriends. While Paisley Cuddle brought in its share of girls, they’d been attracted to my on stage presence, and usually only amounted to after show romances. I wasn’t sure how many of them I could introduce to the other side of me. _The Bobby that baked cupcakes for his little sister and danced around the kitchen with his mom, to ease her broken heart._

At work I dated a couple of nurses and some of the ladies in administration, but they always seemed young and well, more like mates. I was too drained to do more than keep things light. Which Johnny reminded me of when trying to convince me to go on the show. “Mate, you’ve never been on a proper vacation!” It _was_ true and the prospect of 50 grand to put Gracie through Uni didn’t sound half bad either. I mustered the courage to go forward with Love Island and banked in the accrued vacation time I had at the hospital. 

Before I left for Majorca I stayed up all night with my old band mates and their wives, concocting a plan on how to win the show. I even watched a couple episodes and thought it would be simple to get one of those silly girls to wrap around my finger. 

The first day I stood beside four other men, with larger biceps, and still felt I had the game in the bag. None had much banter and besides Noah, much intellect. Each girl made her way out to us but none really impressed me. Lottie reminded me of the backstage love affairs from my younger years, but now? She seemed she’d eat me alive and _not in a sexy way_. Marisol and Hannah could’ve been easy targets but I had already strategized that I’d play the dark horse role, and not come off too eager for any of them. 

My calm demeanor had been caught off guard when we heard a curse from the other side of the lawn and _out walked Tori_ . She strutted every bit of that hourglass frame despite obviously just recovering from a tumble. The moment I saw her and she looked into my eyes, she was mine. And although I was never the possessive type, I was not allowing anyone else to get this girl. _Not after that smile_ , I wanted to be the one that smile was meant for. I hadn’t felt something in a long time, but around her I felt _it_ . I wasn’t sure what _it_ was, but I felt _it._

I was used to being calm and collected, The one who made others feel better, the one guarded and slightly dead inside. Around her I felt alive, out of control, but alive. She wasn’t easy but could I ever really want easy again after feeling the way I did about _her_? 

In less than a week my world had been flipped upside down and until this morning I never had a chance to process how I was feeling. Which was all over the place, each day different, as if pulling the petals off a flower, “She likes me, she likes me not.”

_Today, I am figuring out how to move forward with Tori._ I told myself. 

My thoughts interrupted as an excited Lottie and Priya ran by. 

“There’s new boys!” They shrilled simultaneously. 

I looked out towards the pool and saw two guys chatting on the loungers. One almost resembled Gary, only a little taller, slightly leaner, and _some might say_ better looking. The other looked like a right prat. The rest of the girls shuffled towards them and I made my way out to see when Tori would join in on the gawking. _Would she? She didn't seem like much of a gawker?_

“Man they are even livelier in person.” The blackhaired man said. “Is that all of the girls then.” 

The blonde scoped the group and answered, “Nope, Tori isn’t here.” _American?_

_Why the hell is he so worried about Tori, Marisol is giving him her best fuck me eyes under her glasses._ I wasn’t used to feeling this jealous and I wasn’t fond of it either. 

Gary patted his upgrade on the back and said, “Tori? Mate, I don’t think we’re her type. She seems more interested in wimpy, cocksuckers.” 

The new blonde looked over at Gary in confusion that he would suggest their likeness, and then shot me a look of contempt. He chuckled as he responded, “Ohh brutha, I beg to differ. I happen to _know_ I’m her type.” 

_What a smug prick._

The girl’s (and an enamored Gary) encircled the boys, while I tried to interpret his over-confident statement. Between the excited conversation and the cluster-fuck of cameramen and producers, I barely noticed Tori making her way over from the daybed. She looked just as confused as I felt but seemed relieved when I handed her coffee and kissed her sun kissed cheeks.

She was always wound so tight, lost in thought, almost worried, _but I_ saw moments of clarity. Everytime we met eyes, it felt like I pulled her out of whatever war waged in her mind. I wanted to pull her away in that moment and finish what we started last night, but then…. _Fucking Hope._ She grabbed hold of her arm and led her towards the new guys. I could barely follow what happened next as she was enveloped into the crowd followed by Delaney and some more of the crew. I tried to peer into the comotion.

“Henry?” I heard her say. 

_Henry? She knew him?_

She was taken by the arm once again.

Tori now wore the cup of coffee I made her as she was pulled towards the beach hut by the show’s shrink. _What the fuck is going on?_ The Henry guy made an attempt to follow them but was stopped by one of the producers, Sandra, who kept shooting Phillip dirty looks. 

Phillip urged Henry to stay behind, whispering, “Don’t say anything just yet, ok?”

The blonde guy nodded in compliance. 

Noah and Ibrahim pulled me into their huddle. “You ok Bobby?” Noah asked. We had arrived in Majorca on the same day and I was sure we’d become fast mates, he also had younger siblings he was close to. He had confided in me that his dad had left his mom and he had to become the man of the house at the age of 15. I felt for him, it wasn’t fair we were forced to grow up so young. 

Working through Uni and helping out at home left him dateless as well. A shame for such a good looking guy. I had hoped he’d enjoy himself in a villa full of pretty women but Hope sunk her claws into him and the only time we usually spoke was in the dressing room or _anywhere Hope wasn’t._

“I’m good, I think.” I shrugged and forced a smile. 

“Who is he? You think that’s Priya’s ex?” Ibrahim was bricking it. 

I looked over to find Priya introducing herself to Henry, her hands folded in front of her to provide an extra push for her tits. I wasn’t sure if she’d made her way over to him out of her disdain for Tori, or because she was into the guy, but _I was sure_ that was not her ex. No Way.

“Rahim, no. I don’t think Tori would be the one running away.” I said to the giant airhead. 

He rubbutled indignantly, “She _would_ if the rumors were true.” 

“Get off it Rahim, they’re not true.” I was even surprised by the volume which I spoke.

“Ahhh the Baker Boy defends his bird’s honor _again_.” Gary came over with his obnoxious chuckle. 

He may be able to bench me but I’d learn to throw a punch or two in the punk scene. Not to mention, guys with that amount of mass were slow as shit. I could just jab him in the mouth and run circles around him.

Noah ignored Gary and added, “Rahim, I don’t think they’re true either. I was there when Tori tried to talk to Priya. She was apparently one of _many_ rumors.”

Rahim looked to Priya and nodded, “Maybe. I wonder how Tori knows him, then.” 

Gary clapped my shoulders. “Well I am sure we are about to find out!”

“Dinnae fucking touch me.” I seethed through my teeth. He opened his eyes wide and wiggled his bottom lip in faked fear. 

“Or what?” He stopped his childish display and narrowed his eyes.

“Let’s find out.” I curled my fist and readied my feet to take off. 

“Hit me. Come on’ Bobs! Then you can get sent home and that Henry guy can fuck your girlfriend.” He cocked his head to the side and pointed at his jaw. 

_My girlfriend?_ I liked the sound of that, and for once the ogre was right. If I hit him, I’d lose my chance with Tori. It was hard enough to break down her walls in here, where she was forced to see my face. I knew, outside of the villa, it would be impossible to keep her from running. 

Noah stepped in, “Hey new guys, let’s get to know you better. Come on Bobby, lead the way to the fire pit.” 

The crew redirected us towards the daybeds as they were in the middle of setting up a challenge.

**_Were those heart rate monitors?_**

It was strange now being here with all the islanders, the bed still unmade from when Tori I had slept there hours before. The new guys made themselves comfortable immediately. 

Henry sat on the edge of the bed, inspecting the disheveled sheets. Finally his eyes fell on one of the foil packages left on the mattress. He picked it up and began to twirl it in his fingers like a guitar pick. All eyes fell on me. The girls passed judgmental glances. _I couldn't be like Gary and let them believe we’d done more than we had._

“We didn’t do anything.” I announced. 

Henry laughed and nodded, “Oh I believe you bud. I _know_ she didn’t.” 

He flicked the condom towards me and sauntered off. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks for continuing to follow this storyline. So much appreciation for those who leave kudos and comments. xoxo


	17. Butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new boys get to know the ladies better on their first dates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote from Rocco was by Deepak Chopra's friend John Harricharan.

“Is this why you wanted me to stay?” I finally managed to ask. 

“I had no idea that he was coming. I swear to you.” Delaney rubbed her temples as she thought of what else to say. 

“He wouldn’t even know about this show....”

“Ohh I am sure production reached out to him.” 

“Why?” I felt stung with betrayal. 

She looked angry as she shook her head unable to answer that herself. 

**  
  
**

* * *

**  
  
**

I hurried across the lawn, not wanting to run into anyone. Not Phillip, not Henry and definitely not Bobby. I thought of leaving again, but I could just imagine the narrative Henry would create in my absence. Not to mention a letter to Peter was on its way, a letter that promised I would be a big girl and stick it out even if it got difficult. 

_And man were they making it difficult._

I had assured Delaney, I would tell her if it became too much for me. If I was honest with myself, I wasn’t sure I could really trust her anymore. She had told me I had created a lot of buzz for the show online and although I had become a crowd favorite. It was clear, I was far from Phillip’s. He seemed to relish in my discomfort. Delaney seemed angry with him too, but tried to convince me this was for television and not personal. _It still felt very personal._

I pretended not to hear Bobby as I scurried into the bathroom and quickly jumped into the shower. I wasn’t ready to explain to him, I wasn’t even sure what today was going to look like. _What had Henry already told them?_ I scrubbed every part of my body that Henry had once touched, until I was numb. 

“What happened to all the hot water?” Rocco shouted. 

“Princess Tori needed it all.” Lottie yelled from a stall over. 

I snapped out of my thoughts and exited the shower. In the dressing room Priya was applying her makeup, she wore a yellow sundress that fell off her bronzed shoulders and clung to her large chest. She angled her face towards me, her eyebrows drawn in a look of condescence as she curled her mouth into a victorious grin. 

Sandra peeked in and called to me, “Tori you have a date in 30.” 

“I am _not_ going on a date with Henry.” 

“Ohh no, I am.” Priya smirked.

Sandra rolled her eyes without Priya noticing, “No babe, you’re going with Lucas.”

_Lucas?_

I hesitated but eventually nodded. “Ok I will be out front in 30.” 

She smiled sympathetically and I went to get ready. I ripped through my wardrobe, desperate to find something that would draw as little attention as possible. I found a white vintage floral dress that offered minimal cleavage exposure and landed slightly above the knee. A corset accentuated my waist but otherwise, felt more princessy than _5 dolla make ya holla_. I quickly blow dried my hair and focused my makeup on concealing the puffiness around my eyes. I gave myself a quick check and imagined this was as church appropriate as Love Island was going to allow. 

I made my way towards the entrance of the villa passing the kitchen on my exit. 

“Lass?” 

My heart sunk, while a few butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I turned to find Bobby wearing a pair of snug swim trunks. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks and between my legs as I remembered what was tucked under those purple shorts. I looked into his eyes and tried to display a carefree attitude. “Oh hey, handsome.” 

He smiled against the rim of his whiskey glass, his bleary eyes hard to read. _That was obviously not his first._ I mosied over and delicately removed the drink from his fingers. His eyebrows furrowed a little as I downed its contents and placed the glass on the counter next him. I leaned into him pressing my hips against his. I reached behind him and pulled the bottle of whiskey out. 

“Did you do this?” I shook the almost empty bottle. 

He mocked insult, “ _Me?_ Noo!” Barely able to contain his guilty smile. 

“You’re a terrible liar.” I said as I unscrewed the top off with my teeth.

“Ahm not!” He made no attempt to hide his gaze at my mouth. 

“Are too!’ I teased, bringing the bottle to his lips, giving him a small sip. 

“Test it out, ask me anything!” He challenged.

I finished the bottle and wiped my lips with the back of my hand. “OK, you’re thinking about how bad you want to kiss me right now.” 

“Well yea.” He attested, shrugging his shoulders.

I laughed, “You were supposed to lie!” 

“Ohh sorry, I got confused.” He smirked. 

The alcohol had given him a little more color in his cheeks and I was mesmerized by the freckles that tried to hide it. Still leaned against him, I looked up to take in how adorable he was at this moment. 

He brought his forehead to mine and whispered, “You’re so fucking pretty.” _Prittaay._ I laughed as I thought of how much better that sounded with his Scottish inflection. 

He pulled away and said, “Bet you couldn’t tell, _that_ was a lie.” 

I erupted in laughter until he took hold of me once more and pulled me into a kiss. His tongue tasted like Bulliet Rye and oranges. 

**  
  
**

“Tori, you said 30 minutes!” Sandra seemed relieved to find me here than in hysterics in the closet. 

“Wherer you oft to Lass?” Bobby slurred. 

I jutted my bottom lip and pouted, “I have a date with the new guy.” 

Bobby did his best impersonation of Macauley Culkin in home alone, with his hands over his cheeks he asked, “How could you? What will Gary think?” 

I giggled and delivered a long kiss on his lips. 

“Wait, which new guy?” He grasped my shoulders as a look of concern spread over his face. 

“Luke?” I looked to Sandra for confirmation. 

“Lucas? Ohh ok, good.” Bobby sighed and released me. 

I waved goodbye, unable to decipher what he meant by that.

**  
  
**

* * *

The car arrived at a nearby vineyard. Two tables could be seen, Henry and Priya at one and Lucas drumming his fingers impatiently, at the other. 

Sandra adjusted my mic as she spoke, “You go out and you make me proud. You hold your head high, you hear me? Fuck Phillip.” 

I gave her a look of shock until I noticed she had _accidentally_ turned my mic off. 

She mouthed a “Whoops.” as she turned it back on and offered me a motherly smile. 

I felt his stare as I walked towards Lucas. “Hello? Henry? What do you think of that?” I heard Priya snap. 

Lucas stood up and looked at his naked wrist as if to check the time. 

“Freckle past a hair?” I asked. 

His face lightened into a smile as he took in my joke. 

“You look amazing.” He said as he pulled out my chair. 

“Not too renaissance fair?” 

He chuckled, “I did not expect you to be so funny.” 

_Fuck, I am not doing this shit sober._

I pulled out the bottle from the ice bucket on the table and scrunched my nose. 

_6.5%? Is this the kid’s table?_

“Cava isn’t half bad.” 

“Is this all they gave us?” 

He scavenged through a picnic basket next to the table and lifted up a bottle of house red. 

I accepted the bottle and suggested, “One for me and one for you.” Pushing the bottle of sparkling wine towards him. 

He laughed again, unaware I was dead ass serious. 

_Dead ass._

I poured half the bottle into one glass. 

“You know, they only fill a third of the way so the red can aerate as you taste.” He informed me. 

_Ohh we have a mother fuckin’ sommelier in the building!_

“I was unaware that this wine was for tasting.” I chugged as I read the bottle and pointed out to him the _2017_ listed on the bottle. 

This time he didn’t laugh. He just nodded in agreeance. 

“So are you happy I chose you for my date?” He practically winced as I slurped the remainder of my wine. 

I poured another full glass, he raised his empty cup as if to ask for some. 

“Whoops sorry! That was the last of it.” My smile devoid of remorse. 

His nose crinkled in confusion as he looked around at the cameras. 

_Was he hoping Ashton Kutcher was going to pop out behind an olive tree?_

“Well not that you asked, but I chose you because… well, I think you're gorgeous, and I think you and I would make a lovely couple.” He looked at me, expecting my eyes to light up with honor. 

“Ohh that’s lovely.” I leaned into my chair and sipped my Jesus juice. 

He began drumming his fingers against the table once again. 

* * *

I entered the villa with full intention of finding a beverage that would mix the best with my previous wine and whiskey brunch. Instead I found Rocco, making his God-awful wheatgrass drink. 

“Ma cherie!” He grabbed my hand and spun me around. “You look delicious!” 

_Unlike your smoothie bro._

“What’s up Rocco? Lottie hasn’t cast a spell on you yet?” 

He placed his index over his mouth and shushed me. 

“Would you like some?” He poured the green slush into a glass. 

“No thanks babe, I am looking for something a little less cleansing.” 

“Well look what I have here!” He beamed and pulled out a bottle of Murphy’s. 

I smiled in approval. Rocco tossed his smoothie in the sink and grabbed two frosted pilsners from the freezer.

“Rocco why’d you throw out your..”

“Absolute worst shits if you mix the two.” 

He poured the dark beer and cheersed, “To ma cherie!” 

“Prost!”

“German?” He asked.

“Yea partially. My mom side is Spanish but my dad is a bit of a mix. My Oma moved to the states when she married an American GI stationed in Frankfurt.” 

“Explains why you resemble Priscilla Presley.” He smiled. 

“Fuck Rocco, is there a stop button somewhere on you?” 

He looked more insulted then I intended. “I meant it. I wasn’t flirting. I mean Bobby is a great guy and he really likes you, ya know.” 

“I’m just kidding Coco!” I reached over and wiped the foam left on his upper lip. 

He paused, taken out of his element slightly. His eyes became more serious as he reached out and touched my necklace.

“My mam wears one just like this to remember her nana.” His green eyes somber for once.

He continued as he held my chain, _“The caterpillar dies so the butterfly could be born. And, yet, the caterpillar lives in the butterfly and they are but one. So, when I die, it will be that I have been transformed from the caterpillar of earth to the butterfly of the universe.”_

I felt my eyes well as I blinked furiously to keep the tears at bay. “That’s beautiful Rocco.” 

“In Ireland we believe butterflies signify souls that have left their physical bodies. Did you know the Greek word Psyche was named after an ancient Goddess who..”

“Had the wings of a butterfly. I did a paper on her in a humanities class I took in college.” I added. 

“Nice I took a classical and humanities course too before I dropped out of Uni.” He shrugged. 

“Look at how fucking clever you are without even graduating Coco.” I said, sensing his downheartedness. 

He laughed again, “I had a fucking cat named Coco, rotton sons of a bitch she was.” 

He smiled at me and added, “Yea no one ever calls me clever, I think most people think I am weird when I talk about the universe or quote philosophers.” 

I grabbed another stout bottle and poured us another round. “I think it’s because people think you are trying to use it as a way to pick up chicks.”

“I am though.” He pounded the glass as he shot me a wink. 

“Well there you go, embrace your inner creeper. I don’t get why you and Lottie aren’t into each other though. She believes in all that other worldly stuff too.” 

He tucked his chin into his neck as he sputtered, “Listen, studying taoism and the ancient greeks isn’t the same as reading fucking coffee grounds Tori.” 

I raised my glass, “Touche!” 

My phone pinged as I finished my glass, Rocco nodded in curiosity at my phone, “What’s it about?”

I could barely palette the words as they left my mouth, “Henry has chosen me to be his second date.” 

**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to focus the next chapter on the challenge and decided to leave this piece as it's own. So I hope you've all enjoyed the little filler chapter this is. 
> 
> I am so thankful for the encouraging comments I have gotten on this story. It makes the writing experience so much more enjoyable. I can not thank you enough for the love!


	18. Never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group's secrets are revealed during the challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read tags before reading this chapter. If you can relate to this chapter I offer you a million virtual hugs. Writing this has been therapeutic for myself personally and I in no way want to invoke any negative emotions for the readers.
> 
> Song inspo   
> https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=7ecu7DJwgYA&feature=share

After my fifth stout my stomach ballooned under my dress. Rocco pulled out another bottle of Murphy’s and I waved my hands in protest. 

“I can’t Rocco. I literally can’t feel my face and I look about 3 months pregnant from all this beer.” 

He laughed merrily as I rubbed my beer baby.

“I leave you alone for an hour and you went and got pregnant?” Bobby wobbled over to us. 

“Ok Tori try this.” Rocco instructed. 

He sat on the floor and pulled one knee into his chest while twisting his torso.

“Come on Tori. Sit!” 

I followed his lead. 

“This is the reclined twist. And it always works.” He said as he adjusted my form slightly. 

A huge burp escaped my lips as my chin passed my shoulder on the twist. Rocco joined in and luckily his belches tuned my out. 

Bobby broke out in applause as he chuckled. I was too drunk to be embarrassed and laughed along. 

Lottie and her date strolled in with looks of horror on their face. 

“There is no way that was you!” Lottie remarked, slightly disgusted, but somewhat amused. _So much for her thinking of me as little miss perfect, princess._

“Tori Isabella Reyes!” Henry playfully scolded. _Does he think we are on joking terms now?_

My name off his tongue made my skin crawl. 

Rocco tried to regain my attention by asking, “You feel better?” 

I stood up and pulled at my dress to cover as much of my skin as I could and responded, “Actually I feel like I’m going to be sick.” 

* * *

**  
  
**

I found an empty bed and napped in hopes a quick rest would sober me up and give me an hour of solitude.

I woke to Lottie prodding me violently, “Are you alive princess?” 

I lifted my lids and rolled my eyes at her. “If I am the princess, you’re the evil step-mother.” 

She smiled, “Like in Snow White? Before she turned into the warty nose old bird, she was hot.” 

“Hot _and_ insane. Exactly like you.” I offered a disingenuous grin that she returned with an even faker smile. 

“We got a text! Time for a challenge.” The Aussie began. “I wanted to come in and tell you myself.” 

I sat up and looked at her confused, “Why?”

A look of vulnerability passed her normally fierce gaze. “Did Henry pick you for the date first?”. 

I wasn’t sure why she asked, and I was even more confused with how hesitant I was to break the truth to her. As rude as Lottie had always been to me, I knew it was because she was insecure. I knew that behind all her tantrums and bullshit was more bark than malice. 

“Umm, why? Did he say something to you?” I pathetically avoided the question. 

“No, but I am shocked he didn’t pick you. What’s up between the two of you anyways?” 

I tried to think of how to respond until Marisol came in. She scrunched her nose as she saw Lottie and I huddled so closely on a bed. “When did you two become a thing?” 

I threw my arm around a stiff Lottie. “When Lotta finally came out and admitted she didn’t hate me, it was just a bunch of built up sexual tension. Right babe?” I kissed the side of her mouth before she could squirm out of my arms, nervously giggling. 

“Umm we’re waiting for you. You need to change into your swimming costume.” Marisol quipped. 

“Why? Are we swimming?” I hated the idea of wearing one of the tiny suits Beatrice picked in front of Henry. 

Marisol threw her head back and loudly huffed, “Why are you so difficult Tori?! Just go put it on so we can get this over with!” 

“Jesus Christ Marisol, chill out! And you lot call _me_ scary.” Lottie said as she left the room. 

**  
  
**

* * *

  
I walked towards the firepit and looked at each of my fellow castmates hooked up to heart rate monitors. Each monitor was connected to a small box with a screen. Sandra motioned to an empty seat where she then attached the monitor to my chest.

“Ok time to test it out. Is your name Tori?” 

“No.” I said like a rebellious two year old. 

“Ok go ahead and stand and press this button.” 

She handed me a device that resembled the handle of jump rope with a “yes” and “no” button on the top. 

I stood and pressed no, just to see what would happen. 

A red screen flashed behind me along with setting off an obnoxious buzzer.

“And that’s a lie” She smiled amused at my ridiculous display. 

“What does the standing prove?” I asked.

“The standing doesn’t affect the answers at all, it just shows the other islanders what you answered. This is _kinda_ _like_ Never Have I Ever, but with lie detectors.” She explained. 

“I preferred the drinking game version.” I groaned. 

Sandra turned and addressed the islanders, “Ok a question will appear on this screen.” She pointed to a large prompter between two cameras. “One of you will read the question aloud and _all of you_ must answer yes or no on your control and then stand or sit in response. For example.” A question appeared on the screen. 

**I have appeared on Love Island.**

Sandra instructed, “Ok now you would select yes, and you would stand because you all _have_ appeared on Love Island. Does that make sense? Now if the statement is never have I ever, for example.” 

Another question appeared on the prompter.

**Never have I ever shoplifted.**

Sandra continued, “Ok you would select YES if you _have_ shoplifted and stand, if you never have you select no and remain seated.” 

We all did as she said and each of our monitors blinked green. We ran through several test questions before she concluded with, “There will also be a chance for you to ask your own questions. If your name appears on the prompter, please ask whatever you’d like in the form of yes or no.” 

Despite Gary having to be given clarifications _multiple_ times we eventually started the game. I regretted diluting my buzz as I was now sweating out the remainder of my liquid courage. Henry and Bobby sat side by side across from me, each of us looked as nervous as the next. 

**Never have I ever participated in a threesome.**

Immediately Gary jumped out of his chair with hands proudly on his hips, followed by a blushing Marisol. 

Henry hesitated but eventually stood up.

Lottie flipped her hair and stood up next to me. I winked up at her and whispered, “I will have to keep you in mind next time.” She shook her head but didn’t fight the smile that creeped onto her face. 

Lastly Bobby stood up and an unfamiliar pit grew in my stomach. 

I was surprised to see Rocco was still seated too. 

All of our screens blinked green and those standing took their seats once again. 

**Ibrahim**

Rahim seemed to have prepared himself for this moment as he immediately asked, “Are you coupled with the person you want to be with?” 

The prompter reflected his question. 

Hope and Rahim were the first to stand, Noah followed shortly after. Rahim stared at Priya who was focused on her feet as she remained seated.

“Really?” The golfer slumped his shoulders in defeat. 

I blushed from Bobby blowing me a kiss, and Rocco and Marisol exchanged sheepish grins. 

A loud buzzer revealed someone had told a lie. We all looked to find a red screen behind Noah. 

Hope stood with her hand on her hip, her lips narrowing unable to verbalize her anger. She sat beside him and angled her body away from his. 

**Do you believe in love at first sight?**

My body moved before my mind could process I was on my feet before anyone else. Bobby stood in front of me and I tried really, _really_ hard not to look at him. I wanted him to hold me and erase every trace of Henry from my existence. I couldn’t help but hope that he was standing because of me. 

_When I saw him the first day in the villa I couldn’t wrap my head around how entranced I was by him. As the days passed the feeling became clearer and clearer but seemed absolutely ludicrous after only 5 days._

I looked up to find Henry _and_ Bobby staring at me. 

I avoided both of their eyes. 

Everyone was standing with the exception of Noah, Gary, Marisol and Lucas. 

**  
  
**

**Lucas**

**“** Never have I ever had a one night stand.” 

Noah and I were the only ones to stay in our seats. 

**  
  
**

**Never have I ever been engaged to be married.**

_Of course they’d ask this shit._

Priya stood up and glared at me. 

Henry and I locked eyes as we stood simultaneously. I looked into his blue eyes and tried to remember when they felt familiar, when they felt safe, when they brought me joy. It felt like so long ago. Now they only reminded me that love was not a forever thing and that love didn’t always feel that good. He was why I craved to feel nothing. He was why I longed to be numb. His eyes didn’t mirror mine. He was searching for something I’d never be able to give him, forgiveness. 

A large crease formed between Bobby’s brows as he began to put two and two together. 

Priya dropped her scowl as she asked Henry, “Wait! You guys were?” She moved her finger between Henry and I. 

“You remember that day?” He directed towards me. 

_I sat in my dad’s passenger seat as he pleaded with me to not put my life on hold anymore, in hindsight, he knew what Henry was about to do and he knew I would say no. He knew I’d think it wasn’t the right time. He knew I’d hate the attention. Say yes to marriage? Say yes to starting a life with someone, when I struggled living with myself? Maybe he thought planning a wedding would distract me from the pain I felt, a pain we all felt. He wanted me to pretend everything was normal when my world was being taken from me._

_Henry wore a shirt that matched his baby blue eyes. He nervously tapped his glass as he stood in a room full of our family. His mom cried as he pulled out the little black box that held a diamond ring. My brother smiled as I let go of his hand and stood in front of Henry. I nodded in agreement as I saw the look on my dad’s face._

_Everyone erupted in cheers as I cried. The tears weren’t for him or the ring he put on my finger. The tears weren’t that of joy or that of remorse. They were tears that I carried everyday. Tears that had greeted me for years as I woke from bed. Tears I still carry. My cry was masked in celebration, they were confused with happiness, they were confused with love. I did love him but my sadness overshadowed what I felt for him. And while everyone was fooled, Henry knew. Henry knew my tears were never for him and that's why he resented them._

“No, it was a long time ago.” I answered. 

The buzzer rang and my screen flashed red. 

I felt shame flood through me as I struggled to swallow the cry that begged to come to surface. _I would never cry in front of him again._ My sadness turned to anger as I rubbed the wrists he once gripped in anger. 

**  
  
**

The islanders silenced in the revelation of Henry and mine’s past. I sat in disgust thinking of how Henry could so blazonly stand to admit sexual escapades as I was here, four years later, last touched by him. 

**Rocco**

He stood, still uncomfortable with the last couple of truth bombs the challenge had unveiled. He offered me a comforting smile, one I appreciated very much. 

“Ok let's lighten things up, shall we? Never have I ever skinny dipped… in the villa.” His creeper smile back in full display. 

“So do we say _yes_ we’ve never or _yes_ we _have?”_

Gary looked confused. 

“We say yes and stand if we _have.”_ Marisol replied. 

Rocco and Marisol stood. Lottie rolled her eyes. “Snakes.” She said under her breath.

**Never have I ever sent nude pictures before.**

Everyone but Noah and I stood up. With all screens remaining green. _Thank God I didn’t have any nudes floating around, production would’ve found them and used them against me by now._

**Noah**

“I’ve graduated from university.”

Noah, Hope, Rahim, Lucas and I stood. 

It was my turn to offer a comforting smile to Rocco. 

**  
  
**

**Never have I ever been to prison before**

**  
  
**

Marisol, Gary and Henry stood. 

Lottie imitated Marisol’s suspicious glare. Marisol sucked her teeth in response. “Umm remember?! I had to go last semester for school. I am _not_ a criminal.” 

The islanders then directed their attention towards Henry.“I had to work in the prison during my time in the police academy.” 

_I remembered those days._ It took him 35 minutes to get home from the prison. I remember having to shove the pile of used tissues to the bottom of the garage bin and apply preparation H under my eyes to hide how swollen they were. 

“You’re a police officer?” Marisol bit her lip as she asked. 

“Ugh you make it sound like it’s hot.” Lottie sneered. 

“Because it is.” Priya finally spoke. 

Henry blushed as he responded, “Well I was.” He looked down and continued. “It was taking its toll on me though. I needed a break. My life hasn’t turned out at _all_ like I thought it would, if I am being honest. I buried myself in work to deal with it, I guess.” He shrugged.

_And in pussy apparently. All the one night stands and threesomes he’s been having._

Bobby cut in before he could continue his sob story and turned towards the handsome librarian.

“Noah? Did you run an underground book club or something?” 

Noah laughed nervously as he shuffled in his spot. “Umm no.. I went to uhh.. I went to visit my dad a couple of times, that’s all.” 

He abruptly sat down and kept his gaze focused on the prompter, his jaw tense and his eyes glazed. 

**Hope**

She still was rigid and fuming from Noah’s previous admission. She clearly wasn’t concerned with the fact that his thoughts had shifted to a darker place. She was going to figure out who he wanted to be with besides her. 

“I’d rather be coupled with Priya.” She practically spat. 

Ibrahim stood alone. Noah seemed to take a while to push his answer into his hand held control. He remained seated as his screen turned red and the obnoxious blare of the buzzer intensified Hope’s angry expression. Priya sat quietly and hid her smile in her hands. 

The game seemed to go on forever. Ibrahim flipped out on everyone who agreed that pineapple belongs on a pizza. Lottie, Priya and Marisol have all taken revenge out on an ex. Mine and Lottie’s screen flashed red when Gary asked if anyone had sex during their time in the villa.

Eyebrows raised in my direction as I looked around confused. “Well with myself.” I admitted and furrowed my brow in embarrassment. 

Lottie quickly shook her head up and down, she chimed in, “Ohh that’s me too. Yup same.” 

I discreetly side-eyed her and she shoved her elbow into my side, “Shut it princess.”

When Marisol’s name appeared on the screen she took her time in thinking of what she might say. “I know this may come as a surprise to some of you but it’s been over a year since I last had sex.” 

Gary once again asked for clarification, “So what’s the question?” 

“Has it been over a year since you had sex last?” Someone shouted.

“What?! No!” Gary pushed his button emphatically and leaned into his chair, crossing his legs and interlacing his fingers behind his head. 

I considered my options as my heart thumped. I could stay seated and play the masturbation card again. _It wasn’t a lie_ . Then Marisol looked towards me as if reading my mind and added, “With another person. I haven’t had sex with _another person_ in over a year.”

_Fuck, so much for leaving out celibacy._

I clicked the yes button and stood with Marisol. Relief flooded over Henry’s face. 

The prompter interrupted its routine as it flashed. 

**2 years?**

_Phillip is behind this shit._

Marisol took a seat leaving me standing alone. 

**3 years?**

I remained standing as I angrily pressed the no button.

Henry softly asked, “4 years and seven months?” 

I looked at him and refused to answer instead telling him to fuck off. 

The prompter went off again and my blood boiled. 

**Never have I ever cheated on someone?**

Lucas stood first and rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably, Gary stood expressionless, and Hope reluctantly got to her feet. 

“So are you going to wait for the buzzer to go off Hen?” I snapped. 

He stood and glared at me as the screens turned green. 

“Maybe we should tell them why?” He shot, the familiar rage appeared in his eyes. 

My teeth chattered in my mouth and I pressed my lips together to keep them from quivering.

“Why, what?” Lottie asked, enraged. “She deserved it?”

“You try fucking someone who bursts into tears all the time. Even in the middle of.. _you know.._ ” He griped. 

”It didn’t stop you from finishing though did it?” I reminded him. My hands shook as I remembered the times he covered my face with a pillow to muffle my sobs.

“You were my fiance, and you refused me!” 

He was right, after months of pushing myself to try to be a normal partner, I stopped. One day a part of me died, and I could no longer pretend I wanted to be touched. I could no longer pretend life was ok. I could no longer pretend I didn’t spend the afternoon crying. I could no longer pretend I hadn’t fallen out of love with Henry. 

Henry wasn’t enough to pull me from that dark place and for a long time I had felt guilty thinking he should _even have_ to try to. But the guilt faded when Henry’s rage started. He used to remind how he was there when my brother was diagnosed, he was there to hold me after the amputation, after the radiation, after the prognosis he was terminal. 

He was tired of me living like I was dying too, he wanted me to focus on what life was going to be like after, how we still had each other, that _I_ was not the one dying. _Though I wished everyday it was me instead._ After he first expressed his irritation of my sadness, I had tried to pretend I was ok around him, but I couldn’t. I tried to do the things I knew he wanted, but my mind never let me forget, while I was there in bed with Henry. My brother was in a hospital dying. Henry grew tired of holding me through tears and one day shook me when he found me weeping. That’s when I stopped crying in front of him and eventually stopped letting him touch me all together. We lived in resentment for months until I was finally reprieved of my guilt entirely when I found he had fucked one of the girl’s he worked with. The irony was he was so angry I had no more tears when he confessed his infidelity. I didn’t even pretend to be sad when I moved out and left him my ring. I also offered him no sympathy as he sobbed and begged me to stay.

**  
  
**

Henry continued to defend his actions, “You act like I am the reason you are like _this!_ I was good to you, I was there for you! They don’t even know about how unhinged you are, but I loved you anyways. When you’d wake up unable to breath. I HELD YOU!” 

“You did you held me _soo_ tight. You remember? And you want to act so smug thinking you were the last to touch me. I never want to be touched again if that’s what it feels like.” My voice was barely audible as I screamed back towards him. 

Priya stood and directed towards me, “Is this true? So you never?”

“Are you fucking serious Priya, right now? With Colin? No! Jesus Christ, go ahead ask me now that I have this shit strapped to my fucking chest!” I was shocked she’d still manage to bring up that petty rumor now.

“Ok did you ever have an inappropriate relationship with Colin Dawson?” 

“No.” The screen behind me blinked green and tears filled Priya’s eyes. 

I started ripping off the monitor as I continued, “I would never do that.” I gently squeezed her shoulder and walked towards Phillip. 

“Anything else you’ve got? Are you going to invite the cheerleader I punched next? You found out about the time I pissed myself in 2nd grade? What else, you fucking bastard!?” 

Sandra pulled me away as Delaney made her way out towards the lawn. 

**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know your thoughts on the chapter. xoxo


	19. Henry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Henry POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Never could I imagine, writing a ff would evoke so much emotion from me. I hope you enjoy the chapter, it was not easy to write.
> 
> Song inspo-
> 
> https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=8GsZZ_MSJuk&feature=share
> 
> Happiest Year

I followed her. Scared of what else she might announce on camera. I had so many things I wanted to tell her since she left. We needed a break, what we had become was so unhealthy, but it didn’t make losing her one ounce easier. I never got the chance. She not only moved out of our home she moved out of the fucking country. I ached to know if she was ok, it was probably for the better she was too far away to constantly check on her. I hated myself for who she turned me into and I looked for someone, _anyone_ to want me, to love me, because Tori clearly didn’t. For so long in our relationship I wondered what I did, what was wrong with me that she never seemed happy? Why were strangers more attracted to me than my own fiance? I often found it hard to look in the mirror because she made me feel like I was absolutely worthless, and the more I fought to keep her, the more out of control I became. I needed to prove to myself I could be wanted, that someone wasn’t disgusted by my touch. No one ever came close to her. No one ever made me forgive myself for how I treated her. 

I was 15 when I first heard about the girl who kicked Chessica’s ass. Chessica was known as being the biggest bitch at West High. She tortured everyone equally and gave no exception when it came to the special ed. class. She teased one boy in particular, she made fun of his large stature and that he couldn't talk. He never seemed to really even understand her teasing him but she found a way to upset him, she’d steal his headphones and laugh as he would cry and rock himself back and forth. Even though Trevor couldn’t defend himself he had a sister who would, and boy did she. It was Trevor who got Tori to calm down enough to stop pummeling Chessica with her fists. After I heard all the infamous stories about this tiny warrior, I became enamoured. She didn’t have many friends but maybe because she stayed by her brother’s side whenever she could. He would only take his headphones off at lunch to listen to her as she’d pull her guitar out and sing to him. Other kids thought she was just as weird as him, but I fell in love with how sweet she was. How she stood a foot shorter than Trevor but walked him home as his protector. If I was honest with myself, she was my hero. 

I tried to get her attention, but she was too focused on her brother, or fighting for reform in our school. She was an advocate for the kids in her brother’s class. She hosted fundraisers to get a basketball team assembled for them, she made certain buses were clean and offered appropriate equipment, she made sure as shit no one ever made fun of one of them. It wasn’t until my sister took up dance that I even had a chance to talk to her. She confronted me one day after I had watched her in class for a week, she moved like an angel. Her angelic side wasn’t as apparent when she screamed in my face and asked me why I was stalking her. She was a tough girl when we were young.

I guess that's what made me fall apart in our relationship, watching her stop fighting. She became so weak it scared me. 

It took months for her to go out with me. It helped that both our dad’s were officers at the same sheriff station and my little sister had become friends with her. Most of our dates still worked around Trevor, if Trevor couldn’t go, she couldn’t go, and that never really bothered me. It was why I loved her. Even when she left me hanging at prom, I still forgave her because I admired that she had strong convictions at a young age. The closer we became the more I saw that Trevor offered Tori as much comfort as her to him. I saw as Tori would sneak her medication, I saw that sometimes her left hand shook, and that she had a hard time catching her breath out of the blue. Something about Trevor calmed her down. He only spoke a few words but the ones he did were important, “Tori, relax.” He’d tell her, and her breathing would return to normal. I always thought she learned instruments to play for him but I soon found out he knew how to play them without ever needing to be taught. She simply tried to be as good as he was, and a sense of peace always washed over her when they could play together. She even told me that was his way of communicating. 

Her dad always pressured her into leaving the nest, not because he didn’t adore her. He clearly did, but because he felt that Trevor wasn’t her responsibility. She had spent her childhood protecting him, centering her hobbies around him and sacrificing a social life to keep him company. Tori argued that she loved her brother, it never seemed to burden her as much as her dad thought it did. She reluctantly moved in with me during college. We spent two years in bliss. I was the best me and I tried to always help her be the best her. I watched with pride as she opened up about her anxiety. How she lived through it and figured out ways to combat it and be successful. She always made an example that if her brother could be happy with the struggles his autism brought him, _she_ could handle her anxiety. Then it all changed. 

She answered her dad’s call that day never imagining she’d be lying on the floor in tears by the end of it. I held her as she told me the horrible news about Trevor being diagnosed with an inoperable sarcoma. Everyday her strength diminished, everyday she was harder to find when I looked into her eyes. I hurt for Trevor too. I hurt for her dad. I hurt. I was alone. I wondered why she wasn’t there for me, why did I start feeling like a stranger in my own home? I’d be kept up at night as I heard her cry beside me, when I turned to hold her she pretended she was asleep. I remember her seeming relieved as I left to work and never happy to see me come home. A year into Trevor’s treatment, she was a shell of the girl I loved. Her dad saw it too, and told me I should give her something to look forward to and give her hope in a time of hopelessness. I wasn’t sure about proposing to her, but I couldn’t lie that it was all I wanted to do for the last seven years. She accepted the ring all while she looked back at me helplessly, like she had no choice but to say yes. It gutted me. Kissing her was painful, making love to her excruciating. She was like holding sand, the harder I gripped the more she slipped away. I lost sleep, I lost my better judgement. I started to hate her, I lost respect for her, sometimes I watched her cry and thought she was pathetic, but I also hated myself by then. I couldn’t stand seeing her cry anymore, and couldn’t control myself as I screamed at her to stop. I knew all that did was cause her to hide and cry which only made me angrier. I found her once huddled in the shower silently sobbing and I shook her. I grabbed her tiny, perfect wrists _and I shook her_. I knew if something didn’t stop her, I’d come home and find her dead. I watched her eyes darken in fear that day, I shook her because I hated what I had turned her into. I hated her for what she turned me into. 

We stayed together another year. I saw that she tried to pretend but I had checked out as much she had after that night. I couldn’t leave her, _her brother was dying_. Rebecca came out of nowhere, she didn’t come close to the love I had for Tori, but Rebecca wanted me, she respected me, she didn’t look at me with disgust. When Trevor passed I held Tori for the last time and it was only because I needed someone to hold me. She never would cry for him in front of me, she didn’t even cry when she found out about Rebecca. A part of me was relieved when she gave me back the ring she never wanted. As she left I watched her hold her chest, I saw her left hand shake and I knew she was now all alone in this world. The one person who could offer her peace was now gone and I sobbed in front of her. She may have thought it was because I wanted her to stay, but it was because I couldn’t save her. I failed her and I saw her heart was empty.

She moved away, and I tried to move on. It was hard to forget her as our mutual friends loved sending me articles about her success in London. I laughed at the stories told about her. _Tori dating an engaged man?_ Never. The ice princess seemed fitting though. The Sexy Mother Teresa? Also believable. I was always happy to see that she looked better. Her curves had filled back out, her eyes weren't vacant black holes in the pictures. She seemed to be healing. I tried to do the same. I took on new hobbies after drinking and sleeping around hadn’t eased my heartbreak. I found a love for the outdoors, started hiking and became an avid climber. I tried to think if Tori could overcome this loss and our breakup, I could too. I could be strong like she was. 

Then I was informed Tori was on a reality tv show. I didn’t believe it until I was forwarded a clip of the show. I watched in horror as I realised she wasn’t as healed as I imagined she was. Every time I saw her reach for the necklace her dad gave her I knew. I knew she needed someone to calm her the way Trevor once did. These years had given me so much clarity on my mistakes that I foolishly never hesitated when production asked if I wanted to appear on the show. _Maybe I could fix what I had broken_. 

I stood on the lawn and watched as Tori yelled and flailed her arms in anger. I admired her returning spirit. Even though I was the cause of her anger, I wanted to cheer her on and encourage her to fight just like she did when we were kids. Bobby was alongside me watching her chuck her mic towards Phillip. He looked almost frightened and that only confirmed that he wasn’t as perfect for her as he thought he was. She turned her attention towards me and I tried to hear her but as I watched her animated tantrum my heart remembered the way it felt before we ruined it. _Cry for me_ , I internally begged. This was _my girl_ for 8 years. My first, my first love, and my first heartbreak. She was in some ways my only and I was so tired of being a stranger to her. 

“Why are you even here?” She finally said something clearly.

I swallowed hard as I took in her question, “Because I..” I started. 

She pushed me and screamed, “WHY?” 

“Because I fucked up, I don’t need you back. I need to fix what I did. I just didn’t know what to do, I was fucking scared. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I loved you.” 

Her fists pounded on my chest as she dropped onto her knees in front of me. 

“I loved Trevor too.” I told her as I knelt beside her. 

“Don’t say his name, don’t you dare bring him up.” She said through clenched teeth. 

My face fell into my hands as I sobbed, “You think he hates me for what I did to you?” 

I couldn’t see as tears poured out of me. I lost someone too and I never felt I was allowed to grieve him because that was Tori’s brother and it was _her_ grief, but I also knew and loved him for years. I also missed him, I also felt terrible because I hurt who he loved most. 

To my surprise I felt her hands wipe the tears away from my face as she struggled to speak through her own sob, “No Hen, he wasn’t capable of hate. He would’ve been disappointed in _both_ of us.” 

I rocked her in my arms as she wept. Her tears weren’t for me but I didn’t resent them anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curious to know your thoughts. Again I appreciate the love and feedback


	20. Smile For Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was important for me to emphasize the subtle differences of Bobby and Henrik's thoughts. It's another short chapter, but I l love it. Bobby is an incredible template to write from.

I stood there confused. I wasn’t sure who was comforting who but it felt so intimate I walked away, feeling sick to my stomach.  _ So much for figuring out where we stood.  _ I couldn’t imagine how Tori felt, but even I was irritated with all the bombs production was bringing in this show. Why couldn’t they bring another person’s ex?  _ To be fair none of exes' appearances would be all that exciting.  _ I was on friendly terms with every one of them and had no secret fiancés or affairs under my belt. They wanted drama here, and that just wasn’t my jam. 

I picked at my dinner as I pondered what else I didn’t know about Tori. She had told me it had been awhile since she’d been intimate  _ but almost 5 years? _ She moved slow, slower than I imagined but why was I assuming she was feeling what I was so soon then? That night she almost hinted she was feeling something more than physical.  _ Right?  _ When I looked in her eyes I could feel it, and when I was with her I felt like I was falling.  _ But now _ ? I wondered what exactly I was going to fall into.  _ A fiancé?  _ I didn’t even know if she liked to cook, if she had a dog, siblings, if she’d choose DC or marvel.  _ Who was this woman _ ? Maybe Marisol was right, maybe I was blinded by a pretty face. 

I shook my head.  _ No not a pretty face _ . I’ve seen pretty faces, plenty in fact. I have dated pretty faces, and they all seemed to be devastated if their order was wrong at the coffee shop. Pretty faces that cared more about how many followers they had on social media and less about when was the last time they’d visited their grammy. 

_ Something about the way Tori looked off into the sky though _ . It made me believe she understood the gravity of life. If I told her about my past she might understand, unlike the others. Kayla lasted three years before she began to get tired of the priority my ma and Gracie held in my life. That a good portion of my earnings went to them, and that I never would go to her folks for the holidays,  _ and leave my girls? _ Never. Sometimes it felt like the three of us lived in our own bubble, as long as we had each other, it was enough.  _ Except when my ma asks when Ahm going to give her grandbabies.  _

“You going to sulk like the rest of them? Or are you going to get ready for the party?” Lottie looked at my plate and then back at me with concern. I had absentmindedly drawn a sad face in my rice. 

“Is that like a nonverbal call for help?” She smirked. “Blink twice if you're being held here against your will.” 

I laughed and discarded my uneaten plate. I could see from the window Henry was still talking to Tori. Her face looked pained as she listened to him and played with her necklace. I wanted to catch her attention. I just wanted her to smile for me. 

  
  
  


What a daft party this was. Music was lame. Bombay mix for snacks and just a load of bullshit about who wanted who and blah blah blah. This place wore on me. I missed the simplicity of Glasgow. I wondered if my mum and sis were home watching me, maybe they’d expect me to cheer everyone up like I normally do,  _ but this wasn’t normal me.  _

I thought about leaving. Going home didn’t seem like the worst idea, as 50,000 pounds seemed like a terrible consolation prize to losing Tori to Henry. That bastard couldn’t take his eyes off her, but who could blame him? She wore this dress that matched the color of the cabernet in her glass, the sleeves fell off her delicate shoulders and the bottom angled to give a magnificent view of her gorgeous thighs. He seemed to appreciate the outfit as much as I did. I was shocked to see that her anger towards him had almost disappeared as the evening progressed. That’s why I gave her space. I wasn’t sure if she was back to avoiding me since I was beating her to the punch this time.I didn’t want to talk to her, I didn’t want to hear what I was sure she’d say.  _ Four years and seven months _ , is what Henry said. She still loved him, that’s the only logical reason she’d save herself that long. The more I processed this, the more the room began to spin. I went to the only place I knew I’d be given a little privacy, the roof terrace. 

The noise from the party hummed as I felt the night’s warm breeze on my face. I looked up to the night’s sky and sang into the stars a song that used to play in my home as a child. It wasn’t my dad’s favorite, but he sang it so well. 

Sometimes it snows in April

Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad

Sometimes I wish that life was never ending 

But all good things, they say, never last

All good things they say, never last

And love, it isn’t love until it’s past. 

  
  


“You have a beautiful voice Bobby.” I heard Tori as I jumped to high Jesus. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you!” She giggled as she sat on my lap and twirled one of my dreads around her finger. 

_ She isn’t yours.  _ I told myself as she surveyed my face. 

“You ok?” She said. “Are you thinking about your dad?”

My body tightened slightly at her mention of him. “Why would you think that?” I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. 

She cautiously responded, “You said your dad loved Prince?” She seemed to register my discomfort. 

“Yeah that’s right I did.” I said with a downturned smile and nod. Sensing my need to change the subject she wiggled into my leg and sang. 

“She wore a raspberry beret

The kind you find in a second hand store

Raspberry beret

And if it was warm bee beep boo beep” 

She blushed as she forgot the lyrics. 

She continued, 

“Raspberry Beret

I think..”

I joined in, “I love uhhhovv her.”

All of her dancing on my lap had pulled the majority of her dress up and my hands could feel the lace of her panties covering her rounded backside. They explored her before I could stop myself. I looked to her face for permission and was met with those big brown eyes. 

_ Smile for me. _ I begged through closed lips.My fingers trailed along the pattern of the lace as I passed her hips and lingered between her legs. Her head tipped back as I felt the soft crease of her thighs. She focused her face back towards me and gave me what I wanted. I rubbed my other thumb along her lips as her smile widened further. 

“I love..” I paused as her eyes grew in anticipation for what I might say. “Your smile.” 

I finished as I tried to register if she was frightened by what I was about to say or disappointed by what I actually said. 

“I love that _ you do _ .” She said as she placed her lips over mine. 

Her arms wrapped around my neck and her knees pushed past my hips, I could taste the wine that lingered on her tongue. I could feel the heat of her as she grinded on my hand that had never left the lace of her underwear. 

I let her lead until she broke free of my lips and begged me, “Bobby. Touch me, please?” 

_ Well since she asked so politely.  _

I slid my thumb under the thin fabric and inserted it into her slowly. Soft, slick and warm, even around my finger she felt incredible. 

She leaned her forehead against mine and I heard her trembling breaths as I moved in and out of her. 

“I need you.” She whined. Her hands traveled down my shirt fumbling to pull at its buttons. 

“Are ye trying to steal another one of ma’ shirts Lass?” I managed to say. 

Another smile spilled onto her angelic face. 

“Keep talking to me Bobby, I need to know I’m  _ with you _ .  _ Please.”  _

“Where did you think you’d be? Are you worried I am going to get lost.” I joked. I instantly regretted it when I saw what she meant when her eyes looked into mine. I kissed her again before reassuring her, “I am going to take care of you, ok?” 

Her head fell into my chest and I felt the tears stream out of her. I moved both my hands around her and traced circles around her shoulders. 

“I’m pathetic, right?” She sniffled against my skin. 

“Wha’ no!” I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and placed my chin atop her head. 

She wiped at her eyes but the tears kept coming, “I am. I know you deserve more than this. I am so sorry. I just keep trying to save you from me. I can’t ruin you like I did with..”

“Henry?” I could hardly hide the anger in my voice. 

“Well yes.” She exhaled.

“Lass, don’t compare me to him.” 

“Ohh I’m not, I’m sorry. I’m not. I just think. Well I’m not sure what I think. I just. Umm. I keep. It’s like.” She blubbered. 

I just wanted to bring back the smile that left her face. 

She gathered her breath through suppressed sounds of hiccups. “I keep trying to tell myself to leave you alone, because I don’t want you to hate me. I keep trying to push you away but then I see you and _ I can’t _ .” 

“I could never hate you.” She was absolutely killing me. 

Tori sat up straight determined to vocalize her thoughts.

“You are like this piece of cake left in the fridge and I am like on a diet.” 

I raised my brow, curious where she was going with this. 

“And I can’t help but keep opening the door and seeing you and knowing I shouldn’t have cake but it looks so sweet and delicious and I know I am going to devour it if I take a bite.” her lip trembled as she tried to keep explaining her bizarre metaphor. 

“Ok, well I guess if you're comparing me to baked goods, I should take that as a compliment?” 

She laughed as the remaining tears fell down her cheeks, I wiped them away but kept my fingers gently pressed into the perfect indentions that framed her smile. 

“Please don’t cry for me.” I pleaded. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've said this before, but writing this story has been a bit strange. Most of this has just unraveled at the keyboard. These are all very personal points in my own life and I know they hit home for others too. The love I get in these comments truly makes my day. I think it's important to know in a world that is so big, it takes so little to connect us to one another. 
> 
> xoxoxo


	21. Blondes and Aubergines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspo. 
> 
> Fletcher - If you're gonna lie

“You’re out of your fucking mind Henry.” I scoffed. “Get off the ground, seriously you’re embarrassing yourself.” I looked nervously at the mounted cameras.

He knelt on the floor with his palms placed together like in prayer, “Pretty please!” He whined.

He had filled the kitchen counter with a vibrant array of food. 

“I am not getting up until you make it.” His eyes determined, his lips almost curled.

Take away the scruff of a beard on his face and he looked the same as he did 13 years ago. Sure our first date was just riding our bikes to the beach but his eyes held the same determination to make _that_ happen. Even when I brought Trevor along to the movies and had him sit right in between us, Henry still never gave up. 

_He finally saved up enough for that truck. A small two seater. He was so proud as he pulled into my driveway. His blonde hair flew in his face as he rolled the windows down. I walked up, ready to go get the ice cream he promised he’d get me, when Henry stopped me. “You’ll get your turn, after.”_

_“After?” I stood with my hands fixed on my undeveloped hips. “Yea, after.” He said over his shoulder as he walked to my front door. “Let’s go buddy!” He returned hand in hand with a beaming Trevor. “You going to get chocolate or vanilla?” He asked as he opened his passenger door. Trevor rocked back and forth excitedly, “Chocolate!” He cheered, while I simultaneously mouthed his answer. I rolled my eyes at Henry as he made his way to the driver’s side, trying to shake the smile that creeped on my face._

  
  


“Fine, just get up.” I sighed. 

He jumped to his feet and lifted me up chanting, “Chilequiles. Chilequiles!” 

Marisol ran in. “Who’s making chilequiles?!” An uncharacteristic grin filled her face. A much different expression crossed Bobby’s as he examined Henry’s hold on me. I tapped his shoulders to put me down.

“Tori is a great cook!” Henry said as he placed me back on my feet. 

“I can make _like_ 3 things.” I clarified, trying to calm his excitement. 

“And _one_ of them is chilequiles!” He sang. 

Bobby looked at the counter and picked up a round wheel of cheese, “Queso Fresco?” 

“Yes, you want to help me?” I offered, hoping it would lighten his mood. 

“I am just making a cuppa, I’ll be out your way lass.” He found the kettle already full and quietly filled his mug and left. 

I watched from the window as he sunk into a bean bag outside. Marisol noticed my frown and bumped her hips into mine.

“So you got this gringo to like spice?” She playfully nodded towards Henry. 

“Surprised his taste buds haven’t changed, I half expected him to ask for a donut. Right officer?” I coaxed. 

“I’m telling your dad you made a cop joke.” He teased. 

_I wonder if he still talks to my dad?_

I threw a handful of tomatoes and tomatillos into the cast iron and asked, “Speaking of dads, how’s Papa Joe?” 

“I have no idea, haven’t talked to him since I turned in my badge.” His blue eyes not even flinching as he answered. 

I stood in silence for a moment before faltering an, “I’m so sorry Hen.” 

“Don’t be! He’d kick my ass if he saw me on this show.” 

He laughed but I knew he wasn’t joking. His dad kicked his ass for much less. Like when Henry was 17 and blamed the bruise on his jaw from a fall on his bike, after he admitted to his dad he never wanted to be a police officer. 

  
  
  
  
  


I brought a plate to Bobby who sat baking in the sun. 

“Bobby, you are getting burnt. Aren’t you dying in this heat?”

“I am making up for years of living in Glasgow.” He smiled and took the dish from my hand. 

“It’s spicy.” I warned.

“Lass my da was Jamaican, I can handle anything. Ye ever tried a bonnet pepper?” 

“So that explains why you’re so hot.” I plopped into the bean bag beside him.

“Yeah Mon.” He said with his best attempt of a caribbean accent.

I watched as he took a bite, nervous what his experienced palette might think. I raised my brow as if asking what he thought.

“This is amazing.” He managed to get in between bites. 

Henry walked up behind me and began massaging my shoulders like a coach would to a boxer on the ropes. “And that’s why I love this girl.” 

_That’s why?_

Bobby smiled politely and stood up, “You’re right I’ve had enough sun. Thanks Lass.”

  
  


* * *

  
  


We walked out to the lawn and saw a large mat with rows of different emojis on the artificial turf. 

“Omg is this like the game Twister?” Hope whooped. 

Lucas’s phone dinged and he read his text aloud, “Living in a house with a dozen people may feel crowded, but it isn’t nearly as bad as this game. Be prepared to climb all over each other while playing Head over Heels. It involves teamwork, so stand close to the one you trust. The last unofficial couple standing will be going on a double date with the host and an islander of her choice.” 

  
  


“So one of us girls is hosting?” Marisol guessed. 

“Or maybe _she_ is.” Ibrahim pointed at a tiny blonde making her way across the lawn. 

I couldn’t tell if she was skipping or walking as I was entranced with her bright smile and enormous blue eyes. Her shoulder length curls bounced as she waved with both hands excitedly, “Hi guys! I’m Chelsea!”

Her barbie-pink bikini suited her bubbly presence and definitely grabbed every boy’s attention. She seemed completely unaware of that though, and to my surprise made her way straight over to me. Her eyes seemed to change as she set them on mine. I felt my hand tremor as I waited to see how Chelsea played into Phillip’s sick and twisted plot. 

I closed my eyes and prepared myself as she approached me. Chelsea stopped in front of me and began nervously rattling, “I can’t believe I get to meet you in person!” She practically screeched. I opened one eye tentatively to see if she was being sarcastic.

“I literally have a pinterest board with _all_ of your work! Like, you’re actually on my vision board! You know when you were wearing that black dolce dress on the cover of London Home?” She prattled on. “And you totally made over a bed and breakfast like a street over from my flat and sometimes I stay overnight just to like reset my vibes and like stand in a room, you probably stood in. Even if the room is like 400 pounds for the night. See I am a kind of a designer myself, well not kind of. I am! I work over in Slough..” I wasn’t sure if she stopped because she ran out of breath or if she realized how she sounded.

Her cheeks began to resemble the color of her swimsuit and she nervously chuckled and put out her hand as if to shake mine. I looked at her hand confused and she gulped and placed it back at her side. “Sorry. I was just practicing what I’d say my whole ride up here.”

I threw my head back and laughed. _Thank God._ I pulled the petite girl into a hug and took in her warm giggle. _It was not often that people recognized me for an article in London Home._

Gary eagerly made his way over followed by the rest of the boys and eventually most of the girls with the exception of Lottie and Hope. 

Hope stayed where she was and shouted, “Nice to meet you, let’s get on with this yea?” She clapped twice to get her to hurry up. 

Chelsea adjusted her swim bottoms and informed the boys to stand on one side of the board and the girls on another. She whispered to me as the islanders made their way around the mat. 

“Ok, so how are we feeling about Henry? We like him or what? Cuz I will disqualify him a heartbeat if you want me to.” She smirked and walked to the front of us. “Just like that” She mouthed and snapped her fingers.

“Ok, so I will announce where you go and then what action you must take in your position, if you step off your assigned emoji _or_ if you fall you are out!” She instructed us. 

“Boys right foot aubergine.” She bellowed. 

Bobby stepped a foot closer across from me, placing his right foot on the eggplant emoji. 

“Keep that right foot in place while lifting your left foot towards your rear end.” Chelsea read from her cards. 

Gary had the hardest time keeping his balance, while Henry and Rocco gracefully held their stance. _Rock Climbing he said?_ His new hobby had added at least 20 lbs of muscle to his athletic frame. He caught my glance and I quickly brought my attention back to the boisterous blonde. 

“Ladies!!” She cheered, shimmying her shoulders. 

The dark lipped witch to my side scoffed, “You think that little chihuahuas on drugs? No one is _that_ happy. No one!” 

_If she is, I’ll have what she’s having._

“Ok left foot lips, right foot flex emoji.” 

The two characters bordered the aubergine emoji, I placed my left foot past Bobby’s right. My chest on his, I could smell his sunscreen wondered if it tasted just as good as it smelt. 

“Now girls, keep your footing and kiss the islander closest to you.” 

Bobby leaned down as I held his shoulders to keep him balanced on his lone foot. Hope went out of her way to avoid Noah, punishing him still from the day before. Instead she kissed an unsuspecting, lone Lucas. Noah waited patiently for Priya to finish her kiss with Rahim before stretching past Hope to kiss the gorgeous estate agent. Lottie had to kiss both Gary and Henry as he tried to keep his focus off Bobby and I. 

“Omg you boys look like the chick’s in a love story. With your leg hitched up behind you!” The host jested. 

Bobby and I both giggled as we realized how right she was. His lips were soft and plush as they fell onto mine. I tried to take in more of his pout but he shifted and pulled away in order to not fall. Once he regained his composure I rested against his chest, enjoying him briefly before Chelsea announced the next move.

“Boys left foot cat emoji.” 

Bobby held on to me as he stretched his long slim leg to the pussy cat. The almost splits caused most of the boys to be eye level with our chests. Bobby sighed with content as he cozied in between my breasts. I pulled at one of his dreads. “Wha’?” He asked. “You did the same thing a minute ago, lass.” He nuzzled back in. 

The game continued to move us all around the board, Ibrahim quickly being eliminated while almost taking Priya with him. 

I was bent over with my right hand on the cat emoji, waiting for the boys to move their left hand to kissy lips. Gary fell forward onto Lottie before Chelsea could announce the boys next action. 

“Suck on the nearest body part.” She apprehensively read. 

Bobby’s hair tickled my stomach as he opened his mouth on my thigh. His tongue sent shivers all over my body as it ran over my skin. His mouth hot and hungrily taking in the taste of me. My nails buried into the mat as I took in the view of his head between my legs even though it pained me it wasn’t further centered. I almost lost my footing as another mouth adhered to my ass cheek. I could feel teeth sensually bite into the fullest part of my bum before I felt lips pull at my skin, sucking in as much of my flesh as he could. His stubble tickled as I felt the vibration of the growl that escaped his mouth. A loud pop could be heard as Henry released me from his mouth. 

I could see Bobby’s jaw tense as Henry said from behind me, “Sorry it was the closest body part to me and it looked so,” ”Well...edible.”

Marisol’s short legs made her and Rocco’s hug near impossible and they succumbed to gravity, laughing on their way to the ground. 

Eventually it was just Hope, Priya, Noah, Henry, Bobby and I. 

The games challenges involved physical contact with everyone but still, Priya sent an apologetic look as she chose Henry’s neck to lick. 

I forced my way to stay as close to Bobby as I could. Trying to avoid Henry’s touch as it became less and less repulsive each time I felt him on me. 

Hope became angry when no boy chose her, _ever_. Her mind games had apparently worn on Noah who focused every challenge on Priya. Even when they fell together, it didn’t interrupt their embrace as they continued their kiss on Priya’s back. Hope looked furious as she watched her golden ticket to 50,000 pounds wrap his hands in Priya’s dark crimson locks. 

I looked around at our competion. All I needed to do was wait for Hope and Henry to fall and Bobby and I could finally get time outside the villa together. I looked at him and he seemed to understand my game plan and matched the determination I held on my brow. We smiled as we stuck every pose and watched as Henry and Braidzilla wobbled awkwardly together. We held onto each tight, with grit focus on winning the challenge. I caught Hope as she begrudgingly stared at Bobby and I. 

“Ladies, left foot smiley face.” Chelsea listlessly announced. She was just as exhausted hosting as I was contorting my body for the last 30 minutes.

I studied Hope as a smile suddenly spread across her face. She stepped forward and thrusted herself towards Bobby knocking them both hard to the ground. 

“Fuckin hell!” Bobby cursed, rubbing his injured shoulder. Hope dusted herself off and looked pleased as Henry came to my side. “All those years of dance paid off I see.” he smirked. 

I stepped to the side to offer space between us, but I could still feel him radiating next to me a familiar warmth. 

Chelsea seemed to regain her initial enthusiasm as she announced us as the winners. Her phone went off. She looked at me smiling, “Babes let’s go get ready for our date!” 

Henry looked at her confused when he asked, “Wait you and her?” 

“Ohh that’s right I have to pick a date to go with us!” She remembered. 

She seemed to have already known who she wanted to take as she chose without hesitation. 

“I want to take Bobby!” She bubbled.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize it's taken me 20 chapters to get to day 6 (insert facepalm)
> 
> I am hoping the story moves along faster as a lot the characters have been established. 
> 
> What do you guys think of the different challenges? I hope they are easy to follow as I try to describe them to my best ability. I am telling you I struggle to read canon now. So the change in my own writing is necessary. 
> 
> Lastly, opinions are welcomed here and appreciated immensely! xoxoxo


	22. Double Date

_ Did she say Bobby?  _ I thought to myself. I hadn’t taken much notice of her earlier but now that she’d chosen me I suppose I owed her my eyes’ attention. The new girl was indeed a fucking stunner. She looked like a girl modeling for teeth whiteners or something. Her cheery disposition reminded me of Gracie’s which was most likely why I hadn’t given her much attention earlier.  _ Well that, and the challenge.  _ I’d been too distracted with finding out Tori was not only fit, but she was exceptionally flexible. My poor Bobby Johnson, he’s been teased for days by that woman and after having every part of her shoved in my face this afternoon, I’d become a much weaker man. 

Maybe I’d even find a Jergins bottle attractive at this point.

Chelsea's smile almost eased the discomfort I felt in my chest, knowing Tori would be going on a date with her ex. I was so confused with where she stood with him. The security I felt with her was fleeting. When she looked at me, she felt like _ she was mine _ but as soon as our eyes weren’t locked I felt all over the place. I tried to focus on the small blonde but all I could see was the girl next to her that I wanted so bad and how she was standing next to  _ him _ . The worst part was they matched, they looked right for each other. Even when she looked hurt by him, it felt like he knew her or a part of her I never would.  _ Was I foolish to think I was good enough for her?  _ I didn’t think Henry was good enough for her and he looked like the Prince of Asgard . 

I smiled back at Chelsea and hid my diffidence under another Mckenzie grin. My dad always told me, when you’re not sure, smile. Even when you don’t feel like it, smile. My dad could smile through a lot. He never lost it, even when he’d lost everything else. At the end it took so much effort but he still smiled. Especially for my ma’, she lived for that smile she told me. Luckily I’d inherited my dad’s grin. It’s what got her through the rough days.  _ There were no frowns in the Mckenzie house!  _ Not on my dad’s watch, and now, not on mine. So here I was, feeling every muscle in my cheek strain as I forced a look of happiness. 

“Come on cutie pie, we’ve got a date with the hottest designer in London.” She said as she pulled me towards the villa. Her perfume was as sweet as her voice. 

The heat of the Spanish sun meant cold showers were impossible. The water trailed down me as I ignored the heaviness I felt in my nether regions. I pushed aside the image of her full tits in my face, I fought off the memory of the way her skin tasted and I tried with all my might to forget how eloquently she bended in every which direction. The shower left little relief. I pulled on a grey v neck and some skinny jeans and made my way out, avoiding the God of Thunder.

“What the bloody hell took you so long?” Sandra shouted as I walked to the driveway. 

_ Waiting for the blood to distribute evenly through my body.  _

“Sorry I had a massive, err headache. Where’s Chelsea?” 

Sandra adjusted my mic before informing me, “You aren’t riding up with your date, we need first reactions at the table not in the car ride over.” 

She opened the car door and there sat Tori. 

She wore a simple white, strapless dress and had a red flower above her ear that matched the color of her lipstick. She seemed just as surprised to see me getting in the car with her. She politely smiled and leaned her head against the window, watching the villa become further and further away. Her butterfly pendant rolled between her thumb and index finger and she nibbled at her lower lip nervously.  _ Was she like this because of Henry?  _ I asked myself.  _ No.  _ As much as I wanted to blame everything on Henry, she’d been like this since our first day at the villa. It hurt me to wonder how long she’s been this rattled in her own skin.  _ But why?  _ I guess she might tell me if I asked, but that might welcome her to ask a few questions of her own and I wasn’t ready to answer either. 

* * *

It was so quiet we could hear every bit of gravel that passed under the tires as we drove along. I sucked the air in through my teeth and cut through the silence, “This is weird.” 

Tori dropped her grip on her necklace and looked at me, scrunching her nose. “What is?”

“That instead of going on  _ our  _ first date, we are accompanying each other to dates with other people.”

She seemed to share my sentiment as she slumped her chin onto her knuckles, “Tell me about it.” 

She then leaned back and crossed her arms, “Why  _ did _ Chelsea pick you _?”  _

“Because of my boyish charm and baking skills.” I jested. 

I  _ almost  _ divulged what Chelsea had told me after the challenge but the anger that began to rise in my stomach made me leave Tori with the idea she had competition.  _ Let her be uncomfortable too.  _

“And because you're handsome.” She pouted under her breath.

As touched as I was by her compliment my anger bubbled to the surface, “So  _ that’s _ why you’re cross? Not because  _ you’re not _ on a date with  _ me _ but because someone  _ else _ is?”

Her eyes widened but she said nothing so I continued, “And how the hell am I supposed to feel? Look who you’re on a date with! That fuckin’ bassa had his chance with you. Or are you going to give him another one?” 

I never thought I’d do this to her. Make her choose, make her feel bad. I wanted her to make that choice on her own, but this constant push pull was fucking killing me. I wanted to stop, I wanted to go back to simply navigating through the sexual tension between us, but I couldn’t stop myself. 

“You have a screaming match with him, and  _ then _ all is forgiven. _ Then  _ you came to me on the roof terrace,  _ then  _ you wake up and make him breakfast,  _ then  _ you are all over me during the competition...” 

“And  _ THEN?”  _ Tori interrupted. 

“ _ Then _ , you don’t even fucking say you didn’t want to go with that fuckin’ arsehat.” 

“I have known him almost half my life, he isn’t  _ that _ bad.”

“He cheated on you!” 

“You have no idea how bad things had gotten between us, I wouldn’t let him touch me.” 

“Are you hearing yourself Lass? You're unhappy. You leave, you dinnae go and fuck someone else.” 

“He was scared to leave me Bobby.” 

“Why? Did you fuckin’ hold him at gun point?” 

Her hand began to shake feverishly at her side, she saw that I took notice of it and tried to hide it by crossing her arms again. 

“I am just saying he isn’t all bad, that’s all. I’ve known him since he was a kid.  _ An innocent kid _ . I pushed him so far away. All he wanted was for us to start something together, maybe make a home that was a lot better than what he came from, I ruined that.” She finally managed to say. 

I held myself back from comforting her. 

“Sounds like you’ve already excused him then.” I said while looking out at our destination. Henry stood waiting outside a lit gazebo. Chelsea seemed to be chatting his ear off but his eyes remained laser focused on our parked car. 

“Bobby, he has seen me at my lowest, and I pulled him into it. I can’t just wash my hands of my part in it.” 

“Well, now's your chance to fix all that Lass, you waited for him  _ all _ this time.” The words I said in anger slipped off my tongue. I hopped out of the black jeep without looking back to see her reaction. I felt guilty enough as it was. 

I walked towards the two other participants. Chelsea greeted me with an excited shrill while Henry peered anxiously over my shoulder. His eyes lit up at the sight of her. Oddly enough, so did Chelsea, more so than when she looked at me. I finally turned to watch Tori catch up with us. My outrage was morphing into regret the more I watched her. Her eyes wild and glazed, like if she wasn’t sure of her own emotions either. 

She immediately walked up to Chelsea and linked arms with her as we made our way to a table adorned in fresh flowers and candles. 

“Ohh my days!” Chelsea bounced in place. 

Tori seemed to enjoy Chelsea’s exuberance, I didn’t mind it myself. She was contagiously happy and I needed a change in temperament. Henry followed my lead as I pulled Chelsea’s chair out before sitting. She immediately served everyone a glass of bubbly that was already on the table. 

“Look at these gentlemen Tori, their mum’s raised them right.” She cheersed.

Tori shot Henry a sympathetic look. 

“Chivalry is alive and well Chels.” The brunette added, clinking her glass. 

I couldn’t help myself again, “Yup, jus’ open a door for a bonnie lass, pull out her chair and  _ that’s what _ constitutes a gentleman.” 

Henry laughed and whispered to Tori, “I don’t understand a word that dude says.” 

“Wha’s that Henry? Ye can’t understand me, ya right clatty bam.”

Chelsea almost spit her champagne back onto the table.

My accent had been diluted over the years as I transitioned from the back of the hospital kitchen to wearing a suit in administration with the numptys from Edinburgh. So Henry had heard me at my best and if I hadn’t already been so fucking annoyed I might’ve stopped myself. 

Henry looked around confused, “Did his accent just get worse?” 

“Ay it did mate.” 

Tori silently chuckled as Henry looked on confused. 

“Bobby isn’t hard to understand  _ at all _ . One of my closest friends took me back to her hometown in Glasgow. I laughed my face off but I probably understood like 10 percent of what everyone was saying. If you keep saying you can’t understand him, he is going to get worse and worse. He’s extra feisty tonight.” Tori looked slightly amused as she shot me a look over her champagne flute. 

“Bobby’s a good dude.” Henry shrugged. “Sorry man.” 

I finished my glass. “Well he apologized, guess all's forgiven.  _ Right _ dimples?”

She rolled her eyes and reached for the bottle between us.

“Sooooo.” Chelsea tipped her empty glass in Tori’s direction. 

  
  


* * *

Dinner carried on with mostly Chelsea talking and Tori happily listening. They began discussing renaissance-spanish-french country-modern shite and I began focusing on the endless bottles of champagne brought to our table. It lightened my mood. The pit in my stomach filled with temporary numbness. The more Chelsea made Tori laugh, the more entranced I became with the girl across the table again. I wasn’t sure what was making her smile, but I was hoping it wouldn’t stop. Her cheeks rosy, her brown eyes warm, her olive skin illuminated by the candlelight.  _ Why was I mad at her again?  _ I looked to her left and remembered why. He wasn’t focused on the girls, instead his gaze was focused on mine. He looked to Tori and back towards me. He nodded and offered an inverted smile. He wasn’t angry my focus was on her, he understood why.

His shoulders slumped everytime he watched her smile direct itself towards me. 

  
  


The champagne was exchanged with a drink Chelsea ordered for the table. I am positive it was just gin mixed with a dash of rubbing alcohol and a slice of cucumber. The inebriating effects seemed to spread amongst the four of us as the night continued. 

“Did you two ever go climbing together?” Chelsea asked when Henry finished talking about a fall he had two years ago. 

The two looked at each other and laughed. 

“Oh is that a euphemism for you two then?” I grumbled.

“What? No!” Henry avowed. 

He looked back at Tori and they giggled again before Henry explained, “Tori is the most accident prone person I ever met. I would never bring her. Remember that time your dad responded to the call at Clementon Park?” 

Tori laughed into his shoulder as her cheeks reddened. 

“What’s so funny?! You like have to tell me now!” Chelsea insisted. 

“Tori got stuck in a tree and someone heard her screaming and called the cops and her dad was the one who came to the rescue.” Henry shook the table as he chuckled. 

“How'd you manage to get there in the first place?” The small blonde queried. 

“She was getting Trevor out of the tree.” Henry blurted.

Her smile faltered slightly at the memory. 

“He followed a butterfly up there,  _ how  _ he got up there I will never know.” Tori’s gaze focused towards the stars as she answered. 

“She followed her brother up a tree and then got her foot stuck in between two branches.” Henry added.

She still wore a smile but her eyes wore a different expression as she kept her focus up and away. 

“And the funniest part was they assumed it was a woman screaming. But it was Henry.” She finally looked back to the table and laughed. 

Henry held his stomach as he continued to battle fits of hysterics. Wiping away tears as he sighed, “Trevor, man what a sweetheart. We had fun times, huh Tor?” 

She faced him and somber expressions passed their faces as she nodded in agreeance. 

“So Trevor is your brother?” Chelsea innocently asked.

Tori nodded. 

“How old?” 

Henry began, “Well..” 

“27 next month.” Tori cut in. 

“Wait you’re 28? So Irish twins?” I was intrigued with finding out more about her.

She nodded again in agreement not commenting any further. 

Tori was so concentrated on maintaining the composure on her face that she neglected the rest of her body. Her hand’s movement caused the contents in our glasses to ripple. Henry placed his hand on hers and she winced involuntarily, quickly pulling her hand away, rubbing her wrists as she excused herself from the table. Henry’s face fell into his hands. Chelsea and I shared confused glances before finishing our drinks and leaving the table as well. 

* * *

I climbed into bed next to Marisol. The room was still spinning as I tried to soothe the uncertainty that coursed through me. I wanted to join her on the drive back but Henry beat me to it and I  _ guess _ I’d prefer Chelsea sharing a bed with her as opposed to him. 

_ But why not me?  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, ok. I will admit this is kinda ooc for Bobby, but that's what I wanted. Let me know your thoughts. 
> 
> xoxoxo


	23. Musical Chairs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspo-   
> "Why Don't We" by Ray Boudreaux

“Really? You’re just going to sit in here anyway? She said she wants to be alone!” She shouted from outside the Jeep.

_ Great! Another person that thinks I’m a monster.  _

“I’m sorry Sandra.” I meant it, I was just determined to get a second alone with Tori.

“It’s fine.” Tori smiled at Sandra. 

The short, older woman shot me a look of contempt before slamming the door shut. 

Tori adjusted her low cut dress and pulled the flower out her hair before acknowledging me, “Listen Henry, I can’t do th..”

I leaned in and pulled her head into mine. My lips pushed up against her full mouth. Hints of vanilla and jasmine filled my nose and I could tell she never stopped wearing Chanel no 5. I’d recognize that perfume anywhere but it never seemed to smell as good without the warmth of her skin.  _ I missed that smell _ . Her closeness filled me in a way dozens of women hadn’t been able to since she left. I longed for the days we snuck kisses in her backyard. The way her skin melted into mine and the rest of the world faded away when her lips locked onto me. But instead, I was quickly reminded of the empty feeling I had been left with so many times. The unrequited longing that turned to bitterness and uncontrolled anger. My lips pressed harder against her as I prayed it would ignite something.  _ Anything. _

* * *

That God awful drink Chelsea ordered caused my head to pound as hard as my chest. I closed my eyes and laid my head into the daybed. I tried to push the memories from my forefront but failed. 

_ I made it. I wasn’t sure how I managed to see my way to her house, but my feet had pedaled there so many times, I could ride there with my eyes closed. I leaned my bike against her dad’s tool shed and hopped the back gate. I wiped the tears on the sleeves of my hoodie as I watched her climb out her window. She shivered as she met me at the swinging tire attached to the 100 year old oak tree. She pulled me close as we swayed on the branch under the stars. She examined my face, looking for an injury, I assumed. “Where this time?” She asked. I shook my head. I had successfully stayed out of my dad’s way tonight. “Why don’t you go live with your mom, Hen?” She whispered against my neck. I lifted her chin and replied, “And when would I see you? Arizona is 6 hours away, which would take me like a week on my bike.” She didn’t find it funny instead she chewed the inside of her lip and hesitated before suggesting, “I could tell my dad.”  _

_ What would Officer Reyes think about me being scared of my old man? He’d never trust me to look after his daughter if I was frightened of that fat drunk.  _

_ “Please don’t Tori. I didn’t come here to worry you or because I can’t take care of myself. I just needed to..” _

_ She pushed her lips against mine. _

_ And all was right for a while.  _

_ She made me feel like I wasn’t the piece of shit my dad told me I was. Tori was there even when my own mother packed up and moved a state away from me. I mattered to her when I didn’t matter to anyone else.  _

_ Until suddenly I didn’t. One day she began to look at me the way my mother did. Like I couldn’t fix anything and no matter how I tried, couldn’t make her happy.  _

_ So like my mom, she left. She packed her things and moved. Not to another state, but a whole different continent. I wonder if my mom didn’t bring me with her to Arizona for that same reason, maybe she always knew I’d turn out to be like my father. _

  
  


* * *

The hot morning sun blazed into my eyes as I stumbled across the lawn following a familiar song. I wouldn’t admit to many I recognized “Maniac” but Flashdance was one of Tori’s favorite movies and I had watched her dance a million times to this song. I wasn’t sure if I was dreaming when I saw her move along to the rhythm with the bubbly blonde in tow. Chelsea seemed to have memorized the choreography from the 80’s flick as well, she wore her bikini bottoms atop a pair of pink spandex pants and wore a similar color sweatband as a crown around her yellow curls. Tori wore shorts and a cropped tee with her hair in a high side pony. The two giggled and frolocked along the gym equipment completely oblivious of the audience they had attracted. I watched them with the other islanders who had gathered around the spectacle.  _ Why couldn’t I make her smile that way?  _ I tried, but my touch still repulsed her. I would do anything to make her happy like that, but instead she seemed to be more receptive to that Scottish dude she’d just met a week ago and now Chelsea.  _ But why not me? _

The face she now wore was a stark contrast from the one she had on the ride home. Her huge smile could only be rivaled by that of the same Scotman’s she seemed so enamored by. A grin spread across his face as he watched the two girls carry on. I really wanted to like him but their interaction made me uncomfortable. He seemed to get Tori, like he knew her or a part of her I never would. I envied his ease around the others, he effortlessly blended in with the group and was everyone’s pal (except Gary, but no one seemed to like him much). Had this been any other scenario we would have easily been friends. He joined in with the girls as they ran in place to the high tempo of the song. Bobby picked the next song and without an ounce of shame jumped on the weight bench and sang out, “If ye like ma body n’ ye thin’ Ahm sexy, cam an shhoogur le’ may nooooo!” Leaving no mystery as to where he was from. A laugh almost escaped my lips until I saw Tori run her hands up his abs. She giggled but her eyes were full of something I hadn’t seen in, well, ever. 

* * *

  
  


I felt apprehensive walking up to the challenge, I had a success rate of 50% from the previous two. I wasn’t sure how I’d fare with Tori by the end of this one.  _ Not that she noticed I was here today.  _ She was inseparable from the new girl. Even Bobby shared my disposition as he walked behind the giggling pair, unable to keep her attention either. 

Luckily the challenge was self explanatory because I barely listened to Marisol as she read the text she received with our instructions.  _ Something about fighting for the girl you wanted?  _

  
  


The girls were each given stickers that they placed on the bottom of a chair, they then placed their chair in a circle and stood behind it. The boys then had to form a larger circle and surround the girls in a twisted version of musical chairs. I played along only half aware of what was going on.

The music started and all of us guys rounded the circle of chairs. The girls winked and danced. When the song stopped we all leaped to the nearest chair. I landed in Lottie’s, Noah in Hope’s, Bobby in Priya’s, Rocco in Marisol’s, Ibrahim in Chelsea’s, Lucas in Tori’s. Gary remained standing, his phone dinged to inform him he was out and would not be able to learn who had selected him. 

It was time for the girl’s to reveal if their choice was seated in their chair. 

Marisol reached under the seat and revealed her sticker read “Rocco”. The two of them joined Gary out of the circle. 

Noah seemed less hurt by not being Hope’s choice and more intrigued to  _ who _ she had written under her chair. 

  
  


The music started again, the boys began to strategically pace the girls they assumed had picked them. I just wanted to see that my name wasn’t under her chair. It was going to hurt like hell but I needed to know. Bobby stayed close to her every time the tempo slowed. When it stopped Bobby sat at Lottie’s chair, Ibrahim at Tori’s, Noah at Chelsea’s, Lucas at Hope’s and I sat at Priya’s. 

I smiled nervously at Priya when they were asked to reveal if their choice was seated at their chair.  _ Please don’t pick me.  _ I begged in my head. I was worried Priya would go after me to get revenge on Tori again. If I get pulled out of the game I may not find out who Tori picked. Luckily, Priya shook her head side to side and gave an apologetic smile to me. 

Lottie slowly grabbed the sticker under her chair and I wasn’t sure if Bobby or Gary was more angry by Lottie’s admission. Bobby muttered something under his breath as he left the circle with her. Tori seemed more intrigued by the dynamic between Gary and the tattooed girl and gave little indication she was hurt. Which confused me slightly but also gave me an inkling of encouragement.  _ Maybe I had a shot.  _

The music started once more and the once playful tone of the game and quickly transitioned. I focused on Tori’s chair. The music stopped and her seat was immediately occupied by Noah, Ibrahim sat sadly at Priya’s, Lucas at Chelsea’s, and I was left to sit at Hope’s chair. 

Chelsea cheered when she showed Lucas he was her pick. The two hugged and cozied beside one another out of the game. I stood and readied myself for the next round. 

“Wait.” Hope chirped. She reached under the seat and handed me her sticker that had Henry written on it. She shot Noah a glance before setting her attention back on me. Her long finger traced my chest as she continued, “Listen I know I am not first to the party, but I would hardly call  _ you  _ leftovers. Henry you may be the hottest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.” 

“Thanks.” I mumbled and walked towards the other islanders. 

The last round Noah sat at Priya’s chair and she happily showed him that his name was indeed written on her sticker. He had remained completely unfazed by Hope’s charade and now proudly took Priya’s hand. Tori offered a sympathetic pat on the back to Rahim as he watched Priya and Noah cuddle up. 

Tori followed Phillip’s instruction to text him her choice and her phone dinged in response shortly after. She cleared her throat and began to read the message to the group, 

“Congratulations to the winners of this game, knowledge is life’s greatest wealth and some of you are fortunate enough to now know who is pining for you!” 

A few groans, including my own, could be heard from the group. 

Tori proceeded to read the rest of her message uncomfortably. “Gary and Ibrahim were the only boys  _ not _ selected by any of the girls in today’s challenge. They will both be subjected to a public vote, the boy with the least amount of votes will be sent home packing and ineligible for tomorrow’s recoupling ceremony.” 

Gary scoffed and shook his head at Bobby. Rahim patted him reassuringly on the shoulders, “Come on Gary” He said as he pulled him towards the gym. 

Lottie seemed amused with Gary’s fit. 

The dynamics had shifted. It was hard to focus on my own thoughts with the surrounding chatter. I ignored the loud voice in front of me and managed to look past the bright eyeshadow and loud cheetah print and found her face. I tried to read it but she seemed to be deep in thought and oblivious to me staring at her. I looked to Bobby and saw he also had his sights focused on the pretty brunette. I was curious if he knew what she was thinking, because I had no fucking clue. 

“Hey handsome.” Hope placed her hands on the sides of my face to direct my attention back to her. 

I couldn’t imagine what was worse, not knowing who Tori picked or  _ knowing  _ Hope had chosen me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the kudos and comments mean the world. I love to hear your thoughts. xoxo


	24. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's recoupling day, so we all know what happens. Bobby bakes Lottie cupcakes!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read tags before continuing.

Even though Lottie and I had squared off a few times during our short stay in the villa, I didn’t _not_ like her. I just didn’t like her like her like _that._ I imagined she would be the kind of woman that mistook constant bickering for excitement in a relationship, but she read this wrong. In no way could we be more than friends that got on each other’s nerves. As the night progressed I was more confused by her motives as she never made a pass at me or felt the need to explain why I was her choice. Tori had become an even bigger enigma as she didn't seem cross with me but also made no effort to come chat with me. _We still hadn’t talked about our argument from the night before._ I tucked into bed alone, Marisol was most likely with Rocco, happy she no longer had to hide what was going on between them. 

* * *

The next day seemed to be more of the same. I thought about going and talking to Tori but she was constantly hanging out with Chelsea. Not that I minded much, the blonde had brought out a side of Tori I had yet to see. They played mermaids in the pool, used cooking utensils as impromptu microphones and they danced to any song that played. It dulled the ache I felt without her, because my want for her to be happy seemed to outweigh the selfish need to be next to her, barely.

  
  


I found that my knees bounced restlessly the more time passed with her ignoring me. _Why am I being such a knob?_ I figured I could use a distraction and headed to the kitchen to see what I could create. I decided to keep the ambiance upbeat and played Blink 182 as I scoured the fridge and cabinets. I let my hands guide me through while my mind drifted. The kitchen was my haven. It was where I knew my place and had control. 

I barely noticed the crew announce dinner or my castmates as they passed through. I was zoned in. I made a batch of white chocolate raspberry cupcakes and my thoughts shifted to the elusive American girl who I was pretty sure I’d fallen for. I plated 10 of the dozen cupcakes and mindlessly sang aloud.

“You were in a band? You sure? I came over because I was sure Shrek had broken into the villa.” Her dark lips unable to contain a devilish grin. 

I belted with more enthusiasm, accentuating my Scottish roots. 

Lottie eyed the tray of cupcakes while I finessed the other two I was saving. I found a separate tray and covered the specially decorated cakes. 

  
  


“Are you going to eat dinner and get ready for the recoupling? Or are you just going to bake cupcakes all day?” She quipped and then hungrily looked at the frosted morsels, “Not that I’m complaining or anything.” 

“We still have at least 2 hours before the recoupling, Ahm no’ Hope, I don’t need to paint a new face and skin an animal to get ready.” I retorted. 

Lottie and another’s chuckle filled the room. I turned and saw _her._

“It smells amazing in here.” Her dress clung to the best parts of her, its thin straps daintily rested on her small shoulders, the sun had kissed her frame and her skin glowed as if she was made of gold. I would’ve traded her for the buttercream atop my creations as I desperately needed to taste her. Lottie leaned over the counter, “He’s making me cupcakes.” 

Tori seemed unamused as she grabbed a long stem glass and helped herself to a bottle of Bordeaux. _Fucking hell, I hope Tori didn’t really believe I’d be making Lottie, of all people, her very own cupcakes._

“Yer bum’s oot the windae Lottie. Wha’ you think ahm here doin all this for ye aye? Alright, I call these cupcakes resting witch face.” 

They paused trying to take in what I had just said.

“Did you just name Lottie’s cupcakes resting witch face?” Tori sipped her dark wine and furrowed her brows at me. 

“Oi Ah did!” 

Lottie and Tori exchanged faces before bursting into laughter. 

“Ohh ye don’ like that Lass? How about the Occult-cakes?” 

She giggled and shook her head. Lottie bit into one of the cupcakes and moaned in approval. 

The small brunette smiled uncomfortably as Lottie worked through her mouth’s orgasm. I handed the Aussie a plate of cupcakes and told her to go share with her friends. 

“What friends?” She asked, almost offended. 

“Go make some.” I cocked my head and gave her a disingenuous smile, she scoffed and walked off muttering, “I’m not sharing.” 

“That’s why you have no friends.” I called down the hallway and turned to Tori who frowned and placed a hand on her curvy hips. 

“Wow, so you really did make those for Lottie then?” She said pointing to the empty cupcake-less counter. 

“Oh Ahm sorry, did you want one? I figured you wanted nothing from me anymore. You know, since you barely talked to me since our date.” 

“ _Our_ date? You mean the dates we had with other people? The date we rode up to together? The one where you told me to make it work with Henry because I was _waiting_ for him? That one?” Her soft voice was sweet to the ear but the underlying condescence was sharp and stirred the anger I had felt in our shared car ride. 

“Yup, that’s the one!” I matched her patronizing tone. 

She looked at me puzzled by my response. 

“It’s fine, I didn’t want a cupcake anyways!” She grabbed her glass paused and decided she might as well take the whole bottle too. 

She turned to leave and I shot out, “Liar.” 

She narrowed her eyes at me but I saw the smile that hid under her pout. 

I waited until I could no longer hear the click of her heels on the tile and grabbed another wine glass and the covered tray and headed to the roof terrace. Hoping I had assumed right, and she’d gone there. 

The skies were a slurry of pinks and oranges as the sun fell behind the rolling hills. But nothing was more beautiful than the girl who stood taking in it’s view. She finally turned to me and examined the contents in my hands. 

“I am only sharing this wine with you, if there’s cupcakes in there.” She said through a very forced scowl. 

“Wow, someone is demanding.” I uncovered the cupcakes I had specially designed for her, I had frosting piped into a B on one, a heart in between on the tray and a T on the other cupcake. 

“B hearts T.” She read aloud biting her lips to keep a smile from escaping. 

I shrugged nonchalantly, “Well I actually had another one that said butt, so it should’ve read ‘Bobby loves Tori’s butt’ but I ate it.”

She looked at me in amused horror, “You ate my butt?” 

I wasn’t used to someone that matched my speed of wit and a couple breathless laughs came out, despite trying to play aloof along with her. 

“Yea, I thought you’d be into that sorta thing.” 

Her eyes widened with excitement, “Maybe.”

She settled into a smile and I found myself lost in her again. Falling into her warm brown eyes, trying to find something to hold onto. Her lighthearted gleem darkened as a more contemplative expression fell onto her. Her eyes landed back on the cupcakes and she slowly rearranged the display.

“Tori hearts Bobby?” I coyly asked, trying to comfort the sudden shyness that overcame her. 

She bunched her lips to one side and nodded, evading my eyes. I wondered if she could hear my pounding heart beat. _Don’t read into this._ I told myself. 

She poured me a glass and silently sipped hers and looked onto the fading skyline. 

She wasn’t waiting for me to break the silence, she was trying to gather the courage to speak. So I hung back, feeling like my chest was about to burst. 

“You were right.” She began, keeping her focus off my face.

_Right about what? That she should fix it with Henry, Christ._

“I never realized it but I _was_ waiting.”

_Wait what? Oh God._

She started with a shaky voice but with every word she became clearer. Like she was admitting this to herself for the first time.

“Waiting to feel better I suppose. Like one day I wouldn’t have to pretend to be happy. I would just _be_ happy and not feel bad about it. I couldn’t let someone in before I got better. It’s exhausting to smile when you don’t feel like it, you know?”

I wasn’t sure if she wanted an answer from me but I nodded because _I do know._

“And maybe you think I am waiting because you think Henry broke my heart, but he didn’t.” She stammered.

“He isn’t the reason I feel lonely, or like no one understands me anymore. So no. I am not waiting for _Henry_ to come and fix something, or tell me he’s sorry.”

I tried to interrupt and apologize for what I had said, but she held up her index finger to indicate she wasn’t done. She wasn’t upset with me, she just needed to get it off her chest for both _our_ wellbeings. 

“ _Maybe_ I was waiting for someone who made me feel like they understood _why_ I was sad and not why _they_ couldn’t make me happy, and _maybe_ I was waiting for someone who gave me this sense of peace, and I am not sure...” 

She swallowed back the urge to stop herself, she gathered her courage and continued,” I am not sure how _you_ do it but when I am with you it’s like it’s just you and me, and like it’s all going to be ok. And. And well, you make me smile, like the kind of smiles that come from deep inside. I thought that part of me didn’t exist anymore _Bobby_ . And I expected guilt to follow those smiles but it never does come. So I guess, maybe it was _you_ I was waiting for this whole time.”

I’m not sure when we moved but when she was done her face was inches from mine. I leaned in and kissed her softly. Internally dying to confess my feelings for her. 

Instead I followed her lead. 

I placed our glasses on the terrace ledge and tangled my fingers through her hair. Pulling her face into mine again. Her lips warm and sweet. As the kiss deepened her touch became more hurried, her nails ran up and down my back as if to cut through the fabric of my shirt. 

I gently pulled her head back and trailed my mouth down her exposed neck. She anchored her hands into my hair and guided me to the flimsy straps of her dress. I skimmed my teeth over them and they effortlessly fell off her shoulders, revealing her sizable breasts. Her hands pushed my head into them without any resistance on my part. I tried to cover them with as much of my mouth as I possibly could, my tongue frantically wanted to taste every inch of them. I traveled wet kisses on the underside of them and followed the curve up to her nipple. Her hands gripped into my scalp and her back arched into me as I sucked her hardened bud. My hands happily drifted over her soft skin. I was overwhelmed in the best of ways, unable to get my hands to fully cover her tits. The further I buried into them, the more I heard her whimper and I feared I may never come back out. _Fuck it, it would be a terrific way to go._

I kissed my way down her stomach, biting at its taunt skin unable to catch enough excess to bite into anything. I found her dress had been caught onto the fullness of her hips. I pulled at the silky fabric but the dress wouldn’t budge over those curves. Her hands yanked at my dreads, urging me to come back up to her face. As I stood and united with her lips, she pressed her body into mine. Her hands lowered to my shoulders and she guided me backwards. I felt the bench hit the back of my knees before I conceded and sat. I grabbed the ruched material of her dress and assisted her as she pulled it over her head, leaving her in nothing but heels and the smallest of panties. I wanted them off. I remembered how amazing she felt around my finger and I throbbed with the hopes she’d feel just as amazing surrounding my cock. 

“Why am I the only one losing clothing here?” She questioned. 

“I was waiting for you to finish first.” I traced my finger along the pink fabric that covered her. 

I half expected her to object, or even say something smart back, but instead she did as I asked and removed her underwear. 

I wasn’t sure how loud a noise I made as I drew in my breath, taking in the sight of her naked body. Seeing every tan line and inch of her perfect figure. I kept my eyes on her as I held up my end of the bargain. I took off my shirt and bunched it into a pillow upon the bench, I stood to remove my shorts and grabbed onto Tori. Unable to feel anything but desire to taste her. I laid her head gently on my shirt and kissed her button nose. “Boop” I whispered against her smile. My tongue wandered it’s way down and as I passed her navel I flung her knees over my shoulders. 

I kissed her lips before lazily placing my tongue onto her slit. I slowly circled my tongue, gently opening her up and savoring the taste of her. Her fingers found their way back into my hair as she pushed her hips upwards. I continued to tease her with slow strokes until I found myself unable to resist the need to climax. Everytime I heard her beg to cum I felt my cock throb more and more. I needed relief too. My mouth focused on her sweet spot. I varied my movements on her clit circling it with my tongue and using my lips to gently suckle her into madness. Every moan she released felt like a prize I had earned. As her cries overlapped themselves I quickened my pace, her strong, shapely thighs gripped the side of my head, hinting at what she liked best. My cock twitched when my name came out of her mouth, “Bobby?” 

“Yes Lass?” I answered before kissing her pussy again. 

“I want you inside of me.” 

I placed a finger inside of her. Her walls wrapped tightly around it and I wondered if I would even be able to fit. 

“No Bobby, I want _you_ inside of me.” 

I slid my finger out, determined to make her cum with my tongue alone. 

“Please?” She begged as her hips bucked again. 

“I want you inside of me when I cum.” 

“Oh you will lass, but first let me make you cum like this. I’ll let you cum again on my dick, dinnae worry yerself.” 

Her back arched as I spoke and an almost inaudible, “Oh fuck.” Slipped out of her mouth. 

I dragged my hands over her toned belly and felt it rise and fall as I continued to lap up all of her. Her heels dug into my sides as she let out a low cry. She writhed under me as I continued to circle her thriving bit until she eventually pushed my forehead up and squeezed her thighs together. If I didn’t need to feel her on me, I would have waited until her orgasm subsided and continued tasting her. 

Her eyes glazed over in lust as my mouth met hers again. Her hands traveled down my stomach and wrapped around me. I made more noise than I was used to, but every stroke offered a release I desperately needed. She seemed to enjoy the sound of me as much as I had enjoyed hers. I forced my eyes closed to avoid the sight of her gorgeous face. I needed every ounce of strength to last and make a good first impression. She pushed herself up onto her elbows and looked while I slid into her. Her flesh felt as silky as the dress I removed off her earlier and so fucking tight. Without thrusting, the pressure of her walls felt like they were sucking me. I eased into a steady rhythm worried I would hurt her, if I rushed into it. The sight of her watching me pump in and out of her was one I hoped I would remember forever. 

She repeated my name over and over as I pushed my forehead into hers. She needed to be close and I remembered her need to know she was with me. I placed my hand on the small of her back encouraging her to lay back and relax. I hitched her thighs around my waist and leaned into her ear. “I’m here Lass.” I responded every time she cried out my name. I needed to finish, she was so tense against me and I couldn’t stop imagining how good it would feel to cum inside of her. She rubbed the bridge of my nose in effort to relax my brows that furrowed in deep concentration. “You need to cum Bobby?

I nodded. Giving in and taking in the vision of her perfect face. Watching the signals on her facial expressions I pulled out almost entirely just leaving the tip in her, she bit her lip in frustration as I gathered my strength. I pinned her hips against the bench as she attempted to take more of me back in. When she finally quit fighting the urge to buck, I sank my dick back inside of her and began matching the tempo of her breath until I felt her quiver and squeeze against my cock. Feeling her orgasm from the inside was too much to take, I couldn’t hold it a minute longer. I tried to muffle a low moan into her neck as I released into her. 

I settled into the crease of her neck while I waited for my cock to stop pulsating. I then splayed a million small kisses up her jawline, and onto her mouth. A sudden surge of emotions came over me as she kissed me back and wrapped her arms around my shoulders, smiling against my lips. 

I could’ve stayed there forever but with unsettling good timing our phones dinged to remind us the recoupling would commence in 30 minutes. She pulled back on her dress, tousled her hair and began eating a cupcake. “You should go get ready.” She said as she looked me up and down. 

“You should look far more disheveled than you do right now Lass.” 

It was in that moment I realized how little makeup she needed to be a complete flame show. Her messy waves looked intentional and her glow had only intensified. Making me wish we had no where else to be. 

“Hurry Bobby, we don’t want to keep Lottie waiting.” 

“Fuck, don’t remind me. Hopefully you’ll get to go first.”

“Please, with this show? They aren’t going to make it easy for us.” 

I nodded in agreement, “Well it could be worse, I could be Henry.”

She looked taken aback before I clarified, “I mean, he is about to be coupled up with Hope.” 

“You know she told me that if you had stepped forward she would’ve picked you instead of Noah, the first day.” 

I inserted my pointer and middle finger into my mouth and pulled an imaginary trigger. 

She laughed and continued consuming the cupcake. “You know I can’t decide which I like more. Your baking or your fucking.” 

“I will take that as a compliment Lass.” I bowed before entering the villa. 

* * *

Lottie shot me a look as we headed towards the fire pit. 

“Where the hell were you?” She asked.

“I was hanging out..”

“You missed a shit show.” Her heavy lined eyes widened in amusement. 

I didn’t try to mask my sarcasm, “Great.” 

“Henry asked Hope not to pick him. Hope told him to give it a rest with Tori and he told her that Tori had kissed him on their way back from the double dates. So Hope flipped out, Gary flipped out about something else and Chelsea yelled at me, I think she was yelling anyways, because I didn’t save her a cupcake.”

My stomach dropped. _She never mentioned kissing him._ I focused on the ground as my head spun. I couldn’t look at her as I lined up in front of the girls. I wasn’t sure how I would react if our eyes met.

Priya’s phone dinged and she read a message about who would be sent home this evening. 

_I had completely forgotten Rahim and Gary were up for a public vote._

Marisol stepped forward as she was sent the decision. 

“This boy received fewer votes from the public and will need to leave the villa immediately.”

“Ibrahim.” 

I forgot about my own woes and gathered with the rest for a group hug. Had Rahim not been Gary’s closest buddy, he’d have been thrilled and most likely fist pumping to his victory. Instead Gary was uncharacteristically quiet as we watched our tall friend walk away from the coupling ceremony. 

Marisol shifted the dreary mood when she excitedly received the text to go first. To no surprise she picked Rocco. 

Chelsea went next and chose Lucas. 

Priya sighed in relief when she picked Noah. 

A part of me wasn’t even mad that Lottie’s phone went off before Tori’s. The brunette turned away from Lottie as if she didn’t want to watch it unfold in front of her. 

_Maybe she does really care and I should ask her about it._

Lottie stepped forward and began her speech, “Well tonight worked out for me I guess, I almost thought I wasn’t going to get a chance to pick this guy but luckily I can. Which is the right thing to do because we all know that girl code means everything to me.” 

She reached out and gently squeezed Tori’s hand. 

“That’s why I am going to pick Gary.”

Tori’s face dramatically shifted to one of relief as Lottie and Gary sat side by side. She directed her eyes towards me and I tried to return the smile she gave me, but felt sick. 

Another phone pinged and Hope stepped forward, “Tonight has changed a lot for me, we all know how Tori has been my closest friend through this whole experience..”

_Really?_

“And I just don’t want to come in between her happiness, so that’s why I want to couple up with Bobby.”

I was supposed to get up. 

I was supposed to walk towards her, but my feet couldn’t move. 

All I could focus on was her zebra print dress and the sound of Henry clapping. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a lot for one ch. How do you all think think it turned out? I know Hope is an asshole, no surprises there!
> 
> As always your thoughts and love mean so much. xoxoxo


	25. Star Gazing

His face fell. 

“I’m sorry.” I said unsure of how helpful that would be at this point. 

“I don’t know why I hoped for anything more than that.” he shook his head in disbelief. “It didn’t mean  _ anything  _ to you?” 

I couldn’t lie to him, it would only hurt him more. After shutting everyone out for so long I was surprised how hurting him still affected me.  _ I shouldn’t even care.  _

“No.” I said curtly. 

He looked off past my shoulder, his blinks noticeable. His jaw tensed. He nodded finally, accepting my response. 

His chin trembled a bit as he reached out to me. I slowly leaned into his embrace. His chest was so much stronger than I remembered, it was also tense from holding his breath. He finally exhaled, and I felt the air leave him in choppy spurts of suppressed cries. His eyes closed tight to avoid any further escape of his sorrow. I was so torn on the anger I held for him and the memories of our youth, when life hadn’t changed us yet. When we were two teenagers who ignored our pain in each other’s hold. When I wasn’t afraid of his touch, or repulsed by his affection. At this moment I forgot about our mistakes, and remembered us escaping to the swing outside my window. We rocked back and forth on the branch of the oak tree, with just the warmth of each other until all our problems faded away.  _ Who would’ve imagined those kids would end up like this?  _

He tucked his face into the top of my head, his lips pressed against my hair as he struggled to speak. “I don’t know how to let you go.” He admitted. 

I wrapped my arms around him and tried to offer him peace. My heart ached for him, and I didn’t understand why. 

“I wanted to show you I could treat you better, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” His words came out in tangled heaps of sobs. 

“Henry, you need to show yourself that you’re not that man. Not me.” I said softly as I ran my hands up and down his back. I felt something in me, it resembled love. It carried its same warmth and ballooned in my chest. 

I looked up to him, his blue eyes surrounded by red where white should be. I wiped the tear that fell down his cheek. “Hen, I forgive you. Ok?” 

He drew his breath in, mouth agape slightly as he tried to take in what I had said. His shoulders slumped and his body eased. When we finally broke apart he smiled sadly and murmured, “I love you Tori, I am not sure if I ever won’t love you.” 

I kissed his cheek. “Hen, a part of me will always love you too.” 

He looked around, reminding me how we were far from the private setting we felt we were in. He rubbed his eyes and ran his hand down his beard. “So did we just couple up to do  _ that _ ? Am I the only one seeing the irony here?” He said, trying to change the mood. 

We were far enough away from the other couples to avoid their prying ears but close enough to see their confused expressions. I saw Hope and a visibly upset Bobby.  _ How could she? And why the hell was she pretending we were friends?  _ She couldn’t seriously believe that we were close. She must be invested in having minimal competition now that Noah had molded himself a pair of legs and walked away from that toxic ass woman. Though I wasn’t sure if Noah was much better, he seemed to enjoy  _ pretending _ the love triangle between Hope and Priya bothered him. 

I wanted to approach her but I knew it would be futile. She was always aware of the cameras and would figure a way to angle it to her benefit. She was methodic and calculating and my temper was too short to play into that bulllshit. Finally the islanders dispersed and I was able to find Bobby alone in the kitchen. He seemed so irritable so I tried to be as laid-back as I could manage. I sat at the kitchen’s island and placed my chin in my palm.

“Well tonight, did not go  _ at all  _ like I expected.” I said cautiously letting out an unsure laugh. 

He continued filling his water bottle, completely disregarding my presence. I imagined it would suck to be picked by Hope and he probably wasn’t thrilled with Henry and I coupling up, but that was the nature of this game.  _ He knew that. _ It wasn’t going to be all rainbows and butterflies, they needed to get tv ratings some way. I had been through enough in the last week that this felt like nothing in comparison. In hindsight this show and all it’s drama had been a blessing, I had been able to clear my name of the Colin scandal and had found peace with Henry, which I never thought possible. At this point someone could point a gun in my direction and I would probably bend backwards and go full Matrix. This recoupling drama was to be expected, so besides confirming that Hope was an absolute bitch, I wasn’t  _ that _ mad. Bobby wasn’t as easily accepting of the results though, I was going to have to try harder to pull him out of his mood. I walked around the kitchen island and leaned into him.

“Oh Bobby, you’re not the hit it and quit it type. Are you?” I joked. 

The water reached the top of his bottle, he turned off the tap and deadpanned a, “Maybe.” and began walking away. 

“Wait Bobby, I’m kidding.” I said into his back. He kept walking. 

_ He didn’t mean that. _

  
  


_ He didn’t mean that. _

  
  


_ He didn’t mean that. _

  
  


I told myself over and over to combat the sickening feeling that grew in my stomach. The smell of his cologne still lingered on my skin and became an extremely painful reminder that I may have made a horrible mistake. My feet felt heavy as they trudged their way to a dimly lit pool. I sunk to the ground, had I not been in shock the impact on the cold hard concrete might’ve hurt. My teeth chattered under closed lips as I tried to focus my thoughts and steady my breathing. The tightness signaling what was coming and I didn’t have the strength to deal with an attack now. I ripped off my strappy heels trying not to remember the way they had dug into his back. I dipped my bare feet into the cool water and began coaching myself. 

_ Ok, deep breath in.  _

I kicked the water creating ripples. 

_ Ok I see one ripple. Two. Three. Four.  _

My thoughts shifted, unable to focus on the water. 

_ Maybe it was you I was waiting for.  _

I kicked the surface. My face twisted in embarrassment as I recollected how I threw myself at him. 

_ I’ve known him for a week. A fucking week Tori.  _

“Ma cherie, is that you?” Rocco called out. 

I quickly cupped a handful of water and splashed my face. 

“So hot you had to cool yourself off babe?” He smiled as he plopped next to me. 

“What the heck are you doing out here with me Coco? You and Marisol should be celebrating right about now!” I was shocked by how unfazed I sounded. As much as I was happy for Rocco and Marisol, my encouragement was intended for him to hurry and leave me to myself. 

My voice was steady but my hand was not, it was the usual onset of a panic attack. As a child I thought everyone experienced them, but I was made painfully aware that wasn’t the case when I had an episode in elementary school. The kids mocked me by shaking their hands and panting obnoxiously from that day on, making it my mission to hide my anxiety disorder. I learned how to cope as I got older, counting objects, focusing my breathing and of course concentrating on the shape of the butterfly wings on my necklace. It seemed to be the most effective of the three. None as successful as Trevor was though. He always sensed when they were coming on, never speaking a word, just holding my trembling hand tight until the feeling subsided. The butterfly reminded me of how I’d see him again one day and that always gave me a sense of tranquility.

Rocco remained at my side. Even when I stopped trying to make polite conversation and deflect from my obvious state. He cautiously reached out and placed his warm hand atop my shuddering one. I felt the shame creep into my cheeks as I stopped trying to hide my emotions. In efforts to focus my breathing, I relented control of everything else and let the tears spill over my face. 

“Focus on my voice.” He said calmly. 

He guided me into a lying position, my knees slightly bent. He held steady to my shaking hand. 

“Try to remember gravity, let your weight fall into it. Allow gravity to rest you into the earth, where you are safe and comfortable.” 

My shoulder blades eased and settled into the coolness of the ground. 

“That’s good, good job. Keep breathing darling.” His voice encouraging and soft. 

“When you feel ready, I want you to open your eyes.”

I opened my eyes and looked to the brilliant sky, darkness interrupted by clusters of illuminating stars.

His thumb pressed in between my brows, “To the heavens then?” He acknowledged the direction of my gaze. “The night’s sky we love isn’t the condensation of calm clouds.  _ No _ , we admire the sky full of  _ stars _ . Stars are essentially broken pieces gathered together and held in place by their own gravity. We don’t judge the stars for their imperfections, we admire the beauty created by a collection of dust and plasma. We watch in awe as they crash through space, creating light in limitless darkness. Much like you, ma cherie. A beauty and light, created from a life of collected pieces. All of which made you,  _ you _ . Find the peace in energy that courses through you, in the collection you’ve composed.” 

I watched the stars and imagined their burning trail along the galaxies and my breathing seemed less labored. I sighed, relieved of the pain that had lifted off my chest. 

Rocco kept his pressure centered in my forehead. “Remember I said that stars are held by their own gravity? You just need to find yours, something to contain your light. Let’s slowly sit up. On my count.” 

I nodded and rolled upright as he counted to 5. He let go of my now still hand and drew circles with the flat of his palms on my upper back. 

“How did you do that?” I asked. 

“I’ve told you lot how many times?” He laughed. “I’ve led guided meditation for years.” 

“I think we all thought that was another come on.”

His shoulders caved as he leaned forward and dipped his legs into the pool. “Yea, I suppose it does sound that way. You know I was always close to my mam? She is a very spiritual woman too and taught me most of what I know. I was raised practicing meditation, it seemed like the most logical line of work to transition into when I left uni. It’s not the most masculine though, but I believe in it. I think you can see that it’s effective. Not everyone sees it that way, I guess sometimes I try to make light of it. I try not to push my beliefs on everyone so I tend to act like it’s just a way to pick up women. Silly right?”

“Yea, it is actually. Coco you are so much more than you show the world. Being overly flirty doesn’t translate into masculinity. Being sure of yourself does.” 

“You think so?” 

“Yea, I do.” 

He stood up and offered me his hand again and we walked back to the villa. 

Marisol looked at our joined hands as we walked into the bedroom. I gave Rocco a grateful hug and offered Marisol an encouraging smile, one she was reluctant to return. I headed to the dressing room, ignoring Bobby and Hope sharing a bed. Ignoring the returning pit in my stomach. 

“Babe, you ok?” She leaned against the doorway, her short hair barely maintaining the bun which she wrangled it into. 

I nodded and slipped off my dress and gathered my pajamas. Discarding the Pantera shirt he’d manage to slip back into my luggage days ago. 

“What about you babe?” I wrapped a towel around me and headed for the bathroom. 

“Well, I am good I guess.” Her cheeks mimicked the pink on her nightie. 

“You guess?! You don’t think Lucas and you are a good match or what?” 

She twirled the small blonde trestle that fell by her face. “Hmm, I’m not sure. We haven’t exactly spent much time  _ talking.”  _ She gave a cheeky grin. 

I wiggled my brows and smiled. I had grown so fond of this girl in such a short span of time. She breathed life into me with her endless energy. I wasn’t going to bring her down by divulging my drama of the night.

“I'm going to take a quick shower Chels. Have a wonderful night, you dirty bird, you.” 

She skipped towards the bedroom as I entered the bathroom. The shower ran hot down my body, and his smell began fading from my senses. I scoured every inch of my body, I washed the trail of his kisses, I scrubbed where his touch had traced, and I cleansed where he’d penetrated. My heart wasn’t ready to accept what my head was telling it. 

It was a mistake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know we’ve experienced a little bit of negativity on the subreddit lately, but I just want to say that it doesn’t come close to the immense support I’ve gotten here. I love how supportive this group is and I hope not one of you ever gets discouraged in sharing your work. Sending love to you all 💕


	26. Return The Favor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ohh it’s O.N.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🎶  
> Heartbeats  
> By the knife  
> 🎶

Just as I’d wrapped my head around hearing about their kiss I watched his smile as she said his name at the fire pit. Sure her speech was telling him she had no choice but to pick him, but she didn’t look _that_ bothered by any of it. 

I tried to talk myself out being an insecure prick. _I could ask her about the kiss_. I’m sure there was more to it. There’s no way she didn’t mean what she said to me up on the terrace. But then I saw the way she looked at Henry after the recoupling. Something he was telling her was creating a softness in her expression. One that made my stomach flip into endless cartwheels. She was stroking his back softly, he was wrapping her in his arms. She caressed his face before saying something to him. They had completely forgotten about the rest of us. They were entranced in one another. Like as if I didn’t exist and wasn’t right there there, she leaned in and kissed his cheek. 

_What a fucking prat I am._ My cheeks burned in anger and remorse. I barely heard Hope as she ran her hands along my rigid shoulders and whispered, “See, I did you a favor Bobby.” 

  
  


* * *

I wasn’t ready to speak to her when she approached me in the kitchen. I should’ve shut my mouth. I should’ve just walked away. I mean, I really should’ve just told her what I was feeling. But I wasn’t sure if I’d scream in a fit of rage or break into tears. _That would be lovely to watch back on the telly._

I stormed into the bedroom, ignoring her as she called out to me. I wasn’t going to gravel for her. I was fucking stupid for falling so quickly. She was one in a million for me and I was one of many infatuated fools for her.

I fell into the bed ready to close my eyes and forget about her for a couple hours. I pushed out every image of her curves, memory of her taste and feel of her around me. Hope seemed insistent on sharing a bed after Priya and Noah headed to the hideaway. I agreed with the condition she shut the fuck up. Hope was the least of my problems as I tossed and turned into sleep. 

My eyes fluttered open, the night sticky and hot. Her tiny shorts hugged her hips as she crawled onto the empty space beside me. The quiet room left no indication anyone was awake. My anger towards her dissipated as she pulled her shirt over her head and her breast fell above her taut stomach. I wanted to kiss her but I felt unable to reach her, instead I watched as she trailed her hand over my exposed thigh and found my excitement laying in my briefs. She licked her lips as she slid under the thin cotton fabric. Her hands clasped around by throbbing cock. I watched her face as she pumped me in hard fast strokes. 

Her features difficult to make out in the darkness of the room. Her grip became firmer and I tried to focus my view on her. The more I tried the less of her I could make out. 

“Fuck that hurts Lass.” I tried to say quietly. 

Her hand only tightened around my dick and the pleasure I expected turned into a tortuous need to cum and be released from this trap. I looked down and saw bright red nails that were winded around my shaft. I involuntarily finished as I came to the awful realization that it wasn’t Tori’s hand at all. 

  
  


“What the fuck Hope?!” I cried out and pulled my dick back into my shorts. 

“We’ll just call it another favor.” She sniggered into my ear. 

I ran to the bathroom to clean up the mess she’d left on my stomach. _Fuck._ How’d I let this shit happen? 

I walked towards the common room, refusing to spend another minute with Hope and her curious hands. The thought of it made my skin crawl. The room’s floor was covered in couch cushions and sheets, like as if a bomb had gone off. Or worse, they had built a fort, _without me_ . Despite the mess the couch was empty. I grabbed a discarded blanket but before I could lie down I heard a whimper and saw her curled in a ball on the floor under where the blanket had been. She was clearly asleep but her back lifted in heavy, silent sobs. I knelt down beside her and pushed the matted hair off of her damp face. “Tori?” I said softly, worried I might scare her. Her eyes moved wildly under her closed lids. I gathered her small, writhing body in my arms. On the terrace she felt warm beneath me, her endless curves and supple figure was nothing like this fragile girl I was holding. Her eyes eventually opened, she quickly looked around at the disheveled couch and our entanglement on the floor. Her bottom lip quivered as a solemn tear ran down her flushed face. I pulled her into my chest and felt her ragged breathing temper against me. I wasn’t sure what to do, what to think of the state I’d found her in. _Was this what was going on that morning with Gary?_

I felt guilt-stricken, for not being there for her then, for being a complete dick this evening and _now_ for what had happened between Hope and I. Almost too guilty to let her press her tear soaked lips into mine. _Almost_. Her mouth moved against mine frantically as she pushed me to my seat. Her feet either side of my hips, her knees pushed into my ribs. I moved the briefs from her way as she slid her shorts to the side. Her heat fell onto me and covered me in her. She rocked on her toes and pushed me deeper and deeper inside of her. Her hand placed on my jaw to steady our frenzied mouths.My fingers pressed into her hips, guiding her strokes. She bounced on me, quickening her pace as my tongue explored hers. She came quickly, her pussy tightening around me. I took over for her when her legs gave up and lifted her up and down as she worked through her after shocks, her cum dripping down my length. Unable to control myself I bucked into her and followed her into bliss. 

Her body relaxed onto mine, her knees came down the floor and she laid her head on my chest, for a moment. Her head then shot up and she looked at me like she might tell me something. 

“What is it? Is there something on my face.” I asked expecting much more than the eye roll she gave me. 

She began to lift off my lap and pull me out of her. I grabbed her waist and sunk her back onto me, my stauner still not fully gone away. She gasped quietly, her brows furrowed as she focused her face on mine. 

“Listen lass, about earlier.” I started. 

She shook her head and got up. 

  
  
  


* * *

The mid-day sun only added to my exhaustion. I barely managed to get any sleep on the couch and I was too tired to care how Tori was ignoring me. I was ignoring her too, well apart from watching her do yoga with Rocco and Chelsea. I needed time to try to figure out how to tell her about Hope and man up and apologize for the way I behaved. But that required a clear head and a clear head required sleep. I dozed on the daybed until a red nail tapped me on the shoulder. 

“Wake up sleepy head. I want to go for a swim!” 

“Hope, awa ye.” I shrugged her hand off my shoulder. She merely moved her hand down my arm to my finger and gently stroked it in her palm. 

“Tsk tsk Bobby. If you won’t go swimming with me I’ll have to ask Tori to accompany me. That’s ok, I’ve been meaning to have a good chat with her.” 

Her grip tightened on my finger and I begrudgingly followed her to the pool. She seductively lifted her braids and asked me to unclip her mic and she then removed mine. I entered the water unsure of what she’d say without the device to keep her tv image afloat. We swam to the edge of the infinity pool before she began. 

“Well, not that I’m keeping score or anything but I believe you owe me a favor or _two_.” She winked. 

“Honestly Hope, that was borderline assault.” 

“Really Bobby? You looked me straight in the eye as you finished all over yourself.” She scoffed. 

_Who would believe me if I said she took advantage of me?_

“Listen Bobby. Your secret is safe with me.”

“Unless?” I asked, figuring she had an ulterior motive somewhere. 

She laughed at my correct guess. 

“Well listen, I want to see how real this thing is between Noah and Priya. Actually I know it’s not real. I just need to figure out how to expose it.” 

“And the fuck I have to do with tha’?” I quipped. 

“I happen to know Noah likes another girl here.” She glanced over at Tori who was practicing somersaults on the lawn with the encouragement of a tiny blonde. 

“Noah? _Likes Tori?_ No.” I didn’t believe it for one second. Noah was my mate. There’s no way. 

“Yup from day one, that’s why I kept her close.” 

“Ok so what exactly are you asking me?” 

“Ohh you’ll see when the times right. But if Noah comes to you and asks you about Tori, you tell him you don’t mind if he cracks on.” 

“Ohh no problem. Done.” I quickly agreed. 

_He was never going to do that._

Feeling like the bargain had gone over to easily Hope added, “And for good measure, try to kiss Priya.” 

“What Hope?! No. Absolutely no’! “ 

“Ok well that’s not a problem Bobby I’ll just go apologize to Tori for letting things get out of hand, _pun intended_. It’s not like you two aren’t my competition either.” 

She began to paddle away careful not to her ruin makeup. 

“Hope wait!”

She turned towards me and her face beamed.

“I’ll do it.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts??? Ugh I know this is a lot. 😂 for a short chapter.


	27. Operation Nope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Different players same game

_“Ada, what’s taking you so long we’re going to be late!” I yelled down the hall._

_“Jesus Christ Noah, it’s 5:07” The tall teen whined._

_“Josiah, watch your damn mouth. You have your swim bag?” I scrambled to finish packing us lunches barely checking to make sure he’d actually grabbed his bag like I ‘d asked him._

_“Yes! For the fifth time!You don’t trust me now?” He cried._

_“You’d forget your head if it wasn’t attached to your shoulders, now that you’ve noticed girls.”_

_“I mean at least someone noticed them.”_

_He was lucky enough to have time to notice them._

_“Joe is obsessed with them.” Her voice small and sweet like her. She walked in, hair a mess and uniform disheveled._

_“Ada come here love.” I called her over to the kitchen nook and began braiding her mop of curls._

_“You stay away from boys like Joe when your older Ada, you hear me?” I finished by wetting the small flyaways that framed her face._

_“Ok I will. Did you happen to make me a toastie?”_

_“Yup he did and he cut it into tiny bites just the way you like it, big baby.” Josiah mocked and rolled his eyes. “Ridiculous.” He mumbled under his breath when I tucked a napkin into Ada’s collar._

_“You’re just jealous Noah loves me more.” Ada smirked and stuck her tongue out at Josiah._

_“Is that right JoJo?” I playfully flung my arm around his shoulders and rubbed my knuckles into his hair._

_“My hair Noah!”_

_Ada mocked, “Not the hair Noah the chicks love my hair!!”_

_“What the hell are you lot on about?!” Mum came out dressed in yesterday’s clothes._

_“Just leaving. Come on guys.” I called, transferring Ada’s toasty to a paper plate._

_Ada and Joe quietly packed their book bags and headed to the driveway. As the door shut I directed my eyes back to her._

_“Had a nice time last night then?” I asked._

_“It’s absolutely none of your business what I do on my own time.”_

_“On your own time? Listen I don’t care what you do but you were supposed to be working or am I to pay both our shares rent to Aunt Pat?”_

_“You make enough working at that fancy school!”_

_“Well not that much once the Ada and Joe’s tuition comes out of my check”_

_I’d applied at the school for that reason._

_“You wanted them there, not me. Why should I have to pay?” She scoffed._

_Because they’re you kids._

_Her voice got louder as she continued, “You want to drive an hour and half a day and give away 3 quarters of your wages just for them to go there. That’s on you Noah.”_

_It was always on me, that was the problem._

_“It won’t be that long of a drive when we move there in the fall.” I hissed._

_She chortled slightly, “I’m not leaving here. You want to take them with you, don’t expect me to help you.”_

_You don’t help me now._

_“I’ve got to go mum.”_

_I turned my back to her and gathered my things. I hated myself for this but I had to tell her, Josiah asked me to, ”Listen, Joe has a swim meet this afternoon, I’m sure he’d love it if you were there. He’s really good. Like crazy, good.”_

_she looked at me and shook her head in disgust. “Filling his head with nonsense that he’ll go to uni on a swim scholarship. Noah you’ve always got your nose in a book and you really believe those fantasies don’t you?” Her voice burned into my ears. I wanted to scream, to tell her she was wrong. But I didn’t, I wasn’t much for confrontation. It only ever made things worse, it was better to let her have her way. For her to have the last say, my silence said more than my words ever could. Something I’d learned over many disappointments is that words meant nothing._

  
  


_“You ok Noah?”_

_I saw the sadness that swelled in her big brown eyes as I adjusted the rearview mirror._

_“Everything’s fine Ada-bear.”_

_Josiah reluctantly asked, “You tell her about my match today?”_

_“She said she’s sorry. She has to work.” I focused my eyes on the road so he wouldn’t see the pain I felt lying to him._

_He should’ve expected that she wasn’t._

_Ada fumbled around the backseat shuffling through the mound of books. Looking for something to entertain her on the long ride to school. “Noah, what are these?”_

  
  


_Josiah turned around and erupted in laughter, “Oh my days! Ada give those here.”_

_She passed the books to the front as he read the titles, “Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus”_

  
  


_“The Five Love Languages!?”_

_“MODERN ROMANCE?!”_

_“A PAIR AND A SPARE, A MAN’S GUIDE ON HOW TO BECOME A PLAYER.”_

_“NICE GUYS NEVER WIN?!”_

_I took one hand off the steering wheel and blocked Ada from passing any more books to Josiah._

_“That’s enough you two!”_

_“What the hell are these for?” He gibed._

_“Research purposes only.”_

_“For that show? I can’t believe my brother is going to be a celebrity.” Ada shrilled._

_Joe muttered, “Yea it’s bad enough he has to work at our school, now he has to be on tv.”_

_“Don’t listen to him Noah, he’s upset because even more of his crushes are going to fancy you once you’re famous.”_

_“Shut it Ada!” Josiah quipped. He then picked up the book Pair and a Spare. “Ok, for research purposes then. What is the best tip you got from this one?”_

_I hesitated answering him but knew he’d never stop, “To play aloof and be vague about your past experiences. That’s the one I took away after reading. Not that you’ll grow up to be a player, right?”_

_Joe held his chest in mocked injury, “ME?”_

_“So who will watch us when you're away?” Ada said._

_How was I going to leave them? Sure it was for the summer. Less than that, a month at most. But what if? I tried to shake the what ifs. It was going to be worth it if I won._

_“Well Joe is going to step up I reckon.” I said confidently._

_I shot Josiah an expectant look._

_“And Victoria will stop by from time to time.” I added._

_Joe looked surprised. “And she doesn’t care that you're going on Love Island?”_

_“Why would she? Tori and I are just mates.”_

_I pushed down every romantic feeling I had for her. I didn’t have the time or money to give her what she deserved so we stayed friends. She was one of my closest too, she was one of very few people I trusted with my siblings._

_“Sure.” Joe snarked._

_We sat in silence while I day dreamed of living in the neighboring city of Chateau Prep. We deserved to live here. Ada deserved to play outside with her friends in a safe neighborhood. Josiah deserved a home where he wasn’t embarrassed to tell his friends where he lived. I was going to win this thing and the three of us were going to be more than what anyone expected. More than the people who looked down on our worn down shoes, more than the social workers who breathed down my neck, and more than our own parents who’d failed us._

_Ada suddenly gasped in the back seat. I looked in the rearview to find her inspecting the pages of a book, a look of confusion and disgust covering her face._

_“Umm what’s Kama Sutra?” She asked._

_“Ada for the love of God put that book down.”_

* * *

  
  


I didn’t need love, I didn’t need a friend. I needed a partner and I wasn’t sure if Priya could be that. She was every bit of perfect, as most of the women were here. But Priya was here for love or something close to it. She’d told me I resembled an ex and _wow,_ had she taken out some pent up aggression on him in the hideaway last night. She wanted me to mend what he’d broken. Which would’ve been acceptable, had she not told me she’d be ok if we left the villa tomorrow. As long as she left with me she’d be ok. _That wasn’t enough for me_. I needed to leave this villa with more than a girlfriend. I needed to leave here with tangible security for my future.

Hope toweled herself off, her long legs slick and glistening. I remembered how good they’d felt wrapped around me. _It should’ve been us._ But she’d ruined the facade when she became increasingly jealous and spiteful over Priya. I didn’t mind it because it showed me she was committed, but she had tarnished her likeability and in here that was _all_ that really mattered. I wasn’t sure _even_ Bobby’s humor could salvage the public’s opinion on Hope. But was Priya’s much better? She’d told me she’d been scouted for the show but had no idea it was because of Tori and I assumed that Priya’s betrayal would play to the public’s sympathy but now it had come to light she’d accused her of something she didn’t do. Did it now look like a witch hunt? Did the public now feel sorry for Tori?

_I wonder if it’s short for Victoria?_ Such an interesting woman. Fierce and sexy in one breath and then surprisingly vulnerable and sweet. Her brown eyes were deep and held a bittersweet sadness. She’d never been an option for that reason. She wasn’t like these other girls, she wouldn’t fall for the strategies I studied. Everytime I found those dark caramel eyes I was reminded of Ada and the same sadness she held in her stare.I’d thought of my other options but they all seemed to pale in comparison to the intriguing American. She had the most compelling storyline, and it was obvious by the bombshells that she was the star of this season. _I couldn’t do that to Bobby though, could I?_ It seemed odd to pick and choose who I could play and who I couldn’t but something about the way he looked at her told me it was the real thing and he’d been the closest thing to a friend I had in awhile. But did I like him enough to lose? 

“Hope!” I called out as she passed the day beds. 

Her nostrils flared as she looked at me and spoke, “What the hell do you want from me?”

I noticed she had conveniently left her mic on the loungers after her swim, which explained her lack of enthusiasm. Besides enjoying the view of her lower body, I wasn’t sure if I’d have been able to pretend liking her a moment more than I had to. But Hope was a better ally than foe. 

  
  


“So how are things with Bobby?” I asked in an effort to break the coldness between us. 

“Why?” Her eyes surveyed my face, confused. 

“I just wanted to know, and because I know we didn’t work out the way I’d have hoped.”

_Hoped_ I laughed at the obvious play on words. 

“The way _you’d?”_ A strange smile replaced her scowl as she continued, “I really liked you Noah! It could’ve been so different if it hadn’t been for Priya and Tori.”

“Tori?” I cocked my chin to the side.

“Yes, you know she has had a thing for you this whole time!” 

“Why do you think she’s been giving Bobby the cold shoulder? But you know I think Bobby has moved on from her anyways.” She untied her hair and let her braids cascade over her decadent skin. 

_So not only did I have a chance with Tori, but it may not cost me a friendship after all. But what will the viewers think if I break Priya’s heart? They’ll never vote for the villain, even if they love Tori._

“Seems I might lose another guy to Priya.” Hope concluded and I watched as Bobby tapped Priya on the shoulder and led her into the villa. 

Hope saw that I took notice. 

“You’re not mad?” She asked. 

_If Bobby and Priya go behind my back then I would have a perfect excuse to call Tori for comfort. We’d bond over the betrayal._

  
  


I had to hide every bit of joy the idea gave me as I answered Hope, “I’m just disappointed. I thought Bobby was my friend. I’m still going to talk to him before I approach Tori, it’s the right thing to do.”

  
  
  


She nodded and I was unable to read her expression.

I _was_ able to read Priya’s when she came back outside a half hour later.

_Guilt._

It was written all over her and Bobby’s faces. 

* * *

“Ahm not putting on these stupid fuckin’ stickers.” Bobby yelled as he tossed the sheet of fake tattoos across the dressing room. 

It was the Ministry of Sound Party and the crew had told us all to “look the part”. I didn’t mind them, I’d put on far more sparkly things at Ada’s tea parties. 

“Hey Bobs can we talk?” I pulled him aside before we met up with the others.

“Yea, yea mate. Sure.” His eyes shifted and he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. 

“So what’s up Noah?”

“You know this is hard for me to ask you because I consider you a friend here.” I began and his eyes shifted downwards. “But I figured I owed this to you, out of respect. Would it bother you if I talked to Tori?” 

He looked up suddenly, his expression completely dissolved of guilt or shame. His amber eyes swallowed by the blacks of his pupils. 

“I mean it’s a free world mate, you can talk to whoever you’d like.” 

“Well you know what I mean by talk.”

He didn’t answer me. He drummed his thumbs against his leg, contemplating his response. Finally he let out a weak, “No, go ahead.” His smile didn’t match his eyes. 

“Bobby, ohh man. Thank you. I just know you two _had_ this thing and..” 

His jaw pulsated as his grin faded from his tight lips. 

“Actually Noah, Ahm gonna have to come clean here.”

His voice sounded unrecognizable, “You and Hope deserve each other. You two are some sick, manipulative fucks!”

I was taken aback by his vulgarity but the shock on my face didn’t stop him. 

“Ahm not doing this!” 

He looked around madly as if he was talking himself off the ledge, “I agreed to Hope’s plan because I didn’t want to hurt Tori. I agreed I’d kiss Priya to see if she was loyal to _you_ !” His eyes settled back on me, “ and I only agreed to let you go ahead with Tori, because I _never_ thought you _actually_ would mate!” 

I tried to muffle my mic as his voice boomed through the room. 

“But you have got me confused if you thought I’d let you play Tori. You approach her and I swear to God mate.” 

My 6’5” frame gave me a good five inches on Bobby. I stepped forward and towered over him. 

“You swear to God what?” 

He didn’t move, didn't flinch. 

“I’ll climb you like a fuckin’ tree and knock your teeth in.”

  
  
  



	28. YaYa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another Character POV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope the time lapses aren't confusing! 
> 
> I want to give a shoutout to Kat because she is fucking awesome and always listens when I bounce ideas off her. Seriously you are a star!

**December 2017**

The flash of lights and click of cameras disappeared behind the bistro’s doors. The black and white mosaic floors echoed the sound of my heels as I walked around looking for Karisma. Her dark hair tied into a neat bun atop her head, her black fitted dress covered her tan skin but still revealed the blessed curves we’d inherited from our mother. She smiled as I sat, looking curiously at the large gloves on my hands.

“So Yaya did we unknowingly both go for a Breakfast at Tiffany’s theme? Or are you that cold?” She giggled causing the diamond in her nose to sparkle. 

“Actually, that’s why our lunch date couldn’t wait! I needed to make sure you were the first to know.” I whispered excitedly. 

I took off my gloves leaving my left hand last and dramatically revealing the ring hidden beneath it. The 9 carat oval made my slender finger even more narrow. 

“Oh my days Priya!” Karisma’s eyes glistened as she examined the ring. She swallowed nervously and cautiously asked, “Do maa and baabaa know?”

I shook my head and tried to maintain the smile I had plastered on my face in case a paparazzi had managed to sneak in.

“You know they’ll never accept Colin, they can barely accept that I am never,  _ ever  _ going to marry Abhishek.” I quickly muttered as the waiter approached, tucking my hands in my lap. 

After the young blonde took our order my sister picked up where we left off, “Abi is a wonderful man, you’re lucky he was your choice.”

“That’s just it Kari, he’s  _ not  _ my choice, he’s _ their _ choice. We’ve never met him before!”

“I met him  _ once _ when we visited Auntie in Chennai.”

“Well maybe I’d like to marry a man that isn’t someone my sister met once when she was 5.” 

“How are we going to tell them? Would Colin come for tea?” 

The idea of Colin taking off his Armani loafers and sitting on my parent’s floor for tea made me grimace. He asked permission from no one. I think my hand was no exception. My parents didn’t seem to care if I was ok with their choice for me so why was I so bothered in giving them the same consideration? I looked  _ forward _ to showing my mum the ring. After she saved every clipping of Colin in a stupid gossip tabloid. She’d told me time and time again he would never settle down with a silly girl like me. But here I was, with a ring on my finger. 

**June 2018**

  
  
  


“Priya, put those things away.” Karisma quickly pulled a shawl off the coat hanger in the entryway of our parent’s home and wrapped it around my shoulders covering my exposed chest. 

“Yaya!” Her yell was as loud as the yellow dress she wore. 

“Hello Auntie!” I smiled and bowed my head. 

“Namaste Priya.” A tall woman in red said from the end of the hall. 

“Hello maa.” I deadpanned. 

She scowled at my lack of formality. I followed the two women towards the kitchen, taking notice of the article framed on the wall. 

“Colin Dawson engaged:Indian beauty ties down Britain's most notorious playboy.” It read.

It was a flattering picture, I wasn’t used to those. Most photos were of me in no makeup, or an emphasis on my waistline as many stories were that I had trapped Colin by getting pregnant or of course, the ones attached to another infidelity rumor. I had become obsessed, refusing to leave the house without a painted face and barely breathing as I held in my stomach. I traced his face. I hadn’t seen him in 8 days, hadn’t heard from him in 3 and had been left on read for 2. 

I sat amongst the other women, standing out in my muted beige tones. I smiled and nodded as the idle chatter began. I looked at Nani’s photos of her new baby. I heard about the nosey Mrs. Baker, who complained about Madhuri’s cat eating her peonies. Karisma kicked me under the table everytime I yawned or blinked a little  _ too  _ long. As the afternoon drew to an end my mother cleared the table of our dishes and placed a stack of magazines in their place. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks as I saw his face adorning each of their covers. 

“Colin Dawson and the mysterious woman.”

“American Designer and Colin Dawson seen leaving Hotel 41.” 

“London Business Woman, Stolen Colin Dawson’s Heart.” 

Each different outlet had a different image under the captions. I knew he was in London and I knew she was working on several projects with him. Tori Reyes, her name had buzzed around our office since she began working for the company two years prior. I had heard she was gorgeous but now I knew exactly how beautiful she was.  _ Did she have to suck in her stomach when she walked around too? Did she even eat?  _ She was definitely his type. He was an infamous boob man, and hers were noticeably large  _ and _ they looked natural. I became all too aware of the way I had gone under the knife not once, but twice to keep his eyes focused in my direction. I left my mum’s luncheon a disgrace. No formal goodbye, no polite excuses for my abrupt departure. Just a beeline towards my car. I was tired of wearing this ring. No one noticed the diamond’s clarity, no one asked how he proposed. All they ever noticed were the rumors, all I ever saw when I spoke of my engagement was pity. 

  
  
  


**June 2019**

The receptionist at Case Mcnairs flagged me down before I reached my desk. 

“Priya?” 

“Yes, Monica was it?” I felt terrible. I had worked here for seven months now without bothering to learn her name. 

“Yes! Monica Chevy.” She eagerly pushed out her hand and I shook it in response. 

I could tell by the gossip tabs that lay stacked on her desk she was very aware who I was. I could see it in her eyes, pity. Even with my ring gone, people still pitied me. I straightened my skirt, impatiently waiting to find out the point of this senseless encounter. 

  
  


“Well this man has called a couple times, insistent on speaking with you. He came in a little while ago and asked that I give you this. Says he needs to hear from you within the week before they scout other models.” Monica rattled on as I took the card from her hand.

_ Models?  _ I thought as I read his business information. I had modeled for a short time before meeting Colin and working at his office. I hadn’t been referred to as a model in awhile though. It sounded so much nicer than the fiance that was cheated on. 

_ Phillip Mason  _

_ ITV producer  _

_ 0161 952 6073 _

**Two weeks later**

I stood in front of the villa. Full of nerves. I knew I was going to be tonight’s bombshell. I had been told my arrival would shake things up as I would have to dismantle one of the already established couples. I wasn’t sure how comfortable I was with the whole idea but my game plan was to approach the girls first and try to make sure I avoided hurting anyone. 

I was finally going to put the past behind me. People might  _ actually  _ see me as more than the scorned ex of that real estate mogul. I’d be noticed for something  _ other _ than the scandal. 

My parents were mortified when they heard I’d be appearing on Love Island, but they were starting to get used to the disappointment that surrounded my name. It’s not like I’d asked to go, I had been chosen. Scouted even. A much needed boost to my suffering ego. 

I entered the villa, used to the unsure stares. I held my head high and refused to let my nerves show. The immediate attention from the men was welcomed and the girls were seemingly accepting as well. I focused on my introductions to my cast mates, aware of the cameras. _ I was the one in control of the narrative now!  _

“I’m Priya, 27 years old from Manchester. I modeled years ago but now I work as an estate agent.” I repeated to each new face. 

Not having to mention Colin, not having to answer the ‘how did you  _ not  _ know?’ question that slipped everyone's curious lips. I could just talk about me.

Then I saw a last girl walk out of the villa. I listened to a gossiping red-head to my left as she commented on the incoming girl. “She was late to the welcoming party because she was passed out drunk!” The handsome man with the dreads that had yet to approach me seemed to greet her immediately. The closer she came to the firelight the more my heart sank. 

I’d studied her face for months, going over and over her shape. Trying to figure out what she had that I didn’t. I was just as curvy, I was just a pretty, I was just as hard working. She held more social status but was that _ really _ why Colin would turn his attention towards her? The heaviness I thought I’d left in Manchester rushed back into my chest with the realization.  _ She was the reason I was asked to come here.  _ Not because I was once a model, not because they were looking for a diversity in the cast, but because of  _ her.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The days in the villa felt like weeks. So much has happened in these 8 days. The lie detector test, her apologies, I was sure now I had been wrong about her. The truth settled in,  _ it was Colin who was to blame.  _ The memories of him flooded my mind, forgetting about him was hard to do when Noah resembled him so strongly. But I found comfort in the way he treated me in comparison. Almost like I could pretend it was still Colin and could make right what had been so wrong. 

_ And today I may have ruined it all! _

I couldn’t understand why Bobby kissed me this afternoon. The recoupling obviously had shook him but his sudden advance still made no sense. Especially after I had thrown myself at him, that second night and he completely ignored me. If he had kissed me  _ that  _ night I wouldn’t feel the guilt I did now. Knowing I had condemned Tori for mere rumors and now I had kissed the boy she was clearly in love with.

My thoughts were interrupted by Lottie and Chelsea. 

“Lottie could you do like a blast of gold on my eyes to match these stickers?” Chelsea begged. 

Lottie scowled at the young blonde, but still nodded and made her way over to her. 

My hands shook as I tried to apply the temporary tattoos, I knew it was only a matter of time before Noah found out and even worse, Tori. What I had done today went against every moral in my body. While Lottie preached about girl code, I lived by it. 

“Do you need help babes?” She asked, her large mouth lined in offensively loud red lipstick. She wore white cut off jeans and her signature cheetah print crop top.  _ Was Peg Bundy her stylist?  _

Hope was the last person I’d let near my face. She’d be the type to intentionally make you look bad, I could just imagine my appearance if she applied the tattoos. 

“No thanks.” I tried to combat her phoney politeness with my own. We all saw how she played the cameras, her offering to be mature and do my makeup was one of her many stunts. 

“Everything ok Priya? Anything you need to get off your chest?” She sneered through a smile of white fangs. 

“I’m not sure what you mean Hope?”

“Ohh you just have been so quiet since you had that chat with Bobby. Just want to know if I should be worried about you stealing another one of my partners.” She replied. 

Tori ignored the drama for the most part but the mention of his name caught her attention. 

“Honestly Hope, if I had something to say about Bobby I wouldn’t be speaking to  _ you  _ about it. You didn’t notice his face when you picked him last night? He was repulsed. Instead of you worrying about who is going to steal your partner, why don’t you find one that actually likes you!” I shouted.

“He wasn’t  _ that  _ repulsed by me last night in bed!” Hope disputed. 

“Bobby was in the common room this morning.” Marisol interjected. 

“Well yea, I kicked him out of the bed after he came onto me suddenly.” 

_ What the fuck Bobby? Why was he on such a downward spiral?  _ Had he not kissed me in the kitchen today I wouldn’t have believed Hope, but Bobby was acting completely out of character since the recoupling.  _ But really Bobby, Hope? _

Tori stood, her brows pinched. She looked like she might say something but instead walked out of the dressing room. 

“Wait Chels! I am almost done!” Lottie pushed the young blonde back into her chair, blocking her from following Tori out. 

I leaned over to Chelsea and assured her I would go check on her. Which she seemed unsure of but nodded anyways and allowed Lottie to finish her makeup. 

I found her in the kitchen, taking a long sip of something that resembled the color of caramel. 

“Hey, we need to talk.” I said and pulled a barstool to the counter. She poured another glass and slid it over. 

“Ok, shoot.” She said with a smile, her eyes distant. 

I clinked my glass against hers and took a small sip. It was much stronger than the champagne I was accustomed to but I swallowed and tried to explain myself. 

“Listen, I never accepted your apology but that’s frankly because there never should have been one to begin with. I was wrong to be so hard on you without knowing the truth.” 

She leaned across the counter and placed her hands over mine. 

“Girl, I’ve been there.” 

_ She had, the lie detectors had revealed her fiancé had also cheated.  _

I rubbed my thumb against her hand. 

“I know that now Tori.” I offered a downturned smile. “I am sure you didn’t take it out on the girl Henry slept with though.” 

“Oh I did one better, I blamed myself! I told myself I deserved what Henry did.”

I shook my head in disbelief. 

“Wow two fools who didn’t see how lucky they were to have us.” I picked up my glass and clinked to hers again. 

“Prost.” She said and bottomed her glass. 

I finished mine feeling it burn its way down my throat. 

I fidgeted with the empty glass. “I knew, like a month in, Colin was no good.”

Her face showed she understood, encouraging me to continue, “It’s weird, growing up I never wanted to fall into the traditions of an arranged marriage. I wanted to be someone’s choice. Yet I fell for a man, who never chose me. I think I thought I could change that?” 

“So how did your parents feel about it?” 

“Well, I never would’ve told them. But I was pictured with him and my mom found out, threw the magazine at me even! She went absolute crackers!” 

I laughed at the memory. 

“But then, she told me I would just be a flavor of the week. And it drove me to prove her wrong. Sometimes I really believed I was winning too. We had some incredible moments together, Tori.” 

I looked up and blinked away the moisture in my eyes. 

“I think he loved me, I do. But I think he loved himself more. He loved the image he had created.  _ The forever bachelor _ . For a while after our engagement he tried to hide his rendezvous. And then they snapped those pics of you and it was like everyone was rooting for you two be a couple. Even my own family, people at work. They all wanted to believe  _ you _ were a couple.”

I choked on the next words, “I think Colin liked the idea of it too. Tori Reyes, the nun. He loved to reference you as that. Like _ he _ would be the one to strip you of that title. He didn’t even care how sick I was over the rumors.  _ Like I never meant anything _ . He didn’t fight when I left. I was just a part of his sick game. I didn’t want to believe that. I didn’t want to think I’d wasted years on someone who never loved me. And then they brought me here, I had no idea it was because you were..” I stopped myself. I was rambling, I was talking myself out of having a full melt down. 

“I’m so sorry.” I said. I could feel the tears bubbling up. 

Before I knew it was surrounded by her arms, hiding my tears in the curve of her neck. 

She gently rubbed my back. 

“Uh-uh” she whispered. “No need to be sorry. It’s that fucker who should be sorry. You and I are good.” 

She held onto my arms and pulled back to look me in the eyes. 

“You hear me? We are good.” She empathized.

I shook my head side to side and her reassuring smile faded. 

“No, I  _ did  _ something. Well I didn’t but I didn’t stop it either and I should’ve told you right away. But today. Today Bobby kissed me Tori. I am so sorry.” 

I searched her eyes but wasn’t able to place her emotions. 

“Ohh.” She finally said. 

“It’s ok Priya.” She rubbed my shoulder and walked back to the cupboard to refill her glass. 

“Bobby what the hell are you doing?!” 

We heard Chelsea shriek from the bedroom. 

Tori and I walked in to find Bobby and Noah inches from each other’s faces. 

I slumped my shoulders and clasped my hands close to my mouth. 

_ He must’ve told him.  _

Tori leaned into me. “It’ll all be ok Priya. I can talk with Noah if you’d like?”

I looked at her unsure how I’d been so nasty towards her and she had forgiven it all so easily. I nodded, accepting her offer. 

“Whatever happens, I am really thankful we had this chat tonight.” I told her. 

She smiled weakly, “Some party huh? It’ll all turn out fine.’’ She paused looking over at the two grown men shouting. “I think!” 

She pulled my arm and walked towards the commotion. “Come on let’s go separate these neanderthals!” 

I followed her and gathered my nerves, masking it in my usual sarcasm. “If you boys are done swinging your dicks around, we have a party to attend!” I wrapped my arm in Noah’s and motioned for him to follow me out. Bobby’s rage instantly softened as Tori caught his attention. I felt bad for him, it had been so obvious to all of us that he was equally crazy about her. But I had other things to worry about than Bobby’s bad choices. 

Noah looked to Tori and hesitated like he had something to say. She shook her head as if she wasn’t interested in hearing what he had to tell her, _ I had already told her about the kiss anyways.  _

  
  


Reluctantly he followed me. His head was somewhere else. He was so hard to read, but I wasn’t interested in picture book boys. I enjoyed the mystery and the challenge.  _ Colin had been a challenge.  _ I reminded myself.  _ But Noah wasn’t Colin.  _ Even though they stood the same 195 cms, they carried muscle the same, their complexion was the same, their smiles even bore resemblance.  _ Noah wasn’t Colin though _ . Noah loved his family. He wasn’t selfish. He was here to find love, while Colin was out searching for who looked good  _ next _ to him. I had to make it work with Noah, I couldn’t let him go. I could fix this. He wasn’t Colin.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are enjoying the changes to Operation Nope. Thank you to all the people who read this and take time to let me know your thoughts. It means so much xoxoxo


	29. Mean Tweets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song inspo  
> Tequilawine by Olivia O'Brien

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I relied heavily on NeLD13 for the first half of this chapter. You are the one and only evil genius.

“Come on Bobby, it’s not worth it.” Henry told him, exercising his inner cop to calm him down. 

Bobby pushed Henry’s hand off his shoulder and I stepped forward. “What the fuck are you doing? Noah is walking away and Henry is just trying to help.”

Bobby turned and faced me, “Ye would stick up for him.” He snarked. 

“Henry just go, he wants to be a fucking idiot? Let him.” I grabbed Henry’s arm and walked away. When we hit the hallway Henry stopped me, “Don’t do this Tori.” 

I pushed my chin to my neck and raised my brow, “I’m sorry? Don’t do what?”

“This!” He waved his hand up and down at me. “You, closing off. I know you like him.” 

“Are you for real right now? Henry. Just don’t.” 

“Oh trust me, I never thought I’d be encouraging you to go after another dude.” He ran his hands nervously through his blonde hair. “It’s not really about him though, I just..” 

“You just what? Bobby isn’t what I thought he was! I was fucking stupid to let him in as much as I did.” I pushed my palm into his chest, the whiskey had a way of releasing the anger that stirred inside of me. “I know we weren’t a couple but I still feel betrayed.” My hand slammed into him as I shot, “I guess it’s better to know _now_ . Imagine if I found out he was a player _after_ getting engaged?”

He winced. “I guess I deserved that.” 

My hand softened and rested on his collar.

He looked at me and cocked his head, “Wait. A player? Bobby?”

“Hope said..” I began.

“ _Hope?_ Ohh come on Tori!” He interjected.

“ _And_ Priya told me he kissed her.” I stammered. 

“Ohh. I understand why he would with Priya.”

“Ok Henry? You’re not helping.” 

“Right, sorry. It just doesn’t make sense at all. Bobby doesn’t seem like..”

I interrupted, “Honestly Hen, we all know you put your faith in the wrong people.” 

I smirked and drew a circle around my face with my finger. 

“Aww pretty girl, you’re not that bad.” He smiled and pulled me into a hug. 

“Come on we’ll find her and sort this.. Oh! _There_ she is.” Chelsea smiled nervously at Bobby as he watched Henry slowly release me from his arms. 

“You good Bobby?” Henry asked. 

_He didn’t look good._ Handsome, but not good. 

It took him a long time to answer. He looked at me, furrowed his brows and looked to his feet. 

“Ahm better now, cheers.” He eventually said. 

Henry nodded in response, “Well Chelsea, you want to come with me and grab a drink?” 

She pushed her champagne colored hair out of her face and looked at me before nodding and taking Henry’s hand. 

Bobby stood in front of me two feet too far away. I kept my focus on the pale blue and white stripes on his shirt and avoided his golden honey eyes. I wanted it all to be a bad dream because, despite what I had uncovered about him, I desperately wanted him closer to me. He felt like home. I almost hated myself for how much I wanted him. The physical desire seemed louder than betrayal. Last night I felt it too, this animalistic lust. But it hadn’t made things better, in fact it may have only made things more confusing between us. 

I could still hear Chelsea and Henry’s presence just 15 feet down the hall. I heard every foot step, the cabinets closing, the pop of the bubbly as the silence between Bobby and I grew. His mouth opened a few times but nothing came to surface, besides a couple of frustrated breaths. 

Annoyed with his muted state, I spoke. “Listen Bobby, last night was a mistake.” 

He leaned his head back and released a shaky breath. 

“Ye cannae mean that?” 

“I’m not doing this again Bobby. I’ve been played before and if you think I’d sign myself up..”

“Ah told ye, don’ compare me to Henry.” The space between us began closing in with each word he spoke.

“There was never a reason to compare you until now.” 

“Tor, ye need to know..” He leaned into me, his hand pushed against the wall behind me. The smell of his cologne, intoxicating. I pushed away thoughts of pulling him onto my lips. Reminding myself, he was no good. _Right?_ Instead I stopped him from talking me into another anger induced fuck. 

“What is it I need to do? I mean Henry was just over here, telling me what I needed to do too. But I guess that would be me comparing you to him, right?” 

He didn’t acknowledge the pettiness that spewed out of my mouth.

“Ye really think Ah was a mistake?”

I nodded, my tone purely fueled by anger, “Yup, _both_ times.” The memory of his dismissive comments after the roof terrace, knowing he came from Hope and then right to me in the common room, and kissing Priya the next day. _It was too much_. 

_A mistake?_ I didn’t mean it, _not really_. Everything about him felt so right, even through my rage the memory of his touch sent jolts through my spine. I needed to say anything to turn him away, I could only hold this anger for so long before I succumbed to my wants.

“So were ye just using me as some way to get over Henry then?” 

I ducked under his arm and moved away from him. _Was he really going to turn this around on me?_

“Are you just using me, and using Hope _and_ Priya? What about Chelsea and Marisol? Don’t want to leave them out!” I said, pushing his hand away as he tried to pull me in. 

“Listen Tori, it’s not..” His brows lifted as he pleaded. 

I held up my finger so he would stop for a minute. “Did you kiss Priya today?” My voice was calm even though _I_ could hear the pounding in my chest.

He let out a sharp exhale and shoved his hands in the pockets of his khaki shorts. 

I felt a pinch in my chest but refrained letting the pain show on my face.

He confirmed my suspicion. “Yes, but..”

I held up my index finger again, “Did something happen between you and Hope before we..” 

I swallowed the shattered piece of my heart that dug into my throat. 

I corrected myself, “Well in between the times we, ya know?” 

Bobby bent forward and held onto his thighs. Releasing a gutteral, “Fuck.” that reverberated off the walls.

Loud enough Chelsea and Henry reappeared in the hall. I pushed past Henry, who then stopped Bobby from following me. 

Chelsea grabbed whatever bottle she could as we rushed our way out through the party. 

“Is she ok?” I heard Rocco ask Chelsea from behind my hurried march. 

Marisol’s irritated voice carried over the lawn “No it’s ok Rocco, go make sure _Tori’s_ ok. _That’s_ what is most important.” 

I slid onto the bench and accepted the bottle of casamigos Chelsea had skillfully unscrewed in milliseconds. 

Rocco sat by side and affectionately stroked my arm while I choked down a couple of large gulps, enjoying the way the burn deflected the pain in my upper torso. I slumped my head forward and lifted the bottle to Chelsea, who took one long sip before offering some to Rocco. He shook his head to decline but conceded with an, “Ohh fuck it.” 

He took one sip and sputtered. Chelsea and I looked at him in disappointment. 

“Come on man, aren’t you Irish?” She patted his back as his shoulders jerked upwards and he combated an exaggerated gag reflex. I peered over with my head still slouched and couldn’t help the laugh that bellowed out of me. Chelsea landed on my lap as her whole body convulsed in giggles. 

* * *

I woke up to the smell of tequila lingering on my breath, my face pressed against a hard slippery surface. I wiped the drool out of the corners of my mouth and lifted myself off Henry’s bare chest, using a sheet to clean the puddle I left on his sternum. _He still slept like a bear in the middle of winter._ I thought to myself as I carelessly commando rolled off the bed kicking a head of curls on my way down. I looked to find Rocco and Chelsea curled at the foot of our bed. 

“Ouch me noggin’!” He rubbed his fingers into his dark locks. His emerald green eyes glossed over. 

“Come on Coco, I have just the thing!” 

“Kale, arugula and kombucha?”

My stomach turned as I grimaced. 

“No, hair of the dog!”

He scowled and dragged his feet towards the kitchen. 

* * *

Oversleeping, beach hut interviews and nursing a gnarly hangover made avoiding Bobby easy. Even though avoiding him from thoughts proved to be much more difficult. The afternoon sun hung over the lawn as we all trudged over to yet another challenge. 

The lighting may be great for filming at this time of day, but it was hot as balls. We all struggled to listen to the instructions while our bathing suits clinged to our sticky skin. 

Sandra brought out an easel and placed poster boards on a nearby table. 

Lottie and Gary were instructed to be our hosts for the challenge. 

“Oi!” Gary shouted as his phone dinged. 

“Time to figure out what the public thinks in today’s Mean Tweet Challenge. Each board will display a tweet and it’s up to you to figure out who it’s about.” He read aloud, _very slowly._

Lottie took over after watching him struggle to hold the first card right side up.

“________ waited all of 5 minutes to hop on Gary after Hannah left.” @sp3194

She read the card and shot Gary a look of disgust.

Each couple was instructed to write their guess on a chalkboard. Henry pulled the chalk out of my hand and scribbled down Marisol. 

_I hadn’t even bothered thinking about what he’d seen before arriving at the villa._

I spotted Rocco holding his board with Lottie written across it. 

Henry leaned in and whispered, “She acts like he’s not about to find out anyways.” 

Besides Chelsea and Lucas, everyone guessed Lottie as well. 

She peeled back the sticker. 

“ **Marisol** waited all of 5 minutes to hop on Gary after Hannah left.”

“So not only were you creeping on Rocco when I was coupled up with him, but you also kissed Gary?” The tatted beauty stuck the tip of her tongue out and hissed. 

“Moving on!” Gary grabbed a card and we all read along in unison to speed it up.

“Move on__________ , you deserve better!” @Redlightsdistrict

A couple low whistles could be heard. Henry looked at me quizzically before handing over the knob of chalk. 

Everyone lifted their boards. 

Lottie had written Rocco, Rocco wrote Chelsea, Lucas then erased his original choice of Lottie and jotted down Marisol. Priya tried to look unfazed as Noah held up a board that read Hope only cementing my choice of putting down Priya as my answer. Her dark eyes narrowed in confusion as she looked at me.

I turned to find Bobby holding a board with Tori on it, a heart over the ‘i’. 

I mouthed I’m sorry to Henry and he shrugged. “You deserve better than a lot of people.” He smiled. I returned the smile but only to relieve the one I had brewing since I saw Bobby’s answer. I wanted to kick myself for falling for him. 

Lottie pulled back the sticker and threw up her fist in victory.

“Move on **Rocco** , you deserve better.”

As the game continued, I found myself using Henry’s broad back as a way to discreetly glance at the freckled boy. 

_He looked so tired._

His smile had lost its luster. 

Meanwhile it was revealed Chelsea had been caught streaking twice. Some dig about Hope’s wardrobe which wasn’t surprising. _Who hasn’t made a nasty comment about it?_

I glanced over again, his hair fell over his forehead as he leaned down to write on his board. Doing the sign of the cross with his fingers everytime Hope got within a foot of his personal space bubble. _What was his explanation? What could have been a good enough reason?_ I tried searching for a rational answer, _anything_ to justify the feeling that had consumed me since the night we laid under the stars together. _Was that all it was?_ I started to wonder if maybe I was confusing a good lay with love. _Was it really that good?_ I wandered his frame, looking over his tanned, slightly burned shoulders, his strong arms, his hands that had gripped me and caressed every inch of my skin, down his chest that had pounded against mine, to his lean torso. Muscles that shaped into a v, like an arrow leading to his beautiful, meaty..” 

“Chalk?”

I shook my head and Henry repeated, “Do you still have the chalk?”

I looked at the card in Gary’s hands. 

“When _________ asks for permission to crack on with ________ and almost gets his ass whooped.” @MarauderNo5

  
  


_They weren’t trying to make this hard, they were trying to make this hurt._

_Had Bobby told Noah? Had he liked the kiss that much that he wanted to pursue her?_

I threw the chalk on the board and allowed Henry to take over writing first Bobby and then Priya. The rest of the boards mirrored ours with the exception of Bobby’s who had written ‘Noah, Tori’. Hope's stance looked like she was mounting a miniature pony, her arms crossed. She smirked at Priya, who gripped her board hoping Bobby was lying. 

Lottie pulled back the stickers. 

“When **Noah** asks for permission to crack on with **Tori** and almost gets his ass whooped.”

  
  


My heart sunk, for Priya _and_ for Bobby. I had assumed their altercation was because Noah was confronting Bobby about the kiss with Priya. But instead of it being Noah who was protecting his woman’s honor it was Bobby. I looked at him and melted. I shook my head like a wet puppy. _It still didn’t explain why he kissed her._

Priya’s face had fallen but she remained silent. 

My breathing deafened the sound of the next question, which revealed Gary and Hannah had hooked up the first day. _Thank God I never have to see that chick again._

“Two more left!” Lottie exclaimed, trying to quickly move on from the subject of Hannah before Marisol could remind her she was a hypocrite. 

“Calling it now, _________ is the biggest player of them all.” @ThePromisesWeMake

  
  


I wrote Bobby without hesitating, so did Priya and Gary, Chelsea and Hope wrote Noah, and Marisol wrote Gary. 

“Calling it now, **Bobby** is the biggest player of them all.”

I bitterly watched Lottie mark a dash next to mine and Henry’s name. I wanted so badly to be wrong. 

“Bobby, babe chill.” I could hear Chelsea whisper. I couldn’t bring myself to look over in their direction to find out why she said it though.

Lottie glanced around nervously as Gary began lifting the card, she pushed it back to face the table. 

“Ok let’s tally the scores, looks like..” The Aussie began. 

“Umm excuse me?” Marisol quipped. “There is obviously one more. Probably one about you huh? Worried we are going to see another crack in your girl code ethic?” 

Gary defiantly held the card up and Lottie caught my eyes.

“You can see it in her eye’s and the way she says his name, _________ fell in love on the first day there.” @NeLd13

  
  


Henry pulled the board away from me and quickly answered.

Bobby stood and stared at the boards as they had unanimously answered ‘Tori’. His lip trembled a bit as he looked over towards me. 

_Was it shame? Was that what covered his face?_

I pulled myself out of his eyes, feeling exposed and pathetic.

I looked to Henry holding the board.

“I know that look, I _miss_ that look.” His smile half-hearted. “I just wanted to try to win you back, but I _knew,_ everyone knows.” 

I looked to my feet and the heat of the tears burned down my reddened cheeks. 

“You can see it in her eye’s and the way she says his name, **Tori** fell in love on the first day there.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you guys for your love and support xoxoxo


	30. LegEND

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super short random chapter with Bobby's reaction to Mean Tweet challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspo  
> "Portugal"  
> By Walk the Moon
> 
> Do you guys ever listen to the song inspos? Just curious, I always do but I am a nerd like that.

I rolled my head slowly in counter clockwise rotations. Working out the tension the daybed caused in my neck. I was tempted to silence my stomach and head to the kitchen but my nerves had stopped me from reaching for anything except bourbon for the last 24 hours, which explained the sour taste in my mouth. _Seems fair._ I have probably left a sour taste in a lot of people’s mouths lately. My thoughts halted for a moment as the sound of Chelsea’s giggle drifted out of the villa, and where there was smoke. _There was fire._ Tori followed close behind her. She wore a pale green checkered suit, the top came together into a bow, as if her overflowing breasts were a gift from the gods. Something about the way she could pull off things that weren’t inherently sexy. On most, this simple suit would go unnoticed. Maybe it was her womanly figure that filled the suit in all the right places, but she looked like a pinup girl straight outta the calendar hung in Johno’s basement. 

I almost wished she wasn’t this pretty. It was because of her looks I doubted the connection I had with her. _Every man would feel this way with her._ I had told myself. While everyone else apparently saw love in her eyes, I had been too distracted by how beautiful they were _._ I would give anything to go back to looking into her doe expression. _But I fucked it up._ How badly I wanted to lift her over my shoulder and run out of the villa, into the sunset, to our happily ever after. But despite finding out this sexy mess of a woman loved me, I felt far from victorious. I almost wished she had denied it during the challenge, but her eyes panged with truth. I never imagined that someone _not_ loving you would be far less painful than someone loving you but not wanting too. 

I threw my head into a pillow. For years I had just walked through life. Dating girls, wondering if my parents had embellished this whole idea of love. I found myself setting reminders on my phone, ‘ _make sure you call and check in on so-and-so’._ None of them ever made me want to serenade them like my da always did to my ma. 

“Whit ye think da?” I asked the blue sky.

Smiling as I imagined how he’d probably tell me she was too good for me and my ma would argue that her Bobby only deserved the best. I watched the clouds. “Ahh Van Morrison? Good choice da! Ah figured ye pick Inner Circle.” I chuckled, taking advantage of the freedom of being mic-less for the moment. 

* * *

> **First Annual Glasgow Jazz Festival 1987**

“Oi! Robert Mckenzie?” The man shouted passed the mahogany skinned man towards a pale bloke to his right. 

“Wah gwan, I’m here!” 

The man turned back towards him with a look of skepticism. “Yer Robert Mckenzie?”

“Mi am?” His golden eyes crinkled at their corners, as he broke into a wide smile. _All the scots were confused when he introduced himself, even assumed he had changed his name to fit in._

“A'richt weel let's git ye checked in 'n' ah wull shaw ye aroond tae th' scullery.” The redheaded man shouted. 

“Wahs dat? Weh am mi guh fi guh cook?”

The bespeckled ginger scrunched his nose, “Whit wis that pal?”

“Mi dey yah to cook.” Robert amused at the idea the Scottish had just as hard a time understanding Patois, his native tongue. He traveled enough, cooking across the eastern coast of the US and now the UK. He found he had much less competition as a caribbean chef in gloomy Glasgow, than in New York. Here, he was a sensation. Introducing locals to foods and flavors they’d never experienced. His accent had diminished significantly, but he enjoyed fucking with people. So sometimes he went full Bob Marley for fun. 

“I’m just joking mon! Jus’ point me in the direction to where I need to set up.”

The event organizer pointed past a sea of white tents to where a makeshift kitchen had been set up. “Holly wull be helping ye th'day. She's th' bonny lassie wi' th' apron, ye cannae miss her.”

He wandered over and to find Holly. She hummed along to the song that played on the boombox. Kiss by Prince, which had begun to irritate him. _Can they play any other song on the radio?_ But her sweet voice brought a new life to the tune. She was the most gorgeous girl he’d ever seen. He knew he’d have to make a good impression on her. 

“Excuse me miss, are you Holly?”

She turned and smiled, not an ounce of confusion or surprise on her face when she said, “Aye, that's me. Ye mist be Mr. Mckenzie.” She held out her hand and he couldn’t help but notice. 

“You have lovely hands.” He smiled and adjusted his duckbill cap that covered his short curls. 

“Ohh thae?” She wiggled her hands and smiled. “Thae ur mah piano fingers.”

“Do you play?”

“Och na! Weel, actually yin song.” She covered her mouth and cleared her throat, "Oh mah darlin', och mah darling!" She sang. 

After they finished giggling over her impromptu performance their eyes locked on to one another what seemed like hours before Holly turned towards their area. 

“A've awready washed 'n' peeled th' veggies.” She gestured to a tray of prepped vegetables.

“Ugh what a foot!” Robert laughed as he placed a hand affectionately on her shoulder. 

Holly raised her brow, “Did ye ca' me a foot?” 

“Yah, you know a leg end?” He gave her gentle a squeeze and flashed one of his infamous smiles. 

She stood with her mouth agape before registering the joke and laughed. Mostly because it was a terrible one. He was sure that he loved every bit of that laugh and just as much as he adored every freckle on her adorable face. 

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


We went every year to the Jazz festival to remember where our parents met, and every year we’d hear the same retelling of it. Though my mom never got into character as much as my dad had when he was around to tell us. We even went the summer of ‘08, three months after he passed. My ma’ insisted we kept the tradition, even though we only managed to stay all of 15 minutes before she needed to go home. 

I spoke to the clouds again, “What should Ah do da?”

_He’d know what to do, if not, he'd surely know of a joke that would make things better._

“Who ya talking to bruv?” Gary asked as he mixed the protein powder in his shaker bottle. 

“Pick a windae, yer leavin'” I said. I didn't bother lifting anything off the bed but a middle finger towards him. 

He stared and continued shaking his cup grinning at me. 

I sat up, “I said, fuck off!” 

He shook his head and laughed, “You’ve gone mad, ya daft bagpiper.” and walked away. 

_Finally he says something remotely funny._

“Och I know da, that wasn’t very nice.” I said as I laid back down. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may be like, wow this is random. 
> 
> and you'd be right. 
> 
> let me know your thoughts...


	31. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Kat❤️
> 
> You are truly an amazing and brilliant young lady. We need more people like you in the world.  
> @Neld13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song inspo  
> Feelings Hayley Kiyoko

I had to step out of the dark cloud I had been floating around in and take a moment to appreciate the other connections I had made in the villa. Rocco and Chelsea had done their best to try to put a smile on my face, and even if they hadn’t been able to produce the most genuine of one, I was grateful for their effort. Lucas and Marisol didn’t seem to appreciate their focus outside of their own coupling though. _Not that Chelsea or Rocco noticed their irritated glares._ Maybe Hannah’s statement of this not being “friend island” was absolute shit. I couldn’t imagine how difficult it would’ve been handling being in the villa after that revealing Mean Tweets Challenge, without them. 

I washed away the pool and enjoyed a shower before bedtime. Relishing in the knowledge we’d been reprieved of any fucked up challenges. In fact, the day had been uneventful. I was looking forward to sharing a daybed and a glass of wine with Chelsea to celebrate the lack of drama. I wrapped a towel around my sun kissed skin and exited the stall, only to find a very disheveled Bobby. He was still in his cotton sleep shorts, and I was sure that this wasn’t him brushing his teeth for bed, but for the first time today. I found myself unable to peel my eyes off the sight of him. He was too enthralled in his own stupor to notice I was focused on the way his back flexed as he hunched over the sink. How his shoulders carried just the right amount of muscle. How his forearm looked leaned into the counter. _I was thankful I was unable to see his front half._

I wished I could casually like him, that I could pretend this was just a physical attraction but it was impossible. The way he awakened the vacant places in my heart I knew he could never be _just_ physical and I was fooled into thinking he felt the same. I knew this wasn’t anything like Henry. Henry was my fiance, I knew him 8 _whole_ years, lived with him, knew every part of him when he cheated. _And he hadn’t just kissed a girl._ So why did this hurt so much more? Why did the betrayal feel so much deeper? Why did I have such a hard time changing the way I saw him? I should be repulsed by the sight of him but all I wanted to do was to find out I had been told a lie. That he was exactly as perfect as he felt and how my heart saw him.

He didn’t notice my presence until Rocco fumbled in shouting my name. Bobby jolted a bit before lifting his heavy lids and finding my eyes in the mirror. I clutched my towel and prayed my knees would stay strong. 

Rocco paused and quickly looked to see if he was interrupting anything. 

“Yes?” I asked.

“Hey, hurry up and come outside. We have all taken bets and I have a 50 pound note riding on you.”

“What? Well let me at least put clothes on.” 

“Oh please don’t, you’d for sure win if you went out there naked.” 

I punched Rocco’s arm in response. He rubbed the injured spot, “Oww that actually hurt.” 

Bobby shook his head at Rocco and smirked briefly, before returning to a solemn state and dragged himself out of the bathroom. 

“You should give him a chance to explain himself.” Rocco said watching the door close behind Bobby.

“Well it doesn’t even seem like he wants to.” 

He locked his green eyes into mine and placed two encouraging hands on my shoulder. 

“Hey, hey, hey! Right now I need you to forget about Bobby and bring out what Henry was telling us outside.” 

“Oh fuck, what did he say?” I was more amused than I was worried. 

“Marisol _may_ have been trying to impress us with her salsa dancing. She grabbed Henry and he right away knew what to do. When she asked him how, he said ``because of you.” 

I threw my head back and laughed, remembering the teenage boy who was desperate to do _anything_ to get his hands on me. Even if it required him learning every form of Latin dance from Salsa to Cumbias.

“Oh yea?” I said. 

Rocco removed his hands off me and guarded his arms from another punch before continuing, “And Chelsea _may_ have said that she bet you were probably a better dancer and I …. I _may_ have challenged Marisol to a dance off.” 

“So you’re telling me that you are using me to make a quick buck?” 

He nodded, pretending to be ashamed of himself. 

“And you betted _against_ your current partner?” 

His eyes stayed closed and he nodded again unable to keep an obnoxious smile from bubbling to the surface. 

I quickly threw on a pair of cut off shorts and a white cami and Rocco escorted me towards the yard. 

“To be fair I think Marisol maybe liked me more when I was Lottie’s partner.” He admitted. 

The mean tweets had confirmed a lot of shit, and Rocco deserving better was absolutely one of them.

I kissed his stubbled cheek and ruffled my hands in his curls. “Let’s go show that bitch.” 

Henry reached his hand out as I walked up to the group. Everyone, including Bobby sat around the firepit in anticipation for the show. 

“Dude, I’m sorry I said anything.” Henry whispered in my ear. 

By the smirk that settled on his face I could tell he was most definitely _not_ sorry.

“So are you dancing with me or her.” I signaled my head towards Marisol. 

He grabbed my other hand and pulled me into him, “Umm you should know by now I hate losing.” 

Marisol shooed Rocco away, “You are a terrible dancer for one and secondly you literally are invested in Tori winning. You think I am an idiot?” 

Lottie cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted, “Yes!”

Rocco dropped his head looking like a kicked puppy. Chelsea got to her feet and scowled at Marisol. 

“Come on babes, I’ll dance with you.”

His face instantly brightened as she wrapped her arms around him. 

  
  


Marisol grinned and pushed her sliding glasses back into place. “Hey Gary, I bet I could teach you a thing or two. _I am sure Lottie won’t mind_.” 

Lottie leaned back and threw some Bombay mix into her mouth. “Go ahead babe.” She said to Gary.

He jumped up and made his way to Marisol. 

“And Tori is going to dance with Henry so she can win by having an unfair advantage.” Marisol added.

“Do you hear that? This is the first time anyone’s called _you_ an advantage.” I teased him. 

“Fine let’s make it fair.” Henry laughed as he raised both hands and walked towards the firepit. 

Marisol seemed relieved and asked, “Ok who are you going to pick?”

“What about Noah?” 

Bobby straightened in his seat, fists balled.

“What about Priya?” I asked and she looked up and smiled in appreciation, still hurt by yesterday’s revelations but not allowing it to interfere with the friendship we were building. 

“Um no! Then everyone is going to vote for you two because of your massive tits.” Marisol blurted. 

Gary couldn’t help himself as he stared at mine and Priya’s breasts and shook his head in agreement. I looked to find Lottie was doing the same. 

Marisol composed herself and insisted, “You need to pick another boy. So Noah or Bobby?”

Noah ignored Priya’s presence and lifted himself off his seat. 

This funny bet had turned very quickly. 

“Bobby.” I answered in hopes Noah would stop making his way over to me. 

I kept my eyes on Chelsea as he stood and walked over to me. She gave me an encouraging nod, her blue eyes full of optimism. Optimism, I didn't share. 

  
  


I gathered my strength and turned towards him as Lottie and Priya looked through the playlists on our phones.

I kept my gaze down and took hold of his hands, ignoring the goosebumps that formed on my skin. 

“Ready?” I asked.

“Not really, but Ahve gotten used to making myself look like a fucking fool on this show.”

I looked up expecting to find a sarcastic smile. But his face was void of all emotions. 

My stomach dropped when I finally looked into his eyes. 

The way he looked at me didn't fit with his behavior and only confused me more. It fed a hopeless dream in my heart. 

I kicked his feet to widen his stance and the sudden change in attitude brought a slight smirk to his face. 

“Loosen up Bobby.” I said. And his hands seemed to ease in mine. 

The music started and I told him, “Ok follow me. Step forward with your left foot and move your hip to the right, then feet together. OK?” 

I tapped his right leg to move as he just stared into my eyes.

“Are you listening?”

“No not really sorry.” 

He smiled apologetically. This time following my movements. 

“Shift your weight to the opposite side now.” 

I showed him by popping my hip out. His hand slid to the smallest point of my waist as he watched my movements. 

“Come on Bobby, I know you can move your hips more than that.” I jeered.

He was still in the same cotton shorts and his stomach muscles tensed every time I dragged my nails down his side. 

We shortened our distance as he got the hang of the steps. His thighs moved between mine as we shifted back and forth. 

“Ok, now I’m going to step to the side and you dip me low.” I instructed.

He grabbed both my hips and begged, “Lass, give me a minute before you do that.” 

I moved in a little bit closer and could feel his body’s reaction to our dance. My nails dug into his flesh, hungry for him. His grip tightened on my sides when he saw the familiar expression on my face _. Then it hit me._ Not wanting to embarrass him I stayed close, but I stopped myself from taking things further. I broke eye contact and leaned into his chest, hiding the pain on my face. I listened to his heart beat and wondered how I could’ve been so wrong about him. How had he been so convincing?

I glanced over at the other couples. Lottie was in hysterics over how badly Gary fumbled all over Marisol. 

And then there was Rocco.

A flower gripped between his teeth, leading a giggling Chelsea into a dramatic tango. I smiled at the sight of them. Their hands clasped in front of them as they marched forward cheek to cheek. 

_This_ was Love Island _._

_Was I foolish to brood over a man I met less than 2 weeks ago?_ I looked up at him to find him watching the others dancing too, his thoughts far from the villa. He didn’t feel new, he felt like I’d known him forever. 

  
  


I couldn’t blame Bobby for my heartache, I walked into the villa with it. I was confused with why I was so upset with him. _Wasn’t this what I wanted?_ I had fought getting close to him from day one, despite our obvious connection. Sending him mixed signals our entire stay here, all the way up to the night on the terrace and _now_ I was disappointed it hadn’t worked? Just like Henry, how could I really be upset with him when I had pushed him away? I was like a disease, spreading to people who got too close to me. 

Of course Bobby was fucking confused, _I confused myself._ In the short time of getting to know me, I had turned him into a walking zombie. Him kissing other girls was kind of the name of the game. It wasn’t fair that I made him feel guilty because I was foolish enough to fall for him. And worse, fall for him and expect him to love me in return. 

Every loveable part of me died with Trevor, maybe even before that. Maybe the day we knew treatment was futile. _Who was I beyond his sister?_ A fragile, weak girl who shook when any bit of control was taken from her? A drunk. A walking storm cloud that rained on other’s happiness? _What would Trevor think of me now?_ He’d probably be sad I stopped singing, _but without him I didn’t have much reason to anymore._

He’d probably love the sight of me dancing now though and the image of his approving smile brought me peace. I wanted to be happy for Trevor’s sake but smiling had always made me feel so guilty. I was never sure how the world kept turning when he was gone. I always caught myself smiling and reminded myself, he’s gone. _How could you smile and he’s gone?_

But then I met Bobby and I stopped questioning the smiles he put on my face. 

I wasn’t sure how long I was staring at him before he noticed, but when he did, our eyes connected. _I needed to let him go_. I needed him to find someone who made him smile the way he had made me smile. He deserved a girl with less baggage, someone who was simpler and didn’t send mixed signals. 

“Can we go talk?” I asked and he nodded seemingly relieved by my question. 

“You give up?” Marisol blared. 

I kept my eyes locked on Bobby’s, “Yes, I give up.” 

  
  


I led him to the loungers by the pool. 

I released his hand, realizing I had held it all that time. 

“Can Ah say something first, Lass?” He asked. 

I ignored him, instead I patted his knee. “Listen, I just want to say this. Getting to know you has been great. I don’t actually think of you as a mistake.”

His lips began to turn upwards though his eyes lacked a shared emotion. 

“So before you feel the need to explain yourself, I am telling you, you don’t need to.” I continued, “You should see if you make a connection with any of the other girls. It’s not fair I have been hogging up the best boy here.” 

He was taken aback. “Wait, I want to address the whole player thing..” 

I shook my hand, “No need. Honestly, I don't think you are a player. I think this place is just confusing and it was unfair of me to never really ask you how you felt.”

He became more assertive, “You still aren’t asking me how I feel.”

_I didn’t want to know._

I felt the salty tears sting the inner corner of my eyes, but I managed to keep them there. 

“I know, I am sorry.” I took a deep breath in before saying, ”I think we should be friends.” I reiterated myself, “I would _really_ like to be friends.” 

The second time didn’t make it more believable than the first. 

The creases in his forehead told he was confused. He opened his mouth to say something. 

“Marisol! Come off it!” Lottie shouted. 

Marisol’s eyes glared under her frames. “Tori get up, we are rematchin!. One on one. No stupid partners! No offence Bobby.” She bossed. 

Bobby threw his hands up in frustration and defeat. “I mean yea, some taken Marisol.”

He began lifting himself off the lounger when I threw my hand on his shoulder. “Bobby I just want you to be happy.” 

He paused, “ _Really?_ Doesn’t seem that way.” 

He offered a sad smile and tapped my nose, before heading off towards the villa. 

I pushed my face into my hands. _This would be for the best._ He couldn’t hurt me and I wouldn’t eventually hurt him, or worse turn him into a miserable person like myself.

“Ohh come on, don’t feel so bad. You have every other boy’s attention to steal from their partner.” 

“Marisol, didn’t you already win? I forfeited.” I sighed. 

“Yea and they all voted for Chelsea and Rocco!” She sulked. 

Just then the winning couple did a victory leap into the pool. 

“Tori, join us!” Chelsea yelled as she emerged from the water. 

“Ma cherie, allez!” Rocco beconned. 

“Your beginner’s French doesn’t work on me Coco!” I called out. 

Chelsea curled her arms around his shoulders and purred, “It works on me though.” 

He pulled her to his front. Mocking an over the top french laugh, “Ohh qui? Hon, hon, hon!” 

I cannon balled into the pool, spraying Marisol with its splash. 

I gathered them in my arms, “You guys won!” I cheered.

I joined Chelsea in a celebratory squeal. 

She kissed Rocco’s cheek and I followed by kissing his other. We finished and found him blushing. 

“Ok, now you two kiss!” He optimistically suggested. 

I rolled my eyes and Chelsea threw her head back and laughed. 

* * *

  
  
  


My body ached when I woke in the morning. _Had it been that long since I worked out?_ I was alone in the bedroom, opting to give Chelsea some privacy on the daybeds. 

“Jesus babe, you ok?” Priya asked as I walked into the kitchen. She waltzed over and silently laughed, she ran her fingers through my hair. “You look like an adorable lion.” 

I looked over to see she had already pulled out the french press. 

“You want some?” She asked when she saw I noticed. 

“How can one woman be so beautiful and amazing?” I purred into her side. 

“Can _we_ just couple up with each other?” Priya joked. 

Just then, Henry walked in with a hand towel press against his lip. He went to the freezer and grabbed a handful of ice and folded it in the towel. 

“Hen!” I ran over to him and checked his face. “What happened?” 

He chuckled and raised his brows. “Umm you.”

I felt a rush of embarrassment, I now realized why I felt so sore. Sleep had a way of unleashing the emotions I had kept locked inside. 

He grabbed my chin, “Hey it’s no big deal, I probably had that shit coming.” His blue eyes understanding _for once_. Finally he didn’t look at me like he needed to fix me, instead just accepting the craziness that stirred just below the surface.

I pulled the make-shift ice pack away from his mouth and placed a gentle kiss on his bruised lips. I felt his body stiffen, but when I began to pull away he wrapped his arms around me and brought me back in. _I never remembered his lips being this soft_. I tilted my face and deepened the kiss. His lips parted and I could taste the sweetness of his tongue and the bitterness from the blood that lingered on his injured lip. It was tender, it was nice, it was.. unremarkable. 

  
  


I retreated back and found a sparkle in his ocean eyes. “Friends?” He jested. 

I nodded, thankful that I could offer Henry the closure he desperately needed. He walked away and Priya looked at me with her chin in her palm. 

“I am so bloody confused.” She remarked. 

“I think we were just confirming something we both knew.” I smiled feeling a lightness in my heart. 

We grabbed our mugs and settled into an empty daybed. 

“Ok so, Noah. Spill.”I started. 

She blew a long sigh through her lips. “I don’t know, he said that he heard from Hope that Bobby had approached me.”

“Hope? Why would Hope go to Noah? I mean I can imagine why, but like, doesn't it all seem weird?” I questioned. 

“Yea Tori, I mean Hope is a fucking pyschopath, so there’s not much I’d put past her. Remember how she brought it up in the dressing room? So that’s what Noah says. That she was just stirring the pot. He confronted Bobby and then asked if he could couple up with you, just to piss him off.”

I looked at Priya, not sure how honest I could be. Our friendship was new, and I wasn’t sure my scepticism of Noah’s story would be welcomed. 

“So you think Noah was just saying that to piss Bobby off?” I tentatively asked. 

“I don’t know, that’s what he says. I mean I wouldn't blame him if he wanted to try something with you. I just am hoping he’s not just another Colin.” She unconsciously began to rub the empty space on her left finger. She shook the thoughts from her head and brought her warm eyes back to mine, smiling to assure she was ok. 

* * *

“Anyone else think it’s strange we haven’t had a challenge today either?” Hope asked the group as we floated in the pool, baking under the Majorcan sun. Chelsea rolled her eyes as she looked over at me. Finally after a few minutes of awkward silence, Marisol sighed and answered Hope. 

“Yea but that mean tweet challenge was brutal, so maybe they’re giving us a break.” 

Hope popped her tongue against the roof of her mouth and responded, “I didn’t think it was _that_ bad actually.” 

_Of course she didn’t._

A ding could be heard from the loungers. 

“And that’s me!” Lottie exclaimed, hopping out of the pool. 

“Boys! I’ve got a text.” Her accent, rough in all the right ways. 

As the boys made their way over, I kept my eyes off the mop of brown dreads. I knew if I looked at him too long, I would withdraw my friendship offer from the night before. 

Lottie read out, “Tonight will be an exciting recoupling, and the boys will be choosing. But no one will end up in the same couples. We have set up a special dinner to enjoy the calm before the storm. Ladies please be ready to leave within the hour, you will be enjoying your meal outside the villa.” 

When she finished everyone stayed quiet, trying to interpret the message. 

“Oi, read that message again, I don’t get it.” Gary barked. 

Lottie repeated it several times but the confusion never left Gary’s face. 

“Mate, you’re fucking helpless.” She admitted. 

Bobby let out a loud chuckle. “Fuckin’ numpty.” 

Priya clapped her hands to break up the glares shared between the boys. 

“Ok well we need to get ready, an hour isn’t nearly enough for some of these girls.” She said as she sashayed passed Hope. 

  
  


I exited the pool and watched Chelsea as she ran to Rocco and threw her wet body around him. 

“Yea we aren’t recoupling!” Marisol glared. Lottie snickered at her fit. 

“Oh and somehow Chelsea isn’t a snake?” Marisol bitched. 

“But I like Chelsea.” The tattooed blonde shrugged. 

  
  


I began walking towards the villa when I heard a Scottish voice approach. “Tori! Lass, hold up.” 

I turned and offered my best impersonation of a friendly smile. “Yes?” 

I hoped the sun had offered me camouflage from the blush that was hitting my cheeks. 

_Be friendly, we are friends. Just friends. Friend, friend, friend._

I tried to quickly associate the word with his adorable face. Failing miserably as he opened his mouth and spoke. His accent hitting me right in my knees. 

“Ahm picking you tonight.” He asserted. 

“Are you asking me?” 

“Nae, Ahm just giving ye a heads up.” He turned and walked away, pausing and calling over his shoulder, “Ohh and another thing, Ahm not your fuckin’ friend.” 

  
  


* * *

The air outside the villa was different, it was a little less stifled. It seemed to clear everyone’s head. We all seemed to behave more like sisters, not necessarily together because of choice. But because we were bonded by the villa. I looked around at the group of women, we’d all been pushed to open ourselves up in this short time. Whether we liked each other or not, we’ve gone through an experience no one else would ever understand as much as the 6 of us. Hope seemed to be free of her antics, Marisol took a break from analyzing everyone, Lottie scowled a little less, Chelsea listened a little more, and Priya sat beside me. We chatted about different projects we’d both worked on and people we both knew. I almost forgot why we were in Majorca. _To find love._ I told myself. Well at least they were, I had to remind myself I didn’t come here searching for it, it had just forced its way in. Just like Bobby was forcing his way out of any friendzone I was trying to box him into. I guess his statement earlier, threw me for a loop. It may have been the reason I chose the clingy leather dress I wore. Or why I decided on lace underneath it. I wasn’t really sure of anything at this point. 

We piled into a van to make our way back. We all had avoided the ominous and confusing text over dinner but it was clear our thoughts hadn’t forgotten it. A ding went off as soon as we rolled into the Villa’s driveway. Chelsea didn’t express her usual excitement as she pulled out her phone. 

“Head straight to the fire pit, the boys are waiting for you. _Hashtag quick decision_?”

She read, paying close attention to the last part of the text. 

“Should I tell you guys now what I read in Chelsea’s leaves?” Lottie broke the silence. 

Marisol pushed the door open and huffed, “Let’s just get this over with ok?”

  
  


We saw 6 figures that stood behind the firepit and could barely make out their lowered whispers. 

“Oh mate you see her?” I heard one lean over and tell the man next to him. 

“Who the fuck are _they_?” Lottie murmured into my ear. 

The same man ran his hands through his chestnut undercut, “Yup her.” He pointed towards me. 

“Easy Levi, wait your turn to pick.” The tattooed, ginger argued. 

Chelsea leaned forward, her blue eyes bulging out her face as she mouthed, “What the Frick!” 

_What the frick indeed Chelsea._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!! Ugh this was a longer chapter, I know. But I needed to address a couple of things here. I hope you all enjoyed!


	32. Disaster Recoupling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have been swept away to Casa Amor and its time for everyone to recouple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please take note that it will shift from Bobby's POV to Tori's

_ What had I done wrong?  _

_ What was God punishing me for?  _

_ Da can’t you put in a good word up there? _

Here I was in a new villa, while Tori was somewhere wearing that tight dress.  _ Ugh, it looked painted on her skin.  _ Goosebumps covered my skin as I imagined peeling the leather off her. Every part of her was ingrained in my memory. Not only the dimples on her cheeks but the dimples on her back that sat above her wide set hips and round ass. Her sweet eyes, that I fucking drowned in every time she looked at me. She bloody ruined every one of these girls in front of me. Gary made up for my lack of enthusiasm. He was thrilled to pick from the pussy smorgasbord that laid before us. Everyone seemed excited when we’d gotten the text. Everyone except Rocco and I. Weirdly, Henry was even stoked to meet new chicks. 

_ I didn’t even get to say goodbye.  _

_ Or tell her to change out of that dress.  _

_ That fucking dress.  _

I missed everyone of their introductions as I grinded my teeth together, thinking of Tori at the firepit back at our villa. 

Who were  _ those _ guys, and which of them was going for her.

_ Fuck.  _ I cursed to myself.

Noah was first to choose. He scanned the group, made a stupid comment about being so overwhelmed.  _ Right pal.  _ I hope people saw what smug prick he was over the telly. 

“Lucy.” He finally settled with. 

_ He managed to find the one bird who had more crazy in her eyes than Hope.  _

Rocco was up next. He managed to pick the closest thing that resembled Chelsea. A girl named Jen.  _ I think he said?  _

Henry without hesitation blurted. “Cherry.” 

She hopped in place and smiled. 

_ Jesus that’s a lot of teeth and boobage.  _

I was terrified the strap was going to burst on her dress and someone would lose an eyeball. 

Henry was boob man, clearly.

_ Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to be smothered by Tori’s right now.  _

Gary wasn’t stoked about his pick though, he wanted the most developed girl in here and Henry had swooped her up. His phone dinged and he sighed, “Maybe we’ll get another chance.” He shot towards the toothy, red head. She acknowledged him by gripping tighter onto Henry’s bicep. 

The green eyed brunette rolled her eyes when Gary decided on her.

“Allegra, right?” He asked. 

She clearly was pissed she was his second choice, she stomped over to Gary and I almost felt bad for him.  _ Almost.  _

__

_ Give him hell, Allegra.  _ I inwardly cheered.

I looked at the two girls when my phone buzzed. One of the girls had a head full of black curls and piercing blue eyes.  _ Blue eyes that were fixated on Lucas _ . Which left me with a small, timid girl. Her body stance resembled that of Hannah’s when she waited for a knight and shining armour to step forward for her on our first day. Her mannerisms were the only thing that mimicked that obnoxious ginger, her hair fell down to her waist in soft twists of ebony hair. Her frame small, smaller than even Marisol’s. She had golden brown skin and large eyes the color of coal. 

“Ahm sorry darling, Ah missed your name.” I said, not able to commit to being a total prick when she seemed so sweet and naive.  _ It wasn’t her fault I was without my girl, _ I had to remind myself. Trying to push away the image of Tori’s ass walking towards the driveway, I had every intention of fucking killing anyone if they tried to pick her before I had the chance. It was going to be me who said her name at the fire pit, it was going to be me who set things straight and it was going to be me that ripped that fucking taunting dress off her. I almost refused to enter the new villa when they tricked us into getting into that SUV. I almost yelled at them to turn me the fuck around. I wasn’t sure I could handle another challenge, fuck the money, fuck the show, fuck my reputation. I was ready to make things right with the girl that made me believe in the love my dad said he felt when he first saw my maw. If I made a scene, or if I left the show now, would Tori give me a chance to explain why I had done what I’ve done? I was so tired of this competition. I wasn’t sure if I should be mad with Grace for signing me up for this emotional turmoil, or thank her for waking me from my heart’s snoozefest. I guessed if I left here with Tori or not would be the deciding factor. 

I barely heard the words that came out of her red lips. “Are you choosing me then?” She asked, running her fingers along the white choker around her neck. 

I nodded, politely smiling as she blushed and headed towards me. She still barely met my ear as she balanced on her tippy toes. 

“I’m Erikah, and I am  _ so  _ glad it was you that picked me.” She whispered in my ear. 

She was gorgeous, adorable, even sexy if I was being honest. Her petite body wrapped in a white lacy top that showed a good amount of her toned stomach, her skirt was dangerously short and I was sure the act of leaning into my ear had given anyone behind her a good show.  _ So what the fuck was wrong with me? _ I should be thrilled to be in the position I was in. On a free holiday, with 6 girls before me, willing to do anything to keep their place here. My penis was their golden ticket in, and you could see the determination in every one of their eyes. Two weeks ago I would have taken liberties with these women’s eagerness.  _ But now? _ I couldn’t get the leather dress off my mind, or the dimples, or way she felt on my lips. I balled my fists, relinquishing the expectations I had of this evening. Knowing I needed to get through this next chapter of bullshit and get back to Tori. I just prayed no one would turn her head while I was gone. 

Erikah seemed disappointed in the distance in my eyes. More disappointed as she watched the way Lucas embraced the last woman named, Talia. She inched closer to me and I couldn’t help but wanting to swat her away. I just didn’t want to lead her to believe I was really an option for her.  _ Who knows what they’ve seen of the show though.  _ They probably thought I was the easiest to sway. 

  
  


* * *

“Fuck they’re all a bit of me.” Lottie admitted, linking her colorfully inked arm in mine. 

I stood speechless, just as I thought I’d dodged a curveball, production threw us for another loop. I saw the way Bobby watched me as we’d left for dinner and after his comment after pool I almost turned around and kissed him. I figured I’d let him squirm for a little bit longer while we were gone.  _ Now I definitely regretted that decision.  _ I could never place where I stood with that boy, or even what direction we were headed, but not seeing him here.  _ Well it sucked. _

Honestly, I wanted to laugh. This had been the most bizarre form of therapy I’d experienced in my life. Forget the small check-ins with Delaney in the beach hut, the constant upheavals and bombshells production threw at me had stirred more than any shrink could ever do. The only thing that held me back from a fit of giggles was the thought of our boys recoupling with 6 new girls. _This would be the test._ I told myself. This would be what proved to me that Bobby wasn’t a player after all. Or it would give him the opportunity to move on like I’d suggested. As much as these twists and TV shock value moments annoyed me, I understood now that they’d all played a key role into healing parts of me. I'd taken Delaney’s advice and forgotten trying to rebrand, nor was I trying to convince my parents I was happy when I was not. I’d allowed this place to throw everything in my face and I’d almost entirely embraced it. With the final exception of Bobby. He was the enigma in this whole place. _Was he here to bring me to life? Or was he here to teach me another valuable lesson?_ I’d learned by now, it was better to accept the craziness of this experience. I wasn’t sure if I could let him in, but I wasn’t sure I could let him go either. Maybe this time apart would clear both our heads. 

I tried to clear my mind of him as the boys stepped forward. Unable to clearly focus on their introductions or hear passed Lottie’s excited growls.

“Hello ladies.” He spoke as his phone dinged. His appearance was flawless with his broad shoulders and svelte physique, but a shyness played in his big brown eyes. I envied the lashes that framed his gaze, his hair dark and the five o’clock shadow gave him every bit of a sexiness to his tall, dark and handsome vibe. He waved at us and then shoved his hands in the front of his jeans as he looked down the line of us girls. He paused at Priya, paused at me and stopped at Lottie. A raspy laugh escaped her lips as he called her name. She was going to pull any shyness out of him and eat it for breakfast. 

“Get it girl.” I whispered over her shoulder and gave her an encouraging pat on her backside. 

She turned towards me and bit her lip, “Finally!” She said and made her way over to Rohan.

Chelsea moved in her place, gripping my hands. “I seriously can’t handle you and Bobby anymore. Like, I told him I wouldn’t say anything to you, but you won’t let these guys turn your head will you?” She blubbered into my ear. 

“What?” I was genuinely overwhelmed with how quickly she word vomited on me. 

“I’m sorry Tor, I’m just rooting for you guys.You know?” She hugged my side. 

She was perhaps the sweetest soul I’d ever met, she saw the happy ever after in everyone. She really believed in fairytales, not like fucking Hannah. Hannah believed in the four corners of a book, not able to see past the square of its shape. Chelsea believed in the good of everyone, no matter who they were or what they did they could be redeemed. I guess that’s why I connected to her so quickly, she didn’t see my brokenness. She saw my heart and accepted the rest. Just as I accepted her crazy ramblings and inability to focus. This was also why I couldn’t accept her advice about Bobby.  _ Of course he’d appeal to her better nature. _

“You can’t tell me you aren’t thinking about Rocco right now.” I said to her as the next boy stepped forward to choose. 

Her blues eyes glistened as she broke into a schoolgirl’s smile. “I know he’ll wait for me.” 

_ He fucking better.  _ I had grown fond of Rocco too, and I’d hate to have to kill him. 

“Priya.” The man said, snapping us from our side conversation. I looked across the fire and watched his eyes dance along Priya’s frame. He was the only one of the group who kept his eyes laser focused on only one of us. A blush crept from beneath his short beard as she made her way over, curves swaying in every direction. In pure Priya fashion, she sarcastically remarked, “ _ finally  _ a chef that might actually cook for me.” She shot me a wink, reminding me of when Bobby had refused to make her breakfast.  _ Which felt like forever ago. _

“Absolutely Priya, I’d make you whatever you’d like.” His voice was smooth and collected, despite being obviously flustered with her close proximity. 

She placed a kiss on his cheek and hummed, “That’s what I like to hear Jake.” 

The man with the undercut tilted his head back and let out a loud sigh of relief when his phone went off. He stepped forward, every muscle visible and defined under his plain white vneck. He tapped his hand on his chest and let out another low whistle. “Boy, was I nervous someone else would pick you first.” He directed towards me. 

“The girl I’d like to couple with is Tori.” He grinned. 

He was undeniably the hottest guy of the group, but the smugness on his face put Gary to shame. I walked over to him and offered him a handshake, he looked at my hand for a moment. His brows lifted in amusement before taking me by the hand and pulling me into a hug. My body went rigid like a cat in water. I was almost impressed with his ability to flex every muscle at once, if I hadn’t decided instantly I hated him.

“Play nice Tori.” Chelsea scolded, giving me an encouraging nod. 

“Yea sweetheart, play nice.” He echoed, nudging me with his elbow. 

I crossed my arms and huffed, failing at going with the flow. Despite the pep talk I’d just given myself.  _ Did he think i was stupid?  _ Like I didn’t hear him as he leaned back and high fived the red headed dickhead beside me? 

An extremely built man stepped forward towards the remaining three girls. “I know we’ve seen you on TV, but just picking you girls like this. It’s not easy.” He ran his thumb and index finger along his chiseled jaw, trying to decide who he’d choose. Hope took a step towards him, “I just want to say you are the sexiest thing I have ever seen.” She said, and as forward as her statement was, it seemed to be one her first genuine statements she’d made on this show. He smiled and let out a muffled chuckle. 

“We all know you Hope, you are here to get what you want.” He remarked, keeping his eyes on hers as he licked his full lips. “I am too.” He continued. “That’s why I am going with Marisol.” 

The tiny lawyer gave the smallest of grins, but her eyes showed the excitement she contained. She sauntered towards him, adjusting her glasses, inspecting him up close. As he reached to hug her, I worried she’d be crushed, but she reemerged beaming.

“Nice Mason.” My partner whooped when Marisol and the new guy sat together. 

“You too mate.” Mason said as he gave me a quick once over and offered Levi an approving upnod. 

_ I almost liked you Mason.  _ I thought to myself. He’d managed to pie off Hope but he was still as much of an ass as the rest of these guys. 

The ginger and another, smaller gentleman waited anxiously for their phone to ding. 

“Sorry Tim.” The redhead snickered as his pocket rang out. “Chelsea, come here love!”

She chuckled as she walked over accepting his open arms, loudly patting his back as he squeezed her. 

“Ok Miles, that’s nice. Ok, you can let go.” She advised, in her usual cheery tone. They made their way over and she smiled at me, tight lipped and blinking wildly. I laughed in response.  _ At least we had each other during this.  _

The last man stepped forward and Hope seemed equally as disappointed as him. 

My partner turned towards me, “Well now that that’s been sorted, we can go pick a bed.” 

I looked into his eyes, noticing they weren’t brown. They were a dark green, almost like moss. They were beautiful, almost as gorgeous as his perfect bone structure. Had I been younger and more impressionable, I would’ve easily swooned over him. He watched my eyes as they casted over him, a flicker of amusement crossed his lips. 

An ache creeped into my chest, once again. I missed the warmness of his stare, the playfulness of his smile. Levi was everything a girl could want and yet the more I noticed his perfection the more I realized Bobby was everything I never knew  _ I wanted _ . From the moment I met him, something in his eyes understood something in mine. 

Now all I could do was wonder. 

_ Who was he choosing a bed with tonight? _

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always comments and kudos are much appreciated. 
> 
> Is there anyone you would've like to see couple up?
> 
> I should add that Jess has been a great help, since I am not as knowledgeable on season 1 people. Thank you mamacita!!


	33. Spin Me Right Round

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Switching between Bobby and Tori's POV

Bobby’s POV

  
  


Rocco called out, “We’ve got a text,” and quickly slid out from under Jen’s arm. 

“Couldn’t wait to get away?” Gary asked him as we made our way towards the villa. 

We gathered in the small kitchen, “Boys, the girl’s have packed a bag of your things. Let’s see if they were nice enough to include a toothbrush,” Rocco read. 

We found our bags in the common room and I wondered what Hope had packed me. I opened to find a mash of disheveled clothes and my toiletry bag tossed on top. Some of the boys had been more lucky, including Noah. He oohed and ahhed as he read over a letter Priya had sent to him, tossing it aside as the cameras moved to focus on Gary. The blonde brickhouse seemed disappointed in the lack of any special surprises from Lottie. Lucas was confused with the random items shoved in his case, and slightly irritated by the handling of his things. He took each item out and neatly refolded them, huffing as he went along. I was grateful Hope hadn’t left me any reminders of her, there were no love letters that spoke of blackmail and nothing resembling a skinned zebra. Then I noticed a front pocket protruding from my bag. I unzipped to find my beloved Pantera shirt that I had given Tori and my apron. A note was tucked inside reading, “To my freckles.” A small heart drawn aside it. I studied her handwriting, realizing it was my first time seeing it. I wasn’t sure how long it would be until I saw her again, but I couldn’t wait to tell her she was right. I was her’s, freckles and all.

* * *

Tori's POV

“I am not moving and neither is she.” I stammered. 

We mimicked Bobby as we stretched on the bed leaving no space for either of our partners to join us. 

“You’re fucking joking right?” Miles quipped. 

Priya walked over and poked at my armpit causing me to laugh until I caught eyes with Levi and I quickly returned to my stoic glare.

“She’s absolutely not kidding.” Priya resounded. 

We held in our giggles as they fought over which of them would have to tuck in on a daybed for the night. Chelsea eventually conceded as Miles cursed on his exit. 

Levi tossed the duvet back angrily and sat on the bed. “Oi, this is funny to you lot?” 

The suppressed laugh in my throat, escaped in weird noises through my nostrils as I protested in a choppy, “No!” 

He rolled his eyes at us and threw his head back onto the pillow. Clearly his plan to stay in the villa was off course. 

“What a baby.” Chelsea chortled. 

Jake seemed to be infected with our spout of giggles as he chuckled into Priya’s hair, “You two girls are naughty.” 

The blonde beside me wiggled her eyebrows in a failed attempt at sexy. 

“Naughty? You haven’t seen such a thing.. Yet,” Priya purred into his ear. A smile spread his face and his eyes twinkled with a mischievous light. 

* * *

Bobby's POV

Her perfume still lingered on my shirt as I woke to its fragrance and the sun beams casting onto the daybed. My limbs uninterrupted as they stretched the entirety of the mattress. I carefully descended to the floor as the bed swayed back and forth. _Why didn’t our villa have swinging beds?_ I thought to myself. I made my way over to the kitchen in need of a cuppa, Erikah stepped out before I could slide open the door. 

“For you, not too sweet.” She smiled, offering the second mug she was holding. “Come on, let’s enjoy outside before it’s too hot out.” 

“Ah mean for me it’s already hot out.” I retorted, causing a blush to paint her chestnut cheeks. I continued as I followed her towards a bench and sipped the bitter tea, it was only slightly more palatable than the one Lottie had made for me before. “Ye know, cause Ahm from Glasgow. This is like walking on the sun.” I clarified. 

She sat on the bench and tipped her head towards her shoulder, twisting her long hair. I was very aware of what she was trying to do, and I had eyes to admit she was pretty. I just didn’t want to waste her time. I put down the cup and patted her knee, “Listen hen, Ah need to talk to ye about..” 

She straightened herself and placed her small hand over mine. “You don’t need to explain anything to me, I know you have really strong feelings for Tori.” 

I looked at her, taken aback by her statement. Not able to think clearly enough to combat her hand as it lifted to my face, her thumb gently caressed my jawline. “Bobby, I am not here to change your mind about her, I am here to treat you like she should have all along.” 

“Tori is just not as forward of a girl.” I began and Erikah belted a laugh. 

“She’s not? I mean we all saw you on the rooftop the first week, not to mention everything before that.” She argued. 

My mind instantly flashed back to our first kiss at truth or dare, kissing her as she sat atop the counter the third day, the daybeds the night before Henry arrived, the rooftop that same night and of course, the rooftop the night I brought her cupcakes. I could remember every piece of clothing she wore, and everything she didn’t, the way her skin felt and the way she moved. I shifted in my seat as blood focalised under my cupcake pajamas. Erikah was right, Tori wasn’t as innocent as my mind’s eye had painted her, but everything we had done felt right in the moment. 

“Ok, maybe not forward in saying how she feels.” I disputed. 

An irritation appeared behind her dark eyes, but she remained composed. “You may think that, and she _may_ love you. But.. but you don’t see her interviews in the beach hut.” 

I lifted my brows and she continued, “She is back and forth everyday, but I am pretty sure even if she had feelings for you. She isn’t interested in pursuing them. Also everyone knows she didn’t come on Love Island to find love. Let me add, I see why you like her. I just hate that _you_ are the one she chose to drag around and play with while she gets 15 minutes of spotlight to clear her reputation.”

My brain wanted to tell myself to calm down, but I couldn’t help the sickening feeling that filled me. 

“Yer just saying this to get into the villa.” I chastised.

A look of hurt crossed her face.

“If I wanted to get back into the villa so bad, I would be having a conversation with Lucas or Noah. Not you, but I am here because I can see what a catch you are. So whether you believe me or not, it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t tell you.” She explained, dropping her hands to her side. 

I smirked, crossing my arms. I wasn’t going to let her think she got in my head, but she had. 

She inspected my body language, her shoulders rounded in defeat. “I’m sorry Bobby,” She said.

I ignored her, though I began to feel my rage was displaced. 

She gulped and smiled sadly, “Listen,if you want her, I may be able to help you. We just need to make sure you get back to her and Hope doesn’t dump you.” 

Her head sank and I couldn’t help but pity the girl. It was clear she had taken an immediate liking to me for whatever reason. “Ye would do that for me?” I finally asked. 

Her head popped back up and she smirked to the side, “Yea of course Bobby. Even if we just couple up as friends, I would be honored.” 

* * *

Tori’s POV

  
  


The day had already undercovered a lot, Levi mentioned _several_ times he was a professional polo player that had made it to the olympics, Miles also had his share of bragging when he told Chelsea he had inherited a castle, Jake was a chef at Michelin Star restaurant, Tim had once been an exotic dancer in Spain, and Mason was... well, built. Rohan left an air of mystery about him, he seemed too enthralled with Lottie and her interests. She was exhausted by the end of lunch, joining Chelsea and I on the day bed. 

“Why are you rubbing your cheeks babe?” Chelsea asked.

“I don’t think I’ve smiled this much, ever.” She hummed, looking into the blue sky. When she saw the looks on our faces she scowled. “The man is exhausting though, he was teaching me handstands.” She added, trying to wipe the smugness off our lips. 

“So was he trying to demonstrate Gary’s helicopter position or what?” I quipped, causing Chelsea to roar with laughter. 

Lottie rolled her eyes and growled, “Gross. Absolutely not!” An amused smirk rested in place of her usual frown. 

We rested in silence as we listened to Priya and Jake frolic in the pool. Her dark red locks drenched down her bronzed shoulders. Jake couldn’t keep a foolish grin off his face as he watched her, and I crossed my fingers she’d let go of the idea of fixing Colin through Noah. She deserved the way Jake stared at her, _every woman deserved to be looked at that way_ . Then Hope walked out and changed my mind, _almost_ every woman deserved to be looked at like that. Tim dragged his feet as he followed behind her. 

“Text! I’ve got a text people!” She shouted. Hope watched hungrily as Mason walked over. “Come on people, it’s time to play spin the bottle.” 

  
  


* * *

Bobby’s POV

  
  


We sat like children on the floor next to the pool, waiting to see where the bottle would stop for Cherry’s spin. She sighed and Gary punched the air as it stopped in front of him. Surprisingly, she kissed him deeper than any of us expected. Henry looked a bit offended, but Cherry was the kind of girl that had a sexpot reputation to maintain. The sound of teeth clanging forced a grimace from me and Erikah laughed. “Please don’t kiss me like that.” She whispered, nervously smiling. 

Henry landed on Allegra and kissed her until a moan escaped her. Henry broke away with a proud smile. _Too bad that was a fake moan bud._ I thought to myself. His redheaded partner seemed angry at his kiss, and I couldn’t help but think Erikah had been the best option from this group. Jen landed on her partner Rocco and they shared a brief kiss. Rocco landed on Erikah, she looked at me before leaning into their kiss, pulling away and mouthing an apology towards me. She was a sweet girl, and I felt guilty that she was wasting her time on me. I hit the neck of the bottle and watched as it landed back on Erikah. 

“Did ye rig this?” I asked as I leaned into her face. 

“Maybe.” She said against my lips, wrapping her arms around my neck. 

She immediately opened her lips and pushed her tongue into my mouth. I laughed nervously as I unlocked her fingers from behind my head. 

“Ok darling. That’s enough.” I smiled using the back of my knuckles to wipe her saliva and lip gloss off my lips and chin.

“It’s just a game.” Lucas advised, “One that the girls in our villa are playing too.” 

I pushed my glasses off my forehead and focused my attention at nothing in particular. Trying to find something that would take my mind off the idea of Tori kissing someone else. _Was she using this time as a way to break away from any feelings she had about me?_

Erikah’s words had lingered in my mind all day, and every passing moment increased the anxiety building in my chest. I paid no attention to Erikah’s kiss with Gary, or the passion shared between Gary and Talia. 

Lucas locked lips with Jen for an uncomfortably long period of time, and Lucy seemed to relish in the fact she had been the only girl to land on Noah. His hands explored her as they kissed, and I prayed Priya had found someone better than this asshole. 

* * *

  
  
  


Tori’s POV

  
  


I watched as Priya spun the last turn, her finger stopping it right in front of the chef. 

“That’s cheating!” Hope whined. 

“You're just mad you hadn’t thought of it first.” Lottie spat. 

Priya wasn’t worried with Hope or her comments, in fact Priya wasn’t worried about much else in that moment. 

Her makeup-less face glowed in her happiness, she drug her nails against his short haired chest. The kiss was one of many they’d shared throughout the day and the redness on her cheeks had been a combination of sun and the roughness of Jake’s stubble. 

“See that’s how you kiss.” Levi spoke into my ear. He was still bitter about the bite I had left on his bottom lip. 

“You’re right,” I agreed, “That’s how you kiss someone you like.” 

A text from Marisol’s phone gathered our attention. 

She adjusted her glasses and read, “Last night the boys chose their partners, today it’s the girls’ chance to chose who they’d like to go on a date with.” 

My phone dinged first, “Tori you’re first to pick your date,” it read. 

“Tim.” I quickly decided. We had shared a respectful kiss and he deserved reprieve from his current partner. Chelsea seemed disappointed in my choice which only cemented my decision. If Rocco was going to have any competition amongst this group, it would be Tim. 

Priya picked a pleased Jake, Mason and Marisol huffed as Hope chose Mason, leaving Marisol to choose Rohan, Lottie to angrily pick Levi and Chelsea stuck with Miles. 

“How could you do that Hope?” Marisol pouted as we entered the dressing room. 

Lottie threw her swimsuit on the floor, “Hope?” She trilled, “How could you pick Rohan? Hope made it known she liked Mason before you were coupled.” 

“Yea that’s right!” Hope concurred. 

Lottie directed towards Hope, “Ohh I am fucking shocked I siding with you right now, don’t get used to it.” 

She then turned towards a quiet Marisol, “You just picked Rohan to spite me, honestly I am tired of you calling me a hypocrite when you are clearly the biggest fucking one here.” 

* * *

  
  


Bobby’s POV

We waited for our dates for what felt like eternity, Jen made up for whatever hurt feelings Lucas had by Talia’s choice of Gary as her date. Rocco was nervously chugging his cleansing green mixture while he waited for Allegra to come out and the rest of us awaited our normal partners. 

Erikah made her way out in a scantily tight blue dress. “You like it?” She asked. 

“Ye look great.” I shrugged, imagining what Tori was wearing and who she picked for her date. 

“Thanks Bobby.” She replied, “And listen, whoever she chose, isn’t nearly as handsome as you.”

It didn’t calm the angst I felt but knowing I had made a friend in Erikah was enough for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Jess!


	34. You Relay Mean It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for the sexy relay races.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Jess again! xoxoxo 
> 
> And yes we start things off with a rap from Tim. Katye, thank you for catching the misspell if Katlou saw that, I don't know if she'd forgive me.

Tori POV

“ _ Crikey, what’s that in the villa? _

_ Is that an animal or just cruella davilla? _

_ She over here lookin’ like she gonna murk em’ _

_ That’s why no blokes buying her a Birkin’ _

_ But tonight I didn’t have to hang with her _

_ I got to wine and dine a real winner _

_ From the streets of Cali, all the way to Majorca  _

_ This girl’s body meaner than an orca.” _

“Bars.” I screamed as Tim crouched on the counter in a b-boy stance. Our date had been an amazing escape from all the drama. He asked me early on not to ask about what he’d seen before going on the show, and I understood why. Hope had hounded him constantly for information and what the public thought of her. A small part of me worried that his hesitation to share was because I may not like what I heard about Bobby. No one had mentioned anything besides Levi, who had ulterior motives. Tim would’ve been the only boy I believed and he was insistent on not wanting to talk about it, only reassuring that Bobby would be thrilled to see me coming back empty handed. I just worried that Hope would be his deciding factor on whether he stayed. 

Instead of talking about the villa we talked of Tim’s time in Spain and drank whatever they would serve us. We came back to the villa and rummaged through the cupboards and settled on a bottle of gin. He encouraged me to invite Chelsea along and I reluctantly obliged. Unsure if I was being a shitty friend to Rocco or being shittier to Chelsea by controlling who she talked to. She was thrilled to find we had her drink of choice and the three of us completely ignored the shit show that was Marisol and Hope. 

“So, like, do you like, think?” Chelsea asked me. 

“Do I think, what?” I muttered, squinting my eyes in confusion. 

“Like you know. Like, I was just wondering.” She continued, “Oh nevermind, “ She blushed. 

Tim looked at her and laughed, ruffling her blonde hair. “She’s cute, isn’t she?” He told me. 

Her smile faded slightly and she focused her blue eyes on the floor. “I don’t make any sense, huh?” 

I patted Tim’s shoulder, “I think it’s time us girls went to bed.”

“Yea, but like you and Chels shared a bed with Rocco maybe I..”   
  


“You’re not Rocco though!” Chelsea uncharacteristically countered. 

“Oh my bad love!” Tim defensively put his hands up. 

“Goodnight Tim,” I repeated, kissing both his cheeks, “I’ll keep that.” I told him as he reached for the bottle on the bench. 

He smiled apologetically, “Did I do something?” 

I shook my head no, “We just need sleep.” 

“Come on let’s go find us a daybed.” I told Chelsea once he’d left. 

She sank onto the bench and fell into her hands. “Do you know how many guys talk to me like that?”

“Like what?” I asked, sitting beside her, sweeping the blonde curls behind her ears. 

“Like I’m.. Like I am just some cute puppy dog, or an idiot. Do you think I sound like an idiot?” She turned her head towards me, a tear rolled down her cheek. 

“Absolutely not Chelsea.” 

“You know I am not taking my meds here, I only take them when I need to work on a big project. They make me irritable and bitchy and I can barely eat and if you think I drink a lot right now, it’s nothing compared to when I take my meds.” She admitted. 

I scooted closer to her, “Babe, I can’t tell you how many things have been prescribed to me since I was a kid. None of those things make you crazy, or stupid. I am scared people out there would judge me for having tremors and sleep episodes and I can honestly not control them. Nevermind the panic attacks.”

She seemed comforted by my outward admittance to my issues, she had witnessed them but we had never spoken about them. Her body eased as she vented.

“Sometimes my thoughts get so discombobulated I feel anxious, like I just want to curl in a ball and do nothing.” She added, holding my hand. “I was just always told I was stupid growing up, because I never sounded very smart. Even though I loved reading and drawing no one ever saw past the terrible marks on my report cards. My mom just encouraged me to smile anyways, even when people called me names.” 

She took a couple swigs of the limpid alcohol and continued, “I just feel like, if I smile enough people will be too distracted to see what’s wrong with me, but I am tired of people thinking I am dumb.” She sobbed. “I am not dumb, I just have better answers in my head than what ends up coming out. Did that even make sense?” 

I nodded, “You have no idea how much sense you make to me Chels.” 

* * *

Bobby POV

Erikah found my request that she not touch me in my sleep odd, but it was the only way I’d agree to share a bed with her. I woke to the drawstring of my shorts still tightly tied and a pair of expresso eyes staring at me. 

“Goodmorning,” I nervously chuckled. 

“Morning babe. You really don’t leave a girl much room you know?” She said, “You want a cuppa, I was about to fix myself one.” 

There was no way in hell I was drinking whatever shite she made the day before. 

I sat up and stretched, “No, tha’s alright. I can make us one today. How do you like yours?” 

Her finger traced her lips as she answered, “However you want to give it to me.” 

_ Jesus Christ woman.  _ “The baristas must love you then, makes their life easy.” I joked. 

She slapped at my shoulder, “You’re such a laugh Bobby, so easy to be myself with you. You know since nothing is happening between us.” 

I sighed in relief, “That’s good. I’ll be back with tea.” 

I walked in the kitchen and found Lucy and Noah huddled together chatting. Upon noticing my arrival the mood shifted, their tones completely changed and the volume which they spoke amplified. 

“So Lucy, how’s it feel being the flavor of the week?” I asked. 

Noah stopped Lucy from whatever garbage she was about to spew, “Bobby, you couldn’t be more wrong,” he whined. 

“You’re right it hasn’t even been two weeks, so she’s like the flavor of the day.” I corrected myself. 

This time Lucy got a word in, “Bobby, Noah had no clue how Priya only came on the show to screw with Tori. She only stuck with Noah since you wouldn’t take the bait!” 

“Then why ask me about turning Tori’s head? Why be a shitty friend to me?” I shot back.

Noah didn’t raise his voice when he asked, “You kissed Priya mate, what kind of friend does that?” 

“Ask Hope.” I deadpanned, “And don’t act like you weren’t a part of her little scheme too?” 

“Scheme?” Lucy interjected, “You know it isn’t just Hope and Priya scheming right? Noah not pursuing Tori, was the smartest thing he’s done here. Hope is an angel compared to Tori. It’s kind of sad how wrong you are about everyone.” 

Noah didn’t say anything as he followed behind Lucy and her pompous expression. 

_ She is just trying to piss me off.  _ I told myself. Unlike Erikah, Lucy had no other reason to make me question my relationship with Tori. My fingers drummed the counter as I tried to remember the way she looked at me and convince myself I hadn’t imagined it all. 

“What’s the matter B?” Erikah remarked when she walked in and saw my tensed face. 

“Nothing, just Noah and Lucy on about Tori too.” 

She tilted her head and looked up at me with sympathetic eyes, “Don’t let them get to you, we’ll get you back to Tori and you’ll show them!” She said encouragingly. 

I handed her a mug and smiled, “Thanks Erikah, and maybe when you come back with me you’ll find someone too.” 

“I’m not really going to worry about that now. I am just sorry if I offended you yesterday, like now that I’ve gotten to know you I can tell there is so much we don’t see on the show.” She apologized, “It’s probably the same with Tori, they probably only want us to see that she isn’t sure about you.” 

“I am confused about the Mean Tweet challenge then.” I stammered, “Why did the public say she was in love with me?”

Her soft hand ran along the outline of tattoos on my triceps. “She does. Well she definitely likes you. She just says, she doesn’t want a relationship.” 

Something about the way her eyes watched mine for a reaction made me believe her. 

“But we are going to change all that Bobby!” She grinned. 

“Do Ah really want to change someone’s mind about tha’?” I asked myself aloud. 

“Yes, of course! You love her, she seems to love you. I am sure more than she loves Peter.” She nonchalantly chatted as she added sugar to her tea. 

“Who the fucks Peter?” 

She turned alarmed at my tone, “Um no one really knows, Priya mentioned him in an interview after she caught Tori writing to him, I think she said a neighbor?” 

“What?” My mind was spinning. 

“I am sorry I mentioned it, jeeze.” She pouted.

* * *

Tori’s POV

I wasn’t sure if Peter’s letter had come at a perfect time or the worst. Levi sat beside me, determined to strike a conversation when Phillip arrived. 

“What’s that then?” Levi asked, adjusting his ridiculous red trunks. 

“None of your fucking business.” I said, taking the letter from Phillip and making my way to a secluded area of the villa. It was almost like Phillip could never do anything in privacy. I had passed him several times on my own, but he felt the opportune time was making a fucking display in front of Levi. 

“Please give me your response by today so I can send it back to dear Peter as soon as possible.” Phillip called out. 

I held back the venom that rested in my throat, Phillip would always win in this villa if I reacted to everything he said. And Peter would not be a pawn used against me on this show. 

I read over the letter in the empty common room. I could barely get past the part that Celia told Peter to pass the message that she was proud of me. Tears welled in my eyes, because a part of me was proud of myself too. I quickly wiped them away as red shorts plopped on the bed. 

“Who’s this Peter and why are you crying?” He asked. 

“I’m not crying and Peter is not up for discussion. Why are you here? Don’t you see what a waste of your time this is?” 

“I’ve never had a girl say no before, you’re no different.” 

“No, nyet, nein, iie, non..” I began, each denial widened the smirk on his face, “Oh you like this Levi?” I teased. 

“You don’t make it to the olympics without enjoying a bit of a challenge.” 

I brushed his chin with my nail and he bit his bottom lip. 

“The olympics, really? How’d I miss that?” I sarcastically remarked, “Oh well in that case, let’s give you a challenge, you’ll really enjoy.”

His face leaned into mine as Chelsea burst in, “A challenge! How’d you know? Come on! To the lawn.” She commanded. 

Levi groaned as we made our way to the others outside.

“What was that Tor?” Chelsea whispered, “Why did you have your hand on his face like that?” 

“Because I am going to make him regret the day he told me he liked a challenge.” I smiled, “You know what this means?” 

“War?” She guessed.

“Nope! Operation Blue Balls has commenced.” I said, eyes focused on an arrogant Levi. 

* * *

Bobby POV

Gary howled, “Challenge accepted!” as I finished reading the text about a sexy relay race against the other villa. 

“We totally got this babe! I never lose.” Erikah trilled. 

“Tallest to shortest kiss for 10 seconds!” The first text read. 

Noah hopped up and eyed the girls, Erikah slowly got to her feet. Noah leaned in a shot a wink at me and placed his lips over hers. The small girl pulled away as soon as we said ten. 

“Have a cheeky snog under the water.” I read after my phone went off. Erikah grabbed my phone and tossed it on a lounger before pushing me into the pool. The taste of chlorine entered my mouth as she pressed her lips into mine. 

Gary had received a text about giving a piggyback around the pool. Talia jumped into his arms, “I want a ride!” She exclaimed.

“I am happy to oblige ya love,” Gary muttered over his broad shoulder and they rushed around the parameter of the pool. Lucas seemed too annoyed by his partner’s eagerness to acknowledge Jen making eyes at him. For someone of his looks and accomplished profession, it was strange he’d been so unlucky here. 

Rocco blushed as he read out the next text, “Oldest islander please teach the youngest a few new things. Demonstrate as many sexual positions as you can in 30 seconds.” 

“Tori and I are the oldest here I think.” Henry stood and offered his hand to the 21 year old Cherry. 

I wasn’t upset when I watched Henry perform positions he may or may not have tried with Tori, I was more upset at what she was doing in the other villa. Rocco noticed the distress on my face and leaned over, “Priya’s older than Tori, mate.” He whispered and patted my shoulder. 

* * *

Tori POV

Priya not only caused Miles to turn a deep shade of crimson, but the rest of us were in awe of her flexibility and creativity. Jake watched, not in jealousy, but in admiration. He cheered her on as she managed to show 12 interesting sexual positions. 

“My lady,” He cooed as he held her hand and lifted her off Mile’s chest. 

“And that’s how you win girls!” Priya gloated. 

Hope’s eyes darted between Mason and Rohan as she announced the message off her phone, “One girl needs to give another boy a lap dance for a full minute.” 

Having not participated in a challenge yet, I volunteered myself. It was much better than kissing someone and who knew what they may ask next. 

“Can I have one?” Levi asked. 

“She’s really good at them actually!” Marisol added. 

I walked past him and scoffed, “No.” 

“No?” He chuckled to himself. The confidence in his smile irritated me. 

“Ohh that’s right you love to hear no, is that because you’re used to getting what you want?” I asked and straddled his lap. 

I watched his adam apple move as he swallowed the satisfied expression off his face. 

“I am getting what I want right now.” He drawled, trying to steady his voice. I rolled my hips and watched his eyes travel downwards. “Finally came to your senses Tori?” 

“How could I resist those good looks?” I breathed into his ear. 

One of his hands settled on my lower back and his other slid his hair straight back. “Hey I am more than a pretty face, I have talent, I have depth!” 

“You, deep?” I looked into his dark olive eyes. 

He nodded pulling his hips upwards to push his erection into me. “Very deep.” He responded. 

I tossed my hair and batted my eyes, “Like Olympic swimming pool deep?” I retorted, sinking myself onto him and watching as those same olive eyes rolled to the back of his head. 

I hopped off before he had time to adjust himself or hide his excitement. “Ok that’s a minute!” I announced. 

An awkward applause could be heard while Levi leaned forward abruptly. 

Another phone dinged. 

“Make someone blush!” Chelsea excitedly read, “Easy!” 

She walked over to Miles and lifted her bikini top, his cheeks returned to the same shade Priya had caused earlier. 

“Winner, winner! Chicken dinner!” She sang. 

  
  


“Not so fast!” Lottie announced the last challenge. Something about doing a series of exercises while another couple made-out in a cupboard. It was too hard to understand Lottie as she read through giggles and Rohan tickled her side. 

“I think it should be Marisol and I that go inspect that cupboard,” Mason urged. 

“Nope, we all know Lottie hates exercise!” Chelsea shrilled. 

“Race ya?” An excited Rohan challenged Mason. 

Mason upnodded to accept, “Okay bruv on the count of three. One, two..” And with that he took off, with an unfair advantage. Rohan quickly took the lead despite Mason’s cheating. 

“Come on my dark queen.” He called out, victoriously jumping at the villa’s doors. 

* * *

Bobby POV

The weirdly lit cupboard barely illuminated the smile on Erikah’s face as we sat cramped. 

“So how long do you think before they come and get us?” She asked. 

“Not sure, just glad Ah dinnae have to work out in that sun.” I replied. 

“Your accent is so cute you know?” She placed a small kiss on my cheek.

“Ye have nae seen ma accent lass.” 

“Yea I usually can’t understand what you people say.” 

“You people?” I jokingly yelled, “YOU PEOPLE?” 

She bent over her lap in a burst of laughs,her forehead rested against my chest. 

“Oi you two break it up!” Gary shouted as he opened the door. 

“We were just talking!” I argued. 

He patted my back as I exited, “Sure Bob.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I am not destroying the season 1 cast. 
> 
> As always feedback welcomed and appreciated.


	35. What Should I Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to head back from Casa. Stick or Switch Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHOUT OUT TO THE PEOPLE WHO DISTRACTED ME WITH LAUGHTER AND DELAYED MY WRITING! jk xoxoxo

Tori POV

“So you are not sleeping with me again?” A pained look of frustration casted over Levi’s face. Our winning villa had been gifted a party in which I continued leading the polo player on. He was sure that after our cheek to cheek dance, he’d be welcomed into my bed. 

My silk romper seemed equally inviting to him as I considered my next move. “You want to sleep with me?” I asked, propping my head up with my hands, “My shoulders and neck are so tight from sharing a bed, I think I need to sprawl out tonight.” I pouted.

His leg began to jiggle as he sat at the edge of the bed, “It’s probably all that tension built up from the dancing. I can help with that.” 

“Ohh you can?” I rolled onto my stomach placing my head in both palms. “That sounds amazing.” I pulled the straps of my romper down while keeping my eyes locked in with his, using my one forearm to cover my breasts. “Let’s see what those soft hands can do,” I challenged, laying down flat. 

“Soft hands?” He asked, while straddling my ass and putting a firm grip on my shoulders. 

I responded, “Yea, they are like you never worked a day in your life, so soft.”

He increased the pressure while I teased, “My 60 year old chiropractor applies more pressure, come on Levi.” 

“Harder.” I instructed, “Jesus Levi, why are your palms so wet?” 

“You’re making me nervous.” He mumbled. 

“Nervous? You went to the olympics and  _ this  _ makes you nervous?” I groaned into the pillow, “Stop fucking around and work out that knot.” 

Finally his hands found their rhythm and the mass that had been forming between my shoulders blades dissolved, releasing a few satisfactory moans from my mouth. Levi pulled at my hips, pushing his thumbs into the indents on my lower back. Trying to lift my bottom to find a relief of his own. I swatted at him and pulled the straps of my top back on. “Ok that’s enough touching for today, you can go now.” 

“Wait, what?” He pleaded as I pushed his hands off me, grabbing my eye mask and sighing contently into my pillow. 

I felt his head hit the bed next to mine, I lifted one side of the mask and told him, “Nope.” 

“I can’t even lay here?” He whined. 

“Nuh uh.” I expressed through a smile. 

“I can’t sleep on the daybeds, I can’t fuck up my back.”

“Fine you can sleep at my feet.” I compromised. 

His eyes full of shock, he bellowed, “Like a bloody dog?” 

“Exactly!” 

His nose scrunched, “The fuck I am.” and I responded with a shrug, “Suit yourself.” 

The room eventually went dark. My arms spread across the width of the bed and my feet rested atop Levi’s head. 

* * *

  
  


Bobby POV

I had gone to bed and woke before everyone else. My thoughts couldn’t take another influence from outsiders. Erikah had gotten the hint and was still asleep on the daybeds when Rocco approached me. 

“We are going back to the villa tonight.” He smiled as he sat beside me, “You ready to go see Tori again?” 

“Ahm not ginnae lie ‘nd say Ah dinnae miss her, cuz Ah do.” I admitted, “Ahm just not sure whit to dae.” Casa had drained me and the energy I normally used to sound understandable had left. Luckily Rocco had spent enough time in Scotland to understand what I was saying.

“Well I know if you end up single, you are up for elimination.” He replied. 

“So are ye ginnae pick Jen?” I asked and he shook his head no, “Nae, so yer picking Allegra then?” 

He blew the air out of his cheeks and chuckled, “Fuck no mate, she scares me! And what the fuck is a cocktail entreprenuer?” 

“Dinnae mate, sounds like some shite ye would do.” I laughed. 

“Like she invents cocktails?” He raised the pitch of his voice to sound like Allegra’s, “This is called the Leggy, tastes like hairspray and the souls’ of children.” 

Once we finished laughing he became more serious, “No I have a feeling Marisol is going to stick. I’m not worried about it. I don’t know why, but it’s just the vibe I’m feeling. Going to manifest it into existence.” 

“And whit about me dae ye reckon?” I asked, “what kinda _ vibes _ do I have?” 

“Hope vibes.” He grimaced, “You better not rely on her to stick with you Bobby. And I know you want another chance with Tori just as bad as I want one with Chelsea.” 

Rocco was nothing like the insecure boy who arrived in the villa the same time as me. He’d broken away from his false confidence and terrible pick up lines and had become comfortable with being himself. 

Lucas made his way over, “Come on, let’s pack while the girls get brunch ready for us.” 

“Hopefully Allegra isn’t in charge of drinks.” I shot out before following him towards the villa.

Gary was hastily shoving items into his suitcase. 

“Did you just throw an egg in there?” Rocco questioned the blonde meathead. 

“And?” He sneered, “It’s hardboiled, travels well!” 

Noah’s phone dinged. He stood awestruck as he looked at his phone. 

“Oi what’s it say?” Gary impatiently yelled. 

Noah didn’t tell us anything, he just turned his phone towards us and pressed play. 

_ Marisol was at the firepit the night we left, kissing a man that looked twice as bulked as Rahim. Her glasses tossed to the side as they shared a passionate snog.  _

_ Lottie laughed with her hands in the artificial grass and a tan man held her legs over her head in a handstand. Eventually allowing her to gently collapse onto the lawn while he laid beside her planted his lips over her broad smile. A smile that made her unrecognisable along with the absence of her black lipstick.  _

_ Chelsea chugged a bottle of liquor and laughed alongside a short man with tattoos. Tori clapped along in the background. Then the blonde then was seen lifting her top in the face of a blushing ginger on a different day.  _

_ Tori had a man’s bottom lip clenched in her teeth, the shot then faded to an image of her on his lap grinding against him vigorously. Next, Priya, Chelsea and Tori all huddled in the kitchen,“This might be for the best.” She smiled into her mug. It then cut to the same man from before, massaging her bare back, pushing his hips into her ass.  _

_ Hope sat across from the man seen with Marisol in the beginning of the video interlacing her fingers with his. They leaned over a candle lit table and collided into each other’s mouths.  _

_ A bearded man sat beside a crying Priya, tracing small circles into her back as she wailed, “I don’t want to hurt you, but I have something special with Noah. I can’t just forget that.”  _

We stood in silence as the video ended.

“Let’s watch that again!” Gary snapped. 

Rocco grabbed my shoulder, “I think we’ve seen enough.” 

“How could she?” Gary said in disbelief, he turned and stomped out slamming doors as he walked outside. The window left a full view of his epic temper tantrum. He stripped the outdoor seating of every pillow, tossing them on the lawn. Kicking and flailing as he screamed incoherent words. He finally noticed us watching and yelled, “I’m fine,” Breathless, with his hands on his hips. 

The curly haired, Irishman lowered his voice as he told me, “Bobby boy, you know they are editing those clips? Don’t let it get in your head.” 

_ Me? Let stuff in my head? _

“Ah jus’ need a minute.” I mumbled. 

There was one secluded area I knew of here, I just needed a moment alone with the blue sky. 

Once in the garden, I clicked off my mic box and clasped my hands together at my chest. 

“Da’, can ye hear me?” I begged.

I needed him to tell me what to do, I needed him to give me advice that applied to now, not to the 17 year old me. It wasn’t fair. I tried to hold on to as much of him as I could over 11 years, but the older I became the more I wondered what he thought. I always knew what was right for my mom and for my little sister,  _ I needed _ someone to tell me what was right for me, because I was lost. I needed someone to tell me what to do. Then a rustling of leaves could be heard behind me.

  
  


“I can hear ya son. It’s me, your dad. Listen to my voice…. you’re a dipshit.” Gary said from behind a large shrub, his hands mocking mine in prayer. 

“There you are!” Erikah ran up before I could react to the man three feet from my fist. 

“Here I am..” I suddenly noticed the skimpy black bikini and the bowtie tied around her neck, “What are ye wearin’ Erikah?” 

“Oh this? You like it?” She crossed her foot sheepishly in front of the other, a pair of black nylons ran up to a garter belt. 

I swallowed harder than I anticipated leaving Erikah to smile, “Come on, I am here to serve you brunch.” 

“Brunch?” Gary repeated happily. 

* * *

  
  


Tori POV 

“Cream and berries for you darling.” He said holding a strawberry to my lips. 

“You know, everyone else looks so..  _ different  _ in these costumes, but not you!” I said before taking the fruit in my mouth. 

He smiled and nodded, “Yea?” 

“Yea! These are no different than your other ridiculous red swim shorts.” 

His face unaffected by my usual snarky remarks towards him. “You're going to keep me here with you, so you can keep watching how ridiculous I look?” He retorted. 

I rolled my eyes and ignored him. 

“Feed me.” He commanded. 

I furrowed my brows,“Excuse you?” 

“I said, feed me.” His thumb dug into the side of my knee. Operation blue balls had uncovered that Levi was a much kinkier individual and he had taken my game as an invitation to explore his fantasies. 

A smirk danced on his face as I nodded in agreement. I wasn’t sure how a man could be this stupid, but it was obvious he relied heavily on his looks. I dipped a berry in the fluffy cream and shoved it in his mouth causing him to cough back a choke. The green stem poked out between his pursed lips. As his eyes widened in shock I grabbed a handful of the whipped cream and smeared it around his face and into his hair. He spat out the contents of his mouth and cursed, running his hands through his beloved hair. 

“Ridiculous.” I stated before leaving him to be laughed at by the others. 

  
  


The satisfaction of humiliating Levi only lasted momentarily and the rest of the day I wrestled with the doubts that filled my head ever since we watched that video. Bobby was shown with the same girl around an unfamiliar villa, smiling. He didn’t seem as bothered as he had been before he’d left. There were several kisses between them and I knew many were for the challenges, but he didn’t even hesitate as he followed her into that cupboard _.  _ I thought to myself. I was fully aware of what had transpired between Lottie and Rohan in  _ our _ closet, and it was not ‘just talking’ like Bobby tried to convince upon his exit. 

Henry seemed to have made a new friend and while I initially worried about what would happen if he left me single, I now didn’t care. If I went home because Henry found love, so be it. There was nothing to keep me in the villa anymore, I had done my best and the rebranding had either worked by this point or it hadn’t. 

I shimmied into a teal dress that reminded me of the tail of a mermaid and curled my hair. I watched as Chelsea bounced in anticipation for Rocco’s return, a ball of nerves over whether Marisol’s liking for Mason would ruin the opportunity to be with him. Priya’s brightness that shined over the last three days had dulled suddenly and I was unsuccessful in pulling her to the side before the recoupling. Noah had been the only boy absent from our video and Priya was sure it was because he had done nothing entertaining enough to be filmed.

“You ok?” I asked as we made our way to the dreaded fire pit. She feigned a smile, but was unable to hold it as we approached the Casa boys and an equally saddened Jake. 

My phone dinged first and I began, “As lovely as it’s been getting to know you boys,” I directed towards Tim, “I am going to stick with Henry.” I ignored Levi’s huffs and watched on as Chelsea stood forward and decided to stick with Lucas. 

Lottie beamed as she stepped forward, “Rohan, you know I am not one for the semantics, but I.. I am sticking with you babe.”

He cartwheeled towards her and twirled her in his arms. Lottie’s uninhibited smile was a sight to be seen. The mood lightened until the phone in Priya’s hand dinged. 

She grasped my hand as she began to announce her decision. “Jake, I know this is no surprise to you. But I am sticking with Noah, not because you aren’t great. In fact, you’re more than great and I..” 

“Priya, it’s ok. Really darling.” He assured her. I could feel her hand tremble in response to his words and I wanted to change her mind but it wasn’t my choice to make. Despite heartache in his eyes, he smiled at her. 

“My turn!” Hope called out. Marisol bit down on the rage that stirred on her face. 

“Seriously Hope?” She pleaded. 

“Seriously doll,” she told the angered girl,”I am switching to Mason, you had your fun with her and now it’s time we’ve finished what we started on our date.” 

Mason smiled at the boys and shrugged, he didn’t care who picked him. He was just happy to be in. Marisol’s anger shifted to confusion as she watched him hug Hope. Her phone indicated her turn and she paused to gather her thoughts, “I didn’t come her to make enemies,” she began and looked at us girls. “I just knew I wouldn’t let friendships hold me back from what I wanted, but now I am not so sure what that is.” 

She turned towards Mason and quickly pulled away from his glance, “So since I can’t have who I want, I can at least make sure someone else will. So I am sticking with Rocco.”

Chelsea hopped up and down in excitement, “Ohh em gee! Marisol!” 

Marisol stiff armed the blonde to avoid hugging her and looked as if she’d already regretted her decision. “Calm down Chelsea.” She huffed, adjusting her frames. 

* * *

  
  


Bobby POV

The Majorcan sun had set, but beads of sweat still lingered on my brow as I stood beside Erikah at the villa’s empty fire pit. Only myself, Noah and Henry had decided to switch. I looked at the redhead hanging on his side and hit myself with the realization,  _ this whole time I’d worried if I would be sent home and never bothered to worry about Henry switching.  _ I wondered to myself if the guilt of choosing Erikah would offset the hurt I would see when Tori walked in with the man in little red shorts. Nothing made sense anymore, and I was sure I’d be able to see her once today before the decision, but production had managed to successfully separate the two groups since we arrived back from Casa. So instead of seeing her I replayed the image of her with that stranger instead. My thoughts never became clearer but my desire to stay in the villa had vanished. I chose to switch, not because I wanted Erikah to keep me safe from elimination, but because I figured I owed her the opportunity to find love or at least get a little more television exposure to catapult her acting career. She’d been a friend to me and even if I hadn’t managed to get what I wanted, she should. My heart beat out of my chest as the sound of heels could be heard from around the corner of the villa. 

  
  


I wasn’t sure if I had fainted and this was now a dream but a girl that resembled Lottie and a tan man strolled across the lawn smiling. 

“Gare you stuck? What happened to that gorgeous girl with the curls?” She asked and Lucas' nostrils flared in annoyance. 

“Oh Lotta, you know me. Stickier than my nan’s pudding.” He jested. 

Lottie shook her head of the imagery that crossed her mind and introduced us to her new partner, “Boys, this is Rohan.” 

“And girls!” Erikah added, annoyed with Lottie’s blatant disregard to their presence. 

Lottie shrugged her shoulder and looked at Erikah up and down, “Really Bobby?” She asked me with raised brows. 

“Come on Charlotte.” Rohan kissed her cheek and they sat at the bench together. Gary’s eyes shifted from Lottie to his feet. 

Chelsea walked out alone, as soon as she saw Rocco her pace increased when Rocco began running towards her. They met half away and he lifted her into his arms. 

“That was exactly like the Notebook. All we needed was rain!” Chelsea hummed as they sat beside the new couple.

The Aussie laughed, “Not  _ exactly _ .” 

She winked at Lucas, mouthing a ‘thank you’.The small blonde’s smile faded as she glanced at me and Erikah. “How could..” she started before Rocco put his hand over her mouth and whispered in her ear. A scowl lingered on her face even after she looked away from me and directed her focus on Hope and the man that had been seen kissing both Marisol and Hope. Hope had just clearly gotten to choose first. 

“This,” she announced, “is Mason.” 

“Yea, yea we know.” Lottie jeered. 

The man made Gary look small in comparison. Hope stood behind him as he shook my hand, folding her fingers to wave goodbye to me. 

Erikah defensively spouted, “He isn’t going anywhere Hope!”

“Aww isn’t she cute? She’s like the low budget version of me.” Hope sniggered and turned towards Lucy, “Ohh and poor Priya. Yikes, this is going to be good. Come on babes.” 

Hope sat just as a single Marisol made her way out. The aspiring attorney looked over the new couples and raised her brow as she stopped at me and Erikah. The reactions from the girl’s added to the nerves in my stomach. Marisol sat beside Rocco and ignored Hope and her brooding partner. 

The silence was deafening as we waited for the next arrival. 

And then, there she was. Her eyes immediately fell on me and then onto Erikah. Her head shook back and forth and I could see her laugh ironically to herself. I felt sick, stupid, and foolish. I prayed I could turn back time and stop myself from making another foolish mistake. Everytime I had a chance with this girl I fucked it up, because I could never get past the insecurities in my own head. 

“I didn’t think you’d stick.” Henry said as he approached her, his arms extended. 

“Well I underestimated you Hen.” She joked, a forced smile on her face. 

Hearing her voice tugged at the mounding guilt inside me. 

“And who is this gorgeous girl?” She asked Henry.

“Ahh this is Cherry, sorry to put you in danger.” He faltered. 

She waved her hand dismissively at him, “Hi Cherry! Nice to meet you.” She embraced her, obviously trying to make it known there were no hard feelings. 

She waved at Lucas, and surprised Gary by throwing her arms around him. 

“I met your match.” She said as she pulled away, “You’re not so bad Gaz.” 

“What’s she on about?” Gary queried. 

“The dude she was with, was a bigger asshole than you.” Lottie clarified. Chelsea threw her head back and laughed. 

She ignored Noah and I, and made her way to the bench giving Rocco a giant kiss on his cheek. 

“Tori, come here.” The boy called to her, but she was too concerned with Priya approaching the fire pit, mouth agape. 

“Pri, babe.” Tori called as the dark redhead buried her face in her hands at the sight of Noah. 

Lottie and Tori ran to her aid, as the cameras began to swarm around her. 

“The drama, my God.” Erikah whispered to herself, rolling her eyes. 

Noah made an attempt to look concerned and made his way to the trio of women. 

“Noah, fuck off.” Lottie fumed. 

Priya hung her head into Tori’s neck and she patted her back. “It’s ok Pri.” 

“How the hell do you deal with this all the time?” The petite girl at my side asked. 

Unaffected by the drama the other new girl’s phone pinged. “Ohh I’ve got a text,” Lucy cheered.

Confusion and commotion drew my attention in five different directions. 

“The choices have been made, and some of you are now in danger. Tomorrow night will determine your fate.” The short haired girl continued. 

“Well that was painless.” Erikah shrugged, “I guess it’s time to meet your girlfriend.” 

Her callused tone bothered me. I grabbed her arm as she approached Tori. “Now’s not a good time.” I urged.

“Is it ever with that girl? She is a walking telenovela, I don’t really understand why you like her so much.” She voiced, noticing the glare on my face, she asked. “What?” Pulling her arm out my grasp. 

  
  


“So did your mom not teach you any manners, or are all you Americans this rude?” She inquired to Tori as Priya walked away under Lottie’s arm. 

“Neither. I just wasn’t ready yet. My apologies.” She replied, holding her hand out to Erikah. Her face was void of friendliness and her gesture was professional in nature. “Nice to meet you, I’m.” 

“Tori,” Erikah impeded, “Yes we all know, and I’m Erikah.” 

She looked at Tori’s outstretched hand and smirked with raised brows. Finally Tori sighed, “Ok, it’s like that?” Bringing her hand to the side, “Fuck you too.” 

I ran after her passing Erikah, “Really? What the fuck man?” 

“Tori.” I called to her.

“What Bobby?” She cried out, hanging her head back in exhaustion, “What do you want from me?” 

I didn’t think about the mistakes I had made, the people who’d gotten in my head. I just stood and looked in front of me and suddenly knew what I needed to do. 

I pressed myself into her, grabbing a fistful of her curls and groaned, “Everything.” Before covering her lips with mine. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally Bobby. You Dumbass. 
> 
> thank you to everyone who follows along. I am cranking out another ch within the next day. Hope you like it!


	36. Easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night and day after stick or switch.
> 
> Song inspo- Fletcher, "Undrunk"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special shoutout to neld13 for cheering me on through this ch. You know how long I waited for this.

I expected her to pull away but she dug her nails into my back pushing me into her. 

“Everything?” She purred into my mouth. 

I nodded quickly unable to speak as the blood began draining from my head. She trailed kisses up my jawline and into my ear. 

“If you want it, take it.” She hummed. Her hand guided mine down to her breasts and her mouth landed back on mine, everytime my tongue rolled against hers, soft whimpers escaped her lips. 

I took her advice and lifted her over my shoulder, like I did our first night in the villa. 

“Oh my God Bobby, put me down. This is embarrassing.” She pleaded. 

“Ah will put ye down, when Ah find a place I want to put ye lass.” I said, adjusting her and regripping my hand up her dress on her upper thigh, my thumb slid over the thin lace of her panties.

Half the islanders were too preoccupied in their new couplings and the other half were too focused on the drama to notice us rushing towards the roof terrace. I kicked the door closed and lowered her back to her feet. 

I leaned towards her lips and she cupped my face, a vulnerable expression crossed her face. “Did you and that girl..” She began and I shook my head no before she could finish. She pulled me down onto her lips and tilted her head to the side, parting her lips and allowing me entrance into her mouth. My hands explored her in a desperate attempt to relieve my need for her and something to hold onto as I fell into bliss. Her hurried movements shifted into steadier, more deliberate motions. Her lips soft and swollen from our exchange and when I pulled away and opened my eyes and found hers, the excitement in my stomach traveled up to my chest. Swelling to the point I thought it may burst. 

She casted her eyes downward and began unbuttoning my shirt, I pressed my lips to her forehead while she continued. Finally done, she used the flat of her palms and laid them on my stomach inching upwards, taking her time over every dip and groove. The swelling in my chest grew watching the adoration in her eyes. Her hands glided up over my shoulders pushing my shirt off and she kissed my bare skin. 

“I missed you.” She confided in a low voice, unable to hide the bashful smile when she finally looked me in the eye. The flash of her dimples almost made the confession pass my lips but I didn’t want her to think a profession of love was a ploy to get in her pants. I needed her to hear me and to believe me. “Ah missed you too, lass.” I echoed. 

She fumbled with the clasp on my shorts. “How much?” She smiled. 

“Oh Ah have to prove myself to ye?” I said, bringing my hands down besides hers and undoing the awkward button. I stepped out of the pant holes and she turned away from me, collecting her hair in her hands. I unzipped the dress and helped her shimmy out of the garment. I kissed the back of her neck and felt the goosebumps appear on her skin, my hands traveled to the straps on her shoulders. I restrained her hands from coming down to assist me, grabbing them and keeping them above her head to hold her hair out of the way. My mouth opened and I sank into the flesh of her soft skin simultaneously discarding her bra and shifting my hands to her front, cupping her breasts in my hands. She arched herself into me and I pressed against her backside causing her to roll her hips. My mouth made it’s way down her spine using my tongue to feel the way it bent in my favor. 

The transparent boy shorts sat on her ass so perfectly, it pained me to take them off. I placed my hands on her inner thighs and bit into the plush of her cheeks, moving my hands up slowly to feel the heat beneath the thin fabric. I placed my index and middle finger over her slit and ran them gently backwards along the hem of the undergarment. I moved them back forwards over the same trail, this time much faster, hooking my thumbs into the front band and pulling them down violently. I twirled her quickly to face me and pushed my face into her bare skin. Using my tongue to part her bottom lips and find her clit, pushing her thighs open with my elbows I cradled her ass in my hands. Her knees buckled slightly and I felt the weight of her push back down onto my face. She bunched my hair in her hands, guiding my movements and balancing herself. I was drunk on her taste, moving my tongue against the rocking of her hips. She came so much faster than I anticipated and was unable to continue holding herself up. I stood and brought my lips to hers pulling her back down as I sat. I held steady my cock as she slid her wet, pulsating pussy onto it. I pumped into her while she regained her breath, her legs still a bit shaky from her orgasm. She tightened around me with each stroke, and I was unaware how loud her moans were past my own breathing. She arched backwards and placed her hand on my knees and I pushed into her with an urgent pace, watching her breasts follow my thrusts. She fought the urge to throw her head, bringing it back to look me in the eyes. “Fuck.” She moaned, letting herself orgasm again. I slowed my tempo while she worked through the aftershocks, eventually resting back on my seat to keep myself from finishing. She leaned forward and rested her head on my chest as we both caught our breaths momentarily. 

“I wasn’t expecting that.” She blurted, biting her lip under a smirk. . 

“Ye did say if Ah wanted it, Aye should take it.” 

“But I didn’t think..” 

“Ye didn’t think wha’? Should Ah have waited until we’re coupled up again, and forget Ah liked ye until then?” 

  
  


“You like me?” She flirted, still inside of her she whirled her hips. 

“Aye, yer alright Ah guess,” I shrugged. 

She allowed the smirk to extend to a full toothy grin. “Just alright?” She asked, spinning herself slowly to face the other direction. The new angle felt incredible without much effort and the view of her ass released a growl from within me. She smiled over her shoulder and began to rock her hips. Slowly at first, lifting herself almost entirely off my length only to bury me deep inside of her, over and over. I held onto her ankles as she dug her knees into the side of my legs, speeding her tempo. I was so hypnotized by the rhythm of her movements and how she slammed herself onto me that I barely noticed the terrace door open. 

Erikah stood frozen in the doorway. 

I reached around Tori to cover her exposed front and she clasped my wrist. Unbothered by the eyes on her bare frame. She placed my fingers in her mouth as she stared at the intruder. Her hips continued to swerve against me and I could feel her lips turn upward as Erikah scowled and went back from where she came. 

I pulled her hair, yanking her head back, “Yer bad.” I groaned into her ear and she nodded in agreement. Her cheeks hollowed as she sucked on my fingers and I bucked into her, her nose wrinkled and her brows scrunched into it’s bridge. Her ass bounced faster and faster the tighter I gripped a fistful of her hair. Until she jolted in pleasure, her knees jerked instinctively, I slid my fingers out of her mouth and lifted her up, holding her hips.

In one swift move, I stood and bent her forward, doing as she asked and taking what I wanted. Her hands braced the concrete bench and I crashed my hips into her ass. She curved her spine and lifted her hips to invite more of me inside of her, each thrust pushed a breathless cry from her. Muscles tensed, the need for relief overcame the restraint I had. I released into her, my fingertips tore into her hips and a low growl escaped my throat. The floor beneath me swayed as I pulled away from her. She unfolded herself and turned to wrap her arms around my neck. Her eyes dove into mine, until my lips opened. “Lass, Ah..” A look of fear crept upon her face and she pushed her lips onto mine to interrupt the words from escaping.

* * *

I woke to a mouthful of silky dark hair. Her head lifting to each of my breaths as she laid atop me on the small sofa. Her one arm curled behind my neck and the other resting in front of her face. The weight of her was surprisingly comforting, and the sight of her peacefully sleeping on my chest brought a smile from deep within. All the drama leading up to this, felt worth it, in this moment. The islanders began to rise, bustling towards the kitchen and loudly talking they stirred Tori awake. Her eyes fluttered open, briefly caught off guard by her position above me, then settling once again into my chest. Her doe eyes shyly peered upwards towards the smile on my face. I bundled her in my arms, squeezing her tightly, “Finally!” I beamed, landing small kisses on her forehead. She wriggled out of my clutch, lifted the duvet and pushed herself to her feet. 

“Trying to get away from me?” I sneered, frowning at the distance she created between us. 

She had acquired another one of my tshirts and busied herself in tugging the shirt down to cover the visible bruises on her hips. 

“Trying to get away from whatever was waking up in your shorts, or do you want everyone to watch us on their way to the kitchen?” Her brow arched and she leaned down and kissed my cheek. 

“Ye could’ve fooled me last night.” 

“You liked that huh?” 

“If Ahm being honest, I cannae wait til we’re out of here and we can have some privacy.” 

She studied my face as if unsure what I had said or how she should respond. 

“That is if ye still want to see me once we’ve left the villa,” I hesitantly asked and she pursed her lips in thought, “Ye do still want to see me after we leave here, right?”

“I honestly hadn’t thought about it.” 

Her cold response confused me. “Ah dinnae realize it was something ye’d have to think about.” 

“Wait hold on,” She barked, “I haven’t exactly known where I stood with you here, so how the fuck should I know about out there? I haven’t thought about it! Chill out.” 

I kicked my feet out from the duvet and stood in front of her, “Well maybe ye should start.” 

“Maybe I should!” She yelled to my back as I walked towards the bathroom .

“Tha’s whit Ah jus’ said!” I retorted over my shoulder

Erikah rested on her stomach on the nearest bed when I entered the bedroom. She perched her smile in her hands as her legs kicked upwards playfully, “Trouble in paradise already?” She asked. 

I rolled my eyes ignoring her as I stomped towards the showers. 

* * *

The anger hadn’t subsided after lunch but I knew I needed to speak to her before the coupling. She was single and vulnerable and tonight we knew people were going to be sent home. I would have immediately apologized for snapping at her had she given me the opportunity, but she’d managed to avoid me the better part of the day. Almost like she’d wanted to push me away again. My gut was telling me she didn’t want me to ask her about the future for us, or us outside the villa just as she didn’t want me to tell her I loved her. 

While I festered in confusion and frustration she sprawled over the daybed with her head in Chelsea’s lap, laughing at whatever Rocco was saying. I walked over and got mixed reactions, Tori gave an unsure smile, Chelsea was still harboring resentment and Rocco patted the empty space on the bed beside him. 

“Bobbo!” He cheered, clapping my back as I settled in. 

“I don’t know who I dislike more, Henry or you,” the small blonde stammered. “You for bringing in that _friggin’_ girl, or Henry for making her single. If you go home Tori, because of that guy, I swear!”

Tori giggled at Chelsea’s angry display. 

“It’s not funny!” She whined, tugging Tori’s hair.

Rocco butted in, “Can I just say this? I told Bobby to couple up with Erikah...” 

“You did what?” Chelsea fumed. 

“Because Hope was going to recouple, I know he wanted to be safe so he could get back with Tori. I wanted him to get back to the girl he wanted, just like I got to get back to you.” 

Chelsea’s face quickly changed from that of rage to one of adoration, like as if she saw a baby unicorn for the first time. 

“Oh my God babes, you are the sweetest!” She cooed. 

I looked to see if Rocco’s admission had affected Tori at all but she was too enthralled in the other couple’s interaction. She looked on as they kissed, a broad smile on her face. 

  
  


“I hope you guys win this whole thing.” Tori told them. 

Rocco returned with, “So could you two!”

Tori looked at me and laughed,”Us?” 

“What the hell is funny about that?” I chided.

“There is no way our fucked up relationship is winning Love Island.” She deadpanned. 

The honesty in her answer created a pinch in my chest.

“Well fuck Love Island then.” I countered, “What’s funny about _us?”_

She quickly returned the annoyed expression I gave her. 

“Nothing Bobby, I don’t know what _us_ even is. Does it matter anymore? I am probably leaving today anyways.” 

“If ye ever leave this villa, Ahm going to follow ye right out.” 

She sat up and rolled her eyes, “Don’t be stupid Bobby. You could be using this time to lock down some endorsement deals at least. Think about Gracie.” 

Her mention of things pertaining to outside of the villa made my heart skip a beat. I was absolutely aware how logical her reasoning was but it hurt she didn’t seem flattered in the slightest by my offer. 

Chelsea added, “I agree with Tori, Bobby you should use the most of this opportunity. I know I want to find love, but 50,000 would be really helpful too!” 

The word opportunity sunk into me and ate me from the inside. I had every intention of coming here with the _opportunity_ to win 50,000 pounds or maybe even push a side catering business. That all changed though when I met Tori, and to think she still held on to the idea of opportunities. It was all almost too much and like usual she confused me more by leaning in and kissing me, pulling me from my thoughts. 

“If I leave you can’t follow me, you understand me?” She whispered after her lips left mine. 

Chelsea had either forgotten the topic on hand, or was tired of it’s heaviness. “You guys think we’ll have a challenge today?” 

“God, Ah hope not.” I admitted and it was true, I couldn’t handle any more mind games today. 

Lucas jogged over with perfect timing, “Guys, I’ve got a text.” 

“Ye couldn’t have just told us from over there?” 

“I’m not going to scream out like a crazy person, are you mad?” He scoffed, pushing his chin to his neck.

After a minute of looking expectantly at Lucas, Tori finally asked. “Ok, are you going to tell us what this text said?” 

“Oh right, time for a challenge!” 

  
  


“Ye jus’ had to fuckin’ jinx it Chels?” I whined. 

  
  


The tables were set with a strange assortment of ridiculous bobble rings and pies. 

“Snog, marry, pie!” Chelsea screamed. 

The challenge was as straightforward as it sounded, with the boys going first. 

Gary rubbed his palms together as he looked at the girls, deciding on Cherry for his snog. Their last kiss still got under Henry’s skin and Gary seemed to get as much satisfaction from pissing off other dudes as he did groping women. Cherry still made it known she was a good kisser but seemed more reserved than our time in Casa. He juggled the ring in his hand as he walked over to Lottie, he quietly slipped the ring on her tatted finger and offered a sad smile. He was just as quick to determine who he’d pie, he launched the cream filled tin at Tori’s face. 

“Still salty eh Gare?” She said, licking the mess from her lips. 

Mason snogged Marisol, married Hope and pied Tori as well. 

Lucas snogged Lucy, married Cherry and pied Chelsea. 

“It tastes good!” She giggled. 

Rohan politely kissed Priya with an approving cheer from Lottie, “Nice choice babe!” 

He then dropped to a knee in front of the Australian blonde. 

“Charlotte, maybe this isn’t your thing but I’d be into whatever forever means for you.” He slid the ring on her finger and she tried to make a sarcastic response but the school girl giggle she released beat her to it. 

Rohan then grabbed a pie and smeared it into Marisol’s face. “This is for picking me for that date and being an absolute snore.” 

“Did you mean whore?” Lottie added, causing Tori to elbow her. 

“Too far dude.” She said under her breath. 

Lottie sighed, _old habits die hard._

Marisol wiped the lens of her glasses and huffed loudly. 

Rocco and Tori dramatically pursed their lips and innocently kissed before he slid a ring on the bouncing blonde beside her. 

Tori smiled affectionately at them when she heard him whisper “I love you.” into her ear. Chelsea grabbed Tori’s hands and followed in her jumps of joy. 

Rocco grabbed a pie and looked at Marisol for a brief moment before deciding on Hope. 

“You fucking weasle!” She screeched. 

“Careful your mic is still on!” Priya reminded her.

My phone dinged and I told Hope, “Ye may as well wait so ye don’t have to clean yerself twice.”

I tilted my chin up at Chelsea, “Mind if Ah kiss ye?” 

She shrugged, “Sure why not? Now I can find out if you’re as a good a kisser as Tori says you are.” 

I smiled knowingly at Tori causing her to roll her eyes. “Thanks Chels, like this boy needed any inflation to his ego.” 

  
  


_And ironically my ego has been crushed by you._ I thought to myself. 

  
  


Chelsea tried to kiss me but was unable to keep from laughing, “Sorry.” She blurted, kissing the corner of my mouth.

I took the ring and stood in front of Tori, she looked at my face with brows knitted. 

“Don’t get so worried lass, it’s jus’ a silly game.” I placed the ring on her finger and she immediately slipped it back off. 

The irritated look on her face didn’t change even after I pied Hope again, making sure to push the tin into her hair. 

Noah was the last to go and began by walking towards Tori. 

“I want to kiss you, not out of anything but friendship.” He began and Tori was clearly not buying his bullshit, “But because I was wrong to let my insecurities get to me about Priya and Bobby. You deserve better.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I am sorry for everything. I hope we can go back to being friends.” 

“Probably not.” She answered. 

While I wasn’t a fan of her attitude directed towards me, I loved watching her serve it to others. 

_Especially that bawbag._

He made his way to the pies first, grabbing one and heading towards his partner. 

“This is for lying to me about Priya and making me believe more of Hope’s lies. You and her are both awful.” He bellowed, tossing the pie in Lucy’s face. 

He then knelt in front of Priya like a proper dick, and placed the ring on her finger, “I have never had anyone as beautiful as you interested in someone like me. I am so in my head all the time. You know this about me!” He said and Priya nodded and laughed. 

“I should’ve done better by you too, just like Tori, you deserve more. I can’t control what other people do but I can control how I fix my own mistakes.” 

He kissed her hand and placed the ring on her finger. 

“Noah, I am up for elimination though.” Priya managed to say through the tears building in her eyes. 

“I don’t care, if you leave I will go with you.” He stood and enveloped her in his arms. 

Tori glared at me, “Did you two trade pick up lines or what?” 

I folded my arms, shaking my head. If not for the marks I had left on her skin, I would’ve believed I dreamed the night before. She was so cold and distant, it was like it never happened. 

  
  


Erikah, Hope and Cherry pied me and Lottie snogged me, saying her reasoning was due to the amount of cream on my face. 

Only Tori remained. She walked over and tiptoed to my face. 

“Wait, yer choosing to _just_ snog me?” I asked. 

“You want me to pie you instead?” She pulled my head into hers. 

As soon as her lips pressed into mine, the frustration dissipated. Her coldness melted, and the urgency increased. She bit at my lips, and I placed my hands around her to deepen our kiss. She hitched up her knee to hook around my hip and Chelsea wolf whistled, reminding us we weren’t alone. 

She pulled away, “Why would I pick anyone else to kiss?” 

“Ah dinnae, maybe because who are ya going to marry then?” 

“Oh this?” She picked up the ring walking to Gary and shoving it roughly on his finger. “Probably this dickhead because I don’t hate anyone enough to punish them with a lifetime of me. Plus it’s just a silly game, right Bobby?” 

She picked up the pie and chucked it at Noah. “Because you think people are too stupid to see through your bullshit.” 

“Uhoh Tori is having another episode, someone call the shrink! Get the electrodes ready and turn up the voltage!” Erikah jeered. 

“This is who you brought back into the villa?” Tori directed at me. 

Erikah continued her rant, “I get it now, you only ran back to her because she’s easy for what you want. She’s not girlfriend material, she’s just a good fu..” 

“Erikah, what are you..” I tried to interrupt. 

“I like this girl afterall! Maybe we are more alike than I thought!” Hope added. 

  
  


I followed Tori back towards the villa, “Why do Ah keep havin’ to chase after ye?” 

“They are right. I am just fucking easy for you.” 

“Yer a lot of things and _easy_ is not one of them.”

Her bottom lip quivered a bit as she tried to maintain the frown on her face. She shook her head and laughed. Sighing in resignation, “Come on let’s go wash all this shit off.” 

“Ye don’ like my face like this?”

“You look like Mrs. Doubtfire.” 

“Ohh dearie!” I mocked. 

She doubled over in a fit of laughter. _Note to self, she likes Mrs. Doubtfire._ I told myself. I needed to build an arsenal of how to keep this girl smiling. 

I wasn’t sure where our swimming costumes had gone. I wasn’t even sure who turned the water on. I was lost in the way she traveled my skin with her tongue. Her mouth landing in hot messy trails down my stomach, until she reached my dick. She wrapped her hand around it and pumped it slowly into her mouth laying the head on the flat of her tongue. The pace of her stroke pained me even when the sensation of her lips felt amazing. I pulled her by her hair and she lifted back to her feet. I pinned her back to the wall of the shower stall and rolled my hips into her. The walls of her pussy still swollen from the night before and she winced with each movement. 

“Ye ok?” I asked. Her lids lifted and her eyes darkened. 

“Harder.” She responded. 

I slammed into her at a quickened pace while she bit her lip and furrowed her brows, moaning in low unrestrained breaths. Her fingers dug into my shoulders and ran through my hair while she quickly came, I followed soon behind her. Burying my moan in her hair. 

We washed each other off in between kisses. “We need to talk about us.” I murmured. 

She nodded. 

“If ye go home?” I started. 

“Then I go home Bobby. I don’t have answers for you.” 

“Then what the hell is this Tori?” 

“This is what it is always going to be, Bobby. Me being a fucking mess. You wouldn’t understand. I love you, but do I want to do this to you.” She rambled. 

“Ye wha’?” I wasn’t sure if I imagined the words she’d said. 

She struggled repeating herself, “I mean, yea, I …” 

“Ah love you,” I echoed, “Ah love ye and Ah don’ know if I ever dinnae love you.” 

“Bobby…” She began, eventually conceding whatever argument she construed in her head and instead kissed me. 

  
  


* * *

I twisted my neck and nervously cracked at my joints in front of the firepit, waiting to see who’s phone would ping first. 

_Priyas._

“Gary, Tori and you are single and are now determining who will be saved from the public's vote,” she read, her brows lifted in surprise. “The following were voted the least favorite couples.” 

Gary’s phone rang out, “Marisol and Rocco, Chelsea and Lucas.” 

“Wait did you just say my name?” The blonde questioned. 

“No, I said Belsea and Lucas.” He playfully quipped.

“There’s no Belsea!” She argued before Lucas pulled her forward with him.

Rocco stood on Chelsea’s other side and gripped her hand. She smiled at him encouragingly. 

Tori began reading her text, “Erikah and Bobby. Lucy and Noah.” 

I walked forward in a daze. 

Priya got another message, “Please choose which islander you want to save. Those not chosen will be dumped from the island this evening.”

“I am just supposed to choose right now? There’s only three of us, how many people are going home?” She called out towards the producers behind the cameras who said nothing in return.

She drummed her fingers nervously and shot Tori a look before deciding, “Noah.”

He smugly waltzed over to her dipping her back and kissing her. 

Tori released a long sigh and looked to her feet. 

“Well guess it’s my turn,” Gary shuffled forward, “I want to couple with this girl, because she is full of energy and I’d love to see it if she has some undiscovered depths.” 

Tori seemed relieved initially as Chelsea released Rocco’s hand and walked towards Gary. Her face suddenly landed on mine. The world around us seemed unclear, but suddenly I understood the look on her face.

Chelsea desperately called to her, “Tori, please!” 

She broke our stare, apologetically she glanced at Chelsea instead. 

“Come on, don’t do this.” The blonde pleaded. 

A tear fell down her cheek and her decision fell out of her mouth, ”Sorry Chels, I have to. I choose Rocco.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jess, now you know what I mean lol.


	37. Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “If it comes to swinging, swing all I say.”

I avoided the surprised looks from the cast and Chelsea’s cries that I made a mistake. My eyes fixated on the steps in front of me numb to the lump that hurried it’s way to my throat. My mic box dropped as I approached the dark waves that crashed on the rocky shores. I wasn’t sure how I convinced Sandra to not only scavenge up a bottle of whiskey and the thinnest cigarettes she could find, or how she agreed to leave me be as I journeyed to the sandy seclusion to a neighboring beach but I was alone in my thoughts for once and ohh how frightening they were. 

Surely Bobby was better off, I convincened myself as I uncapped the booze in my hand. Begrudgingly noticing it was a whiskey from Scotland. I swallowed the dark drink, unimpressed with its taste and in need of the comfort it would offer, but sobering thoughts refused to be dulled. I inhaled the smoke and watched the clouds escape my lips, a reminder I was in fact still breathing. 

I tried logic- I had just met him, this wasn’t my fiancé, he hadn’t even formed into the habits of my real life yet.i told myself. He was just in some ways a fictional character who felt very real. More real in the past short weeks than anyone had come close to in years of knowing me. I deserved to be alone, I welcomed this pain and yet I looked to where the skies met the waters and felt that I had the weight of those waves in my chest. And I could imagine the sea taking another part of me as I pondered on loss and how I should let Bobby and the hopes that had surrounded him sail away into the moonlit waters. 

I had just unpacked my feelings with Henry, I was sure that Bobby had just become a safe place to recover from the bitter taste Henry had left in my mouth. And Bobby was surely enthralled with the part of me I’d like to be and looked past the ugliness that crept under the surface of my bright brown eyes, a part of me believed in who he saw. A part of me was so close to accepting that he made those things real. But like the love I was determined to cast to the blue, I remembered that the best of me had died long ago. With my brother who also saw the best in me. I was cursed to walk amongst this earth with the Henrys that saw my skin deep beauty and the rest that didn’t offer hope or ideas of a fairytale. 

Bobby was just that, a fairytale and I was no princess. I would only become a job for him, I would only become someone he had to make happy and I loved him too much to bestow that burden onto him. He was a beautiful boy that needed someone to support his dreams and live out adventures and I would only damper his brilliant spirit. I told myself once more wincing at the thought of life without him. 

The night’s brisk air defeated the warmth the booze supplied. I shivered as tears froze to my cheeks and reminded me I was alone and exposed to the sharp winds that encompassed my weeping body. I thought of all that he had told me as I struggled to embrace myself amongst shame even if it was just to regain warmth. He had told me he would never make me cry and that he would always do his best to make me better. Was I willing to be better? I had been better in his arms, I admitted to myself. But was that fair, to accept such a gracious offer? But I was better. I was better everytime I lost myself in that Scottish boy’s thoughts. 

I jumped to my feet and quickly made my way to Sandra in the car. 

“I need to go see Bobby.” I shouted in resolve. 

She sighed in relief and punched it to a nearby hotel. I cried, in acknowledgement of what I had done to him, and I cried as I began to understand what I had done to myself. I was going to let him go because deep down I would always punish myself for the cold person I had become. But Bobby reminded me of the person I was before my brother was taken from me and I knew that from somewhere above I hurt my brother too in living a life where I guarded myself so protectively and recklessly. 

Sandra called out his room number as I leaped from out of the car. Each determined step I became more coherent in my thoughts as if waking from a dream filled with doubts and emotional sabotage. I had taken drastic measure to pull away from him but with the possibility of him gone I was faced with the ultimate epiphany. I loved him and I wouldn’t need him to make me feel better. He just made me better. I smiled through tears as I knocked on his door. I would apologize, tell him to forget this stupid show and the fantasy of it and I would drop my fears and be with him. In our own little happy bubble. Nerves shook as I tapped the door again but I stood my ground. I could do this. I could apologize for my emotional outbursts, I could explain it was simply because I was scared of how quickly I’d fallen for him. The tears blurred my vision as I took in these thoughts. I had in fact fallen for him. For his gentle disposition, the fire in his soul, the passion in his work, and the brilliance in his mind. I knew he would open this door and I would hold him tight and never take for granted that I was so blessed to have this man by my side. 

“Pardon.” A small woman from the hotel spoke. 

I turned and quickly swiped at my cheeks. 

“Can I help you?” She politely asked, pretending to ignore the state I was in. 

“I was just..” I began telling her bidding in the direction of the door. 

“He checked out as soon as the cameras left. No one is in there.” She spoke apologetically. 

Sandra was on her way to me as I walked back towards the car. Handing me a cell phone with a similar look of pity on her face that the hotel employee had. I grabbed the phone and read a message that had been addressed to me. 

I read the message 1000 times unable to comprehend the words Bobby had written. Unable to stop the sobs that escaped my mouth as I realized I had pushed him away and he was not mine to bring back. That I was unable to embrace something that I let slip away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Bobby was one I could never really write or for that matter keep.


End file.
